Thursday, May 31, 2007

Hijinks at the Highbury

Oh my. Last night I was enjoy a cocktail at the Highbury and witnessed flashing by both men and women, overheard a man-scaping conversation (which reminded me of TW's 'situation' in that area) and almost fell off my chair laughing at the bartender and owner joking around. This is why it's my favorite bar.

Today is a day of meetings, straight away from 9am I've had a meeting on the hour every hour until 5:00. Then I'll promptly get my Little and take a little walk with her puppies, head over to Lu's for dinner, go for a run and then hit the sack. No going out tonight.

It's coming up on three weeks of not getting laid and I'm getting anxious. Glad it's a good thing that things didn't work out with TW or I'd be screwing his brains out left and right. In fact, I keep thinking that if he'd ever call he might just get laid because I'm itching. But the truth is, he won't (call or get laid). I toyed with texting RS last night to try to be back in his good graces, but I think that ones a deadman walking. The more I think about it (which has been happening a lot these days) the more I'm thinking a hiatus might be exactly what I need - from drinking and men. Maybe not full on from drinking, but full on for men. The scary thing is that bad apples tend to ruin the whole barrel when it comes to me. Past experiences with the guitarist taught me not to rush into sex and after the TW blow job incident, poor guys won't be getting on the receiving end of that for a long time as well.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Randoms for the Day.

(A) I can't wait for Bitten on June 7. Do you know the story of Starbury? It's off the same rim thanks to Steve & Barry's, affordable, high quality merchandise. I mean kids are FREAKING over the Starbury shoes that S&B actually has signs limiting the purchases to 10 pairs. 10 pairs! Do you know how many kids I've seen that load up with 10 pairs? A lot. And they range from $10.00 to $14.00. It's insane. So the lovely Ms. Sarah Jessica Parker got on the trend to start what she proudly wears as, "Fashion should not be a luxury." I already like a lot of the S&B clothes, now I'm itching to see what SJP has done.

(B) My heart sank. I didn't fully believe TW would respond, but even still when I checked my personal email it said "You have a new message on MYSPACE" I hesitated to open it, wanting to grab the nearest person and make them read it and then tell me if I'd cry. Instead it turned out to be J, who will be at the game on Monday with her boyfriend and wanted to see if we could meet up.

(C) Milwaukee's got it's own celebrity fling. Visit TMZ and see that "hot blonde" that Taylor Hicks is making out with? Turns out it could be Milwaukee's own WISN anchor Caroline Lyders. In the exclusive she mentions that their friends, but won't comment on her personal life.

(D) I'm over FUEL and their crapped up hype. All I keep hearing about is how great this organization is (formally YPM), but as a paid member for 3 so years, I can say it's the organization I detest going to the most. They have some great speakers, which makes the cost worth it, but be prepared to go to cold shoulders of lawyers and bankers. Unlike it's counterpart MMAC's Business After Hours where people actually are friendly and talk, their social hours are drawn out and boring. I'm not sure where they're getting all their backing from, as my friends that have been members all feel the same about it. It's good in theory - not in implementation. And on that note, other "YPM" organizations like Ad 2 Milwaukee have fallen off the radar - what the heck happened there? Another $100 membership down the tubes. They don't even update their site. I'll stick with BMA thank you very much.

(E)In rethinking my current positioning, I think that perhaps going out with NMG (not married guy) isn't a good idea. The man could have fathered me. The sad part is I'm just lonely and he's good company. I think Captain needs to stay in his bottle so my tongue stays in my mouth around him.

(F) My new favorite snack is pretzel chips.

Something that made me laugh.

Check out the original article HERE, but the following excerpt made me laugh because I have been in the awful position of the Pornstar Lover before ...

Playing the Passion Guru

Kudos for trying to guide your guy or girl to a mind-blowing climax. But, newsflash, it's a lot less likely to happen when you keep twisting them this way and that, trying to impress them with your porn-star moves. Sure, a little variety keeps things spicy, but to certify satisfaction, find a move that works and stick with it until things reach their logical conclusion.

Switching it up plan.

I'm not the only idiot that does stuff like this, I swear.

I woke up completely at 5am. I wasn't sure what I should exactly do - I knew the gym would be the right option but I just couldn't scum up enough to bring myself there, so I sat on the edge of my bed and surveyed my apartment. I started cleaning my closet on Sunday, there's clothes scattered all around, and I realize that things need to change so I can start the next step in life.

I'm not getting any action in the bedroom, so that closet is getting cleaned tonight and I'm moving my bed to switch up the bedroom karma. My kitchen is almost done being painted, so I'll finish that this weekend and maybe it will incite some healthy cooking on my part. The back room, my office, still has my desk in a box. I'm going to man up and build that thing with in the next week.

And then there's the "Why am I hung up on this guy?" karma that needs some reconfiguring. This weekend Jules & #1 were at lunch with me when I overheard them discussing their relationship with me. #1 informed Jules that sometimes the only thing that keeps him out of the gray area is me, that we've become each other's rocks with no strings attached. Jules said that before life was very black and white when it came to relationships, but now she sees there's a lot of gray and has gone from "he loves me" to "it's okay to just have great friends and not date." It's a compliment - I think.

The one thing about Jules is that she's gorgeous and poised, it's not the love/or not situation, it's the factoring that guys always fall in love with her. That doesn't happen to me, that's why I have the philosophy on not dating. I informed her of this last night as we sat at the bar watching the game. She informed me that it's not true since I'm hung on TW. I tried to explain that it's really been 3 some years since I've behaved this way (with the exception of RS, of course) and that I think I get allowed the poker chip on this guy. I tried my best the first week to convince myself not to like him, but by Friday he said he would miss me and I fell hook-line-and-sinker for it. When I returned on Sunday I had given up RS and looked forward to allowing myself to have a relationship, in that same amount of time he decided not to with me. Love bites, but it's okay.

I was still checking my phone every two seconds, kicking myself for deleting him out of my life when it dawned on me at 5am that he had a myspace page. So I looked him up and wrote him a Dear John note. I told him I lost his number and I wasn't sure why he changed his mind about me, but that I'm always here if he needs to just talk or sit in silence and watch the baseball game. I said I didn't have his number, but he had mine so he should feel free to use it. And then I said good-bye.

I know that he probably won't write back, it's like when I found CW and just needed to say that I missed him. It was a day of checking emails and a little sadness that I, once again, wasn't good enough. But then I realize it's his loss and not mine.

So I hope I closed the chapter on TW.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Oops. Didn't mention the kiss.

You probably want to know why Jules said to drop the rules ... it might be that Married Guy and I may have kissed. While out with E & Jules I went to the bathroom to come back and hear "so you're going through a divorce?" Blame it on the Captains, before he left I stood up and said, "Since I know I can actually do this...." I kissed him. He said Wow. I said we should get together soon.

He left with his hands in his pocket.

Did I mention that he could actually be my dad? He's 17 years older than I am .....

What I really meant to say was ... F' Off.

My weekend can be summed up in one phrase - F'Off.

On Wednesday, TW and I talked about going out on Friday after his son's birthday party. On Friday I called him at noon to say that I was looking forward to Friday night and got pushed off to the point I was ashamed I called. At 9:15 I was dolled up and meeting Jules out (hoping TW would join) when I get a "can't go out" phone call. I told him I pretty much figured when I talked to him earlier. He apologized saying that the kids were too rambunctious and it was "a birthday weekend" and I "uh-huhed" for awhile before saying one more time "I figured at noon. Talk to you later." Click.

Of course, turns out I bump into his ex-brother-in-law as I'm trying to get into Lulu's and when he asked how we were doing I said, "He's an ass. That's how he's doing. No, I take it back - he's not the same guy as week one." And finally escape to the reclusive bar.

Saturday I checked my phone about 900 times and he never called, same with Sunday and Monday. So F'Off TW.

On Monday, I went out with Jules and really wanted to tell her F'Off when she told me that I needed to get rid of my 4 rules that they were what was stopping me from getting into a real relationship. F'Off! that's all I ask - and anyone should do it any way....

Friday, May 25, 2007

The Thin Line.

So first the recap of the Big stuff and then onto more sexually empowered writing.

I met my little who is great. I was weary because I already mentor college kids in the 18-21 range and I wanted this to be different and she's 15. I realized there's a big difference between 15 and 18. She's very quiet, looking for a friend. Her dad's in jail, she has 3 brothers and her mom has to work a lot. It's kind of sad but she keeps good spirits about it. When we were chatting I realized that college isn't the first thing in her head - she's as smart as a whip and loves reading, writing and photography. Of course, due to the nature of my biz, I think she should look into being a journalist or going into advertising - but instead she wants to be a hairdresser, why? Because everyone around her is. I don't want to make her change her mind if this is really what she wants to do, I just want her to see there are other paths as well. That's my summer mission.

In the more sexual tones, I had hoped that my conversation on Wednesday with TW would make it clear that if I was to see him again and blow him again he would need to call me the next day. In fact, it's not even a hope - it was clearly said. He called after softball, to which I tried to get him to go out with me - he wanted to stay in. After trying 2 bars to watch the Brewer's game (damn no cable) I ended up at his house. By the third inning, they were playing so horribly that he was kissing up on my neck while I looked over his shoulder to see if maybe, just maybe Counsell might catch a ball once. He made his way down my neck to my tits and entertained himself for a few moments. One thing of course led to another, and while I kept my wits about him, I did give in to a blow job in the 7th because I thought I should at least show him how I really give head.

My showcase revealed a couple new discoveries (a) he's not as small as I thought and (b) he did not belong to the crowd that I've been dating in the last 3 years that relies heavily on manscaping. I was shocked to see that much hair when I've been dealing with next to nothing on RS. When push came to shove his hands rested strongly on my shoulders in between deep breaths, "oh my gods" and "that was good." I came up, gave him his pants and said, "That's how I really suck dick. Hopefully you'll call if you liked it (earlier I had told him that I was pissed to not even get a courtesy call the next day, explaining he didn't have to see me he just had to respect that it happened). It was the end of the night, the Brewers lost and I headed home.

All day yesterday I kept checking to see if he would call, but no such luck. I can tell you one thing, pretty sure he's not getting head anytime soon.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Being Big.

Because my horoscope suggested that I investigate my relationship on Wednesday, I decided if TW did decide to call that I would give him a chance to explain. Which he did, to a reasoning I thought was okay being that I was completely in the bag when we talked originally. I ended up at his house, watching the game but not much new after that.

Today I'm dressed to the ten in a white sundress about to hop over to a client meeting and then off to get my hair chopped and then to do something that I'm a little afraid of --- I registered to be a Big Sister and I'll be meeting my "Little" sister tonight. She's really not that little, she's 15 which is older than I had hoped (what 15 year old wants to go to the zoo or a Brewer's game?) but I'm giving it a shot and seeing what will become of it.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A note to men about oral techniques.

Our office talk is sometimes less than professional. One of my designers turned to me and said, "MG. When you get engaged don't ever do the 'no sex' for a year before. I'm hurting."

I smiled, "Not a problem from me. I'd never agree to that. Wait, you can still get head right?"

"Nope." His eyes looked like he was going to cry.

He then asked for a recap on TW. I informed him of my Sunday night maneuver and the lack of phone calls. He laughed and I came to the conclusion that all men should know and respect the following regarding oral technique:

Let me preface by saying, I enjoy "giving head," "sucking dick," "giving an oil change" - whatever you kids are calling it these days. I also swallow.

No one swallows because they are delighted by the frothy taste of semen - and all your spunk has different tastes by the way. One guy I dated tasted like butter and salt, one was so bitter that I felt like I had cotton mouth, one tasted sweet (okay I totally didn't mind swallowing him) and I could keep going on and on at the fear of being labeled a skank in comments. I digress. Swallowing is a mere courtesy to the efforts put into this kind of interaction and because as so many bumper stickers say "Nice Girls Swallow" (yes, the car with that sticker is currently parked next to mine in the garage at work).

Women will give you oral for a number of reasons, including because they know you like it and not limited to the mere fact that it gives us a bit of control over you when your back is arched and you're moaning. However, if you don't have the courtesy to call the next day, your chances of a repeat of the encounter go down. I'm just saying.

I'm also going to just point out that a courtesy phone call or text would be acceptable if she did swallow.

So call.

And ladies, it's very mean if you put out like a rockstar during the dating phases and then you pull the cord on all sexual interaction before the wedding - especially in the time frame of a year - but to each his own.


I believe strongly in the philosophy that there are 4 people in my life that can judge me:

My Mom
My Dad

because of this belief, I will not judge you. I may tell you that I think there's things in your life that could be different, but I will not make you feel bad for getting drunk, for sleeping around, for drugs, etc. I try my best to hold myself to this philosophy but I know a lot of people do judge. Hell, I've been judged here myself by different readers. But the one thing I can't stand is one someone tells you that they're not judging you and then go on to. Believe it or not, I haven't been judged but a friend of mine has.

TW's friend is M, who Jules has been hanging out with. They've been really close and she's been very adamant about telling him that she does not want a relationship, last night it all came to a closer while I was passed out drunk. They got into a fight that ended with the proverbial - I'll never see you again - the "I hope you get everything your looking for in life ..." I know this all too well as I ended with RS on that same note.

Turns out that he said he wasn't judging her, then blasted her for sleeping with people and for going out drinking. He told her that he knew what she wanted in life and she wasn't doing it. She told him that it's only been a bit over a week so he can't know her, not even to say her life. I agree.

So she's sad but relieved. He was a really good guy and I almost wish they ended up together, but I won't judge her on that decision.

On the same topic, did you catch what I just said above? She was with M all last night, which means TW really wasn't at his place playing poker. I am so glad for that delete key.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Time Check.

I drank on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and today - that's a lot of drinking. Tomorrow's softball and my body is aching to go home afterwards and not drinking anything contain certain alcohols. These are the days my job drains me because it's almost in possible to say no to 20 or so friends that are sweaty and stinky from ball and to tell them to have a good time. I think I might head out for water & tater tots and call it a night.

In the meantime, yesterday's chaos did leave one unexpected surprise - a phone number I didn't recognize on my phone as a missed call. I listened to voicemails and it was TW. I called back only for a bland conversation that made me hang up and feel like I gave up on good sex for no reason.

MG: How was work?

TW: I hate my job, I can't wait to leave today.

MG: Big plans tonight (secretly hoping he'd want to see me)

TW: Yup, Poker with Dan and the guys at M's house.

MG: Well, suppose I should let you work ...

TW: Yeah, probably good. Have a good night.

MG: Good luck at poker.

I looked at my closed phone and was slightly disappointed, turns out that my buddy Bill was right - go with your gut and my gut called him Train Wreck for goodness sake.

Wine, Heroes, Beer & The Delete Button - What a Monday.

Monday started off innocently. I washed dishes and cleaned my kitchen floors in anticipation of TW to call. Around 7:30 I smoked a cigarette on my back porch and popped open the Monday regular of Lexia (crack wine, I like to call it) and anticipated the Heroes finale. From 8-9 I blocked 4 calls, none of which were from TW. Half way through Heroes I was on the second bottle of Lexia and already feeling a bit toasty. At 9, I was in tears at the ending (SO GOOD! - The bomb did explode ...) and drank the last few drops.

Jules called and I conned her out for a couple beers at a local pub so I could catch the game and talk about the Sunday night occurring and how he went from attentive to nothing. I told her I was done (actually I believe I said f*ck it about 12 times, I was drunk) and she begged me not to be. So I opened my phone, highlighted his number - showed it to her - and clicked "DELETE."

"Much better." I sighed, drank the last sips and asked her to take me home.

I laid in bed with Bumpkin as he coo-ed and rubbed his head on me. "Only man I need." Kissed him on the head and woke up this morning with a spectacular headache.

Monday, May 21, 2007

4 Little Rules.

I am a very low maintenance type of person, that being said I have 4 standard - maybe "high" maintenance rules to being your girlfriend. Rules are below.

1 (MOST IMPORTANT) If I go on vacation, call me when I get back to make sure I'm back.
2. Tell me I have nice eyes.
3. Trace my tattoo on my back.
4. Send flowers the day after we have sex.

If you can't do those 4 things, we can't date and we will continue not to date if said things are not done.

So going back to the weekend, I decided that you can't have a door and a window open at the same time so I opted to close the door on RS. Turns out he opened a business with my ex, his on going reason why we can't be together. I laid in his arms as he told me how the ex is cleaning up his act that it dawned on me the relationship we're in is great for face value but it will never progress. It also dawned on me that I'm making a handful of excuses to not even allow a relationship with TW.

After goodbye sex and his handwritten directions I got in my car and felt relieved, sad, and an array of other emotions and I called TW to reinforce that I made a right decision.

We chatted and he told me he'd drunk dial me that night and to be safe. At 3:30am, he still hadn't called. In fact I got home from Iowa only to find that he still hadn't called. At 6:00 I started drinking with Jules, by 9:00 I still hadn't heard anything and I was hammered.

TW's friend convinced me to call him, which lead to me going over there and some shenanigans for about 1/2 hour. And guess what. He still hasn't called. I'm not 100% sure I gambled correctly on this one.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Lesson Learned.

So I went on my normal 2 month shopping spree to pick up the soap, the detergent, fabric softner and dryer sheets and was intrigued by all new scents so I bought them - never have had an allergic reaction ever.

I say this as I'm covered in hives and I have no clue what caused it - lovely don't you think?

Short Comings.

So it turns out TW is a really nice guy and not so much of the train wreck that I thought he might be. We've seen eachother 4 times including Sunday and it's only Friday. He asks me to call to make sure I get home okay and when I wasn't feeling well he offered to bring me something to eat. But there's one very small significant, for lack of better description, short coming.

As things progressed on his couch of his bachelor pad (equipped with plenty of packer posters and numerous ash trays and a huge plasma TV), my hand gentle unbuttoned his pants and then all was revealed, or nothing really. Three years ago I would have busted into uncontrollable laughter and left, but being that I am more mature I just coyly slipped my hand out and offered to give him a back rub.

After the back rub we made out for awhile and I blamed the 2 hours of sleep the night before on my exit. He kissed my head and rubbed my shoulders while I closed my eyes on his shoulder for a moment and I left.

I couldn't help but notice while he kissed me as I laid on the couch that those weren't RS's shoulders, there was no tattoo, there was nothing that I was used to and as he kissed my neck I stared at the side of his futon wondering what in the hell I was doing.

But all does not matter as I'm headed down to Dubuque so there will be a good amount of time thinking in the car during the ride, then a good amount of drinking and hanging out with my lovely girl to forget about it.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Batter Up?

This is just getting more and more confusing. So on our team is Drunk Guy from bowling (whenever we played against each other if I told him I was staring at his ass he tended to get a strike), LG and PA - all 3 of which will be there tonight.

So PA answers first to my email reminder that he'll be there, followed by DG and then of course, LG. LG tells me he misses me, I respond "Then let's play ball."

I'm not sure how to handle all of this, if time plays out correctly and I can balance this like the 23 year old me it should work out something along these lines ...

6:15 Arrive
6:30 Slap DG's butt, maybe PA's
6:45 Sit on bench and await my round.
7:00 Play catcher
7:15 Game Over.

7:30 Hit up the after party
8:00 Try NOT to hit on LG
8:45 Call Jules
9:00 Go see TW
10:00 Leave for Madison
11:20 Start having crazy sex with RS

3:00am Done having sex.
5:00am Realize I've once again passed out, grab clothes and run out the door.
7:30am Get back to MKE
7:45am Pet the kitty (as in Bumpkin you perverts), feed him & shower
8:30am Get back in car, head to work
8:45am Blame lateness on the fact that they told me to come in later because of my hours.

Wondering if this will actually work ...


Recent events have left me in an inner turmoil over what's good for me and what's good for other people. I have a horrible habit of trying to take care of people with out considering myself in the process and in the end, the only person ending up getting hurt is me.

With that said, let me recap.

Sunday I was out with Jules at our local hang out and met a nice, good-looking guy that was picking up the bartender. After flirting for a bit he invited me over to a different bar, a little hesitation but Jules & I decided to go just as the hot guys at the end of the bar came to our side to cash out - they stopped for a little chat and ended up saying they were headed to the same bar so we left with them. I promptly told the other guy I'd see him over.

I ended up talking with the hot guy as Jules flirted with his friend. In the meantime I found out he had an 8 year old son (he's 31), he got divorced a year and a half ago (his wife cheated on him and is now marrying the 'asshole' and ruining her life he said), and on Thursday he came home to the house he lived in with his younger brother to find him dead from a seizure. I gulped - train wreck.

So tell me, when accidents happen why can't we just keep driving? Why do we have to sit and stare, wishing we could do something for those people? That was my initial reaction. We ended up back at the first bar and proceeded to make out. We went back to his friends place and Jules decided to spend the night, I'd pick her up in the morning. His friend urged me to sleep with him - I politely declined, I'm not that kind of girl. After talking like 10th graders by our cars, he said we should do lunch on Monday.

In the meantime I drove home with one million thoughts in my head, so let's back up to Friday.

Friday I went out on the town, had a blast and then headed to Madison, promptly passing out after 4 hours of sex to find myself curled up in his strong arms. It was 7am on Saturday and I needed to get back to Milwaukee, he pulled me close, kissed my forehead and asked for me to lay for 15 more minutes. We sat there curled up, his eyes closed as I stared at his tattoo. I left at 7:30.

I couldn't help but have guilt for making out with TW because of RS. On the way home early Monday morning, my eyes filled with tears.

On Monday morning I went into work, to a doctor's appointment and wandered around Home Depot wondering if TW was going to call, relieved that it was 12:30 and he hadn't. 12:32 I get a call to meet him for lunch. We ended up eating and I wanted to call it the afternoon, blaming the fact that I needed to buy paint - so he went with.

While walking through home depot waiting for my "Dark Secret" to get mixed, he attempted to grab my hand which made me pull a complete Samantha move and quickly retract and fall onto some carpet, only for that same hand to help me up and hold on. We went back to his place, made out and he had to go to his kid's game.

I'm so torn on what I should do - honestly neither RS or TW are good relationships - but TW needs me around and I kind of like him, where there is history with RS. Jules told me the only way to resolve the situation is to be forefront with RS and see his reaction...

In the meantime, today is his brother's funeral and he asked me to go to the after party, I told him I'd stop by after softball. At the same time RS asked me to come up to Madison and told me that it would be okay if I passed out - I could just work out of the MAD office. Yikes.

Friday, May 04, 2007

No more dogs!

Last night was the final night of dogsitting. I now relish in the glory of my own flat and my free time ... wait.

Upon returning home my local friends are swallowing up my time with words like "I haven't seen you in 6 weeks!" So my free weekend of cleaning and relaxing is now booked. Tonight I'm going out with JF, tomorrow with Jules, Sunday I have to decide what the ideal scenario will be. In the meantime, I'm wearing the last of my clean clothes so that's going to have to change!

As for dogs, well it's not just about the puppies on the leash. I can't decided if I should take a hiatus again or just throw my eggs into one basket and see where that leads me. I'm done with LG, I can't stand the cockiness and the not realizing what he's got. The married guy (well non-married), real estate agent hasn't called but let's face the facts - 16 years is a HUGE age difference. For all I know, he's got a kid around my age. And RS, well - I've finally admitted to myself that I had feelings, which I was going to finally tell him. But then I realized, I don't want to be with him, I wouldn't want anything to change, so it's friendship feelings compounded by the thought of good sex and I'm 99% sure that those feelings aren't returned. For instance, if I was in the hospital right now I know he wouldn't see me or talk to me, in fact - that's true for any of the men in my life minus JF and #1. If someone died, he wouldn't be there as a shoulder to cry on. He's good conversation and sex and that's not the type of guy I want to have feelings for. So for the next few months, I'm a cat girl - no dogs allowed.