Ick ... New Years Resolutions

I've decided I will make a few resolutions. Here they are:

(1) I just fit into my skinny jeans, I plan on buying a new pair and staying in them.
(2) I will CUT BACK on smoking, not quit.
(3) I will not have sex without being in a relationship (as long as sober, if drunk it's excuseable)
(4) For one month, everyone who asks me out - I will go out with (then report the dirty details and the fiascos here).

The end!

Why are all the good ones gay?

So maybe I did make out with someone on my birthday - but have no recollection. However, I do recall the hot guy I was making out with last night! Who was also incredibly gay, but why not? I'm still celebrating my birthday! Hopefully the end to my little dry spell will be over soon!

Post-Birthday & Happy New Year

My birthday was a blast thanks to my fabulous friends in IA, although I'm pretty sure I had alchol poisoning which made the four hour trek home horrid. If I can figure out how to post video footage on this, I'll post some great clips - for instance, the car almost exploding or getting boo-ed at karaoke :) LOL, good times, good times.

It's been over two weeks since I've even kissed a guy, so not much going on at that front - but I do have lunch with the fabulous #3 tomorrow - I'll have to buy something slutty to wear and cross my fingers this darn dry spell will end soon.

On a different front, I've got this strange habit of changing my hair when I'm trying to change my karma. For 14 years I was blonde then dyed it to brown and then to black (now it's faded back to brown). Well, I wanted to start the new year off right, which meant ditching the numbers (it's a great feeling deleting scumming boys numbers out of your phone. Are you sure you want to delete? Ummm. YES! LOL) and starting off new and changing my hair again. I didn't want to go darker then what I am now, and toyed with the idea of going blonde again - but instead I booked an appointment at a local salon and had her chop off my little-bit-longer-than-shoulder length brown hair to a nice little bob that goes from short in the back to a chin length in front. So far, so good. We'll wait to see what the pictures say though.

The day is dragging something fierce today - I should have just asked off again from work, being that we don't work tomorrow and coming back for one day seemed kind of, well, stupid. But I did it anyhow and how I'm just counting the minutes until 5:00 where I'll run out of this place so quick and try my best to not return until Tuesday.

Which brings us to the New Year - 2006 is on the horizon and I'm toying with the new year's resolution fiasco. I could quit smoking, I could do the weight-loss thing, could cut back on the drinking a bit and so on or I could just skip it and wing it for the next year, choices, choices and more choices.

Happy Holidays no more, Happy Birthdays instead

A congratulations is in order. Successfully, I got through the weekend and the family events with little utterance of where is my significant other. Amazing. Most of the focus was on my sister and where her boyfriend was - which made me pretty happy - but her not so much since they aren't going through an easy time.

Dogsitting is done with, all the presents are opened, 1/2 the stuff put away and the pure exhaustion of the weekend at an end (tell that to the bags under my eyes). All and all it's been a great Holiday.

Now comes the yearly test of the who's who in friendships - my birthday. The one awkward item was my cousin bringing up my forgotten birthday which my mom takes offense to (I do so much for you to feel special - you're the only one that remembers, come on it's a crappy day) and decides to be upset with me the rest of the day yesterday - but different story. If you know anyone that is a christmas baby, the days between christmas and their birthday are crucial and a fine line to walk on. Tred easily. In my case, my friends know that I will be in IA over the day, so they SHOULD call tonight and ask me out for a drink. But these are my friends, who aren't the most unselfish people on the planet, so they'll be forgiven for "forgetting" until Thursday. But Thursday is the last day. :)

In a slight change of topic, cutie from HC got my picts - and hasn't emailed back. Up to plate, ball coming your way and STRIKE. Maybe i should get a haircut. No word still from the lovely ex either. Bah humbug.

On to dropping the dog at doggie day care then working out and going to the gym.

Active with in 24 and no response :(

I logged on to match today - and right in front of me, his profile, "Active with in 24 hours" I had three new emails that I wasn't able to read. I signed up. No response from him. I just paid $30 freaking bucks for nothing!

No more drinking ... until tonight.

The wonderful and lovely friend from IA informed me of my last post on Tuesday night, all of which I don't remember writing. That's when you know it's time to put down the beer and switch to the martinis.

Cutie from HC sent more pics, and he is really cute except I think the puppy is cuter :) Ah well. He's got a busy week, as do I, since I'm dog sitting as of 5:00 tonight until I leave for IA. Still have to get that holiday shopping done tomorrow. Thank goodness tomorrow is an off day from work and I only have family to buy for.

#4 called on Tuesday night, I've opted to not return his call. That's over and done with. #3 has also been in contact while on the slopes in Michigan and doing the normal drive 4 hours to see him thing. #2 will be home tomorrow, though will be disappointed when I tell him I'm venturing to IA alone, #1 and I have been in our normal conversations every night but haven't seen eachother since "the incident." We've both been busy, so forgiveable - plus I've already slept with him years ago and don't want to be tempted down that path unless I reach the dreaded year and a half mark (tarot lady said dry spell will be ending before that - here's hoping). #5 has been MIA, a bunch of phone tag but no real conversation.

On the new front - hopefully cutie from HC will soon graduate to number status, as he's definitely someone I'd like to hang out with. The teacher, well- that's another miss phone call thing and me being to busy and too afraid to contact him back. New guy in IA will be interesting, though let's be honest, I'm not REALLY going to sleep with him - but it would be nice to be felt up :) Here's my boob - just grab that for my birthday present.

Tonight is martini night and a friend from work will be on my side of the "hood" - because the ritzy town I live in can almost be called that - so I'm going to con her in to one martini with me at the lovely stomping ground. I'm not hoping for any ass tonight, because I've got the dog to look after, which the cats will just love when they find out she'll be spending the night in town.

And let's not forget the anticipation of family events this week. Saturday will be Mom's side of the familly, of which we are the crazy ones. Grandma informs me that events are so much more vibrant when I'm around because of my stories. Sunday will be Dad's house with the bros and sis, then off to the aunt's house for a night cap and bringing back the pooch to Whitefish Bay only to drop her at Doggy Day Care by 9:15 on Monday morning. Then it's Birthday celebration with Dad, go to Iowa, eat at the Irish Democrat and Happy Joe's Taco Pizza (my birthday mandatories), hang out with my beautiful should-be-neice, get scolded by mom & dad for purchasing WAY too many presents for her (she's honestly the cutest baby ever!) - so many that I'm not so sure how I will pack clothes for IA (mainly because my car is a living disaster), a night of karoke and a hung over return home on Wednesday for Birthday celebration with Mom and a return to work on Thursday. Now tell me that won't result in some kind of hilarious stories for posting.

And then there is Tuesday, in which I will be a whole freaking quarter-of-a-century old, with a dry spell of 14 months and no boyfriend to speak of. Which is an emminent nervous breakdown and a night of way too many cosmos, only to pick up the pieces and hope to not remember. Hell, there's always the next year. My birthday wish: that this year won't repeat into next year with another 12 months to the total.

Post to yah later.

Buzzed up with nothing to do ...

Today is a day for celebrating. It was bonus day at work, which means I'm able to get to work tomorrow by filling my tank and buy holiday presents for everyone. However, not the day to celebrate in the sense that cutie from HC did not show up. All I can sense is that he may not have been online or not been able to open my pics (as the teacher wasn't able). Though my lovely friends from IA have made sure that I won't be alone on my bday, as their friend will be showing up, whom I had a lovely conversation with on the phone. The downfall, is they've told him I was gorgeous - which I'm cute, but not gorgeous, the good up is that he is particularly easy - which means hello! penis on my birthday :) Here's hoping.

It's 1/2 hour until the finale of nip/tuck and I need a sober up shower. Though I met the nicest man at the stomping ground, and wouldn't feel 1/2 bad if he was the cutie from HC because I had lovely conversation. The nice part of my personality is that I easily get along with others and therefore enjoyed talking to him. Hopefully, he'll pop online and get this message! Not only dirt here, but nice things as well.

Back to a much needed shower and some online holiday shopping ...

Relationship 101

It may be my twisted sense of reality, or what not, but here's my definition of relationships that you'll see used through out this blog.

"Friend" - Literally, a friend. No making out, no hand holding - although spooning with them is not something I would say no to.

"Go to Guy" - A friend who I may make pretend to be my boyfriend to get myself out of a jam. Probably not making out - but something I might consider once the martinis hit.

"Make Out Buddy" - Sometimes a title used in conjunction with the Go to Guy, but generally a guy that has just come on the market, or I've dated in the past that I make out with on a pretty regular basis.

"Seeing" - No commitment, usually in conjunction while going out with other guys too. This is an iffy category, because some people use seeing as a more commitment toned word, I don't.

"Dating" - A good handful of commitment here. Usually will say "boyfriend" but not all the time.

Hope that helps!

Bah-Humbug

Cutie from HC has not replied all weekend, so I doubt that he will show tonight for a beer. Just in case I've gone with the conservative meets semi-slutty look. Black pants, killer heels, a semi-low cut top and totally diva-d out curly hair. While looking hot, I'm not feeling so much that way these days.

#4 (thankfully!) has not called. I don't want to have that akward conversation anyhow with him. No hearings from the others, and my email box has resepectfully been kept empty over the last days. All attributing to my less than sexy self and my job has not helped at all this week either. Normally, I'm not cranky at work, but lately I have been. Partly because of the season is my guess, as I have yet to shop due to have only $4 in my checking account. My anniversary at work was today and not so much as a congratulations has been uttered - not that I had expected it, it just would have been nice. My formal review will not take place for another month at least, but I've already been told that no raise is in sight. I can't honestly say that all these factors give me the want to put in a 12 hour plus day.

Thursday begins a week of dog sitting, which I'm not all that thrilled about either. At some point I must grow a spine and say no. I had explained earlier that I could not do it, as I was visiting my friend for my birthday, but still got sucker punched into it anyway. How does my head stay up so high without a spine to hold it there?

In view of the season, bah-humbug! to today. It's only 8:30 and I could already go for a cigarrette and a drink, but the temperature is weighing in at single digits and the heels I'm wearing won't support my weight for very long.

So raise your glasses in a toast to a less than thrilling time of year!

The countdown begins

Nothing too involving going on lately except match has decided to not forward any emails to me since my subscription was up. What does that mean? I'll have to pay to see if my dear ex emails me, I know I have two sitting in the box and I've been contemplating entering those lovely 16 digits of my check card into the system to see if it could be his response to me, but I've resisted. It says he has not been active in more than three weeks, which to me means that those emails are from the baffling idiots that continue to write.

I guess I'm not all in the mood for serial dating, especially when the response has been only weilding idiots who seem to not read the profile. Do I smoke? Yes. Do I drink? A tad bit more than I should. Do I own a cat? Two in fact. Do I have tattoos? Again, two in fact. So what makes the non-smoker, non-drinker, non-cat lover and don't mark your body dudes email me? Pure stupidity is my guess.

An update on guys by numbers, I finally put the pieces together. When the holiday party ended on Friday night #4 went missing from point A to point B (both located in the same restaurant I might add). He came up with an elaborate, too-much-to-drink story of how he and a friend had almost got arrested in the lobby of the hotel (the middle points between A and B). This sounded weird to me, but I sent him to the bar for a cocktail instead of insisting he fess up to the truth. Moments later, he had remarked that his ex-fiancee lived around the corner from the bar and I had noticed her number up on his phone. Call time coincided with his friend calling at point A and then re-calling at point B (she was sandwiched between). It was a good thing a couple co-workers were too shit faced to return to their places, that they slept on the hotel room floor because this dry spell is bound to come to an end soon. He tried, without merit, to get on me that night - but my intuition said no. Well done conscious, because as I'm reviewing the video footage from the after party, I realize that he left the building and returned smoking (none the less, one of MY) cigarettes. Now, I might be jumping the dock here, but I do believe there is a better chance he left to hook up with the ex in between A & B instead of the phoney arrested story. He has informed me that he was previously involved with still sleeping with her, so I don't believe this to be a long stretch. Not to mention that he is like me and, right in front of him, I called the teacher & the wonderful #3 who resumed conversation with me earlier in the week.

Perhaps I should just venture over to the local porn store and buy myself a new vibrator - as I feel like I'm running out of options. I no longer have interest in almost all my numbers and match doesn't seem to give me the fix it did a couple years ago. Instead, I'm just tired and incredibly horney with nothing to do but take care of matters myself. I was recently at the store and found a new line of vibrators that twitched every which way and of course, I could antee up and get the rabbit from my much loved sex and the city, but I do believe I would be like Charlotte and never venture out of my PJs or my bedroom.

I have decided to email the pictures to cutie in HC with a note that says if he likes them to meet me at my favorite stomping ground tomorrow between 6 and 730 for a beer and he can hit on me then. It just seems odd to say that we met on-line, when a better fabricated story could involve my favorite place with a beer special.

That would be it for now. Be safe and for godsake wrap it up :)

Eeee Gad

With the holiday party over, I thought I would get some nice shots to send to cute HC guy - turns out my brand new dark hair also came with a double chin. I guess there's no way to get out of this one - it's how I look. Here's hoping it looks okay to him.

One Hell of a Party.

The holiday party was a blast last night, everyone enjoyed themselves; although #4 got a bit of what was coming to him. After arriving an hour late to the party, I managed to leave him talking to random people while I managed the event. We had dinner and he made remarks about the evening. I finally turned to him after an hour and a half and told him that at any moment he could tell me I looked nice. Really isn't that meaningful when you have to prompt though. I managed to address several issues with him, the first being that NOTHING was going to happen - I felt bad ditching him so that was why he was there. I told him I wasn't okay with being ignored and stood up over the last three weeks and reinforced to him that I am a great person and he's f*cking it up. He told me "You just don't understand how busy I've been and you have no idea what my feelings are for you." With my hand over my heart I told him "You have no idea that I can read you like a book and you're playing with me." I walked away, he flirted with guys and girls.

At the party there was a tarot card reader and I got my cards read with a co-worker. She informed me to stay away from #4, that I've had a long dry spell (yet again, even the tarot card reader can see the desperation in my soul). She told me I have a kind spirit; however, I'm lonely. It was a face-the-facts moments for me. I can date as many people as my datebook allows, but the truth is that I am very lonely. She also told me that I tend to have horrible gay-dar. :) So funny because I"ve dated several guys who I thought might be gay - including #4!

She also told me that someone from my past will be coming back into my life, which shocked me since I emailed my ex the other day (update: no reply but no rejection notice either -score?). She said that I will find someone with in the next couple months.

So the party was good. I dropped #4 at his car this morning and told myself there would be no more communication. I'm done. There's always cutie from HC cand the new guy.

Within the next couple days I'm going to have to update boys by numbers, because there isn't too many left!

#1 does owe me drinks and appetizers all night since #4 didn't even get a handful of boobs. Now that's a score.

Boys by Numbers

When they say "when it rains it pours" and "it'll come when you're not looking" - they aren't kidding.

After being single for a year I started whipping my ass back in shape and getting back the confidence that my last relationship seemed to drain every ounce out of.

In the meantime, I've opted to start seeing some people - but not in the commitment sense, in the serial dating sense. To protect all parties (including myself), I've opted to tone the boys down to number categories to help everyone follow.

#1 - Category: Ex-"Seeing," now "Make Out Buddy." Girls are dumb and here I prove it. Two years ago we saw each other for about eight months, until one night he sat down and told me he was ready for a girlfriend - it just wasn't me. He's the only guy I've ever cried over. We hadn't talked for a couple of years, when he called a couple of months ago I wasn't sure if I should pick it up - but I did. Nothing had changed with him and we started hanging out again.

#3 - Category: Friend. To be more specific - friend of an ex-boyfriend, who should have been my boyfriend. Yikes. That says all the drama right there.

#4 - Category: Make Out Buddy? 100% opposite of what I'm attracted to - but about a 10 on the hotness scale. Nice guy, around my age. I figured my "type" of guy wasn't really working out for me - so why not try this one out if he was interested.

#5 - Category: Friend. Again, I've known him for around four years and we've always flirted. He is a dirty boy though - again, slept with a handful of my friends. We recently started hanging out again and I'm just trying to piece through the flirty bullshit right now.

So those are the main players as of late, I'm hoping to tone down the list a little bit - but in the mean time I'm dabbling into the fun of it.

Decision Made.

I've opted to still bring #4 with me to the party. I better look damn smoking hot and he is NOT spending the night! The problem is everyone has a date and we have a smaller office, which means it's not really hanging out with co-workers, it's a nice night out with a significant other in the company of your co-workers. No babysitting permitted. In further complication - he called to ask what the plan was for tomorrow and then DIDN'T freaking pick up. I'll blame this mishap on a freak accident where both his hands fell off from too frequent masturbation since we are obviously not doing anything!

In sad, sad, sad other news. I've still been checking my email countless times to see if Dr. Dreamy had emailed me back - but no such luck. I guess it's better than receiving the rejection notice. I'm just hoping at some point he replies. I only signed up for the free trial - and now email communication is null and void; however, I will pay the $40 if he seems interested.

In better news, cuite from HC has a name and a real email in which we have been communicating back and forth through. Hopefully, I'll be able to have some really hot shots taken tomorrow to send to him and we can get together.

Sadly, there will be no post tomorrow as I go into micro-manager mode for the event; but, there is likely to be one hell of a juicy story to tell on Saturday morning after my post-hangover drinking schpeel.

Waiting sucks.

You've probably guessed by now that my little find last night still has not replied to my email - although, I have checked it around 50 times just to be sure. Cutie pie from HC hasn't either. eek. Can anyone say DRY SPELL?

#4 called today, finally. How funny is it that our party is only two days away and he "conveniently" had to see a "head hunter" at 12:00 when he called me at 11:58. I ignored the call. His message, "Just trying to plan for Friday." F-you buddy.

Being faced with the fact that I may be the only one there with out a date, I am playing with the idea of looking incredibly hot and not paying him a bit of attention. But who knows.

In my ideal fantasy world I would have gotten an email today saying "I miss you too." and he would have gone to the party and we would have had amazing sex and lived happily ever after for a couple of months. Looks like that probably won't happen though. So the decision lies on bring #4 or go by myself. Decisions, decisions.

OH MY!

A short history about me ... a few years back I tried to have a one night stand with a charming construction worker. Needless to say, it didn't work out so much that way and turned out to be a small dating fiasco. Fiasco in the sense that his fiancee called my cell to say stop f*cking with her man. One year later he turns up where I'm working and we end up seeing eachother for a bit as friends. He gets drunk, tries to move it to the next level, I flip. No talk since, but I always think about him because we just clicked so well. I rate all other guys to him, and he's established my fetish for older guys that are balding.

So, I'm checking on my HC cutie who has not responded to my emails and it says, "Others who you might like ..." and there he is. I don't believe it, but there are his tattoos that I touched so many times and the smile I recognized with the cutie nephew in hand and I nearly burst with a smile. I drop an email - You don't need to be here. I miss you. My name. I don't know what will be worse - him not replying and not knowing or the anticipation of seeing him again if at all possible. Oh my, oh my. The next days will be deadly.

The levels of anger

I used to be a really pissy person, I'd like to think I'm incredibly laid back for the most part nowadays; however, I'm completely intolerant on neglegent idiots.

Here is how I'd like to qulity my lovely levels of anger:

Level One: Perturbed. Something you said didn't sit quite right with me - but I'll pretend it didn't happen.
Level Two: Irritated. You've done something to crawl under my skin, give me an hour and I'll be over it.
Level Three: Angry. You've done something that really has me a bit hot headed. Say your sorry and we'll move on.
Level Four: Pissed. You better have your story straight, because I'm not really into you very much right now.
Level Five: Pissy. Leave me alone, send flowers. Apologize like there is no tomorrow. You owe me dinner and you are still not getting any.
Level Six: Bitch. Don't talk to me at all. It's going to take a good couple of months for me to get over what you did.

#4 has successfully scaled to level five, tettering on level six. Times like this wish i could believe that women weren't so moody and would be a better match. I'd be an awesome lesbian.

Phone Conversation w/Teacher

Checklist for Potential Date:

Witty
Smart
Conversationalist
Not Boring
Humorous
Drinking Bud
Imagine myself having sex

Teacher guy:
Okay - witty, check. Smart, really check. Conversationalist, yup. Not boring? Maybe a bit. Okay a little more than a bit. Humorous, not really. Drinking buddy? Doesn't drink. Sex? That's a BIG no.

Ah well!

Followed by the F*cking Bastard

What the hell is so hard about calling and telling someone you aren't going to make your date? #4 is a fricking idiot and, turns out, not at all the sweetheart I thought he was. I take it back - I'm the fricking idiot for still dealing with him! Damn it. This is when I need my girl from IA to get her butt up here and knock some damn sense into me. I guess that's enough swearing for this paragraph ...

So, thought I was supposed to go out with #4 last night. He called at noon, said he had to work - he'd call me at 9:00. Well, at 1:00 I text messaged him "So we're not going out?" No response. You'd think he'd at least call to say sorry, but nope! This tops the cake, now I definitely don't want him at my holiday party because I might make the mistake of getting it on with him. Lord knows I need a big freaking beer right now!

In other news, cute HC guy emailed me back. Turns out he's really cute and really funny. He's definitely someone I want to meet; however, I'm going to need to get a couple new pics of me before that. Perhaps tonight can be karoke, one-too-many-beers night. Wait, karoke would mean I might have the chance to run into #4 whom I just might spill a beer on. Bastard (have I mentioned that?).

Also cute, smart guy emailed me back - but he's really smart. He's way over the top of me smart, which means I might not like him all that much. I much rather perfer dumb guy conversation to smart guy - it always errupts in a fight. Perhaps I need to just watch my temper a bit more.

Man! it's only a couple days before our holiday party and here I am with nothing! I totally thought I'd have the opportunity to get laid Friday. 14 months and counting. I don't believe I could pass my vibrator in a tux off as my date? Not really.

By the way, I've decided that Chris Isaak is a god among men. Don't you love it when you find old CDs and jam out to songs from like 5 years ago? Plus, I don't think anyone would argue that his "Wicked Games" video is freaking hot.

Persistant bastard.

I had not yet responded to the some what cute guy because I was very turned off by his visually stimulated self. Six emails in two days - not the type of guy that I want to see anyway! Finally, I emailed him this morning that I'd send pictures later. PS - leave me alone. Okay the PS was an internal thought, but it's really what I wanted to say.

On the other hand - cutie from HC has winked back so I bit the bullet and signed up for the "free trial" just to talk to him. I wrote a pretty boring email, but am way to tired to make it quirky so hit the send button anyway. Now we wait I guess.

In the meantime, another cutie teacher guy winked. Since I signed up, I thought what the hell, might as well send an email. He seems really smart, which I don't want to do a constant battle of witts with someone and he seems kind of egotistical. HC is a way better choice, but frankly my boys by numbers are all failing me right now so why not try it out. Just like brussel sprouts when I was a kid - try them you might like them. Wait a minute, I did and I didn't. Hmmm. Thought of the day.

In the final news of the day, #4 called last night and I think I might have a date with him today. I tried to dis-invite him from the holiday party, he just didn't catch the bait. I ended the conversation with "Do you work tomorrow?" "No" "Let's do something then ..." "I'll call you tomorrow" I've officially decided I'm not sleeping with him.

A wink or two or three ...

I'll admit that I did match.com as only kind of a joke, kind of an esteem booster, kind of just for the cute HC guy. I've for the most part ignored the winks and the emails just waiting to get the attention of Mr. HC. Finally, I gave up. I winked. He winked back. What does that say? We both won't pay for the service. Ah, searching sucks.

This time around I'm not getting as much attention as last time. Perhaps this is because I was butt honest in it. I openly admitted to what I want in a guy - what he would have to do - what I would do (minus the "I'm looking to get laid"). Hmmm. Bluntness really doesn't work all that well for me I guess.

In the meantime I did respond to one other guy - when he asked for more pictures I hesitated. Granted, more pics need to go up because they are the ones from the service a couple of years ago - but come on! I also don't like telling a guy "tell me about yourself because your profile has nothing" and hearing back "what do you want to know?" I'll tell you what I don't want to do - dig for answers. Come on!

Grrr. In other news, I got a surprise phone call while shopping for wine today - #4. I must admit I'm getting to the point where I don't really want him to go to my work holiday party. Barely more than 5 minutes of conversation has partook in the last two weeks of conversation and there's not the high of getting some or the free booze of going out. See, with the holiday party comes a lot of drinking, not to mention a hotel room.

I recently have been thinking about past conquests - and this might surprise you all from my talk on here - but I've slept with one hand's worth of guys. My last boyfriend was #5. So the new guy I'm with = new hand, which means maybe I just shouldn't waste it on anyone ...

Twisted thoughts, but how spectacular they are.

In the meantime, it's lights out. Gotta be to work (again, sigh) tomorrow bright and early which means I need to go to the gym when the rooster crows - or my cat licks my face - since I don't have a rooster.

Food for thought.

You checked the wrong box ...

I finally did it. Finally went back to the lovely doctor for my lovely annual exam and to get put back on the lovely birth control. To tell you the truth, the most grueling part is the part I'm referring to as the "exam" - not the feet in the stir-ups, scoot down the table exam, but the q & a I got for going to a new doctor.

There's a lovely two page "Yes" "No" survey about your history. In the "are you sexually active?" I check yes. The nurse quickly pointed out that the real answer is "no" since it's been over a year. Isn't that one a kick in the face? I wanted to explain - it's not like I haven't tried, can't we leave that one at yes - but the answer was plain and simply no.

On the match making front, nothing really going on there. Not like the experience last time where my box got flooded - maybe I was too blunt this time about what I wanted or maybe my pictures are too old. Either way, I gotta get some new ones up there and beef up the resume a bit.

On the boy front, #4 finally called yesterday after I left him not one, not two, not three but FOUR random drunk messages. I don't really remember what they said - I do remember one being a long the lines of "Listen, if this is just a booty call it needs to be double sided. I call and I get some. You call and you get some. I call and you don't answer." Hmmm. Good one Milwaukee Girl - that's the way to snag a boyfriend. On the same #4 front, I was actually out with a good friend of #4 and got some decent dirt. #4 is a player (called that one) and a man whore (kind of goes with player, but I like saying it). I had made a comment about #1 being off limits due to the fact that he's slept with all my female friends - to which she replied, "Tell me about it - that's how it is with #4." Ouch. Okay, still painful even though I knew he was getting some off of some body and it wasn't me. She then asked if we had slept together, I said no. She informed me it would be in my best interest to keep it that way. Crap.

Anyhow, we never touched on the subject of the calls from the night before when we chatted yesterday - which is all well and good, I'd like to pretend the whole thing never took place. My infactuation is wearing incredibly thin lately though - I realized he's really got nothing to offer - so why am I so anxious? He's not even my kind of hot - he's just hot. He's the "Why is that chick with him?" hot and I consider myself to be a decent looking chick kind of hot.

I think he basically called to touch base to make sure he was still going to my work party. To tell you the truth I actually scrambled for a different date and that didn't pan out to well. It was too last minute. Oops, guess that's my fault for even asking - I should've gone by myself. Guess I'm about two weeks late on that call though.

The dating pool is kind of dry right now, just not dry but all out boring. To each his own I guess. Damn hororscope told me I'd find love soon - screw love, I just want a little darn attention!

Shaved and no place to go

As a much wiser friend has informed me, never shave your legs if you want to get some - because then it won't happen. Here I am all shaved, with no place to go. (Sigh) I actually just did it because my oil change didn't happen and I had a couple hours to burn before I wound up back at work to continue on with my mentoring program. I wasn't in much of a gym mood and more into the article on why this chick left scientology. That's a whole different story for a whole different blog - as it has nothing to do with martinis, sex or me.

I was hoping to do a little karoke tonight (a great past time, I must admit) - but perhaps for the better as there's a good chance #4 might saunter in and I've decided to play hard to get. That means no phone calls! Number is deleted from the phone so now it's just resisting the urge to hit "accept" when it rings. Not that he would call. Because he won't.

I was reading an article on players and it turns out I'm not - because the first major sign that someone is happens to be that they don't pick up the phone, they wait for a couple of messages and then they may return it. I always answer.

On other terms, in case I haven't mentioned before, I have a habit of changing my hair color when I get frustrated. I ditched the bottle blonde about six weeks ago (i've had it for around about 14 years) and went to a light brown. Just four days later, I ditched that for a reddish brown, about one week later I went for a soft black. Well, just like these lovely numbers I deal with, the color has started to fade (much like my patience ...) and my frustration got to me. I went back to the black, which turned more into a dark brown - but hell, that's okay.

So here I am, it's almost 8:00 and I'm sitting at work with shaved legs and a new hair do, hoping to get home sometime tonight .... of course, with nothing to do except get pissed that #4 has not called and I didn't have a chance to hit "Reject."

The Most Amazing Sex ....

Those of you who actually know #1 will be excited to know that I just had the most amazing sex .... with myself. No phone call and plus, no-fuss no-mess and still been a year and counting ... Glorious, glorious, glorious.

Not much to update today. I started adding swim to my workout, it's been refreshing - I was getting bored with the normal routine. I also took a week off and have been feeling not-so-hot and decided I better start firming up with the christmas party just around the corner (10 days and couting -eek!).

Slight guy update ... still don't know what the hell is going on in #4's mind. He wasn't kidding when he said he was going to push me away, I've about had it to boot. #1 and i have survived hands off for a week and not seen eachother today so there was no sex. I text messaged #3 to no reply, so that's completely through. #2 rearranged his schedule to be here on my birthday, so we are both going to Iowa together - should be awesome, I love spending time with him. #5 is still mad - claims I'm just a tease. Dirty, dirty boy.

Couples fighting or making out

I traveled west last night to see a beloved friend who just moved some what back home. I arrived to couple kingdom, basically the only single female among them. The night wasn't exactly how I had forseen it going - but it was a good time.

One too many bud lights later - I realized just how single I was. I was talking about some of my earlier experiences with the man juggling, only to have some of the girls look at me and say "How do you do that?" In complete confusion. My secret, I admitted, was I don't have sex with any of them - those it was looking up for #4 until later that night.

See, as the hours were coming down to bar close I was getting a little - shall we say, rambuncious, and made my call to dear #4. Who instructed me that his day was long but we could hang out. The hours kept passing by and the lovely jack a** never called! Grrr.

So that has left me with today with a sweet nicotine headache and a pure want of getting some. So I called #1. I've finally come to the realization that none of these guys are good guys and I just want to have a good time - with out my number going up. See I've accomplished one hand worth of guys and I'm not sure I want to move onto the second hand with out the guy being my boyfriend. In walks Mr. Reliable and I've propositioned him for an afternoon of a good-time, no-strings-attached afternoon. We shall see and I shall post the results.

'Tis the Season ...

Welcome to the "Hi, I'm still single" holiday season. It's the time where we see family and friends that we haven't seen in awhile - all the while. The enevitable question will be asked, the enevitable answer will be given and everyone, including myself, will hang their head in disbelief. Them because every holiday for the past five years has been the same way (even when I did have a boyfriend in tote), and me because they still need to ask.

Besides family and friend functions - there is also work. The glorious holiday party at a small-service agency, like mine, is the most dreadful part of being single. When you only have 17 employees - two of which are married to each other, everyone pretty much brings a date. This year the added pressure is on because I planned it.

I finally buckled down about a week ago and asked #4 to join me, he agreed. Score. Date done. Of course, there is that hotel room at the end of the night and the promise that I won't have sex with anyone unless I'm in a committed relationship blocking my way. And not that I'm quiet about my rendevous, but there's always the introduction factor to my co-workers significant others. How do I say it as not to put Mr. No-Commitment not on edge but appease my co-workers with warm fuzzy thoughts that I'm settling down?

"My date" is too formal and too sixth-grade. "My boyfriend" off kilter and off base, not to mention anthrax in the palm of this guy's hand. The best I can come up with is, "This is #4" and let the enevitable "How did you guys meet?" question come into play. I can see the evening now. My conservative boss's even more conservative wife askes the question of death - "How did we meet? Well, I was trashed at this white-trash bar and in he walked. Too many beers allowed me to reasonably believe that I was the hottest chick in the bar, so I should reasonably hit on the hottest guy. I gave him my number, he called. We went out, he woke up naked and I was 1/2 naked." On second thought, perhaps "Singing karoke" is a better answer.

Weekend Antics

There are days I really have to question my behaviors.

I'll spell it out pretty plain and simply - I don't want to be single anymore! I want to have a consistency in my life that means I get to laugh, cry, cuddle and for gods sake - HAVE SEX! So why, oh why do I attract the guy that sees me as "good enough" and not "enough."

A good possibility is my behavior, and I completely admit to it. The truth is I really do like #4, besides not being my type; however (this is the part that stings) he has told me not just once, but twice, that he doesn't want a relationship. With this in mind, I go out with #1 - who told me the same thing when we started seeing eachother two years ago. A noon trip to the bar may have been what our schedules called for - but not the best for an oh-so Catholic guilty conscious (and I'm not even Catholic ...).

The logistics of this encounter is this - #1 informed me that his current status is that he's seeing someone, not just anyone but a dirty-little secret someone (him not her). I moped about #4 and asked him why I couldn't just find a guy that dug me (response, for all those caring, "stop looking" - reply, for those wanting, that's how I found him!). Moments later the phone rang, it was #4. During our conversation we had a couple of shots (me & #1) and while on hold - we did a little making out. Fast forward 1/2 hour or so, back at his place for a little oral. I had an appointment, so me and my conscious left. My brain told me it was okay, because #3 has said no relationship, my heart called me a dirty slut. The solution? Have #4 come over and see if the sparks fly.

The don't. I haven't been drinking, he has. The smell of booze is not that intoxicating when you don't smell like it too. Another no-cum blow job and a night of sleeping results in an akward morning - and no phone call since.

Lesson of the day? Pants stay zipped 24 hours in between boy encounters. Second lesson of the day? Stop f*cking looking!

At your age you're a player?

In a conversation with my youngest brother about my current relationships - he commented, "So ... at your age you're a player?" My reply, "Yeah, at MY AGE, I can still be a player." But then I was thinking maybe at my age I SHOULDN'T be a player.

Recently, I've bumped into several girls I went to high school with. It's been six years since we've spent class time together and being that my status those days was nerd, dork, geek and bitch - we were not really that close. The conversations tend to go a little like:

Them: "Hey - didn't we go to school? You're..."

Me: "Yup, we did. Yup, I am."

Them: "What have you been up to? Did you get married?"

Me: "Nope. School, work. That's about it - you?"

Them: "Oh, well I married so-and-so, I have two plus kids, the golden retriever, we just bought our first white picket fence. Tonight I'm out w/some girls from high school ..."

Me: "Wow. That's great" Inside thought - congrats, you've accomplished your MRS degree you always wanted to, I'm glad to know that you're life is everything your mom & dad hoped it would be ...

Them: "So how many kids do you have?"

Me: "Huh? None. Nope, not single one kid with my blood in its veins."

Them: (Look of disappointment, shame?) "Wow. Well ... you look good."

Me: "Umm, thanks. I have two cats - does that make you feel less ashamed of my lack of sex life. I'm getting back to my beer." Okay, that's an inside thought - I usually respond with "You too. Well, it was really great seeing you again, but I'm going to get back to my beer and watching old re-run games of baseball on ESPN classic. Great to see you ..."

So that really gets you thinking about how you've utterly wasted 25 years of your life. Hey - I'm not complaining I'm not really the mom type or the wife type at this point in my life. I live in my dad's basement for christ sake and my cats are already deprived of attention. I can't really supply a life for myself not to mention the 2.5 kids and the golden retriever and in all honesty, I haven't touched a plant since horticulture in college.

Those experiences, plus my little brother's comment get to you though. I recently found a piece of paper that had my ten year plan on it - wow, I've accomplished a whole one thing on it. When I was 18, my goals were the following:

Graduate from college.
Get married, get pregnant.
Have a fulfilling career.
Travel the world.
Make a difference.
Be rich.

Now if the list looked like the actual last seven years of my life it would perhaps say:

Call off a wedding.
Be a groupie for a local band.
Graduate college.
Be in a handful of meaningless relationships, including not getting laid in over a year.
Have a job.
Gain 40 pounds, loose 50, gain 60, loose 30.

Now that's a list I can check all of the items off on!

Sidetracked on the topic here a bit - sorry. Anyhow, in recent weeks the status of the boys-by-numbers has changed quite a bit and I'm a little less at player status.

#3 has pretty much left the picture - although can't same my drunk IMing wasn't trying to convince him to stay. I've realized that my past makes a future impossible - but I still get these flashbacks of the night and could kick myself for not indulging in a sexual fantasy or two with him ... I, by no means, regret having been with him - but if it was or is meant to be it will be.

#4 and I actually went out the other night and despite being the opposite of my attraction (as in HOT, HOT, HOT) - he turned out to be a real good time. Although the kissing wasn't spectacular and there was way too much drinking on my part - he's definitely someone I wouldn't mind seeing again. Our night started with too much drinking and ended at his place. I can't say I remember too much of the in between, but I woke up with no shirt on (but pants - which makes the rest of this a tad bit confusing) and he woke up naked. We had mutual headaches. He said he was glad we didn't have sex - news to me. I'd hope to remember it since it's been so long, but at least it eased my thoughts of what had happened! He gave me a back rub - walked me to the door and I wondered where the hell my bra was ...

After my rendevous with #4, I decided I perhaps wanted to sleep with him and maybe only him which meant 100% confronting my dear #1 about the possibility of him NOT sleeping with me again, but perhaps maintaining the friendship that I so desired. See, for me, it is some how easier to be friends with a guy that has at least put some part of his body into my mouth ... Anyhow, last night went pretty decent. We hadn't seen eachother in a bit of time and he knew about my chance meeting with #4 who he amptly nicknamed a popular teeny-bopper icon. We decided to catch up in scrubby clothes at his place over a rented movie. We went to the local video store and he asked about if I had spoken to #4 to which I replied - yes, we had gone out and had a great time. So despite my reservations of him being too hot for me, I had woke up sans a shirt and promptly walked to my car with a headache. He got the picture. We cuddled on the couch but no part of his body ended up in mine and I left at 2:00AM.

So player? Maybe not. Ready to settle down - I guess we will have to see. #4 has just called and invited me out at 8:00. Okay, why do I like older guys? They are in bed by 10 which suits my lifestyle. Why am I trying to get with a younger guy - shit, in honesty just to get some.

In the meantime, it's only 5:18 and I might indulge in a beer after I figure out the trendy outfit that would be perfect to suit my now younger suitor ... and I'll update later.

Hauntings.

In honor of Halloween yesterday, this article's going to be slightly less amusing and more so of how things in the past can haunt you for the rest of your life.

I'm almost positive all of us would go back and rewind the clock to take back something we did or said. For me, it's several times.

I have come to the understanding that what happened in my past will forever haunt my future. The first guy I was with, I was also engaged to. For the rest of my life, "I got engaged!" will be followed by "Again?" There won't be that anticipation of what the perfect ring would look like, because I already owned it. Also, this relationship has made me critical of myself and resistant to the "good guy."

I really believe that my past relationships have completely made me reluctant to the nice guy routine. At one point I was dating a semi-decent guy that actually took an interest in me and listened. At one point I had mentioned my favorite flowers were lilies and days later, that my favorite color was pink. He custom ordered lillies in pink and would bring them to my house for our dates. This red flagged me as bad behavior - when it should have been, "This is the way it should be."

Then of course, there is the whole story with #3, who is now untouchable because of my past decision to date his friend.

All the past hauntings are not necessarily bad (at least not while I'm single). Occassionally I'll be in the shower and the water will hit the small of my back or my neck, just so much so to flash me back to a passionate night. This haunting has helped make for many nights of fulfilling my own guilty pleasures and I will blame my latest two broken vibrators specifically to those events.

No matter how many times we try to convince ourselves that the past doesn't really matter - it will always be a factor in the haunting of our futures - for good or bad.

Mutha' Fucka!

Last week was a huge shock … a letter from the ex. Nothing like that to shock you out of your system. It’s been three years since we were in our five year relationship, young love – wasn’t it sweet? Yeah, until the stupidness of puppy love sneaks in your door and pisses all over your carpet.

You see young love led to co-signed credit cards and trying to forget led to more debt and more school loans, in the hope to never again turn to a guy for satisfaction. And then it arrived, an invitation to my entire family – sans myself – to his wedding.

It had been five years since I had even saw him and staring at my face was his new beginning and I was stuck in my same single life, same low-income, same routine, same cat, same everything. I admit, somewhat out of anger and somewhat out of jealousy, I sent him the credit card bill I was paying – after all he owned the Playstation One and Two, the Game Cube, the Xbox, the millions of DVDs, the big screen TV, the stereos, the appliances, the Cds and all the others. He sent me a letter saying pay or he’ll sue.

I sent him a letter saying go ahead, he sent me a letter back saying he’d retain a lawyer I owe him $4550.00 – for all the debt he incurred during our relationship. In case you didn't know - in Wisconsin it's 50/50 when you sign on the dotted line.

So that's the deal with the ex. I recently gathered all the pictures of him and fearing a rather large fire of 5 years worth of pictures, opted for the garbage disposal instead of matches. Ah, life is great when you can smash someone's face by lots of blades and not have to worry about criminal action.

All good lives are like soap operas ...

And hey will this blog have the drama for you!

You'll be happy to find random rants, hilarious drinking stories and just thought patterns of my day on this blog.

A little about me, I'm currently 24 and a recent graduate of good old UWM. Got a fulltime job in advertising and work a lot for a little. From what I hear, that's what everyone says but it's pretty much true in this area.

Since graduation life has been less than easy. In a slight recap - I broke up with my boyfriend of a year plus, got an invitation to my ex fiances wedding, got sued by the same ex fiance, Dad fell out of a tree and broke his neck and I had to move home because of my current financial status - that is, I make negative money a month.

But, on the other hand I live in the great city of Milwaukee where small town people feel like they are in a big town and the big town people think it's too small. We have arts, festivals, beer and the outdoors. Our downtown is small but classy, you'll be lucky to find a martini down there for under $10. We have a big enough college that the kids wander down and get drunk almost every night and a small enough college to get noticed when our B team works thier butts off.

In the mean time - feel free to wander around, look up a martini recipe or two, watch a Sex in the City Episode, look at pictures or do what ever makes you happy because that's what this site is about!