Sunday, April 19, 2009

Can I skip the "married" part of co-habitating?

If I don't get sex soon I might go crazy.

The BF fell asleep in the basement, which gave me the whole bed and major flashbacks of the insane sex I'd have with RS. God, against the wall - on the floor - the touching, kissing. If I kiss the BF he does it ridiculously sloppy, more goofy than loving.

Ugh, the memories. Getting wet just thinking about it ...

Saturday, April 11, 2009

When Love Isn't Enough

Dating a man with a 7 year old is completely different than dating one with a 10 year old. In the last 2 years the problems with his child have been super charged with the onset of hormones - and I feel trapped.

2 years and he has yet to attend a real holiday with my family. The only holidays I get are the ones where his ex-wife's family are not participating. Grandpa's birthday, family picnic, Fourth of July. That's what I get. In the meantime the Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings and more go there and I am torn between the two. Either I skip my family and just attend his or face the guilt trip when I'm at my parents' houses and end up doing two in a row.

I thought, finally after two years, we reached a new point - the point when he was spending one major holiday with my family. And then it fell apart.

He told his ex-mother in law that they would be spending Easter with my family due to the fact it was six days away and he had yet to hear plans from them. She agreed saying she "understood that holidays need to be split at this point in your relationship."

Then on Wednesday I get a call from the ex-sister in law, "Easter is going to be at our house - I know you are going to your parents but I just wanted to extend the invite for you to come here if you want."

I couldn't help but feel set up in away. I do know she meant no harm in the invite - but here it was, the first "real" holiday with my family and she knows we made plans, yet drops the hint that "we" can change our minds. I talk it over with the BF and he opts to go there being that the menu won't suit his 9 year old and there are no kids his age to play with. I concede, because that's what I do.

He, however, does not inform his ex mother in law of the decision. The one, as noted above, who said she understood the need to split holidays. On Friday he receives a call from her house from his child stating that he doesn't want to go to my family and he's decided that we need to go to theirs.

I was angry. Not only is this the bomb-drop right after I've put up with anal sex, but he openly admits that it's a complete set up from his "mom" - as he calls her. That was it. Sitting in half pain and half anger, one step from crying due to hormones raging from my period, shaking and I just gave him the look that clearly stated, "You asshole." It started off as a normal conversation but soon esculated. I tried to explain my side but he stated I was being "combative" because I had already agreed that he could go to their family. I decided to just throw in the towel. No more expectations on him EVER being there.

In the meantime I'm trying to figure out the entire picture. The holiday issue is just the latest blue monkey in the entire barrel. We've been banned from having kids by his nine year old and even getting married. Yes, by a nine year old. We have constant battles over the lack of discipline and chores for him. And the situation keeps going.

I do not question the amount of love I have for this man. I do question if I'm set up to be in this relationship. There is too much closeness with a family that is not his and no willingness to embrace mine. I'm not sure I can deal with his out-of-control son any more, wanting to not come home when he is around.

And there is nothing I can do since I make no extra money at my current job. I can choose to move in with family and give up my pets or I can choose to keep what I have and deal with the insanity of my situation. It's sad that I went from being independent to now being so dependent.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Advocating Might Not Be All It's Cracked Up to Be

The good news is that I have a job. It's for a non-profit that advocates women and minority rights. The bad news is it's 1/2 the money and the title is extremely low. It's not at all worth either. There's a ton of work, little direction, an absent minded boss and more. The other girl that was hired with me is already quitting.

In the mean time it's not so much fun struggling to pay bills, but what are you to do in such an economy?