Let's Just Say -

Let's just say you are a female and have a female best friend. Then you meet a boy. The three of you hang out a lot. Your friend gets tickets to a game that will need a road trip, but your at work and haven't gotten back to her. You get home and your boyfriend mentions that she called him and invited him.

Do you have the right to be pissed? Because I'm livid. Doesn't matter if he goes or not. I'm pissed that they both thought it was okay to go together. Not to mention he fucked his ex wife's best friend and she knows that too.

No More Candy! And Ummm, Target what are you thinking?

It started with 20 bags. That should be enough right? Roughly 30-40 pieces each bag, we'd have plenty left over for us. 1:00 the trick-or-treating begins. 1:30 I need to run to the store and purchase more, prior to leaving I bring two more hidden bags out and a 1/2 a bag of dum dums. But it's not enough. Kids are being BUSSED in. Freak. By the time I get back my friend helping me out had to hand out individual Kisses (Candy Corn - doesn't sound good, but is). 12 more bags. 12 more. Buys us another 45 minutes but there is still 1:45 left. A sign went on the door.

Also - anyone else notice this?

I'm sure you've seen this email ...



I'm a little buzzed after a charity function and I go to Target - figuring my dog would be super cute in a costume (she was a rooster). On the way out, I start busting out laughing. Domo (the monster) is the new spokesperson for target. Umm, doesn't anyone do research?



Now I do know that Domo is a Japanese character, yah-dah-yah-dah. But no one in that pitch meeting thought, "That's the masturbating monster that kills kittens?" That's what I thought right away!

New ventures.

I accidentally flopped onto this whole free lance consulting business where people just want my ideas - and will pay me for it. I'm considering starting an LLC and launching it. Why not? Especially with the temp gig in the balance of ending and the economy in the shitter (guess that's 2 reasons also on why not too!)

I'm not good for nothing

Oh no ... definitely not nothing.

For my dad its work
For my sister its whatever sh*t she's selling this week or holding a party for ...
For my little brother it's driving his a** around and paying for everything he does
For my mom its money I don't have that "Must be spent at Poto - because" she's depressed (note: vehement no's, movies and dinner won't replace it)
For my boyfriend it's groceries and bill payments ahead of time


On average I'm worth about $100 ...

Sniffle, Sniffle - it's almost winter

Not sure if its the onions or the season but I'm awfully sniffly right now. I'm sure it didn't help that I traced back and forth work today, inside and out.

How can it be scarf season already? Don't get me wrong - I love my scarves and my sweaters, it just crept up so quick.

The heat got turned on yesterday, which was good because god knows I'm not getting up to shower when its freezing in the morning!!

Heroes Recap ... Don't read if you didn't see.

WTF? Really, WTF?

Okay - so Daphne has something to hide. Is she Molly's mom? Because Matt does tell Molly to "get your sister" in the future and Molly has never called him Dad. But, Molly's parents both had powers because Sylar sliced them both open ...

Okay, and Peter's Dad is the leader of the villains, which means Angela Petrelli is the leader of the good guys? Huh? Go with it - Nathan doesn't have genetic powers. Peter's original power did involve dreams (remember he dreamt his dad flied? And dreamt about Simone's - remember her - dad. That he got from Mommy. And he can absorb ... that's Dad's power too. And Sylar has to get into people's heads ... kind of Dad's power (nice sub too - turns out in the preview we learn Sylar is Angela & Mr. Petrelli's son ... weird). Peter doesn't have any powers now ... so no hunger. Which means Sylar is the only guy to stop dear old Pop since he can put him against the wall and slice him open, but Sylar doesn't want to use his power anymore because of the hunger.

I'm so confused ...

The Changeling

Have you seen the previews? It's based on a true story ... a sad story... The Wineville Chicken Murders. Turns out this guy molested and killed up to 20 boys on the Wineville Chicken Ranch.

A mother of a missing boy, one who may have been one of the killed boys, was coerced into believing another boy was her son - although she denied it every time they told her he was. Her son was never found and the boy was not her's.

Such a terrible story; however, why can't they DNA test the remains and find out the truth?

Shouldn't I know?

I'm on the verge of 28 - shouldn't I know what I want out of life? Love, marriage, kids. I have no perception, I have teeter-totting emotions. One day, I see a little baby in a stroller and the doting parents and I think - That's what I want. Then there's a screaming child and other rug rats running around and I think the BF should get a vasectomy. I have no want to be stuck in a marriage, but the sight of a wedding dress makes me swoon and when looking at wedding pictures I think that I want that happy day.

But yesterday, in a moment of pure talking, I posed the question to the BF - who said he didn't want marriage or kids.

And then I didn't know what to say. I should know really what I want, but in this sense I have no option. Stay and never have the kids that I don't know I want. Stay and never have the photos of a happy day.

I love him insanely - but if you're that in love, shouldn't you know what you want your end result to be?

Cat and dog fights

Today was my dad's birthday, which meant the regular old spending time with the family. I don't like letting my little pupster stay home, so my dad gave me permission to bring her along with and let her run about with his three dogs.

Everything was going quite well ... until my sister came over. In normal fashion she would just criticize everything that people said and did. See in her head, she's better than everyone, but in truth - everyone is afraid of her.

One day I was walking with my three year old niece and I asked her how she liked it at my sister's house (she's not her real mom - her real mom died when she was just a few months old and my sister is raising her). She told me that she was mean, and that she "just says yes a lot to she doesn't yell."

I'm the usual door mat of my family, the relative kicked dog. Everyone knows they'll just tell me to do something and I'll do it. My sister is the worst of them all. To start off, I was going to make taco dip - she called the next day and said she was already making it, I needed to make something else. I told her I would.

The dogs went about their own way, fighting every once in awhile - especially my dominant pooch and my dad's. It was dog fitting haven, constant dog downs and what nots. Of course, my sister had to blame every nip and growl on my puppy.

I had it.

The dog fights erupted into one serious cat fight. I finally stood up for myself and told her to shut it. Probably not the appropriate place and/or time, but I did it anyway, I couldn't take much more of it - the criticism that she's-always-right. My family was astonished and I was told to be quiet in the hopes of good time.

But how much should you take? When does it stop? How long should she go on being the queen of the roost?

Political Debate

I'm not one to openly talk about politics, what I believe won't change what you think. But this election is so important that you can't help but discuss.

I don't think McCain or Obama is bad. I am an Obama backer though. It's the VPs in this election that terrify me. Palin and Biden. Eeck. I trust the hands of America in either Presidential candidate; however, I trust it in neither of the VPs hands and that makes me VERY unsure of who to elect.

Biden can't keep his mouth shut and Palin, well - to me she's not right for the job.

My major issues with Palin go around her lack of foreign affairs and her beliefs in birth control. Seriously? Abstinence only is what you believe when your 17 year old comes home pregnant? It kills me that she's being branded as a mother going through an ordeal, when other mother's with teenagers that are pregnant are branded under the guise that they are bad parents. I'm not saying that teenagers that learn about condom usage are guaranteed to use them, I'm just saying that its better to say it than to hide the fact.

I'll get in to more when I get back.

*Sigh* of relief!

I might get to keep my computer! Wa-hoo!

After scouring eBay for the last three days, I found a decent machine that will need minor upgrades and won't bust my pocketbook in half for my friend! In fact, the machine will actually be BETTER than mine - but sentimental value says a lot!

Seeing Red.

I've made substantial changes within the last few months but I haven't made one. Due to lack of funds I haven't bought clothes or gotten my hair done. I've been noticing over and over the scraggly hairs from the lack of strong conditioning and color - so I decided to box it.

Over the suggestion of the BF I opted for a red color - a color I actually despise, and it turns out - it actually looks pretty darn good! Although the BF said it was more orange than red, I don't care - I still like it.

As for the laptop debacle - I may have found a solution, though it may cost more than its worth. I'm having problems parting with it - it was a gift from my dad. It still has about $200 of cosmetic repairs needed, but its kind of a more emotional connection. Anyway, I've been searching on the internet for a duplicate that I could give to her instead. I figure it will cost me about $200 more than what she paid - but I'll give it to her as part of her birthday present. That way the transfer of files would go smoothly and we both end up with one. But then I think that's $400 that I could put into a new machine - of course, I'd have to wait for the other grand to come pulling in.

Decisions, decisions.

Oh Time Flies.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

My computer took a nosedive in June, leaving me without a machine to blog on and for some reason I couldn't get my mobile blogging hooked up.

Guess I'll give you a lot to read!

I think I'm still bitter. I have found out over the last few months that my former employer isn't quite saying the nicest things about me - and while expected, I often listened to her canter even about employees who were on the "good" list while there, it still hurts - no matter what she says I did extremely well for that company. I have heard that I lied and cheated clients (beyond untrue), was sexually promiscuous with clients (again, not true - read the prior posts!), was "unethical" in my business practices (still not even sure what the heck would qualify as this) and unreliable (I beat the other sales persons sales the last three months there). I've also heard canter about my body weight, dress, etc. It really makes you wonder about people that were supposed to be your friends. I've also been abandoned by most of our mutual friends and acquaintances due to their chosen loyalty with the former.

Yet I'm still making referrals to them. And not even getting thanked or response emails.

I moved in with the BF - and love it. I took the plunge, unsure about the consequences. The worst that could happen would be we break up, I move out. But we're not even close. On the days he doesn't work and I do, I feel like I come home to a "wife" - he does the laundry (even folds it!) and cleans the house. If I'm having a long day - he cooks dinner and makes sure I have a cocktail. I have dinner ready when he gets home and am in charge of the dishes, I fall asleep before him and he snuggles into bed. Communication is at the highest, sex is more often and its nice to not be at home alone.

I'm also in charge of the dog. I got a puppy! A lean mean shepherd machine. We got a dog at the end of June - a cute little mischievous four legged licker.

I am in love with my job, but its still temporary. Its completely different than anything I've been in charge of. Its "open communication" - literally. There's no hidden meetings, silent agendas, email exchanges. If something is wrong its addressed with out the collection of five other people. I feel confident in my writing again, my articles have been nationally published. I get to run events - and my ideas and opinions count. When the VP of the company (who you didn't think even knew your name) finds you to tell you that you're doing great - the feeling is incredible! I'm still on contract though, until the end of December, so I'm still on a bed of nails of what will happen then. I get paid decent, but after insurance, 401K, etc it's not that much more.

I'm 3 cigs away from being a non-smoker. No more high stress environment also means no relief needed from smoking. The last 10 years I've smoked and I'm gradually quitting, down to around 3 a day.

I don't really drink anymore. Hold that tone! Nope - I honestly don't drink that much anymore. I can't even remember the last point of intoxication.

I feel a little screwed on the loss of my laptop. I'll admit, I had given up on its rescue and stupidly said to a friend that if it could be saved, she could have it for the cost of repairs after my file recoveries. I didn't realize that it could get fixed so cheap - $270.00 with a new hard drive. She gave me $200 for the machine, I could have sold it for $500 on Craigslist or eBay with its new maxed out hard drive, but I couldn't afford to pay the guy right away for the repairs and she could. So I took a $70 scrap out of my personal pocket for pretty much nothing. I am on the search for an affordable new laptop.

And with that note, my night is done for now. I will blog pretty much every day until my files are all burned to a disk and I turn in my baby to my friend.

All Snug in the Rug?

Well, moved into the new place with the BF. The first nights have been great - the stuff out of his mouth really makes me realize that this was a good decision --- but then there's the opposite. For instance, I've gotten a lack of sleep over the last few nights and we were out with friends - he wanted to go out afterwards, we drove in one car. And I'm tired. Exhausted.

So I suggested he went out w/o me - leading to the sweet comment "it won't be fun without you" I said I'd go out for an hour, but he knew how tired I was and said I could just go home - then decided to go out. Upon getting home he decided not to go out so I'm completely torn - it was a good answer but now I feel like I might get the flack from stopping him to go out.

Just one of many tails I'm sure I'll encounter on this venture.

This is a BLOG.

Okay, let me explain. This is not fiction, this is my life. This is my diary, except under the scrutiny of other people's eyes.

Why was I oh-so-great about my BF and then changed my mind? (A) There's a lot of space between posts and (B) because it's how I feel on any given day. Trust me, I can love him and hate him one hour apart.

And my last post was more about nerves than anything else, which I thought I kept mentioning but apparently not. My BF is great, but just like any person on the verge of the next big step, you wonder if it is the right choice.

As for my timeline, I apologize. I don't know what to say - there's not really any fantasy on this thing. It's mostly because I used to post every day, but lacking internet I try to catch people up on things and the information might get garbled.

Why did some of my posts disappear? Inside information. I tend to write on emotion before thinking things through and unfortunately there's a hand full of people who know about this blog that I wish didn't - like my ex-employer. There's just information that I don't need them to know in hindsight, especially with shared acquaintances that fill me in on what she has said about me now that I've left. So that's the straight up facts. And I'm sorry if it irks you, but this is my space to write how I feel.

If you're wondering where this is coming from - it's the rather rude Anonymous comment that I received this morning on the previous post. I do think I might know who it is that wrote it, which again makes me very happy that I've deleted things ...

Now on to other things. I switched jobs about a week ago, I'm doing PR now for a very large company. It's a temp gig but I was over the weird hours of the last job. Now I'm a 7-4:30 girl with plenty of time for me, which makes me a happy camper.

The sex thing is in check - I mean three times in one day in check. I think we'll be okay, he has a completely different libido than me but it's calming to know that he's not just interested in the "inside of me" he's interested in the inside of me. Although 2 more times a week would be okay with me.

This weather is driving me batty, one day it's 60 the next it's 80. It was 84 WITH storms today. Ick :(

I'm getting more comfortable with the move. It's still scary, thinking that for the first time in 6 years I'll be living with someone instead of on my own, first time in 8 years I'll be sleeping with someone in my bed every night. But I can do it.

Things to consider.

I'm still kind of freaking about the moving ... here's the thing, at our new house the BF has claimed the basement as his man zone, his son's room is the full upstairs, everything else is shared territory. This being said, all things that I own and care for will then become "ours" - including my baby. He won't just be my cat anymore, he'll be our cat.

And there's the whole sex thing. I'm lucky if we have sex once a week and it's ordinary sex, I swear he hasn't even seen my tits in 3 or 4 months. This really isn't the kind of sex I prefer or the amount ... I keep thinking, "We're not even living together yet ..."

Some people are telling me that it's just nerves, other people are saying that if I'm having second thoughts to not do it ... you gotta love contradictory advice.

I love my BF, I really do, with all my heart. I can see us having babies and living together BUT I sometimes wonder if that isn't returned. His world has always been him and only him ... for instance, if I had to have serious surgery on a Tuesday night - would he give up poker? Nope. If we were on the phone at night and the line suddenly went dead, what would he do? Probably roll over and go back to sleep. Unfortunately those are real answers...

I mean there are the sweet things, he's paying for more things now that I'm in a money situation, he made dinner the other night just out of the blue ... but in truth do I want to be with him more than he wants to be with me?

There has been only one time in my life where I was wanted more than I was wanting - I was 22 and in the best shape of my life - but I was also on hiatus from any kind of relationship and from sex. I'm pondering how I can get that feeling back - but let's face it, that was some 5 years ago now and I don't have the lifestyle to even equip myself to getting back into my old shape - although I've been considering it.

You see, at 22 I worked 2nd shift. I would get up, work out for 4-5 hours, go to work, maybe eat a little salad, go out and drink, get trashed, wake up and repeat. Even if I could fit in that kind of workout again - it's not feasible to than go out and get trashed, because I start work at 7:30.

There's certain things that constitutes feelings of being wanted for me. This includes spontaneity, sexual desire, respect and romance. As long as one or two things are in play - I'm pretty happy. When no things are in play, I'm not.

Spontaneity is that whole, "I'm coming to get you and we're doing this ..." or coming home and there's dinner ready, or the whole pack-your-things-we'll-be-in-Italy-by-6:00 (the last has never happened).

Sexual desire is just what it says, wanting to have sex with the other person. For me it should be around 4-5 times a week at the bottom end. And it's not just the quickie kind of sex, it's the man-handling kind where clothes are all over the place and you can't even make it up the stairs. It's the kissing and the grabbing. It's not the kind of sex you expect every day, be once a month is always enough to make a girl feel wanted.

Than there's respect - like saying you'll do something and doing it or even just calling to say that it can't happen. For instance, you wouldn't leave someone at a bar without saying you're leaving and if you're out getting trashed with out the other person, a courtesy text or call to let them know that you got home safe. There's also the, "Okay I f*cked up" thing which can be settled the next morning (like a response to a bunch of texts from the night before that you never responded too).

And then there's romance. Of course there's those huge gestures of flowers and gifts, but then there's also the little things... for instance, there was this older couple walking down the street holding hands that just made my heart swoon and made me think - is that going to be me in 50 years? There's the sweet things like saying someone looks good, smells good, etc. There's picking up the tab or doing something that maybe you really don't want to do in exchange for something they do. There's the fact that you're maybe moving because you want to and not because you have to.

Let me stop to care.

I'm in a weird mood today. I blame it on STC.

I realized the BF is completely Big and as I watched his and Carrie's story play out on the big screen I couldn't help praying for the happy ending because it seemed so familiar. We move in 2 weeks. I showed my apartment today, most likely it's rented. It dawned on me, there is no "my place" anymore. I had a bit of a panic attack - is this really okay? Could I afford to keep it on the side, no.

I'm not sure what the future brings anymore.

Been away so long, so long.

The truth is with out the fancy work-ordered machine I haven't been able to steal my internet connection - so I apologize for no posts!

The new job is freaking great. I'm not screwing people for education - I'm helping them advance themselves and change their lives. It's nice sleeping at night. I got my first potential student today! I'm meeting with them tomorrow at 5:30. It's all freaking roses.

I wish there was something dramatic to report - me and the BF have never been better. Oh the wasted time on misplaced stress. I can't wait to move in with him.

My whole life is different - and it's only been a month. Wonder what the year will bring!

Tuesday Morning.

Hey it's Tuesday. Funny, time flies when you're ... umm, "seeking new career opportunities" as the legal documents say.

This morning I get to head over to the new place and fill out my HR paperwork, that and verify that I passed the background and credit checks. Funny how that makes me nervous. With all the crap I went through 2 years ago with the old fiance I never know how that will pan out. Obviously the credit is not spectacular. At least I know my background checks out. I did assure them of the biggest shocker on the documents, which she said was no issue.

Of course, you know something is going to happen when you don't have money coming in - that's right ANOTHER flat tire.

I must have hit a pothole and cut the side of the tire, because it wasn't a nail like I thought. That, or my dealer just likes me coming in every two weeks and ponying up $200 for a freaking tire. Yesterday, the dude on the phone said it would be $218 with tax, I had to correct him - obviously I just coughed up the damn money for the other tires two weeks ago and the total is actually $186.89.

To top it off, my spare was also flat. Not cool. The BF has been my chauffer. So we played golf yesterday after the car got towed to the dealer. Now I just wait for my independence to come back at the hands of Boucher.

Otherwise life has been quite boring, not much to report. Things are still going well with the BF - except this no-job thing killed my sex drive quite a bit. I should be pumping like bunnies, but instead it's been 3 days - going on 4.

Ah well.

Getting back to me.

It's amazing how being unhappy in such an effect on everything in your life. It's been fantastic to be away from my old job. Me and the BF have never been better, I've lost weight, I've gotten more sleep. It's also nice to see how many people care.

I feel like I'm back to me - I'm funny again, I'm relaxed, it's so nice to be happy.

I am incredibly looking forward to the new job, the hours are a bit crazy - but that's okay. The pay - oh my - so much better in the long run. There will be no required networking, which means anything I choose to be a part of won't be a show. Work stays at the door, and will stay at the door.

I got a brand new spanking Blackberry, which is the answer to my prayers (why didn't we have these at the old job? They're kick a**) - I'm getting re-organized.

The BF & I have had a really great two weeks and he's mentioned that things have changed with us - it's back to what it was before I started hating my job. It's amazing to have him here. I can't believe that I almost threw it away.

We're looking at houses and I feel like this is the best decision, not in the convincing way that I used to have to do, but in the down-in-the-gut good feeling. We looked at this cute brick house that I want so bad! But, I promised we'd look at one more at least.

I'm back to me!

I get my hair done today and I'm going the gym!

I didn't want to say anything yesterday ...

It wasn't in writing yesterday. It was today. I got a job :) LOL!

That "A-Thump-A-Thump" is my Heart

Ugh. This is what I dread - work. Normally something little like this wouldn't phase me, but the recent month has had me at the edge of my seat just waiting for the next explosion. And I'm sure in some sense I made it worse, but in another - I was just doing what I was told.

A late registration came in Friday while I was at the car dealer (again). By the time I got to the office at 2:00 I was playing catch up and accidentally overlooked the late registration - for Monday morning.

In one sense I'm set to argue, "He didn't tell me!" because part of his job is to make sure the registrations are processed timely. In the other sense (and the path I chose), I apologized, offering the weak argument that I was gone until 2:00 and he left at 3:00 without even looking at the registration.

To bite the bullet, I forwarded his rather smart-remark to MM3 with a lose apology ...

I'll just forward this to you now since I know it'll be talked about.

I was at the car dealer when this came over on Friday and I missed it prior to his leaving that day, I could have sworn (but it's not backed up in email) that I asked him on Friday if we were all caught up on blue sheets and there was no mention of it prior to him leaving. I understand it's not his job; however, to make sure I do mine.

I apologized for missing it.

I completely understand that our office has moved from free-spirited, talk-to-each other mentality to full-throttled who-will-tell-first and this was my attempt at counteracting what I already knew took place in the office while I was out.

I also offered this (with both head bosses bcc'd) to him in attempt of remorse:

That's two short emails from you this morning. Is there something going on that I'm not fully aware of that's making you angry with me?

I do understand that I missed the sheet, I moved it mistakenly to my Information folder thinking I had done it - but apparently had not. Not that it's any excuse, but I also thought we spoke about sheets on Friday and we were squared away? I could be mistaken, I was working on a lot of events that day.

I apologize in advance for whatever I did to make you upset before this as well. Please let me know what it is so I can work in the future towards your best interests.


This is what I HATE. I should not fear my job, my heart should not race, I should not be sick to my stomach anticipating what will happen to me when I arrive tomorrow morning.

Part of me is so irate - I've worked so hard to change a $3K business into a $30K business (that's A MONTH folks), I haven't argued at pay set back's, budget decreases, expense decreases (now if I take a client out - it's on my bill 98% of the time), I've dealt with more people coming on and more responsibilities going away and what I do is still not good enough.

I've also set the pace so that when I leave the business will still thrive. It's become a $20K inside-sales business on its own; honestly, taking away some of the joy of karma upon my absence.

Two years ago it was fun to go to work. It was easy to talk to each other, it was easy to award each other. There was no "coaching meetings" every 2-3 weeks to talk about what issues arose, there wasn't even monthly staff meetings. I loved my job.

Now I need a Tums.

Before I wanted to leave because I wanted the opportunity to grow and make more money, now I'm willing to take a $5K cut in pay to just get out.

Oh tangled-web.

Hmmm.

Micromanagement is a management style where a manager closely observes or controls the work of their employees, generally used as a derogatory term.[citation needed] In contrast to giving general instructions on smaller tasks while supervising larger concerns, the micromanager monitors and assesses every step, and avoids delegation of decisions. Micromanagement is often easily recognized by employees, but micromanagers rarely view themselves as such.

Micromanagement is a management style where a manager closely observes or controls the work of their employees, generally used as a derogatory term.[citation needed] In contrast to giving general instructions on smaller tasks while supervising larger concerns, the micromanager monitors and assesses every step, and avoids delegation of decisions. Micromanagement is often easily recognized by employees, but micromanagers rarely view themselves as such.

That's what's going on! Micromanagement from 3 sides. I talked with 2 other employees yesterday and they vented the same frustrations.

Expectations.

One of my friends in from out of town decided she’s setting a list of expectations for her next FWB experience. As I was showering I had to make myself laugh - it’s actually a REALLY good idea. I think it should be implemented in all areas of life. Decisions would be so much easier since things were established beforehand and you can’t let crazy feelings like love or loyalty get in the way.

For instance, let’s say his list says this:

My expectations are ...
1. You pay for everything.
2. I don’t have to work, you can support me.
3. We should have sex 3-4 times a week.
4. You must throw me a birthday party.
5. Valentines day, sweetest day are null & void.
6. When I’m in the band, I’m single and can’t be held accountable for my actions.
7. I will spend no time at your place
8. If you want to see me/spend time with me - you’ll have to come here.
9. I’ll introduce you to a bunch of cool people, you must look hot.
10. You cannot exceed 100 calories a day.

That would have been my ex-boyfriend’s list. Had I known about the expectations ahead of time, I probably would have declined his invitation for coffee. But that’s extreme, in reality my dating list might look like:

1. If you choose to date me, you cannot be on any dating/sex hook up sites after the established time of girlfriend/boyfriend or 5 months out (whatever is sooner).
2. I will be more than happy to pay for 1/2 the time. In fact, I plan on it.
3. If I’m in a dress, I expect you’ll at the very minimum say I look nice. Words like "sexy" and "hot" are great alternatives.
4. I do not have a "great personality" - I know what that means.
5. I want spontaneity - routine is great 75% of the time
6. You should make me laugh or smile at the minimum.
7. Try your best to make my friends like you, their opinion matters more than anything. Especially 5 of them.
8. Sex should be incurred 4-5 times a week, minimum.
9. I don’t like to ask you to do anything more than 3 times - this is how I go crazy.
10. You should stay (or offer to stay) at my house at least once a week.
11. Must love cats.
12. I should be fun.
13. Don't use the phrase, "I can pay - I guess."

So it’s a pretty relatively easy list - but there’s lots of breakers in there... Maybe you hate cats. Maybe you’ve realized that you don’t listen - so 3 times doesn’t seem reasonable. Maybe you hate sex. Maybe you love routine ALL of the time. So after initially meeting, I could hand you the list and you could say, "I can’t do all these things - but you’re great, let’s hang out. (omission of great personality - nice call pretend guy)"

Or maybe things could be a little negotiated from the get go and I get to make the decision - "5 people to like me is a big number" - okay, maybe 3- just win them over. "Can you ask 4 times?" Sure, I can ask 4 times.

And than maybe everything looks great - so you’re in. I mean, I’d have to see your list, but depending on those results, it could be awesome.

And than maybe 6 months down the road, you’ve been boyfriend/girlfriend for 4 months and - oh, you’re on a dating site, so I call you out on it and let you know, "Well, according to my expectation list - I don’t find this behavior acceptable."

This is great leveraging points for people that make really bad relationship choices, like myself (really, that would have been my ex-boyfriend of TWO YEARS’s list).

But alas, I think the check list works much better for FWB than relationships. I also don’t think it’s a fad that will catch on.

He's going for it.

I talked with the BF around 10:00 - he's going to go for it - he said that he's going to take what my friends say about him to prove he wants to be with me. And just that saying means that they won't say anything.

So on that front ... I need to stop at the bank and get some quarters!! Opening day is just 2 days away!

Go Brewers!

Fight for it.

One of the biggest problems (I did say ONE) I have with the BF is that he doesn't fight for us. He lets me walk away, he doesn't run after me. On Saturday I brought this up to him and he said it's not his way.

Well, Friday is Opening Day and we'll see if he finally does. Five of my overprotective friends will be with us on Opening Day - it's his decision on whether or not to face them or to walk away. I'm hoping he faces them.

See, when the drinks are pouring people have a way of saying whatever is on their mind - and I have a feeling a couple people won't have kind words to say to him when that does happen. Most of them are expecting a sudden illness on Friday morning.

I'm really hoping he decides that he's going to go - no matter what - and prove to my friends that he's there for me.

But we'll see ...

Crap.

This is a multi crap post.

Number One - Remember my anal post? Is it going to be all about anal from now on? Apparently so. I wasn't even horny last night (rare occasion) but he was. Granted the regular sex was pretty damn good, but then he goes right for the ass. Come on now!

Number Two - In the sense that my boss is on MySpace and I've put a couple random blogs up that she's brought up in our meetings, I've opted to go into increased security mode. I deleted everyone that I work with from there and put up a privacy wall. Not my friend? Can't see it dude. That way I don't have to worry about my bitching coming back to bite me. I still maintained the friendships on Facebook since I don't blog there.

Number Three - I parked in the lot this morning by my house, quickly changed and came out at 8:05 - just to see the meter maid pulling away and another $20 ticket on my car. Fabulous.

Number Four - I had my outfit all picked out. I went to put on my shirt and my cat did something completely out of context - he had peed on it. Even though I obviously didn't wear it, I'm paranoid that I smell.

Number Five - I'm not feeling so hot. My throat hurts and I'm sniffley. One of the dudes I work with has strep - I better not have gotten it.

Number Six - Can I go home??

Did you call it?

You're so good you should put money on my posts.

I wish I would have left my job.

Sigh.

But I'll keep looking!

The Yes Man.

Over the years I've developed into quite the Yes Man, and now I'm reaping what I sowed. Especially when it comes to family. You see, when my parents split some 15 years ago they divided up the holidays; however, if you dare not show up at Mom's on Thanksgiving (even though it's Dad's holiday) she's not going to talk to you until after Christmas. And when we proposed alternate holidays (Christmas on the 27 - yup, I'd even offer to give up my birthday), the response? "Have the other people move their holiday."

It's getting ridiculous now that I've been with the BF for 9 months. It's get up, go to his, go to my number one, go to my number two, go home, go to bed. 1/2 the day is in the car. It's gotten to the point where I'm about ready to accept the silent treatment and fall from grace so that I can have a moment of free time to myself. I mean, his family is the same way too - no budging. And we definitely can't combine the holidays.

The other thing is our Vegas vacation. That's a whole lot of "yes, mam" as well - I go with my mom - she wants to move, you move. She wants to eat, you eat. You do nothing without permission. Sleep in? Nope - she wakes up early. Well, this year the boyfriend wants to go (and let's revist the cruise - probably won't see him for a second) so I told him to bring a friend because it's the only way I can possibly balance the two people and make them both happy.

The downfall? Where do I come in? This is my vacation technically and I want my boyfriend there, I want to experience his first time there. It's a me & mom thing though, so she's throwing a fit and doing the guilt trip on how she'll just stay home - but I want her to be there so I have someone to hang out with. But these wants just don't seem to matter in the sense of balancing everyone.

I think I'm going to approach the BF with coming down on Sunday and not Saturday - that way me and mom have a day and a half to ourselves and he doesn't have to take an extra vacation day. Then he'll come down and come back with us.

I don't know .... advice??

Anonymus Blogging.

Yung and Easily Freudened: Stupid. Bitch.

This is why I still choose to post Anonymously.

I've read a lot of posts about blogging with out divulging who you are and how it ruins your "cred" - but if you're putting it all out there like we do, sometimes you have to.

Truth be told, it's pretty damn easy to know who I am if you know me - I mean that's how D figured it out.

I couldn't imagine what the BF would do if he found out about this!

The truth about Anal.

This will be TMI for those of you faint at heart - because I wish that I could have found something as blunt as this before Sunday.

I have had anal sex in the past, but for the last 9 months haven't been able to do it no matter the coaxing. The first time I did it I was with what was supposed to be my fiance. A lot of lube and a bit of a sore butt later, I told myself I'd never do it again - and he had a pretty small cock. But the key was, I could do it because it was thin, not much girth. I got into a bit of drugs as well and ended up doing it completely stoned - this helped with the process. Majorly.

In the last few months the BF has done all he could to coax me into going butt up and letting him in. I've been wasted and it hasn't happened, I've been sober and it hasn't happened. I've wanted it to happen, but it hasn't. We've lubed, we've spit, we've done all things possible, but the tip went in, it hurt, I screamed, he freaked, I'd say if he really wanted it - he should just find someone else. It's not that his dick is huge - it's not that big. Average I'd have to say. It's a decent width, decent length. He's definitely bigger than the two that I've had it with - but still it's not something I'd write home to Mom about or anything, nor take pictures and fantasize.

I digress. So the dirty truth is I really needed to cum on Sunday morning. I was stir crazy. He looked so damn hot laying in bed, hair messed up, those baby blues looking at me in the morning. He did that breathing thing on my neck and it was like "Game on!" I jumped all about. He'd get hard, and then it would turn out that all that drinking dried me out really bad. But I had some lube in my purse and down I went to get it. I came back up, we started to have sex, I dried out. I was ticked.

That's when it dawned on me that the only time I ever came with the fiance was when we had anal sex (yes, just that once). I was desperate, I'd work through the pain, I just needed to cum. I looked at him, "where's the lube?"

"You're too dry sweetheart." His response.

"Fuck me in the ass."

I swear just the "a" came out of my mouth and he was lubed up and ready, hard as a rock. The truth is that phrase made him even harder than he'd ever been, which, by the way, makes his dick A LOT bigger than usual. Fuck.

He wanted to be slow and gentle, I told him to just do it. And he did. The pain was excruciating. I jumped like a Mexican jumping bean. Wiping the tears from my eyes I told him to let me do it.

It turns out that to start off it was much better with me on top. I had control of the depth and the angle. Breathe deeply. Use a lot of lube. It's gonna hurt but just get it in.

After awhile of me being in control he spun me around and propped me up doggy-style. The angle was all wrong but I just kept breathing - the shaking of my legs said it all and he told me to lie down to ease up the angle. So I did. This was much better to do, the angle was smoother but the doggy style really had me in pain. I could tell that he was about ready to cum, so I gripped the mattress and breathed as he finished up and collapsed on top of me. It wasn't but a few moments that he had been flipped on to his back and I took off for the bathroom. Just what I thought and expected - blood.

So what to expect if you're going bottoms-up for the first time ...

"Relax" isn't an option. There's a dick going in your butt. Your butt is not meant to be as flexible as your vagina. He can tell you to breath all you want but it's not going to happen.

Lube is mandatory.

Take control the first time, than let him go.

And don't expect to take a shit for a day. You'll also have gas - especially if you used a lot of lube. And it hurts when both of those happen. I bled until this morning.

Lucky bastard.

But it wasn't that bad ...

I'm just wondering if this is going to be like high school sex ... you know that first time you're with a guy and for the first 3 months you're fine with just groping each other, than you get involved with oral and that's all he wants every time you make out afterwards, than you have sex - so you pretty much have to do that all the time ... does that mean he's going to try and pop it in there EVERY TIME??

Recap o' Events.

Did you know that last Thursday started Spring? It was GORGEOUS. 40 plus degrees. I wanted to run REALLY bad, but couldn't do to events.

And you know what happened on Friday? 14 inches of snow. We closed the office and canceled my event. 14 damn inches.

I got off of work at 1:00 and decided I was not going to trek out to see Remmy, #1 and B - but then, I got stuck. In my alley. WAY stuck. 45 minutes stuck. The BF was out on the northside so he couldn't help out, so me and some kitty litter worked really hard on getting my tires to grip. I looked over at the parking lot and it was just the same, people stuck all over the place. I figured this was a word from above telling me to go out with my friends.

It took me about 45 minutes to drive 18 miles - but I finally arrived at Paragon for some drinking fun. Knowing the weather was bad and already having a slush-can't-see run in on the express way, I opted to take it easy ... until the BF called and I found out he was getting out of work early and would head on up to Stallis. That's when I decided drinking was a good idea - I mean, he could drive if I got trashed. So down the Captain and Cokes went.

A couple rounds of bags, a little flirtation, accidentally grabbing Remy's not-shot-glasses in his pocket, an hour long conversation with the dude next to me about car accident later I was sobered up and headed back to the BFs. He wanted sex, I wanted sleep. So that's what I did, on his couch.

About 3am I crawled into bed with him and slept soundly until he had to go to work. We both woke up incredibly horny from not really seeing each other all week. I can tell you this ... walking up to someone kissing your neck and grabbing your tits is awesome. A 20 minute romp in the sack, I was back asleep and he was off to work.

I woke up around 10am and headed home, did a little shopping and then got ready for the Pit's 1st year anniversary. I got the BF's, prepped the appetizers for Easter and watched Marquette lose by one point - than it was off to the Pit.

There was a pizza eating contest and lots of music, to which my lovely BF serenaded the whole bar and danced like a white dude. Too many mixed cocktails later, we decided it was a good idea to go to the casino.

4:30 in the morning later and $80 down, we headed home - climbed into bed and promptly snored ourselves to sleep, knowing in just a couple hours the race to each other's families was on.

We woke up at 10:00 and I couldn't wait to get it on. It had been over a week since I came and I needed it before I smiled joyfully at my family and talked about work and "what's new" twenty times over. About an hour into messing around I was disappointed in the hangover sex and looked at the BF who, as always, was joking that he wanted to throw it in my butt. "Fine. But I need to cum."

See the post above.

I ran home, changed into my dress and flipped open my phone as R called. She was at my door and wanted to get a shot at the High. She's done so much for me that I couldn't say no. So on went the strappy sandals and the spring dress and over to the bar. "Happy Easter!" Shot glass in the air, down the hatch and into my car I went.

Right in front of the gas station my "almost out of gas" light pops on and I pull up to the pump - only to see my tire is out of air. Shit.

Over the snow bank I go in my sandals and struggle to get the air hose over to my tire. Crouched in my dress the attendant comes out and fills it for me. Over to the pump and $45 bucks later I have a full tire and tank.

The BF didn't want to risk the chance of a slow leak, so we piled into his car and headed out to family one. Than to my family.

I've decided that after this it's a one-family a holiday event. I'll give up some if he will. All though he did say perhaps we could host Thanksgiving to ease it up a bit.

Clarity.

So first off, I shouldn't probably blog when I'm drunk, second off, the post wasn't about the BF below but a different encounter (me being the best friend referred to in the text) and just a bit of annoyance on the part of my friend.

I'll post more later!

What NOT to say.

When you’re drunk - you should NOT say:

"I can’t have sex - not because I’m tired - I’ll tell you later"

LATER COMES: "I have sores on my cock"

When talking about her best friend, and her date jokes about how she made out with him because he was drunk. Your comment in front of your girlfriend should not be "I guess I wasn’t drunk enough for her to make out with me."

ESPECIALLY IF YOU FUCKED YOUR WIFE'S BEST FRIED WHEN YOU WERE MARRIED.

Oh - and not responding to the text, "I just want to be worthy of you actually loving me for me" also not smart.

In continuation ...

I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY need to get a good night's sleep tonight. It's so hard to be away from your own bed. I've been sleeping on the couch since both the dogs I'm sitting for want to sleep in the bed, making no room for me. My shoulders and neck kill and even just the point of being in a weird place makes you sleep less.

Today's fun adventure began at 6am and will end around 7. The BF would really like to go to the casino tonight, but I think I'm going to pass. It just doesn't make sense to spend money I don't have at this point - plus I'd prefer to be a good dog sitter anyway.

I need to get to the gym as well. Damn it's hard juggling all of these things! I'd love to do it over lunch - but, nope, meetings. After work? Nope, meetings. Before work? Are you kidding me? I'm getting up at 5:30am in Whitefish Bay, walking the pups, leaving at 6:30am, going to my house, feeding the cat, showering, getting ready, and going to work by 8:00am.

Sleep. Please!

Kit Kat Bar.

Give me a break, give me a break ...

Seriously. I'm exhausted. I'm also dog sitting this week in the hopes of having some extra cash before my $3K doctor's bills come. I wish I had the ability to see the future so I would have maxed out my Flex. Oh well, $500 is $500 towards it.

Let's see - life is boring as all hell. I can't wait for opening day.

I didn't take the job. All though the boss seemed like I should have and it's not like I got a "Please stay" incentive. Nope. Nada. Not even my fall vacation approved. But that's okay - I'm not regretting my decision, although the sales do suck this month so it's not looking like I'm getting my usual commission check.

So that's the work front. The BF front is same-old-same-old. I wish we'd do something exciting and thrilling - even if it's just a pin against the wall screw. Oh please, pin me against the wall and screw me!

Is this legal?

I came home today to change before my networking meeting tonight and my apartment door is wide open, lights on, windows open (with my heat on) and no one has told me they'd be there. This is the fourth time it's happened. Each time I've called my landlord and said, by law, I get 24 hours AT LEAST.

Now I want to call him and tell him that I'm done and want out of my lease since this is a continual problem - or at the very least, if it happens again - I'm moving. I mean for goodness sake, my cat could have run out of the house.

The only thing is I don't know if that's legal and I'm not sure if it should be a phone call or not. Maybe a phone call and a letter.

Anyone know??

Standing Next to a Cheater

So you’re husband spent $80K on hookers and you’re just standing by his side as he admits it to the whole entire world. What would people think?

I wouldn’t have done it. Not in a second. I would have taken a stance for women for the first time in political history and not been there as a punching bag of support. I admit that I didn’t vote for Hilary because of her reaction to Bill. I don’t stand for cheating. Never have, never will.

It’s something I can’t fully compute still and I’ve b*tched about it several times. This is what makes me distrust people. Although, I know people have their faults, it doesn’t mean I have to stand by you and look like an idiot when yours go public.

I’ve read the rhetorics - she has daughters she’s trying to protect, showing them that she’s there for their father. My response? Bull Sh*t. You’re telling your daughters that it’s okay for their husband to spend EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS on high-end hookers and still be with them. Although it’s a little more far fetched - you might even be sending the signal that’s it’s okay to BE a high priced whore.

News Flash - IT’S NOT OKAY.

Even if they had sons, I feel like it would be the same message - it’s okay to cheat on your wife - look she’ll stand by your side no matter how many diseased pussies you shove your cock into. Isn’t that sweet?

I don’t buy it for a second. She’s afraid of the life she’ll lose if she leaves. The bank account, the housing, the "prestige" (although I’d argue that she’s not looking to prestigious right now). She’s standing by his side for sh*t.

This may not be what you want to hear ...

The BF and I have had our moments - served up here on a silver platter for that fact. And I was at my wits end and was ready to call truce and default into friendship. With out doing much though, my friendship blossomed into what was once my love.

Strange, that a little break from BF/GF made us realize how much we care about each other and want to be together. He went from dense-fuck to over-caring boyfriend. Especially with all the seizure crap that's been going on. So while he didn't spend the night on his last poker Tuesday, he did what I never thought he'd do - make time for me with his new schedule. Call me just to talk. Tell me he wanted me to come over. Offer to drive me to doctor's appointments. Tell me he loved me every day. Be guidance, be love, be more than any girl could ask for.

And ask me to move in.

Yeah. Turns out he might have to move in summer, so do I. He threw out that perhaps we should move in together. In fact, if I could get out of my lease, maybe I should move in sooner to his house while we find a place together. Wait? What?

Being that rent was about a grand this past month w/water and gas, plus I shoveled my booty off, this doesn't seem like a bad option. As long as we see each other, have sex, we're fine. This might be fantastic.

I'm not jumping into the pond head-first, fearing that it's a fleeting moment that he's known to have, but I'm keeping the options open.

Oh, and a friend of mine has to give up his dog. I'm in LOVE with his dog. I want to take her in, but the apartment doesn't allow it. So he looked at her and he wants to take her - not because I want her, but because she's a good fit. Secondly, because it would make his son happy and thirdly, because it broke my heart and he didn't want that.

Though, on the confusing front, there's been 2 conversations in the last week where he referred to whether or not I want kids - conversations that went (to his son) "don't you want brothers and sisters?" Kid - "Yes" BF "Well tell MG to get working on that." Me - HUH?

Or at my grandpa's birthday party this past weekend when my cousin announced that she was pregnant again, he said "When are we going to have kids?" Me - HUH? "When I get a ring, a wedding and a house."

But at dinner I asked him directly, "Do you want more kids?" His response, "Probably not."

Confused. But still gracious. Kids really aren't in my game plan anyway. But he could be. Maybe.

Oh? And I've slept like crap the last 3 nights, so here I am wide awake at home when I get a text, "Sleeping okay?" ME - "Wide awake." BF - "Go to my house and sleep."

Just what I needed.

AND ON SECOND NOTE:

WOS on Dayna's blog feels that the ad she might place on his home-wrecking revelation of a 3 month old son might benefit him in the divorce. My idea? Then F*ck it. I'll place the ad. Oh - and I have lots of unappealing, double chin shots of him. And if I can't find them - I know Photoshop. Piece of shit. Don't fuck with my girl. And my ad won't be that nice!

The Old Adage.

I told my boss today that I almost accepted that job - not because I wanted more money, but because I wanted her to know my dedication and hope she had the same to me. Of course, I mentioned that I would hope she would respect me enough to stop using the term "my age."

Because realistically, "when you were my age" cost of living was SIGNIFICANTLY lower. I mean, last I read, COL is up 40% in the last 10 years. Divide my income in half and that's technically what I was making at your age. Really, good money? I mean, I make a living. I get to do what I want. But I HATE THAT MY AGE is used so often. What about what I did for your company? How about saying, "You make good money for what you do."

Oh - and then she reverts back to her favorite adage which makes me never want to speak to her, "you always see the negative - that was a positive statement."

Pigs.

Men are idiots. Put your dick in a whore, get her pregnant - smart move. A**

Opening day is only a couple weeks away!

Smiles Dayna! Smiles!

Pissed off the neighbor.

If only this were a podcast and you could hear the angry rolling of paint against the walls in hall outside my back entrance and the angry spattering of paints on the plastic.

Yes, I narked on you.

That's right, it was for slightly selfish gains, don't get me wrong. I was hoping the work wouldn't be done, after all I would like to just move out into a humble abode where my gas/electric bills didn't total $203 for 58 degree heat or $102 for 3 minutes of hot water a day. Seriously, my total rental costs for just living this month were near $1000 - that's ridiculous, I could have a studio downtown or better yet, be developing a savings account.

So when the landlord said that "it's not within my budget" to replace the carpeting downstairs and argued against fixing the bathroom, I threw in there "Look, I'm a professional - my clothes can't smell like certain things when I go to work that the downstairs neighbors do on a regular basis." He kind of got the picture. And he did pay the maintenance guy (downstairs neighbor) to paint my walls in NOVEMBER and they still aren't done. Do I expect my new printer to be gone tomorrow when he comes into paint? Maybe.

I agreed to stay, it did dawn on me that I really have to give notice in May (60 days) - which is only, grab your seats folks, 1.5 months away. And, I bet I can negotiate an early release if there's a person interested in a 1 BR loft in the beautiful area of Bay View that doesn't mind spotted carpet and holy ceilings.

Shit. Just realized that I have to smell paint fumes tomorrow night. May have to arrange a sleep over. Poor kitty - like he doesn't get stoned off the pot enough.

Devil in a Blue Dress

If someone came up to you and offered you a guaranteed 4K more than you make now, with the potential of $30K more than you make in a year and said they'd also take away a lot of the Bull Shit you deal with on a daily basis, what would you think?

Here's the basic play. A offers me a job, tells me the rate, I say no. A comes back, offers me another job. I still say no. A comes back a third time and says, "Now you can make 30K more this year than you make now."

The job is a lot less hours, a lot less bull sh*t, a higher title.

My job now has a couple perks I wouldn't see - paid cell phone, Mac computer (there it's PC), industry I love, people I know, marketing and events.

But the two key perks in question - less crap and more money - are they worth trading that in? I love events & marketing, I sell so that I can do those things and generate more business. I hate dealing with the crap that's going on lately though - it seems like every time I minutely screw up people call it to everyone's attention.

What's a girl to do?

Continuing the change.

The BF did not come over Tuesday due to the on-set of a cold. It wasn't this item that ticked me off, it was that he should have said the likelihood was low and let me go to bed after my second 12 hour day - instead I not only stayed up to clean but also moved my car. Not cool.

Wednesday I got loaded and when I hadn't heard anything by 11:00 - I called him for an attempt at a booty call. He turned me down flat. I told him it was fine, I read the book (He's not that into you).

Thursday was another 12 hour day and an exhausting meeting with our Financial Planner where I admitted that I had in fact been offered two other positions - one for 10K guaranteed more than I make now and one for $12K with the potential of $20K. I told him that I thought long and hard about what I deal with on a daily basis and referred back to what an old boss told me, "Never leave for money - leave for experience" and that I'm not sure my experience was done yet at C2. By 7:00 I was tired & drained and headed home.

JF called me, a regular attendant of my myspace blog, to find out what was going on from my sporadic and non-informing postings. I explained the situation including the non-return on the potential booty call.

"He turned down a drunk MG time? Something is wrong with him"

If you're new to this blog, JF is Just a Friend - hence the moniker - one that is similar to me and that we'd occasionally mess around together out of boredom and such long periods of single-ness. "You were seriously the best blow job I've ever gotten." That's something I needed to hear as the lack of sexual interest in me by the BF had me not only feeling unattractive but un-sex kitten like as well.

I hung up the phone, turned on lost and started to sleep. My phone rang with a text - 608 area code. That's right folks, he's back.

Ironic how at these weird times he always pops in. Not that I'd do anything. Technically we're both respectively in relationships at this point even though both have faltered closer to the single line. Needless to say, I wasn't in the mood for banter - I was in the mood for sleep so I stopped short of any callus behavior.

At 8:47 my phone did ring to a number I didn't recognize. Yes, that's right folks, I deleted the BF straight off the phone. I ignored it and he left a message. I didn't return the call.

Today he called around 1:30 while I was in a meeting asking if we could go out tonight, I responded via text that "We'll see - might go out with Steph from HS" - an old friend that contacted me via myspace 3 weeks ago and I haven't seen in 10 years.

And that's where we leave it at this point in the story when it comes to the relationships. But, much like my life, when I get a light bulb moment it factors into multiple areas - including my job.

Every place has it's ups and downs, don't get me wrong. I do like my job still but there's only so many times that you can get pulled into an office and talked about what went wrong or who did what or who said what when you really feel the pressure. Next to that is what 2 of my bosses have recently said - they've used the age factor as a negotiating tip, something I'm familiar with being not only unethical but also illegal. I was told by one that I make "good money for MY AGE" and another that I was too young to want more than 2 weeks of vacation - both of which balance, in a sense of the other. It's these topics that really make me look back at those offers - these people offered me a pricing based on what I do not how old I am. I technically only have one week of vacation (but with comp time I'm allowed to travel a lot) and I technically make very little compared to what (a) the sales guy before me would have made and (b) what my percentages say. But as I said, I'm sticking to the place because there's more to learn - even while my expenses get sliced & diced.

That's pretty much the end-deal of what's going on - who knows where it may all lead.

Identifying the reasons to move on.

In the last couple weeks I've really focused on what is working and what's not. The main theme that has come up is that I'm sick of being everyone's excuse. I've been used as a scapegoat one too many times in the adventurous world of work and relationships and I've had it.

The relationship ending has come on the fact that the BF just hasn't even bothered to initiate a call - until 9:00 yesterday. He was supposed to come over Tuesday and in my effort to just sleep, I tried to get him not too. I called him twice, explaining that I had to clean and move my car if he was coming over, he told me he "wasn't sure - but probably would." And then didn't.

Gotta work - more to come!

Back to Single in the City.

Need I say more??

Where does the time go?

Thursday night I got all light headed at almost 11:00pm after working all day. I sat down by the BF, woke up a couple minutes later... I thought it was just being light headed, it turns out that I was wrong, he insisted I had a seizure.

Fast forward to now, I've had a billion tests done, a doctor in Jamaica so no one will give me answers, and a no-driving Doctor's orders until March 6. Dependent life isn't fun. Not to mention the crazy work hours. I'm taking a half day tomorrow and still clocking in close to 50 in 5 days.

I'm trying to figure out tonight - I'm at an event until 8:30, I'm already tired but I definitely need to clean before the BF strolls in around 2am. Not to mention shower.

Speaking of which - my freaking water bill was over $100! It's just me! I split it with the neighbors downstairs and feel like I got a little screwed in the deal. Honestly, it's not like the 5 minutes of hot water I get a day can equate to that much. I'm thinking of writing a "kind" letter to my landlord along the lines of "B*tch I'm giving you all this damn money - fix my sh*t" but more like ...

Dear Mr. Landlord,

In October I spoke with you regarding the trashed carpeting and unpainted walls which, at the time, you assured me were going to get replaced/painted. In November we spoke and you agreed to it being accomplished by December. This is my March payment, which includes the $101.53 for water and I'd like to re-issue a request for the above mentioned repairs within the next 30 days. I'd also like to discuss the heat; I think something is wrong with my thermostat as it's set at 60 and consistently says 60 but the heat is a lot warmer than that (as provided by my $205 gas bill, it is warmer than that). If these items cannot be fixed within the next 30 days, perhaps we could talk about another arrangement.

Sincerely,

The now broke MG.

Of course I'm pining for the "other arrangement" as it will most likely be me moving out, perhaps into a heat-included apartment. Oh - can I live with the dream of air conditioning too? How sweet it would be.

I'm catching no breaks lately on the whole apartment thing. What I really want is to settle into a place for the next 2 years and look at owning while I save up a little bit for a down payment.

Well, off to an event!!

It's not you, it's me.

I need a break! I can't believe how much time work has taken over. Between snow storms and rescheduling, instructor fits, follow ups, calendar mishaps and what not I'm in desperate need of another vacation. Can't I just lay under the covers and never move? I hate that feeling, the dread of going into work wondering what shit-storm you'll have to put out or how you're going to bite your tongue when you want to go in and rip people's heads off.

But I've had it being Ms. Nice Girl. I had it last year too and ended up having to sit through so many damn meetings about how people were now afraid to approach me because I had balls and wouldn't put up with their shit - so I reverted back. But I'm not a doormat and I'm sick of being trotted on, I'm sick of being talked down too. The truth is, yes, I make good money for "my age" as my boss put it - but you don't pay me enough to deal with this crap and you especially don't pay me enough for what I've done for the company.

But I digress, I hate my job sometimes.

Due to the work struggles and what not, I haven't been able to post much. I haven't been able to breathe for goodness sake. Not to mention, throw in all the random events of the week and the networking and POOF! it's been too long.

Because you might not be interested in everything - and I hate really long posts - I've broken them down into littler posts below! :)

Lipstick Jungle.

I'm hooked. Plugged because it was written by the STC crew and the premise is near the same (minus 1 friend), I'm a fan.

But I shouldn't be ... I don't think it's one of those shows good for your health. For some reason STC didn't make me feel like I need to be at the gym - this does. And Victory's relationship with the rich guy is making me look at "real" relationships as sucky. I want a guy to go to Miami and fly back to NY with lunch for me ...

And Nic's affair is ridiculous. It's got me thinking how badly I want to be pinned against the wall and screwed. Much like Carrie & Big's affair on STC. In fact, this erupted into a wild sex dream on Sunday morning ...

There's just something about man-handling that you can't put down. It's lust personified, the whole body starts craving every touch - I'm sure it looks idiotic from outsiders instead of well choreographed dance of perfect bodies like on TV. Your mouth just anticipating the hot steaminess of any skin, your fingers clawing on buttons and clothing for the soft subtle feel of real human skin. The breath so entirely hot on your neck, ears, down your shoulders, across the collar bone. Wanting someone to push you down and throw it in you assumes all your thoughts.

In a good girl sense, the sex dream was about the BF and it started off sweet and innocent. Kissing in the kitchen while I was cooking in a skirt, his warm breath on my neck as he begged to taste the sauce. His hands roaming down my side, up the skirt, touching that bottom part of your butt check all gently until he throws me up on the counter after turning me around. The kissing intensifies, the clothes come off (by the way - as part of the fantasy my body kicked ass - I mean, I had abs and everything). He starts touching the under part of my breasts (one of my favorite moves of all times - goosebumps!). Licking, touching, grabbing. He rips me down from the counter as we crawl up the stairs, biting and kissing as the clothes come off (but not my shoes), we start having sex right there. Then make it finally up to his bed, where he throws me down, grabs my hair and we just go at it like 16 year olds who finally realized that sex is good.

Upon waking up from the dream I just helped myself to the BF's body. I ripped off his underwear, climbed on top and didn't care for a minute if he was going to come.

I came three times.

Thank you Lipstick Jungle.

Valentine's Day.

I AM ONE OF THE CHEESY GIRLS.

I want the flowers, the swooning, the dinner, the dancing. I want the romance. It's one day a year - BE ROMANTIC!

I hadn't seen the BF in a couple of days when Thursday popped up in the calendar. I was still on the fence about what to do - because, while I agree that everyone here is right about him, I also don't post the good things that happen so it's a little bias. 2 really good friends actually told me to stop being detrimental - that what he did wasn't right but that we were good - so I was very unsure. I had decided, no matter what, that I was not going to dump him before his birthday and I was going to go through with his party.

As I was emailing out the details to his friends, the doorbell rang and he walked into work - with flowers and candy. I wanted to cry - I had no idea. It made work actually easier and nicer for the rest of the day. The romance pretty much ended there though. He had his son until 8, so they ate already. I was tired. We had some drinks, played some bags and headed home.

I should mention - I got 3 months of flowers and a $150 spa gift certificate as well :)

He got a photo album of the trip.

I owe you a post.

And I'm not sure where to start. Part of me wants to skip the events prior to the trip and during the trip, but you're jumping in your seats so I'll fill you in.

We did talk about the events that occurred when both of us were under the influence, and it comes down to the fact that's he comfortable enough with me to share his indiscretions (and I should mention here that he's never 100% said I suck in bed - just agreed quantity is higher than quality). I shared that I'm not a trusting person. We decided we still wanted to be us.

The night before the cruise we headed down to a local Mexican joint we frequent due to the delicious nature of their margaritas. We had one too many. So we went to the porn store for goodies during our "sex-fest" cruise that he kept bragging to his buddies about. $75 in goodies and a quick romp in one of the sex booths (we were REALLY drunk) we headed home, had sex and crashed before waking up at 4am to get to the airport.

Day one was amazing. It was hugging and kissing and holding hands. But day two was the day there was 9 million things happening on the cruise ship - and I barely saw him after that. He ran out of money by Saturday night and had to constantly borrow mine, I bought his son souvenirs, his parents (but stopped short of his ex-wife - that was out of his own pocket). Frankly it was getting old and I was getting irritated. I watched 3 sunrises by myself and 2 sunsets.

On the most romantic night of the cruise he wouldn't even comment that I looked nice, he wouldn't hold my hand, get a picture taken, walk into the restaurant with me. I was in tears. The only time he took a second to spend with me was at Bingo - because he wanted my ticket into the Black Jack tournament.

By day four we were on our second excursion and even though I was incredibly mad, I wanted to put it behind me and have this adventure with the guy I loved. It worked - until we got back to Calica. We met up with my sister and her fiance in one of the little shops, the BF ordered a couple Coronas and I went to bargain for some bracelets with my little sis. When I got back, he had drank it. Yup. The ONE thing the f*cker paid for the entire trip, he drank. I went back onto the boat.

We didn't have sex, we didn't kiss, we didn't touch - not even sleeping. I was heartbroken. I felt more like a roommate than a romantic partner and here I spent $6K at this mutha f*cker.

We had a charity function to go to on Friday - one where I'm kind of a big deal - so here he saw all this attention, everyone saying "You look amazing" "You look beautiful" etc. He finally said to someone, "Well - she always looks hot." And that led to a conversation about the whole trip fiasco. He said he was too over stimulated that he thought "we can have sex anytime - when can I do ..." and took everything for granted. The talk made me feel better - but not the continued weekend of me paying for everything until I was out of cash for 2 weeks, because his "bank changed over."

Things are on the rough - I'd really like him to pay me back at least part of what he owes me since he didn't do anything for me on the cruise. The funny thing is, I wouldn't have felt bad about giving him money if he didn't make me feel so rejected. We'll see what Valentine's Day brings.

Bowling is not always a good idea.

Sometimes the BF should not drink. When he does he goes from being plain-old dense to being stupid.

For instance, who declares in front of 2 mutual friends that you (being a 31 year old male) would have totally fucked that 21 year old - but she had a kid (and you do too). And when you're girlfriend overhears you explain, "and because I'm with you." And the 21 year old was a nasty, stoned out f*ck that also obviously did several lines of coke before going to your party. And she's not a Packer fan - an absolute must to be involved with you.

I blame it somewhat on the fact that I've recently found out that I'm bad in bed. Wait ... there's more.

And did I mention that I've been drinking?

His son (8 by the way) also mentioned 3 different girlfriends this weekend. 2 of which had kids his age. All of which he KNOWS his dad f*cked in HIS bed. Yup - an 8 year old's twin bed. I can't even get him to have sex with me in my bed or his on a regular basis. Then again, see above.

4 days until the cruise and I'm wondering what exactly is going to happen to us.

Inconceivable.

I think it's inconceivable to find someone that will love you no matter what. No matter the 10 lbs, the faulty outfit, the baggage.

I also believe that it's impossible that someone my age and older doesn't carry a good handful of baggage. The kind that airplanes wouldn't let you take on.

For instance ... I was engaged. He cheated. He got her pregnant. I called off the wedding. After him, anyone I felt close to cheated on me.

Speaking of cheating, I can't have kids (well there's a 3.65 percent chance which is better than nothing) because one cheated on me.

I don't like to be taken care of, but I do appreciate the occasional flowers.

And just once, once, I would like to have a guy that is inclined to be romantic. Flowers for no reason or my favorite bottle of wine when I make dinner.

And I'm insecure. Especially when I find out you had a hot wife and you cheated on her with her best friend. And my best friend is hot and you talk about how "you'll find out if she tea bags ..." ummm. You won't even let me tea bag ...

I'm also a tad-bit jealous. And a tad-bit disappointed if you're not.

So I have baggage too.

Maybe in this day and age relationships are doomed to fail as we except the fact that humans are not monogamous and people can not be trusted.

Kids say the darnest things.

The kid was at the hospital on Saturday night so I joined his mom since the BF was working - it was nothing big, just a viral infection. When the medicine kicked in, she left to make some calls and me and the kid hung in the room.

He inspected the table - finding the stirrups. He clicked one out, "Hey MG, why are there cup holders all the way down here?"

Blast from the Past.

When I bumped into RS's myspace page through a mutual friend, I sent a snotty message to make him smile - never expecting him to respond.

And he did.

It was weird. It's completely obvious that I'm in-a-relationship on it - there's about 40 pics of the boy and me. The good thing was that I didn't all feel attracted to him, the bad thing is I somehow couldn't type that I had a boyfriend when he asked me what was new and exciting. I didn't think I had to clarify it, but I felt this tinge of guilt for not saying anything. I guess we wait and see if he responds to me.

How 99 cents became hundreds of dollars & other ramblings.

Juno was a great movie. In one scene, Ellen Page (Juno) and Michael Cera (Bleaker) sing a rendition of the Moldy Peaches, "Anyone Else But You" and I was instantly in love (see my playlist). So I logged on to iTunes and purchased the 99 cent track. I'm a bit impatient, so I wanted that song in my car NOW. But iTunes had a different idea (see Apple is an Evil Corporation) so I bit the bullet and bought a Nano and an FM transmitter. All for the love of that song. Which I now know all the words too.

Other ramblings ... a friend and I chatted about relationships last night over cocktails. He mentioned that he and his girl are nearly perfect for each other but the sex sucks. I joked that the BF might say that quantity is definitely higher than quality. Then last night I realized that I think my conclusion from his comment was correct. That sucks, because his comments make me re-evaluate a lot.

But I've been thinking a lot about the situation. His freaking ex drives me nuts - she still controls so much of his life and when I laid in bed on Wednesday morning after they got in a fight I realized that there's no getting away from her. I also realized I'd never be able to move out of Wisconsin. Was this the life I wanted to live?

The cruise is 9 days a way and looking at my schedule next week, I think I'm going to have to pack this weekend. There's a couple things I still need to get - underwater camera, Bonine, Nano travel case, and some unmentionables at two stores...

I don't have an evening event tonight - yeehoo! Which means I'm going to the gym & tanning right after work.

Apple is an Evil Corporation.

I'm a good girl. I buy all my music on CDs at the store or off of iTunes. I just bought Michael Cera & Ellen Page, Ingrid Michaelson's album "Boys & Girls" and the Grey's CD because I liked a couple songs off of iTunes, all excited to burn a new CD for my car .... BUT WAIT.

I upgraded to Leopard. MISTAKE. I upgraded my iLife. MISTAKE. I bought these extra additions and now, now my paid music won't burn!! I've been trying for 2 days.

To listen to this in my car I have to buy a damn iPod (since they're the only player that plays the original format) AND a car connector.

Thanks for f*cking me Apple!

Refreshing.

You know what I think is refreshing?

I met the BF eight months ago. Our first kiss was bodies pressed up against eachother and I knew it turned him on. Today, I went over to watch Good Luck Chuck and before I left we were just kissing, and it had the same affect. That's nice to know, it makes me feel like he still enjoys me for me and it's not the sex that gets him hard - it's the fact that he's with me.

I was chatting with a guy at a networking event tonight and he asked how things were going - I told him straight off that while the BF was NOT a good boyfriend in the first couple months, I couldn't ask for someone better now (minus the drunken ramblings - but hey, it's okay) and that it's the first time I'm in love and it's wonderful - and scary - all at the same time.

I say first time I'm in love, because it's true - that just wasn't there in the past, not that I didn't love some of the guys - hell, I still love #1 more than anything. I loved them as people, not in the make-your-heart-beat-faster kind of way. I hadn't talked to him all day so it was great at 7:15 when the phone rang and it was him. He makes me smile.

16 days and counting. Other Ramblings Included.

16 days until the cruise ... weehoo! I also filed my taxes and as it turns out, the direct deposit option made for a nice addition since it'll be deposited at the very latest 2 days prior to the cruise! That means everything will be paid off and I'll even have a little extra ching for the casino.

This weekend I'm going shopping, which includes the (ugh) dreaded swimsuit search - to make it worse, I need TWO not one, since you're basically in the suit the entire time. I also need to pick up a couple sundresses and a nice, formal dress which I'm hoping I can also wear to the Eisner Museum's fundraiser - the XOXO.

I also conned the BF into joining me for the fundraiser - which will be the end to an exhausting week (the cruise is the 2nd-7th, the fundraiser's on the 8th), but he just looks so damn good when he dresses up...

In other news, tonight my dad's finally paying up on the Birthday Wishes - it's Hibachi night and I'm thrilled! Not that I'm all gun-ho for hibachi again, but more so that the kid is coming with ... I can't wait to see his face with the onion volcano and the flipping shrimp ...



That's one of the many great benefits with having an 8 year old around - all these things are new to him. It was the BF's first hibachi on my birthday and he was like a little kid - imagine how a little kid is going to be!

I'm also thrilled that it's Girl Scout Cookie Time!! MMMM - Caramel Delights, Thin Mints, Peanut butter patties - so many to choose from!!

The Count Down.

It's under 20 for the cruise. We leave February 2! Vacation. I'm looking forward to the time to think about whether I should change jobs or stay, for a wee-bit of gambling action and to see how me & the BF end up - 5 days, no roommate or kid to distract ourselves.

This does mean a stop at the Porn Store is in order. Not that I'll bring the arsenal - because you definitely don't need that to get caught in front of the grandparents & parents... eek.

My sister is terrified. (A) She's afraid of the end-tab (so am I - cruises aren't cheap!) since it's on her card and her fiance likes to (B) drink - a lot. She's afraid they'll fight, he'll pick a fight, or he'll just be dumb. Scary to think that this scares her when she said yes ...

Those Cheating Hearts.

Netscape posted an article today that blue-eyed men prefer blue-eyed women, because, upon pro-creation if the baby's eyes are anything but blue it shows that the female partner has cheated on them. Read more here ... http://channels.isp.netscape.com/whatsnew/recent.jsp?story=20071230-0630&floc=NI-ntk3

This opened the office up for a whole discussion on cheating hearts and me to go research crazy. Before I shock you with these stats let me explain my background with cheating: I haven't done it. Every guy I've been with has. I blame the first on being young, we weren't in love and we were still going through motions. In honesty we could've had this facade relationship but it wasn't passionate and we'd be those open marriage people that when home to their best friend (sound familiar MD?). Regardless, I was 21 and ended it. The second relationship was what I perceived as a relationship, fresh out of the gate of the marriage situation. There's nothing like lying in bed, rain pouring at your windows, your naked bodies catorted over each other having just knocked boots four times and him saying, "I think I'm in love with my girlfriend Amy." Newsflash, we just fucked - you're not in love. In a series of events and men after, I was once again the other woman with CW, #1 started seeing a younger woman 9 months into our relationship, and then Guitar Guy - well, there was a whole hell swarmed up in the "I'm single when I'm playing" attitude.

Let me also add that the BF doesn't have a good record under his belt and neither does his ex.

So here's the stats ....

20% of married men engage in multiple affairs during their marriage, 16% of women do - these are physical affairs.

55% of men, 48% of women have engaged in emotional affairs that may or may not result in sex.

Of the people engaged in physical affairs, 92% of their marriages fail due to the cheating.

Of those who remarry, 85% will cheat on their spouses or significant others again.

Scary right? I don't get cheating, because if you do it - then you're obviously not happy, it doesn't matter if your drunk or lonely - the person your with that would qualify your reaction as cheating isn't working with you to make it work. In that case, why don't you just leave? And to be a hypocrite myself from my last debacle of a relationship, if you know they're cheating - they'll repeat, so just leave.

It's one of those never ending questions that go about the day.

IAR

Three really important words on myspace.

I go back and forth between SINGLE and IN A RELATIONSHIP since his hasn't moved off of DIVORCED in the 7 months (6 in his time) that we've been together.

Perusing today on the social networking sight I noticed the update that he changed his profile. I looked and it was the same picture, so I pulled it up. Nope, same mood and same quote. I scrolled down ... there it was, the holy grail of relationship status.

Not divorced anymore - he's In a Relationship. I smiled. Yeah :)

In other relationship news, I've really been pondering this whole moving in thing and I've decided, that if he asks sober, I'll do it. He's nearly melted the Ice Princess montage I've put together over the last four years, why not take the next big leap? Granted, I'm going to wait until after the trip to do it and I'll need to find a sub-leaser for my loft, but the thought of sleeping in his arms makes me so freaking happy. The money savings too isn't a bad option either - I can really start building up my savings.

Our trip is only 25 days away, that will be the big tester. Basically it's 7 nights and 8 days fully together (if you count the night before), no friends, no kid - just us. It'll be interesting to see how we handle it. I think we'll be fine though. I've finally reached the point where I feel secure with him, I've let the icey exterior melt. I'm, for the first time, completely in love.

It makes me think about that 6 weeks back in May & June, I was so heart broken because I was taken by him and he wasn't by me. I couldn't understand why I would cry so much, why it hurt so bad. Now I realize why, I'm 50 times more taken today as I was on Mother's day.

A bit pissed.

I'm 27. I have two degrees from the University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee, one in Classical Studies and one in Journalism & Mass Communication. This means I'm not dumb.

This also means I know how to operate computers. I know how to upload software, I know how to troubleshoot. I consistently get calls from relatives asking me to help out with their PCs and their Macs.

Just because I'm a sales bitch doesn't mean that I'm clueless. I know Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign & Quark. I am AN AWARD WINNING Account Executive. I am a published writer. I am a published photographer.

So don't treat me like I'm fucking 2 years old and can't turn on a god damn computer!
And do NOT condescendingly speak to me because YOU didn't tell me that other people needed to be involved in a project. And if you so thought that, arrange your own damn conference call. It's really simple, email the person and set up a time.

Yeah. I'm a bit pissed off.

The Big Question.

I mean, for dating 6 months it's the Big Question. Not THE big question.

On Friday night we enjoyed a few cocktails and on our way from 1 place to the next, we chatted about NG and his girl moving out. That's when the slightly buzzed boyfriend said, "You should move in."

Screech. What? My look must have conveyed my questioning demeanor as he explained that the pot smoking, arguing neighbors I share a place with is a definite reason to break my lease, and I spend most of my time there anyway ... which is true ... and my expenses will be more than cut in half, which is also true.

But I still have 7 months on my lease, it's a crappy time to move, I have a cat and he hasn't bought the house yet ...

The truth is I do want to. I love that house. I love him. Those baby blues make sure I never stay mad. His bed and body make me have the best sleep ever. I love seeing him in his uniform. I love hanging out with the "boys," when his son is over. And I am there all the time. The money savings would be insanely good.

But I have so many doubts. Right now I'm the "cool" girlfriend that occasionally comes over and helps with homework and watches movies, plays legos and Star Wars. What if he would drive me nuts? What if I would get angry and yell? That's not being the cool girlfriend. Right now, if I just want to do nothing I hang out by myself. If I want to be stinky after the gym, I can. It's been me for so long, I'm not sure how I could handle it not being me.

And then again - let's see if he asks sober :)

No Butts About It.

A couple drinks into Friday night, me & the BF headed home for a little action between the sheets. I had complemented the nights activities with a trip to the porn store, which included a joke purchase of anal beads since he's been insistent on trying his best to shove it in my butt.

I brought my purse up with the contents hidden away next to the bottle of lube. About an hour into the mix, there was the poke, aggressively I through him down, crawled on top, reached in my purse and gave him a little shocker. Well, three times over.

Take that up the ass.

Word of Mouth Marketing.

I'm a BzzAgent. That's right. And I'm supposed to tell everyone. So I'm telling all of you!

The concept behind Bzz is brilliant. They'll give you product, you'll try it and then you'll tell people about what it is, what you like or don't like about it, then report back on a simple report form about what happened. That's it.

I know what you're thinking, it's kind of like being a secret shopper right? NO! Not at all. I was a secret shopper. There's no multi-page reports, no reimbursements times and forms, no payments and no secrecy. You actually NEED to tell people that you're a part of Word of Mouth Marketing. Simply Brilliant.

I've been delighted to be a part of this and highly recommend that you click on this little link (www.bzzagent.com) and sign up today. The more you participate, the more items you get to try. I'm currently reporting on a great product called Lypsyl, similar in concept to Burt's Bees - but a bit more tingly. Organic & natural, it eases my mind when it comes to putting products on and my lips have been softer than I can ever remember.

So now you're a part of my Word of Mouth - don't forget to let me know who you are so I can be a part of yours!

10 Attempts Later.

Too many distractions, this is now the 10th time I've attempted to post.

Where to start?

My birthday was too much fun and I drank way too much! An old friend, Drunk Julie, stopped by uninvited and cornered me to tell me about how her life sucks, etc - for about 30 minutes. The BF finally saved me, dragging me away after a picture for bags. I don't get self-centered people, not at all. I mean - it takes 10 seconds to see how someone is, to validate them as human being, plus - isn't it a big shock that I'm with the guy I hadn't talked to for 4 weeks when we last spoke? Come on! The least you could do is acknowledge that!

I digress. I was wasted and needed food. I wanted eggs but the Bay View diner was closed, so we walked to Jimmy John's. Upon arriving I decided that what I really wanted was PBJ and they don't serve that. Now, my house is around the corner - but I have no food - so we drove all the way to the BF's, he made me the best PBJ and I puked and passed out.

Fast forward to Friday. I stayed home to recoup and he came over and brought me lunch, I worked all day from home and then we went out to the Admirals game with R. All of the sudden the BF points to the Jumbotron and says "Look, E & J!" Holy crap, my boss is there. So we partied a bit with them, headed over to his local joint for a little old fashion jam.

We're sitting at the bar when a song comes on with the lyrics, "What if I'm falling in love with you?" We're both kind of toasted. He turns, "What if that's true?"

Shocked, I asked him if he was kidding. He told me he wasn't falling, he already was there. I yelled, "Me too!"

Our first I love you...