Why friends shouldn't do other peoples friends.

So much to write ... sorry for the lack of updates; however, there's been a hell of a lot of lack of sleep and, of course, a good handful of drama. Where to start?

J has been seeing a friend of mine for a couple months now, who is a NOTORIOUS womanizer, and so not monogamous - even when he likes someone. He even has been known to pass a girl on to a friend and then break up with her because she "cheated" on him. We're going to call him SC or self-centered.

For the most part I haven't minded their relationship, it seemed to be "fun" and not serious. Well, then SC started seeing another friend of mine, R, and things got weird. J knows R, but has never mentioned that all while SC was hanging out with R she was messing around with him too.

Well, SC & J were out at a bar and SC introduced a "friend" - FYI, another girl he's messing around with on the side and made it clear to J that he wasn't ready to settle down. She did the right thing and told him she needed to step back, he got offended and left her at the bar. Thank God I was there, because I drove her back.

I'm not sure why, but J then continued to mess around with SC and we got the 1/2 brained scheme to make up a dude to just give him a piece of his own medicine. Well, in natural fashion, it didn't go over well.

Fast forward to Tuesday, I had surgery which did not go well. Another round in biopsy land and found out that I have to have 3 more done, under sedation. A bit upset, I called J and said that I hoped she could drive me to & home from surgery and I couldn't wait for some girl time at 6:30 (we were supposed to meet up and see BG's band play later and she was, for once, going to drive, since I wasn't feeling up to it). Well, about 1/2 an hour later she calls saying that her and SC were going for a ride and they would meet up with me after 6:30. Pissed, I told her to just hang out with SC then, I'd go home. She called back and said she'd meet me at 6:30 with him. Well, they showed on his bike (so much for the ride) ... we had some dinner & drinks, I got stuck with the bill and then we headed out to the bar to see the band.

BG was setting up so I let him do his thing and we all played darts, in the mean time SC is being a dick. At one point I informed him that tonight wasn't actually about him - it was about me. This didn't stop him.

We went into the bar and got a table, I got a beer. CB showed up (turns out I invited him on Friday when I was a little drunk) and J turns to me to inform me that her & SC were fighting and needed to leave. I told her to let him leave, I'd drive her back, she insisted that they needed to leave. I told her this wasn't about them, tonight was about me. She apologized saying that she'd make it up to me and promptly left me sitting at the table.

I left shortly after, but was still incredibly pissed. I called SC & J, leaving them a similar message along these lines ...

I'm incredibly pissed at you right now. Tonight was not about SC & J, it was about a supposed friend that had surgery and got bad news. I don't understand how our friendship works. So I can see you guys, we go out every week and I pay because you're broke, when you fight, I talk to you in the middle of the night. I had surgery for godsake and you can't even hang around with me? This friendship is ridiculous. You're a shitty friend.

I promptly went home and deleted SC as my friend on myspace, juvenile - yes, but I was over our friendship.

Fast forward to the morning after and an array of text messages from J.

J: Look, I told you I was sorry before I even left last night. I feel awful. But I didn't have a choice whether or not to stay. If I did I would have. Again, I'm sorry."

MG: Actually you did...you chose not to stay. You know I would've drove you.

J: I didn't want you to. Last week was embarassing enough AND my purse and keys were in his bedroom.

J:I will give you the money friday, you know I had it last night, things just got out of control. Again I'm sorry ...

MG: It doesn't matter anyhow and I don't want the money ...

J: It does matter. It all does. UR one of my best friends and I love you. I should not have left and I did for various reasons. But I can't change that. I'm sorry

Well, that was just the start. R myspaced me in the morning that she noticed SC wasn't one of my friends and she hoped he didn't delete me because of her (he deleted her that day as well). I emailed her back that he deleted her because he thought she messed around with another friend of ours this weekend. She said no, the only person that she's been sleeping with is SC.

Wait. What? SC had told J and me, more so incinuated to J and me, that he had not slept with her. J had informed me that he had the HPV strain that gives you genital warts and, as a friend to her and because HPV has ruined my life, I needed to tell R. I side stepped and asked if they used a condom - turns out he insisted that they not because she was on the pill. I told her to get tested, he had genital warts. Okay, probably not smart but I would expect someone to tell me if the tables were turned.

After hanging out awhile, I called J, realizing sh*t was about to hit the fan big time. I left her a message, Listen, as your friend I will let you know that I went out with R tonight and there's somethings you should know. R & SC have been having sex, he insisted on them not using a condom. I told her about the STD, she also didn't sleep with X and, by the way, SC insisting she's psychotically text messaging and calling him - turns out he starts those conversations, I saw the call & text log.

Of course I haven't heard anything from her, nor do I intend to. In a way SC and her are perfect for eachother, but in another way I just know she's screwing up friendships and he'll end up screwing her - both figuratively and actually - and she'll have no one to turn too.

Fishing in a pond.

See September 12 post for why I'm talking about fish and ponds.

So I took up my real and dipped it into a new pond and the fish bit quiet rapidly. But then I got all excited and went to another pond, and that fish bite right away. Well the first fish grew legs (or balls for that matter) and walked over while fishing at the pond and now, presto, my pole is in too many ponds at one time.

Here's the run down. Fish #1 - or CB - and I had a great weekend, again. He has not called/emailed or anything since then.

So I toy with Fish #2 - or BG - which notoriously means that CB isn't far behind.

And then there's Fish #3 - or RS - who is way the hell in Madison.

And I may have dipped my toes into the water last night after the tailgate into pond 4 for another fish - just for fun (or JF).

So, I posted about Friday. I ended up sick on Saturday/Sunday this weekend, but it really didn't matter since no one called anyhow. On comes yesterday and our tailgate party.

I picked up #1 (as in the guy - not the fish) related the story to him to which he points out, "These are the days of MG's life." Nice, ha ha ha.

The boys were having fun yaking it up with the people at our party and I was talking to a friend that I've known for about 6 months. When I first saw him on our bowling leagues (I know, I know - another one), I wanted him. But my boss got him and we just became friends. He's since made out with NUMEROUS amounts of my friends, me not included. We kept joking about making out all night long and we may have kissed at the bar in Miller Park - but nothing serious.

Then came the after bar, which I was bored (driving - so not drinking) at so I turned to JF and said, "I'm bored - want to make out." 1/2 heartedly joking and 1/2 serious, because I was bored and everyone said he was a great kisser. So why not try? We disappeared for 20 minutes and made out like 8th graders - although, he did touch my boob (on the outside of my shirt of course) so he's gotten further in one night then CB in 2 months ... but I digress.

I got kind of bored with that as well. The kissing was good, but it was nothing like RS. So we went back upstairs. I pumped his ego a bit, "you're a pretty good kisser - I give you that." He replied, "Yeah -about that. You. Wow." To which I made a coy comment along the lines of a BJ and a wink and kept walking.

We left the bar shortly after. I got a text message on the way home, "Get home safe. You're a damn good kisser, just so you know." There was banter of me going over there but I opted to spend the night in my own bed instead.

Well today I sent pictures to everyone at the outing and he responded with "Thanks chickie. Had a great time last night." To which the banter included that we could do it again tonight, I'll be in his hood. After a bit of back and forth he ends up sending me this email ...

"Let's keep this between you and me. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, I just don't want any false perceptions about me any where. I'll do the same and not say anything either. Am I being weird here?"

WHAT? Brakes. Okay, that's weird. I replied that I agreed (because I do) because I didn't want CB or BG to find out about it either. Hey - I'm a dirty little secret again? Not so happy with that.

The Results Are In

Here's how today went.

CB never contacted me after yesterday, a little perterved I told BG that my client ditched me and I'd love for him to spend the evening with me.

BG met me at my friend's party, to which the birthday boy exclaimed that I had taken his place (he's in love right now) as "Big Daddy," as he's notorious for starting the evening with one date and ending with another. I said that we would see since CB hadn't even called back.

As usual, me and BG were having a good old time and we went to the event. It was nice of him to starve through it for me - it's not his cup of tea. As we went in, I spotted CB but ignored him looking for a seat in the packed house - until I felt a tap and he was behind me. Turns out he had saved some seats and BOTH BG and CB sat down on opposite sides of me.

I enjoyed the lecture, but BG didn't - or he sensed that I really liked CB and wanted to give me space. I wanted to attend the reception as did CB so BG went to the bar (are you following this?) and I went to the reception.

It was amazing tonight, the breeze was just enough to cuddle slightly in but still be outside. CB was amazed at my knowledge of art and classics and invited me to a big art showing in Chicago in November (that's right - 2 months out?) - which I said yes to (of course). We spent some time looking at the work at the reception hall and I noticed I missed 2 calls.

Turns out BG didn't like the bar and had my car - so he was about 3 blocks over. Then our mutual friend, N had called saying she was at the bar where my friend's party was and we should come out. I made no mention of CB, but convinced him to come out for one.

I walked into the bar with not 1 - but 2 - guys. Eek. I wanted BG to give me space, but he affirmed that he really wanted to be with me - double eek. N came up to me, declaring she needed to go to the bathroom - NOW and with me.

This is where she informed me she had just spoken with CB and he told her that he really likes me and wants to formally ask me out (ohh). Confused, I attended to both gentleman like a lady (and not a lady of the night).

BG left to meet friends and CB and I talked on the way home. He's adorable - damn it. Crap. BG left me a voicemail to please call when I got home or if I was going to the bar he was at.

In front of CB's place, he kissed me - and it was good. Maybe because of what N had said, or maybe because we were sitting. Either way, I didn't drive to Madison for a piece of a$$.

I called BG and made plans for Wednesday when my friend JL is in town and informed him I was home.

That's the results :)

A Conundrum.

There is an event tonight that I really want to go to, lacking a social contact for it and not hearing it mentioned by my peers, I asked if BG would like to attend, to which he said yes. We planned dinner, the event and a birthday party for a friend.

After not hearing from CB for almost a week, I gave up and thought this to be a steadfast plan. Thought it was.

I got an email yesterday morning from CB explaining his delay in contact - and inviting me to attend an event Friday (tonight) that he would be attending. Hmmm. It's the same event! Being incredibly shy, I knew that if I told him that I was going with BG (who he knows) he would never ask me out again. So I tried to think it through.

Even though he's not the best at this whole dating thing, I still for some reason like him so I opted to tell BG that I had to go with a client (technically not a lie - CB is a client of my company). He thought it to be no big deal and said he was going to go with a friend any how ...

So now they are both going. Hopefully CB isn't BG's friend, wouldn't that make for a funny story where I don't come out of my room for 2 weeks.

In the meantime, CB hasn't responded to my response. Hello, it's Friday. What time are we going, where are we meeting? Geez. It's not that hard of a concept to grasp kiddo! So I'm apt to just go with BG anyway and screw this whole deal.

The return of Karaoke Tuesdays - And my 215th post!

I introduced J to karaoke Tuesdays - it's been over a year since my normal stink but Kurt let us sing a ton - she's hooked! As I mentioned, it doesn't matter how you sing as long as you sing fun songs - well, hey, J has a great voice so screw that rule for her!

We had a blast. It momentarily got my mind off CB and if I screwed it up. It's one of those things when you just wished you knew. But past is past, and he has warn on my patience so it's time to fish damn it!

What the?

I almost wonder if CB might be a reader of this blog. No phone call or email since our weekend and it's been beyond the Swinger's 3 day rule. I guess it was a good thing I went to see RS, at least I wasn't hanging on the moment with him - instead I was just fantasizing about how hot the kissing was. The, me-on-my-tippy-toes, just above his mouth, struggling to unzip my top and kiss him kiss. Yup. I've got a smile on my face.

So the few people that know what happened have not been happy with my choices. D is the only one supportive, which of course, by our rules she has to be and also re-incinuates that 220 miles between us still makes her the only one that knows me best. A lot of comments have been made along the lines of "why?" and all I can say is that I'm confused.

I have not really liked anyone ever, but here I like CB even though there is no explanation to why I do or would. He is not complimentative, he is not open, he is not overt. He is him and I like that. He's nervous around me, which I take as a compliment, he and I can talk which I tolerate as openess, and I'm such of an extrovert that his introvertive nature is welcome. He is very good looking. He is nice. He's just so different then anyone else. But whatever we have here is testing my patience.

In previous relationships, it's been based off of lust. Passionate kissing, man handling, late nights of drunken debauchery. I'm a generation Y person, I want something immediately. Our first kiss was already 7 weeks ago and we've only kissed twice since. By now I've gotten laid or he's at least touched my boob on the outside of my shirt. Not that this isn't welcome, it just is something new.

And then there is RS, who I immediately get naked with the moment I see him. The relationship is lust-induced, yet we have great conversation and he's fabulous to sleep next too. Granted, had my patience not wained when I met him 3+ years ago, I could have maybe been his girlfriend still to this day. I guess maybe that's the lesson to learn in all of this.

RS appeared the same as CB at the time I meant him. Extremely good looking, shy, nervous and he doesn't drink. When we finally kissed it was two years of built up sexual tension that exploded against the wall of his door way. Maybe that's what I should be holding out for with CB.

But now it seems that my patience was amiss or is completely wained to the point where I don't consider CB to be a prospect.

As #1 pointed out last night on the phone, "If you're at a fishing hole and you've got your pole and all the right bait and the damn fish doesn't bite - shouldn't you just go to the pond right next to it?"

So now I toy with the idea of the pond next to the one I've been sitting at for the last couple of months. The pond down about three roads and to the right. The pond where BG is waiting.

There's a house party his band is playing at (I know, I know, another band guy - eek) Saturday and I think I will go. Since this fish still isn't biting, might as well see if I can get one that will (and perhaps a little nibble on the ear lobe or the neck wouldn't be so bad).

Not Posting

I've been writing, but blogger hasn't been publishing - so if this goes through, it'll be a long one!

Where was I?

I was actually in Vegas over labor day weekend, partying it up with my mom and gambling 18 hours a day. We usually don't get too capped, but this trip I actually ended up puking from drinking. I guess I might be a party girl after all.

On the boy front ...

My mom has the best husband. While we were out of town he called to say that he missed her and hoped she was having fun. It actually made me kind of mad because no one was doing the same for me. I came to the realization that I actually want a boyfriend and it was time to change my ways and start behaving like I wanted a boyfriend.

Then I came back in town. You know what's weird about Vegas? My life stopped for 5 days. No networking events, email checking, call taking, etc. I just got up, went to the casino and gambled and drank. I never checked my watch - because there was no point. Our plane landed late on Wednesday and it was back to the same routine. Got home, jumped in the shower, went to a meeting, met my boss out to talk biz. Get up the next day and repeat.

I got back to work on Thursday, and there was an email from CB asking how my Vegas trip was. I thought to myself that he actually cared enough to ask and that was a pretty good sign. RS never even asked. Neither did BG, but couldn't blame him because I have been blowing him off.

CB and I finally went on a date Friday. Can't say there was fireworks. I was pissed. E had said she was proud of me for making that decision and all you had to do was ask the universe and you'd receive. I went to J's house and told her "F*ck the Universe." He had invited me out on Saturday to a big event and I thought I'd give it one more try.

Saturday came and it was a client's birthday party - so off I went to drink with J as my date because #1, of course, bailed last minute. Then we had another party to go to. Then we went to the event. CB was there and very attentive, we actually went out with his friends and had a blast. He kissed me in public, granted he was tipsy, and it was just a peck. I saw his new place and it was 1:00. Nothing happened, but I saw potential.

But not enough potential to not drive to see RS at 1:00 in the morning. I got to his house around 2:30 and we immediately started making out and ripping off each other's clothing. It was the hottest kissing ever. He's around my height and I stood on my tippy toes which made me a bit taller and kissed him from above his head. There was just a lot of craving going on, we hadn't seen eachother in about two weeks and it was intense, passionate. The thing that lacks for CB. We had crazy sex until 5:30 in the morning. I ended up falling asleep in his arms until 10am. Oops. That's a big no-no for the rules, so I snuck out and headed home with the worst headache.

I called J on the way back who wondered why I would have such a good time with CB and then turn around and go to RS. I don't have an explanation. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I'm not happy with the pace, maybe because I'm afraid. Not sure, it just happened. I figure there's no commitment, so it's not bad yet and maybe I just need to get this out of my system.

What a tangled web we weave

If I lay here
If I just lie here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
- Snow Patrol, "Chasing Cars"

Sometimes that's exactly just what I want. Being single for 2 some years makes you forget about those little things - the exact thing I detested doing with RS last week. But that's the thing, that little moment that I forgot about being intimate with someone may have been the downfall to the FB relationship that seemed so good not three weeks ago.

RS seems to have remembered his same act from nine months ago. He's blown off our "appointment" on Sunday and tonight. I'm just waiting for our Thursday lunch for him to bust out the, "I have feelings for you - that means we can't do that." It's the same repetitive act I've seen before.

When is sex just sex?

In other notes, CB showed up at my networking event. I wanted to kiss him so bad, I forgot how much I'm crushing like I'm in 5th grade on him. It's hard to balance his intentions - did he come to see me? Did he come to see N, who left shortly before he showed up? Things could be less complicated if he was straight with intentions. No BG, no RS. It's weird even typing that. In almost 5 years I've never thought to myself that I'd rid the regulars in my life for something so risky.

I guess I do go to Vegas in less than 4 days, so maybe now is the time to settle the cards and take the risk.

Or text message RS about what a beautiful cock.

Because I'm not so good with the patience or the likelihood that someone likes me, I'm trying hard not to opt for 2.

Let me reiterate

Please tell me if this makes any sense to you since all of my friends (who are not aware of this blog, by the way) seem to be a bit confused.

My last trip to RS at 11 something at night for a 45 minute booty call was incredibly pleasuring; however, we did talk a bit - something I hated doing because I'd like to think of him as a toy for my enjoyment and not a person I have had feelings for. When I explained to some of my close buddies that he walked out to my car with me and it flipped me out since it gave me the impression he might have feelings, they asked, "Why not go for it?"

My response, "Been there, done that, only time I can legitimately say I had a broken heart." Not because I was in love (because I have yet to step over that boundary line) but because it was a realization that I wasn't good enough on a sort of Manslow Hierarchy of Needs type way.

Besides, there is no way any of those group members would pull a "Yoko" as we use to joke about when I was with the guitarist. No one would put a chick before the band, because the band comes first. I also do not want to even go into that pattern of thinking because I do not want to have an inkling of hope that there could be something.

Plus he's Catholic (yup - BZ, hit that on the head) - or used to be Catholic and I'm just counting down the minutes until the concious comes back and he zips up his pants for another 3-4 months.

This makes sense to me having dated 4 musicians and having had a two year realtionship with his guitarist. I understand where he's coming from and have no want to hold him to anything. Plus I like CB. And I'm kind of seeing BG. Instead I'm hearing that I'm a selfish b*tch that doesn't want to be happy.

My Classic Observation

I have a degree in Classics, so sue me when I make this remark.

Today Pluto was deamed "Dead" and not considered a planet. How coincidental that Pluto is infact the Roman name for the god Hades, who was, in fact, the god of the dead.

It put a smile on my face today, that's all I can say.

Myspace

Myspace is a great tool - but I think it might be too effective in background information. Here's my rant. Oh! It's Thursday 13, that's what my 13 will be about.

13 Things about MySpace

(1) Great networking tool for organizations
(2) Found out how ugly the ex's kid is
(3) It can destroy (or dampen friendships) - J's friend is the ex-girlfriend of HG. When she saw him as a myspace friend - she disowned J who didn't even really put the 2 & 2 together until after the whole diabocle
(4) You can find old college & HS buddies
(5) Weird people can hit on you
(6) You can verify that your other ex did in fact cheat on you - though he swore he never did
(7) You can see just how many FB's your FB might have (looks like I'm the only one!)
(8) You can find out how many people a certain person may be entertaining the idea of doing (CB looks like he has about 3 right now)
(9) You can post your calendar to clarify that you actually are a busy girl
(10) You can see who knows you and who you want to meet
(11) If you're 14, you can say you're 21
(12) You can put on cool new songs and play them in the background to pretend you had the 99 cents to buy them off iTunes
(13) You can say you survived the MySpace blackout of 2006!

Ooh :(

I missed my blog's birthday and 200th post. Happy birthday blog and write on!

Rash Decisions are Mistakes

The whole time D & O were in town, one thing D kept saying is that she wasn't going to make any more rash decisions. She got pregnant and got married and now she's dealing with a whole mess of problems because everything went so quickly. She doesn't regret what happened (I mean O could win awards for the cutest baby ever), but if she thought things through she might not have done it.

My rash decision yesterday turned into being a misunderstanding in the end. It turns out the emails were all part of a way of letting me into their little friendship, not a supposed remark to kick me out of it. Because of my quick reaction and even quicker driving skills, I slept with RS.

I made that decision on a whim and today CB kind of asked me out, it was along these lines "we have to get together sometime again. maybe catch a movie or grab a bite to eat." Actually, that was the exact line. I stared at the screen dumb founded. I replied with "CB - are you asking me out on a date?"

Now I'm stuck in a catch 22. I really like CB and part of the provisions with RS is that it stops when someone we like becomes an entity, I guess he's not an entity until it actually happens and as J mentioned, I can continue until there's an exclusivity pact in the picture which is still months away.

I've never straight on taken an FB before when there was potential other people in the picture, and I'm not sure that I'm going to give it up quite yet. There's just glass on the floor that I have to be careful not to step on so no one gets hurt.

And this concludes the days of our lives ...

The bitterness of control

I'm going to admit that I have a complete control issue, so when a supposed "friend" decided she would email CB and cc'd me on it saying she knew we were sleeping together (WTF? We aren't!) I got a little pissed. If anyone was going to ruin my chances with CB, it better as hell be me and not this little chickee poo. I stewed, I was incredibly angry and hurt. So I took matters into my own hands.

I im'd RS that I was in Madison and wondered if he was serious about our deal earlier. He said "sure." We arranged a meeting at 3:00, I drove to his house and saw his car was actually in his drive way.

I rang the doorbell, he answered. I asked how he was, he said "fine." So I kissed him, pinned him against the wall, took off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, took him by the loop and told him that I wanted to show him the place. We started kissing again, he fumbled with my shirt so I took it off for him, unhooked my bra, threw it on the ground. I asked him to get a condom, and we started kissing. Then we started doing more than kissing.

I'll spare you the intimate details, but about a couple pumps later he looked at me weird. Being the last experience wasn't that great, I was questioning if it was me. He told me it wasn't, that it had never happened before, that he had already came.

It was not a big deal, I was on a time line so I could get back to work so no one was the differ; I assured him I took it as a compliment that I was just that good. We got dressed I told him we should do it again next time I'm in Madison, he agreed. I left.

I was so happy that I had control over the whole issue, I was the one that called him, pinned him, screwed him, I was the one that left. I'm the one that doesn't have the lingering feelings and now I'm the one that is over any kind of feelings for CB. It's shady, it's self destructive, it's head nodding "no's" all over the place. But it's what I needed to do.

So here's a look into all the things that made this event take place -

(A) I haven't gotten laid in over 2 years. I haven't been feeling pretty or sexual or anything lately. I needed to feel that way for a bit.

(B) I wanted the chance to screw it up with CB and I might as well do the one thing that I knew would since the chance was ruined.

(C) I needed to have the encounter to show RS & myself that I was over him.

(D) I needed to feel like I had control over something.

Job accomplished.

Post Party ...

Party Hosting 101 - the host needs to eat or ends up a drunken diabocle like me & my friend J who hosted the party at her house. We had 17 guests (not too bad for only 3 day invite-out), 2 of which were in their boxers, 6 of which got to make out with people and I got 52 mosquito bites on my feet - tragedy!

Long after the pitcher of my cosmos were gone along with 54 beer cans, a bottle of Captain, one of vanilla smirnoff and a bottle of bacardi all hit the bucket the guest started leaving around 12:30am. I walked CB out and talked with him for a close hour and a half, he brought it to my attention that everyone was gone and he had to head back to Chicago (he drove all that way - just to come to our picnic, I know, I know "awww!") I tried to urge him to stay, but he said he needed to leave, so I let him and he kissed me. It was a bit better this time around, which shows he can improve (especially when not caught off guard) - but it did take over an hour to get him to do that and some 50 mosquitos on my toes - I look like I got some contagious disease, ick. We haven't talked since and I know he's not going to ask me out, so I 1/2 want to throw a party again this week, but lack the funds (this one cost me $125), so we'll wait and see.

In the meantime, RS text messaged me while I was at State Fair on Sunday and we enjoyed a bit of sexual banter back and forth. It kind of went along the lines of

RS: "Miller Park, 5, go"
MG: "Can't, at State Fair. Maybe lunch on Thursday? I'll be in Madison"
RS: "That's do-able."
MG: "Call me."
RS: "Will do."
MG:"I'll wear a skirt, you wear something sexy"
RS:"How about velvet?"
MG:"How about commando?"
RS:"Commando and a skirt is asking for trouble"
MG:"I misunderstood, aren't our get togethers all about trouble?"
RS:"Trouble will be the appetizer ..."

I know what you are thinking - I'm insane. Why even play with fire when it's kind of obvious CB might like me. I'm almost 100% that RS is just banter and no way will he actually meet me for lunch and no way will we actually get it on ... right? I mean, right. Plus I don't think I could bring myself to do it anyway.

On to another topic - dumb ass friends. #1 stood us up for the cook out and then didn't even call to say he was sorry. He's losing J's interest pretty fast and part of me hopes she loses it all the way because he's acting like an ass! I apparently don't get a medal for my hook ups. Sigh. I can't even get an honorable mention from mine.

I need to revert back to the old gym regement, I've been too busy and too tired. I'm thinking about giving up alcohol until the next get together - I'm pretty sure I could do it! That's a bunch of calories that don't need to be consumed.

Though, the drinking can't stop today because D & O are coming in from out of town to spend today, tomorrow & Wednesday with me. I think D needs a good cry. For being the strongest woman I've ever known, I see how much love hurts and breaks that down. I'm supposed to love her husband when she does and hate him when she does and never look back and be a support unit, but it's devestating to see someone so vibrant and beautiful being sucked in by a two-faced liar. I used to like him a lot, but my patience wears thin. I've been in almost the same position before, thinking you are in love and not wanting the work you've put into the relationship to fail but somethings are for the better. They have the most beautiful little girl and the freaking bastard ignores her, laying his lazy ass on the couch while his wife busts her ass to support him. That's my little rant. I'll support her no matter what she does because I love her that much, I just want to see the old D that was actually occassionally happy.

I'm hoping the next three days shows her what happiness was and how much it's lacking. I'm assuming tonight will be tears and wine ...

How to get out of your weekend plans 101

Plan a party! I was technically supposed to go by my cousins and my friend from around the corner was supposed to go to Chicago, but neither of us wanted to so instead we're having a cook out! :)

I invited CB, she invited #1 - I don't think either is going though ...

I forgot! Chicken wing rant.

I forgot that I have a quick rant about some chicken wings I got yesterday.

A co-worker was headed over to BW3's for lunch with some friends, she asked if anyone wanted anything and I told her I was starving for wings and handed her $6, telling her bring back as many wings as you can with that along with some blue cheese.

An hour and a half later she returns with a little box, no celery, no sauce and 6 chicken wings. 6 wings cost $6 and they didn't even box them appropriately?

At the bar, I asked a friend about BW3's - he said "It's awesome, today they had 25 cent wings. I went to the downtown one over lunch. Every Tuesday is 25 cent wings." I was a bit pissed and asked if they come with any kind of sauce like blue cheese, "Yup. And celery!"

I recounted my experience and he informed that my money probably paid for everyone and I got the left overs! The worst part is I've bought lunch for this chick so many times and she's never paid me back, the least she could have done is given me the right amount for my money.

I don't even remember

Posting last night. LOL. Ah well!

So yesterday was a long day, I had brief flashbacks of turning 22 and consuming too much 1800. Ouch, my head is hurting again.

Needless to say, Damien Miller saved the day (sigh - ahh Damien), he's one of my favorite players, and I celebrated. I went to bed, never heard the alarm but still woke up around 6:30am. So I skipped the gym, took a long shower and got ready for work. Tonight is our softball game, yipee. Usually we go out, but I've spent way too much money these past two weeks on nothing good for me and I may be negative in the old accounts, so I think we'll just play ball and leave. Here's a new concept, maybe I'll just go home.

I may throw up ...

So, I wanted to see the end of the Brewer's Game, which of course went until about 20 minutes ago.

I recounted the continous loop of CB, I saw him at class, no response. Don't know what to think. I recounted my day (too hard to describe, I'm exhausted) and about getting up in less than 5 hours to go to the gym.

This is my drunken post. Lord help me, as I got home safe and will recount in another post in about 7 hrs when the room stops spinning.

It's almost Single in the City's birthday!

August 9, 2005
I started this blog. Happy almost birthday! It was a weird time in my life, when there was way too many boys that they needed numbers assigned to them and way too much going on for me to think straight. But I've survived almost a year and am almost at 200 posts, which I might add is some decent posting over 352 days.

Let's talk about my broken tail bone from a couple sentences. I broke my bone a couple months ago and feared high heels until a week ago. Now I'm back in my 4" and weight is coming off. That makes me incredibly happy!

Tonight a friend of mine is coming over and we're having a pajama party featuring alcholic beverages - how sweet is that? We live around the block from eachother and figured it would be a nice way to relax while both being broke.

Stolen

I stole this from Post Secret, I hope they don't mind. I love that site, it's a weekly tradition (see the link on the side to visit)



On the topic of websites like Post Secret, here is another great one to read people's confessions: http://ishty.blogspot.com/

Idiocracy.

Here's the thing about sitting by yourself in a bar - you inevitably get bored and start dialing. First I called my best friend in Iowa, who was her delightful old self and a nice catch up. Then another friend called, saying she couldn't make it out. Then my other friend said he and his girlfriend were going home, eating dinner and doing laundry (?) and then I dialed the cute boy who will now be referred to as the CB. He didn't pick up. I left a cheesy message and hung up. Nice job MG with a guy you don't even know where you stand with.

Speaking of standing with - let me tell you about my text messages with #3, who will now be referred to as Rockstar or RS (even though he was not).

MG: "I'm online all day today and no taunting."

RS (later that night): "you weren't online - I was there all day"
MG: Sure I was. What are you wearing (inside joke of our previous hook ups)?

Boring banter, blah blah work. But then I bring out the big dogs

MG: So you working it at the truck stop (another joke)
RS: "You know me - gotta work for the dolla"
MG: So when are you going to put out again?
RS: "Thought you wanted me to save some truckers"
RS: "But there's plenty to go around"

We argued over rates for awhile (dolla comment) and I asked him to decide on the "package" he was going to put together for me. He told me he had to leave, I told him that proved why he was only worth a dollar. He told me "U know how we do"

Hmmm. How we did? We did nothing. It hurt (see New Year's Post). I woosed out. He suddenly remembered he was Catholic and blew me out of his life until he became single again. Then I'm acceptable.

I've decided nothing will probably happen with the CB, which is probably better as I couldn't handle someone who was good to me and would jump into bed with RS anyway.

It's not much sex, but it's a bit back. And I'm more confused as ever.

Why no weekend posts after fun happenings?

You see my friends, there was a really cool thunderstorm on Thursday, it was all lightning and thunder, rumbling black clouds. It was awesome. Until lightning hit our house. That's sexy.

The best part of the story is that I went out with the cute boy, and though the service sucked and I only had four beers, I contemplated the reason why my lights wouldn't turn on as me being drunk. The reason why the TV zapped me when I turned it on for Simpons, was because I was drunk and the reason as why my alarm was blinking as a power outage. Turns out I was wrong. A lightning bolt slammed into a tree in our yard, deflected to the metal chime and zapped out all our power. There was no internet, no TV, no air conditioning.

We got lucky, the house could have burnt down, the air conditioning got fixed and the internet was back up last night. I still have no TV, but let's face it - I'm not home that often anyhow to watch it.

Backing up to Gallery Night happenings. Way too many shots and I began to neglect my duties. I was approached by a co-worker with a bottle of water and told that my dad called and he was on the way - sober up. I snuck outside to smoke one last time before he showed up, do a little flirting with the door man and headed up just to see him there. He promptly snuck out and I passed around another round of shots.

Then cute boy arrived, did some shots with him and headed to walk him out. In my lovely drunken stage, I kissed him. It was horrible. But I caught him off guard, so I blame that.

I'm on the deck complaining to a friend and the doorman hears. I started cleaning up and he cornered me, "Let me show you how you should be kissed." Bam!

I was caught of guard and thought to myself, "What the hell are you doing?" Pulled away and said, "That's all you got?" Promptly, I ran away.

In the morning I felt like crap only to go the family reunion and kick myself in the butt. The cute guy probably thinks I'm creepy, the door guy is a slut. What is a girl to do?

After the reunion me and #1 went to our friend's birthday but he was sick and I felt like shit so that didn't last too long. I went home and went to bed.

The next morning I dressed for the game when I hear my old cell beep, "1 New Message"

How am I supposed to taunt you when you're not online? #3

I just looked. Mystified. Stunned. Confused.

My phone rings and it's cute boy. He wanted to see how I was doing (insert the Awws) we talked briefly and hung up. I text messaged back to #3 "Did you mean to text me?"

He did. We text messaged all day. And I still don't know what he's doing, mind games. Bad ideas. No more destructive relationships (right BZ).

Gulp. I did a little sluething and found that he is single again (thanks MySpace - but really, if you're 38 why are you on MySpace?). No happy thoughts, he'll just play with my mind and I'll end up in tears.

Cute boy had class and I didn't know what to do when I greeted him. He's so cute. Agh. Just do me.

Oh Crap! It's Thursday 13!

13 Reasons I'm Awesome this Week.

1. I joined the bone marrow registry!
2. I asked for a raise! And it's being considered!
3. I was able to secure $150 in gift certs for a non-profit gig.
4. I got a cute boy to go out for a drink with me.
5. I found my glasses.
6. I was able to network on my own.
7. My lousy month of sales - is still over the regular sales before I got here.
8. I got to pet the baby bunnies :)
9. I was able to get three new companies to sign up!
10.I've mastered Jell-O shot making
11.I spent time with my cat yesterday and he loved me for it.
12.I saw my old friend at the restaurant and was able to reconnect!
13.It's Thursday and I remembered to post this list, that's why I'm awesome.

Insert vertebrae here, here, here and OH! here

Congratulations MG, you have a spine. And an incredibly great place to work that will still get your time and dedication!

The COO agreed to offer me a different structure and said she should be able to present me with new numbers next week! Hooray! I'm so pumped! It's nice to know that your work (and yourself) are appreciated.

Onto other news ...

Will "Single in the City" finally get to have a raunchy sex article? Maybe. The cute boy that works around the corner FINALLY accepted a drink offering for 6:30. I've been thinking about having two martinis, claiming to be too tipsy and screwing him in the car. Yes, I said it. It's been WAY to long to not hold back. Although, I probably will. Damn conscious and all.

Friend/Friend relationship?What do you do when you know your two friends are good for each other but one is 30 and a commitment phobe? You spend 45 minutes telling him to get over himself or his self-prophecies will be right. Granted, he is the male version of me so it's kind of hypocritical but tit-for-tat.

Six more weeks.

Eh gad. Only six more weeks to vacation. On top of pining away how I will save up the cash in just three pay periods, I found out today that our insurance takes out $50 per paycheck to cover. Ouch.

This sudden documentation prompted me to schedule a meeting with our owner and COO to discuss my position so far. If all goes as planned we'll touch base on performace, adding on tasks, time management and improvements. Then I'll drop the bomb. I've decided that I need to take the risk and see if they'll readjust my comission scale to a lower base. I firmly believe that my actions thus far have shown that I deserve that base; however, there is little opportunity for me to hit commissions while we are in our growing spurt. I'm going to explain (and bring notes, probably after this post) that at this point it's impossible to sell more than $25K a month without ticking off clients, something I'm not willing to do. Selling onsite corporate classes is also not an option since our current instructors are in class. Therefore there are two options that I have at this point to make the money that I need to. (I'll also re-iterate that I did ask if we could renegotiate my structure after 3 months and it's been 4)

Option A (and preferred): Adjust my commission scale accordingly, where based on my average sales a month ($15K) I can still reasonably bring in what I'm making now. I'm willing to go down about $10K a year to have a structure to support this. Therefore, I can perceive my goals as achievable.

Option B: Realizing that we just hired a new employee for our Admin position, moved locations in our Madison office, need to hire at least one employee there and need to purchase additional machines since classes are so full, I realize at this point adjusting my commission structure may not be cost efficient; however, I will need to get an additional job to this one which means limiting my activities in the evenings and weekends to accompany a job that I may be required to work at for 20 or so hours a week.

Hopefully the catch up doesn't resort me to tears in finding out that there's a lot I can change and I still have a back bone to go over my requests.

Grow a back bone. Grow a back bone. Grow a back bone.

In weekend news, here is some humor that will make you laugh.

While getting drunk with my sister on her porch on Sunday she looks at me 1/2 whiskey eyed and says, "Grandma watches a lot of TV. A LOT of TV. She knows you had an STD."

"What?" I think to myself. My grandma knows all about the cervical cancer testing that I've been repeating three times a year (or so, when I have money).

She continues, "Well, all those new commercials say that the cause of cervical cancer is an STD known as HPV."

Guess Grandma doesn't think her little grand daughter is a virgin any more.


About four hours later at my cousin's graduation party:

A girl walks in that I immediately recognize as a host from my old restaurant. I ask my sister if she knows who she is, she tells me "one of their friends." I say outloud (because there's so much beer in me at this point I can't possibly have an inside thought, "She was a big old whore."

About 1/2 hour later my sister sits next to my cousin (tell me you didn't see this one coming), "MG used to work with that girl." He nods his head "Yes" she had informed him, "That's my girlfriend." He says proudly. To which she replies "MG says she's a whore."

Gulp. What? Thanks. She returns back to the table, "Why did you say that?" She tells me it's because I didn't say it was a secret. I look at her and say "What in the word 'whore' doesn't scream secret!"

Gotta love family.

I Like Suits.

I work an environment where suits are required once or twice a week, but then you can wear jeans and t-shirts the others. Next week is not that way. I had hoped that I would have some QT time to myself next week, but the schedule isn't pinging that way. Next week I have a lunch meeting Monday, a networking event Tuesday, Bone Marrow testing Wednesday followed by softball, Thursday is a 7am breakfast, a 12:00 networking luncheon, Friday is Gallery Night, Saturday is a family reunion, Sunday is a Brewers game and a baby shower - OH MY!

Monday, Monday

It's Monday - it's so hot I probably don't need a lighter to light my cigarette when I step outside, it should ignite on its own.

Tonight is my only night off - every other night is packed with work and my head already hurts thinking about it. It's hard when everyone tries vying for that one day ... come to dinner (Mom), come out for a drink (friend), go to the gym (conscious), want to come over? (co-worker), can you do this tonight? (sister, co-worker), you need to clean your apartment (Dad). It's like the heavens would close and eat us all up if I was able to have a lazy day.

Instead I've decided that no, I will not go out to dinner, no I will not have a drink, YES I will go to the gym (and leave promptly at 5), no I won't come over, YES I will try to do X & Y for them but only after I clean my apartment.

In exciting news, my sister's adorable bunny had her babies yesterday. 4 semi-adorable flopping rodents with no fur and little ears. 2 look like mom, 2 look like dad. Funny, this procreation thing, don't you think?

Social Experiment

As I was pounding away during my work out I contemplated how I got to where I am and all the mistakes I've made and the dreams that I've had that have since taken it's place on the back burner while I try to learn how to be a grown up.

My dream since I was 12 was to write my own magazine. One not devoted to losing 10 lbs in a week, relationship advice and scary herion-addicted or size 0-2 models. A magazine that fit in the age group of trying to fit in. There's this odd period in women pubs that doesn't occupy the certain lives of 17-22 year olds and I thought it would be a good target. It's that age range where "Seventeen" and "Teen People" think they fit, but around that age you get tired of reading commentaries on how to insert tampons (sorry guys) or weird questions about virginity and sex. It's also in this age range where you pick up "Cosmo" to occupy the void and seem more grown up but the information doesn't necessarily apply or all to compelling to find out why your life sucks.

Being quite a few years from the 22 mark I still find this void and have decided to at least put some effort into an outlet for this pub. I've written a couple articles, tucked back in the catacombs of my iDisk over the years thinking that at some point I would try to get them published or publish them myself. A few years back a friend and I put serious consideration into a magazine after one too many Purple Haze martinis and contemplated the life of publishing at the pool over spilt strawberry margaritas.

But today I've decided to change it all - I'm going to try and start a blog-zine. Using the lovely free service that is blogspot to post an online magazine and also make a comparable lovely PDF version for each month. Here's where you come in - I need contributors. So if you're interested in joining my "Social Experiment" please comment below - BZ I totally expect you to contribute because I LOVE you're writing, same with Darth as a great male contributor and all you lovely gals like Liz & Tiffany.

Here's the concept: A magazine written for people that want to not be cursed for not having boyfriends or husbands (or girlfriends or wives for that matter) that centers around opinions of real people all in one-clickable area. There will be the "normal" areas found in any woman's pub - sans the celebrity photos and interviews at this point I'm assuming - such as:

Sex
Relationships
Being Single
Horoscopes
A Man's Advice
etc

But I also want social/political commentary - real pictures of real people - ideas on saving money, etc. I'd appreciate any help on categories and any contribution that anyone would like to make.

Hey - let the Social Experiment begin!

True Love

I've been dog sitting a lot these days in the effort to make a little additional cash (a failed experiment by the way) and occassionally the K-9s come back with me to my house. My cat, a dear almost 2 year old gray and white British-Bi Color, puts up with them to the best that he can. He socializes well and has no fear (except for the beagle who bayed in his ear) so I don't second guess bringing them home.

But today he made a gesture at me that makes me think he actually wants to continue to be in my life. As often cats do, they ignore their human counter parts completely until food/water/litter box needs cleaning or they can't seem to get that scratch on their shoulder blades. I'm not home much so I know I'm not worthy of the cuddling, though when I arrive he knows my footsteps and my voice and comes binding up and rubbing on my leg (a lot having to do with the fact that his food bowl is near empty) but today it was a different gesture.

I'm watching a dual pair of cute and fluffy Bischons (the same ones about 2 months ago that I watched for two weeks) and dropped them at my place to keep them occupied while I went to the gym and went "luxury" shopping. When I arrived home I went in my room to post on the blog and he crept in, placed his paw on my knee as if to say, "I'm the one you really love right? I'm not going to be replaced." Hit doting eyes, pupils nice and big, black slightly glazed. I petted him on his head, he let out a purr that he knew he was the only man in my life and walked away.

That my friends is as true love as it needs to get for me.

Thirteen Things I Learned this Week from Magazines

1. Man-pris/he-pris are out.
2. Lose weight fast - go vegan (not vegetarian, but vegan)
3. Does Suri Cruise exist?
4. Women make .72 cents to the dollar that men do.
5. Anne Hathaway wanted to be a nun.
6. Put rubbing alchol on the inside of new shoes that are too tight, it loosens the leather.
7. Jane magazine says I don't need a boyfriend!
8. Ashely Judd was OCD because of her past.
9. Lavendar lipstick is in.
10. Russell Crowe had a baby boy named after a poet.
11. Superman is an upset at the box office.
12. How to throw an awesome pool party - problem - I don't have a pool.
13. How to meet a guy in 30 days - all of it is pretty crappy.


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Almost the middle of the month

It's almost the middle of the month and I haven't even broken $1,000 in sales. Sigh. This month sucks.

I have officially decided to go with the additional job option. I found a couple places that look promising, so I'll keep you posted.

How my brain works

I'm going to write this the way my brain processed it today, let's see if you can follow.

5:00am - Damnit. Alarm. Gym? No. Why is the station playing these tidbits of songs. Screw this. One more hour. Sleep then go to gym.

6:00am - Damnit! Gym. Must get up and go to gym. 9 more minutes. Sleep. (9 minutes later). 9 more minutes. Sleep. (18 minutes later). Damn it. Gym. What will I wear. This. Screw work attire.

7:00am - What took me so long to get ready? Shit. Work out.

7:14am - I know I should do more cardio, but I want to get to work early to see cute boy in parking garage. One more minute.

Shower. Man, I just shaved. I'm wearing pants. No need. Curl hair. Hair is out of control. I'll just put sunglasses on for sheik look. Oh crap! It's 7:45, can't get to work by 8. Drive fast. No time to pick up smokes. 4 left. No breaks today.

Hey it's co-workers birthday. One muffin can't hurt - I worked out this morning (muffin gone) That's right, I only worked out for 15 minutes. Oops. Order birthday lunch? Already blew calorie count, might as well go all out.

I'll only eat 1/2 of lunch. No, I ate it all. Skip the French Silk pie. Crap, peer pressure. Small piece. Gone.

Work, work, work.

"MG - what time is your event at?" "5:30" "It's 5:30 right now." Crap, pack grab cards, pens, leave.

Drive. Drive fast. Where was it at? Look up on computer. Drive w/computer. Not good. Oh, it's right here. Put computer away. Fluff hair. Shouldn't have fluffed hair, already way too fluffed. Shake it off.

Network, listen to speaker. I have to leave at 8. Go home, watch "Rescue." Oh! Gas station, stop and get smokes.

"One pack Marb Ultra Light Menthols." Hand credit card. Guy new to country, "You're Milwaukee Girl." "That's what my ID says." Hand ID.

"Oh. You're bigger than ID. Heavier. Fatter."

Why did you have to give three explanations you asshole? "Thanks."

Fucking a-hole. Go back to your country! That was racist. Shit, I'm so sorry. Crap - why was that comment so racist. He called me fat. I am fat. I knew I shouldn't have all that food today. I skipped the pizza at the event. I want to cry. Go have a drink with #1? Go to gym, he said I was fat. Probably should go to the gym. But I want a drink. Hmm. Drink? Gym? No money. I'll go to the gym.

Enter gym. "They screwed up my picture, said I have to retake." "Would you like to do it now?" "Better to get it over with." Smile! That was cheesy. Oh well, no one will ever see. Oh! Except every time I go to the gym. Always same person, no one cute. All boys under age. It'll be fine.

"What time is it?" "7:50" "Can I tan at 9?" "Sure."

Go, change. 8:00. Grab new Jane and hit the bike. Wow! Jane is really good. For once I'm not being bombarded with messages that tell me I need a boyfriend. Articles comical. Perhaps I should get a subscription. I think I will. (Card falls out) Oops. I'll have to pick it up. (Towel falls off bike). Crap! (Pick up). Ride. Read. (Card falls out). Another one? Jeez. (ANOTHER card falls out). Is this a sign not to get a subscription? (ANOTHER card falls on lap) - Oh! Free gift with subscription. A sign I should sign up. Okay I will. Time check - 8:55. Wow. 55 minutes of cardio. (Check time) Okay, 52 minutes cardio. Will go to 55 and then tan.

Tan. Contemplate potentially doing 45 more minutes on bike. It said 25 miles/km. I'll assume kilometers which I think is more than miles. Is it more? When I weigh myself I could puke when it says KG which is more than lbs. I'll assume it's more. I'll check it out when I get home. Crap. Tanning is taking along time. Do I really need more chances at cancer? No. Screw it. Going out.

Magazine done. What will I read when I'm on the bike. Need something to read - no headphones. Maybe I'll shower then go home.

Go to locker. I don't want to shower. Takes too much time. Just go home all sweaty. Light a cigarette. Feel sick. Uck. Feel really sick. Oh well. Continue smoking.

No good music on. Sing to country, "I got a new (boy) girlfriend" Pull in at home. Bring stinky, icky gym clothes in. Start laundry. Doesn't look like dad's home. Did my cosmo come? No. Crap! What will I read tomorrow morning? From now on - getting up, going to gym 45 minutes cardio in the AM, 45 minutes at night. Shit. Softball tomorrow. No drinking, go to gym. Thursday? Damn. Networking meeting in Tosa. Leave by 9, go to gym. Sat/Sun only one time there. Okay deal.

Check email. Lots of new emails. Oh yeah. Screwed up the specials, thank goodness for co-worker! Close computer. Cuddle with cat for moment. Oh! Wanted to blog my mind.

Blog. Blog. Blog. Oh! Rescume is repeating, I didn't miss it. Check alarm. Set for 5am. You will get up.

Okay. Blog. Done. Should sleep? Need to change laundry. Now I'm done.

Looking back ...

My checklist accomplishments ...

Saturday I slept until 10 - I think the last time I did that I didn't have boobs.

I went to the gym both Saturday and Sunday.

Cat did not eat face. I purchased a large bag that will probably only last two weeks because he's a fat ass (just like his momma, LOL)

I did not apply for the new job YET. Probably will during the downtime tomorrow.

I saw Pirates - AWESOME. No resolution in the end, my nights until next summer will now be filled with Johnny Depp, arguably not a bad thing.

I did some laundry - though Dad & GF came home early and I always feel bad doing laundry then.

This weekend I also went to Summerfest - my first time (and last, today was the final day) against my will. I didn't want to see any ex-es of any sorts, boyfriends, friends, employers and I was broke with a capital B (the major downside to bi-MONTHLY instead of weekly paychecks - 3 weeks, no income! Eyy!). The heat was tremendous and I was with my mom and step-dad. We stayed for six hours and headed home - just to reach there and get a migraine. I spent three hours on my mom's couch with ice bags on my head and neck and a pillow over my face. It also poured, I left my window a crack open and went home with out a headache but with a wet butt.

Then there was Saturday (I'm going backwards - I know). It is very important that I stress you may not agree with this post and I will not back down on anything that I say here because it is my opinion.

My little brother is not full blood, but was raised by my dad and step father. We DID NOT have a bad childhood no matter what happened. When I was eight my little brother's biological dad tried to get custody but is a nut case. My mom pulled my older brother and me in a room and informed us that he had a different dad. The first and only words out of my mouth was "He won't try to take him, will he?" This has been my obsession for eighteen years, I don't want this douche-bag taking away my baby brother.

I've posted before about the angst of his exsistence in my brother's life and I've vocalized my concerns to my brother - but he believes he is an adult and can make these decisions for himself (which he can but he is still my BABY brother). He made arrangements to meet the a-hole on Wednesday and didn't inform his family members until Tuesday. When the day came his so-called "father" freaked him out so bad that he went into hiding so he wouldn't see him. Since then the bastard has left 42 messages insulting my brother and mom to the point that I have been more then pissed.

After having a girls day with my mom we came home to this message:

"Why are you keeping me from my son? You can not deny me this right. If you were remotely hip to the bible you would realize that it is the father's job to raise the sons, why are you doing this? You will go to hell. You can't deny me this."

Sick of the insults, the harrassment I found his number on caller ID and dialed it and left this message:

"Mr. Douche-bag (okay, I used his real last name), my name is MG and I am calling on behalf of my brother he has asked that you stop contacting him. If you continue the harrassment of my family, my brother, mother, father & step-father included, we will seek help from the authorities. I am asking you to leave us alone."

Nice huh? Oh and then I added, "By the way, you are not a father - just simply a sperm donor."

I was so good to that point and it's only set him off more. This is where you might not agree with what I have to say ...

If you abandon your child and then try to get him back and a court says you are not stable, you are not stable. HOWEVER, if you love your son so much you should have continued the fight. You do not insult his mother, you do not insult their families.

A father is made from late nights, a crying shoulder, tuition payments for school, clothing, doctor's bills. A father is not made of blood, he is made of love. 20 years after the fact and spending a mere year on the phone does not make you his father. Does not allow you the right to be called his father.

This man went so far as to tell my brother that our father (the man that raised not only him, but also my older brother and sister) was not and should never be called that again. This outrages me.

If you contributed to life and then ducked out - you are a mere sperm donor and will be treated that way.

Checklist for tomorrow ...

Notes to self:

You can sleep in tomorrow, though enevitably that means you'll be up at 5am.

Either way, you're going to the gym for a good hard work out - 2 day skip is a no-no.

Go to the store, buy cat food so cat does not eat face while sleeping tomorrow night.

Apply for job at new pet store that is opening - you can't survive on what you make now that the 401K & insurance is coming out.

You need to do laundry - Febreeze doesn't mask odor that well (double note to self)

Go the library, get a new book.

You've agreed to see Pirates with Mom - don't forget!

Something that will break your heart ...

My sister non-chalantly on her birthday said that her former math teacher & soccer coach's son was dying. After years of trying to have a baby, they found out early on he had lukemia. He was doing great, but now needs a bone marrow transplant - turns out they don't have a match.

She told us she expected (not wanted, but expected) us to go to a drive at the high school on July 26th. Of course we were going to go no matter what, if there's a possibility that we can save someone's life, sign us up.

I've heard a lot about bone marrow donations and how short they are on volunteers - especially people that are not caucasian. I can't tell you how many times my heart breaks when I read articles about children, young adults, young parents, grandparents that die because there is not enough people on the registration. This was the first time I seriously looked into it though. As I read about what you have to do - I also noticed that all volunteers must pay $55 to get put on the list. I wonder how many times someone has thought they'd sign up and then seen the price and turned their backs and walked away. I wish there was a way to make it free, I wonder how many more people would sign up to save a life - just offer their name to a registration list, offer the chance for someone to live.

A couple weeks ago my brother, mom and I went to the blood center to give a donation. On the board it read, "We are in desperate need of 0+ blood, please consider making a donation of double red if you're this type." I promptly got up and talked to a phlebomist, who looked at me sideways. "I don't think you can give double red." I thought to myself, "She thinks I'm dirty - perhaps she doesn't know I haven't gotten laid in 2 years." But that wasn't the case at all - it turns out you need to be 5'5 and I'm only 5'3. I sulked back to my chair.

A guy walked in, right up to the desk. He was in fine shape, tan and wearing a "Greatest Dad" t-shirt. Turns out the center called him that morning, he was a perfect match for someone. I thought to myself that I wanted to be him one day. Maybe this will be my chance - maybe I'll be a match for the little boy or maybe I'll be a match for someone. I think when you're all alone like me you sometimes wonder your purpose. Maybe this will be mine.

So here's the preach-y part. If you're in Milwaukee Wisconsin, please donate in this drive (http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/BeAHeroForJacob/) and if you're not see if you can cough up $55 some how to save a life with the national registery (http://www.marrow.org).

Not feeling like myself these days ...

I'm not feeling my normal upp-ity self these days, things have been a bit off for about a week. I'm tired all the time, I can't think straight, I'm easily distracted - thank God I'm not having sex, otherwise I might think I was pregnant.

I read an article yesterday about a "Surprising Reason You're Tired" - hmm, I would like a surprising reason and the article claimed that rich people get more sleep than people of smaller incomes. This wasn't as much of a surprise as I had hoped, I was thinking more along the lines of killer spiders biting you in your sleep and throwing off your melantonin, but I think it's accurate. When I'm not worried about how I'm going to pay my bills at night, I'm working - so yes, I've come to expect about 6 hours of sleep at night and then we'll add in the four or five cat distractions and I guess that explains it.

I know what else is not helping my quiet nights, the absolute tightness in my shoulders. I desperately need a massage, it hurts to even breathe (well, it could be that or the amount of cigs I'm smoking a day). Where's that hunky Swedish maseus when a girl needs him?

As a point of relaxation, I've taken to reading again. This past weekend I trotted over to the local library to get "Devil Wears Prada" - only to find it on hold for 8 more people. Ever the impatient one, I just went to our local Borders and bought a copy. I finished it in 2 days at the gym.

While purchasing the book, I also saw "Good in Bed" a book I had also heard great things about and mentally checked in my head that it would be the next one I would read. Having finished the book so quickly, I went again to the library and was very happy for it to be in stock. I picked it up at 6pm last night and finished it at 2am this morning after minimal distractions.

Needless to say, I recommend both books and completely forget why I haven't been reading ...

Thursday Thirteen - Things you learn when you're broke!

How is it Thursday already??



1. That meat is a great feast since you can not afford it.
2. 108 ways to cook ramen noodles.
3. If you are broke yet hungry and thirsty a popsicle will suffice to fit both needs.
4. Stale cigarettes and coffee will make a great meal. Smile and enjoy it.
5. "Yesterday's fashion" has to be todays, accessorize accordingly.
6. Beer will work for a buzz because it's affordable. After drinking it for awhile you will also start to enjoy it.
7. A great way to have the effect of candles without having to pay for them is to use that hot plate your grandma sent you in college and burn away the last remaining wax in the old candles.
8. It makes sense to own 38 pairs of underwear since laundry is so expensive and febreeze can help get that scent out for all other clothes.
9. If you have to pay for heat and can't do it - lots of comforters come in handy.
10. The outdoors is a gym (except in winter - I do live in Wisconsin)
11. Driving is a pleasurable experience and it's okay to go slow - it'll burn less gas. Just leave 1/2 hour early.
12. Find a penny, pick it up (only if it's heads up though)
13. Broke sucks.


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Stolen from BZ

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2006?
No. In fact not even in 2005.

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
My favorite place to do it - if he can't get you off in the bedroom the outdoors, the baseball field, the local bars - will get you off!

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
Yes. Because I didn't know he was inside, he had to inform me he was.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
No, no, no!

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
Ummm - only if it's an all day sex session.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Yes, yes and yes.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
I should get an Emmy for my performances.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUK UP?
Shut the fuk up and hit me from behind!

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
Yes. Probably not smart.

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
No way. Not even to my significant others when they were around. This is ME time :)

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
Two attempts - but ended up doing it more often.

12. HOW BOUT A 3-SOME?
Nope!

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
Oh yeah - baw chica bow wow.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Almost every time!

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE?
Oh yeah - thank god a kid didn't come from it, they'd be UGLY!

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
Seeing an uncircumsized penis for the first time - I told him to put it away. Poor guy.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
16 - during a Packer game.

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
There are so many ...

19. DO YOU THINK THAT number 18 IS POSSIBLE?
Hmmm - I'm not sure.

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
No - trying to work (and obviously very hard)

21. WOULD U HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS?
BZ is pretty hot ...

Happy Girl

So I've had a feeling a friend and ex of mine should meet (#3 and then #1 for those original readers) should meet - it turns out I was right!

Tonight we went out to celebrate my newly job-free friend's interview and I convinced her to go to shit town and meet #1/3. They hit it off grand! I was so happy because I wanted to see him happy. Previously I believed I'd be a bit jealous if they did get along - but it turns out I was elated! He's too much like me to give it another shot and she's enough like me but particularly different in the ways that drive him crazy. I really could not believe I'm so elated! I hope they go out ...

:)

Happy Birthday America

It's the 4th of July, fireworks are popping, brats and burgers sizzling and family get togethers dreadfully slugging along. Well, at least that's our fourth of July.

I have found that being 26 has not dawned on my family - for good reason. (A) I have no boyfriend and have not had one for 2 years, which instantly has brought me back to pubescent status in the eyes of my family (B) I live in my dad's basement, as a pubescent teen would and (C) I still do not make enough money to provide for what normal "adult" people would. I was relieved to find that no one asked me today about my relationship status, not even hinted. Though there were a few glances and whispers as for relatives to inform each other that I was, in fact, the eldest daughter and had not seen a penis in a near 6 months (perhaps not the last part and more likely my paranoia). I have in fact realized that it is no longer just my friends, family and apparently, ex-classmates that I hated in high school, that pity my status but also mother nature herself.

In somewhat of a buzzed state, at least I'd like to believe, I was informed by my mom that she saw my ex at Summerfest on Friday and she delightfully squealed that he had nearly doubled in size - including having two chins. This was followed by the brash statement that his wife was also quite overweight - similar to my size.

EXCUSE ME? Similar to my size and overweight in the same sentence is not an ego booster for someone who is going to the gym and doing an hour of cardio just to maintain, not to mention weights and what not. Was I supposed to gleefully laugh at this? The man who had not only stolen 7 years of my life and sued me had a wife "similar to my size." I don't know of a single ex-female to a man that wants to know that their current partner is similar to them. I do believe that if a girl does a dude wrong that the next female should be phenomenally gorgeous and if the reverse happened and he did her wrong, ridiculously ugly. Either would suffice for me; however, I have seen pictures of his wife and thought she was a lot bigger then me - so this is not a smiley face conversation. But I digress.

Back to family happenings and the view of me being pubescent and not a grown woman. At the family gathering, which I was forced into because it was sure that I would not have anything else to do, I found that I have no ability to make a decision of my own. Starting with scheduling. My life goes this way - first, my boss schedules my time (often a ridiculous amount, but I am more than happy to serve because I enjoy doing the things I get to do). Then I am limited to about four evenings (including weekends) that I have left. This is when my mom steps in and schedules her time with me, often equal to the four evenings. If, by some chance, this is not scheduled, the remaining time will go to my dad therefore leaving no time for me (and thus far, let me interject, no time to find the boyfriend that my family so desperately needs to have).

Then my mom found an ingenious way to save money for Christmas presents and decided to announce it at today's gathering. "I found these recipes for those jars where you give people all the layered ingredients and MG is going to make them for everyone." A surprised look on my cousin's face mislead me to believe that she was going to defend my adult status, but instead interjected, "You're going to allow her to make something? She can't cook (Ummm, there is no actual baking allowed in layering)." To which my lovely mother replied, "No, I'll probably buy all the ingredients and she'll assist me in making them." Hmm, perhaps it would be appropriate for me to make noodle necklaces for everyone instead? I could even dye the noodles (of course, I would need to be supervised).

Now, I know most of this is my fault since I allow this to happen. But let me rant one more thing - I CAN COOK. In fact, my skills do border on being semi-gourmet. People who have eaten my meals leave with full bellies also undeniably surprised that I could make such dishes and I can bake like there is no tomorrow. I have a killer cherry-devil's food recipe that makes most people melt with desire.

Hmm. Overlooking my latest posts perhaps I should momentarily change the name of this blog to "Rants in the City" instead of sex.

20 or so Jello Shots later

Yesterday was a golf outing in which we participate in. We came equipped with our duck pond and, of course, 300 CMYK jello shots.

Of course, the majority of golfers required a demonstration of how jello shots work, so my boss & I divided up the 34 participants into every other displays of tounge pushing, rotating madness. The only downside was that slice I got under my tounge from so many!

Great conversation

A friend of mine is going through a really hard time - yet said something unbelievably remarkable, that I had to share. Unfortunately, her husband has changed over their relationship and this is what she told him,

"You need to let me mourn the loss of you and learn if I like the person you are. Then make a valid decision if we should be together."

Genius.

Such glory in winning

Last night was a game I was dreading, our softball team was up against my old agency. I would like to believe I am on good terms with 80% of the agency, but the 20% I'm not are all on the softball league.

I was delighted when my boss's dog was along for the ride, it meant I'd be benched and could watch her. She did great, but she's an old pup and has been having shoulder and neck problems. She started aching and my boss walked her to her car, in the meantime I needed to go up to the plate and cover. I've never been so damn nervous. With three extra innings because we were tied, I shook hoping it would soon be over.

Bam! We hit a winning ball. It was the most awesome night ever! I love softball.

Thirteen Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Done This Week

1. Stayed out until midnight last night
2. While drinking, told the cute boy about the ex-fiance
3. Gone to my ex's bar and tipped WAY too much
4. Only got 3 hours of sleep because I was excited to go to the gym
5. Had all that caffine
6. While on my caffine high, jump over that barrier and smash my knee into the wall
7. Gotten so excited about meeting my sales, then losing a $2600 sale :(
8. Slept on my neck funny the last two nights
9. Jumped with joy when we beat my old agency at softball (I take that back, I was really happy I did that!)
10. Commited myself to so many events in the next two weeks
11. Tanned the last two mornings in a row - I think I burnt my boobs!
12. Decided that Slimfast was a good diet to go on right now - I need a sandwich!
13. Been too busy to post on this blog!


Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Busy Girl

I had way too much caffine yesterday - like the kind of day when you can't focus because your veins are so happy and well caffinated. I was so pumped because I'm so close to hitting my numbers, in fact I would have hit my numbers had I not lost a $2600 sale. I cleaned my desk, I went through papers, I made phone calls. At 4:00 I crashed, but not before making an appointment at the gym.

My metabolism blows. Seriously, the only way for me to loose weight is to intake an unhealthy amount of calories (we're talking 500-600 calories) and be a pheen with exercise. In the meantime, my busy lifestyle and lack of income has meant no gym membership and excessive eating out and I've gained about 25 lbs.

So I went to my appointment at my old gym. To my dismay, the cute sales guy had left and I got a new girl. She offered a great deal - no contract, no enrollment fee and best of all, a discount because of my health insurance. My $75 membership was downed to $51 and includes unlimited tanning. I signed myself up!

I started on the strict counting calories and gym regiment this morning. I've never felt better. I'll be bikini ready by winter - but at least I'll be ready!

Oh - so much to recap

Bad blogger again. I'm a blog-aholic and when you can see there are no blogs I guess that means I'm really freaking busy so this blog may be a bit random and not storyline accurate, but it'll recap.

About two weeks ago I finished dog sitting, to celebrate I busted open a fabulous Italian vodka (a thank-you from their trip) and put on my fancy new shoes to get ready to go out. In the process, I proceeded downstairs to my apartment only to wipe out on my ass; therefore, breaking my tailbone (again - it happened to me as a waitress as well). I have been in pain since, but know that the only thing they can do is prescribe some really great drugs that I can't afford and offer me the "lovely" red donut to sit on until I heal. So in the meantime it's 12 advil a day (not doctor recommended). That's about it for the excitement.

My schedule has gotten so complicated the last few weeks that I went back to writing everything in my planner. That being said, as I was jotting down items I realized I often doubled and triple booked myself on regular occassions. For instance, my dear friend was coming in from New York on Wednesday night - misjudging the hours in the day I had a 4:00pm meeting with a new client, a 6:00 softball game followed by a cocktail and wings and then picking her up from the airport at 10. Thank goodness she flew in from La Guirda which meant her plane was delayed 1/2 an hour - I was able to pick her up in time. I had thought ahead and taken Thursday off, but then scheduled a seminar with potential clients that day and forgot about the big awards ceremony on Thursday night. She said she would love to go to the ceremony, so I promptly bought her a ticket. Wednesday night we enjoyed drinks at an old pub (her not me, I was on a diet coke only budget so I could cover her drinks) and then realized it was 2:30am. We headed home, I slept a couple hours and left for Pewaukee that morning.

After the seminar, we went shopping in the third ward and got changed for the awards show. After a quick change and some hair fluffing, we headed back downtown, picked up my boss and then went to the show. We puroused the entries only to find one of my old ads entered with my name on it! Happily, I anticipated finding out what I could have won. Our ad took home the silver nut! In excitement, we left, had a cocktail at our Thursday hang out and found our energy waining.

Not willing to let the night be over, we headed to Milwaukee's Safehouse, an entertaining bar with hidden passage ways and puzzle walls. After an hour or so there, we headed home.

I had taken the morning off on Friday, dropped my friend at her car, had a meeting, finished with work, and then decided to take a moment to unwind. An early bed time, but well needed rest.

Yesterday I anticipated doing much more, only to do much less. After driving all over Milwaukee and its suburbs, I finally found a couple hats my dad had wanted for father's day, I then had a cocktail by my mom, got a sinus headache and laid down for a minute - which turned into two hours. The dog I was sitting for showed up about 7:30, I walked her, played with her and was in bed by 9.

Today has been a very chill day - it's been pouring rain since early this morning so I've spent some much needed time at home. My head is still aching, so I took a bit of a nap and did some grocery shopping for my dad (after all - it's his day). Then I thought to myself - crap, I should really blog...

So that's the activities blog for me the past couple weeks. I also made a decision that since our payroll is a bit off (the second & fourth Fridays of every month) and this month is coming up to where we go three weeks without income, that I would finally get a credit card to tie me over. I was approved for a platinum card but asked for a low credit line so that I can make sure I can pay it off every month and not be tempted to buy things I don't need. It arrived yesterday. I also decided that I will get a gym membership this week. I have the gym in my apartment, but when faced with being at home and working out I opt to watch TV and relax. If I have a membership, at least when I get bored and want to do something, I'll head to the gym.

And that's about it!

I will hopefully be keeping up with blogging this week and actually participate in the Thursday Thirteen, as I've missed the last two ...

Big Freaking Babies

This is a little bit of a rant post.

Lately, I've covered a lot for an employee at work - this past week it's been a lot more than usual. Thursday was a call that she was running late, could I come in and set up? Sure. Friday it was that she wanted to leave early, could I stay late and work for her? I guess. Sunday she told me she was sick, but wasn't sure if she was going to call in - basically meaning, can you go in early just in case? So I went to work early.

Here's the problem. I work a job that is legitimately a 40 hour salary position. If you go over, you get comp time. I'm always over, meaning I always have comp time. This seems like a great thing, but they don't technically want you to work over because (a) you get burnt out and (b) you get bonus vacation days when you could be making sales. I hate comp time - I don't like not working, but I'm really asked to take it. That being said, that means eveytime I come in early to do another person's job, they are giving me vacation time. Would you want to give someone vacation time for a job that someone else is supposed to do? No.

Plus, it's an obvious sign of being taken advantage of. It doesn't matter what I have planned, it's assumed I'll cover and I've had it. Where's my return on investment? I'm also supposed to drop everything to take care of her needs right away. For instance, I was working on a quote and our specials board yesterday when the sick employee went on chat to have me help her with something. Great for her, being sick and trying to work but the conversation went like this:

Her: "Can you help me with something?"
MG: "Sure, but I'm busy right now so it'll have to wait."
Her: "Okay"
Her: "How long?"
Her: Just a bit later, "Are you there?"

So I drop what I'm doing to assist her immediately - in finding a book for another employee. Wouldn't it have made more sense for her to tell the person she was helping where the book was instead of using me?

Then this morning was the all too familiar, a person called for her (returning her call). "Oh just confirm it with her." Turns out it's not a confirmation at all - it was a confusing message about a class. I felt that I needed to take care of it but had no clue, so I did the best I could - all while trying to get my AM stuff done. I ended up arranging it wrong, but it could be easily remedied and I got it taken care of it.

So now I'm busy, trying to get work done when the following chat ensues (and this is pretty much verbatim, because I saved it):

Her: "Are you pissed at me or something?"
MG: "No, working."
Her: "Why are you being so short and rude to me?"
MG: "Because I'm trying to work and I don't like when someone calls for you and I have to take care of it while I'm trying to do follow ups and quotes." - That's right, who suddenly grew a backbone?
Her: "you didn't have to take care of it.. i could've done it"
Her: "why did you do it? i could have taken care of it"
MG: "because you said - just get her information"
Her: "no i didn't.. I SAID i was just calling to confirm. You were already picking up the phone anyways.. i'll remember that .."
MG: "miscommunication. Done and over with."
Her: "what you said was rude"
Her: "i won't ever ask you to do anything else for me.."

Now, I was going to reply, "Have you not noticed me covering your ass Thursday, Friday and yesterday?" But then I thought I wasn't going to get in a fight with a 20 year old.

I keep thinking if I was like this five years ago. I don't think I was. I love that the chat has threats in it "I'll remember that ..." Makes me want to scream, "Remember all the shit I do for you!"

GRR.

On a happy note ... my friend is coming in from New York tomorrow for a couple days! I'm so excited! I haven't seen her since I was in New York in November. She's also coming to an awards ceremony on Thursday night which will be great to have a friend tag along with!

So tomorrow will be a happy post!

Pet Owners

I have to post this email I received today because it's so true ...

My Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it to become your dish
and food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest!

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep at right angles to each other, stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out at the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. I have been using The bathroom for years - canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

And for Your comfort, my dear pets, I have posted the following message
on our Front door:

RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND MIGHT WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY
PETS

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's
why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like some people. To you, it's an
animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy,
walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

4. Finally, remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they Eat
less; don't ask for money all the time; are easier to train; Usually come
when called; never drive your car; don't hang out with Drug-using
friends; don't smoke or drink; don't worry about having to Buy the latest
fashions; don't wear your clothes; don't need a Gazillion dollars for
college; and if they get pregnant; you can sell their children.

So long, he's looking good.

I visited my friend last night while he was bartending, it was so sad that he looked so good and I even contemplated having sex with him. Thank god for dog sitting, as I promptly left the bar at a decent time for the 25 minute drive back.

Thirteen Words of Adviced You Should've Followed

This week I've been pondering words of wisdom that people have bestowed on me that I haven't always followed - how about you? Add your advice in comments as well as your link and I'll post them here (*Please put your website in the comments, it makes it a lot faster to update!)

1. Beer before liquor, you've never been sicker. Liquor before beer your in the clear.
2. If you eat the second piece of cake, it'll go straight to your hips.
3. You're too good for him.
4. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
5. Life isn't about money or love - it's about living.
6. Every family is dysfunctional.
7. Learn to change your tires - it makes you a strong woman.
8. No man wants his wife to be "gorgeous" he wants his wife to be beautiful - then it's character and not just looks.
9. Blood is thicker than water, but water tastes better.
10. Be yourself. If they don't like you -screw them.
11. The best cure for a hangover is to keep drinking!
12. No one has fond memories of high school.
13. And my favorite - Hos before bros.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants