At your age you're a player?

In a conversation with my youngest brother about my current relationships - he commented, "So ... at your age you're a player?" My reply, "Yeah, at MY AGE, I can still be a player." But then I was thinking maybe at my age I SHOULDN'T be a player.

Recently, I've bumped into several girls I went to high school with. It's been six years since we've spent class time together and being that my status those days was nerd, dork, geek and bitch - we were not really that close. The conversations tend to go a little like:

Them: "Hey - didn't we go to school? You're..."

Me: "Yup, we did. Yup, I am."

Them: "What have you been up to? Did you get married?"

Me: "Nope. School, work. That's about it - you?"

Them: "Oh, well I married so-and-so, I have two plus kids, the golden retriever, we just bought our first white picket fence. Tonight I'm out w/some girls from high school ..."

Me: "Wow. That's great" Inside thought - congrats, you've accomplished your MRS degree you always wanted to, I'm glad to know that you're life is everything your mom & dad hoped it would be ...

Them: "So how many kids do you have?"

Me: "Huh? None. Nope, not single one kid with my blood in its veins."

Them: (Look of disappointment, shame?) "Wow. Well ... you look good."

Me: "Umm, thanks. I have two cats - does that make you feel less ashamed of my lack of sex life. I'm getting back to my beer." Okay, that's an inside thought - I usually respond with "You too. Well, it was really great seeing you again, but I'm going to get back to my beer and watching old re-run games of baseball on ESPN classic. Great to see you ..."

So that really gets you thinking about how you've utterly wasted 25 years of your life. Hey - I'm not complaining I'm not really the mom type or the wife type at this point in my life. I live in my dad's basement for christ sake and my cats are already deprived of attention. I can't really supply a life for myself not to mention the 2.5 kids and the golden retriever and in all honesty, I haven't touched a plant since horticulture in college.

Those experiences, plus my little brother's comment get to you though. I recently found a piece of paper that had my ten year plan on it - wow, I've accomplished a whole one thing on it. When I was 18, my goals were the following:

Graduate from college.
Get married, get pregnant.
Have a fulfilling career.
Travel the world.
Make a difference.
Be rich.

Now if the list looked like the actual last seven years of my life it would perhaps say:

Call off a wedding.
Be a groupie for a local band.
Graduate college.
Be in a handful of meaningless relationships, including not getting laid in over a year.
Have a job.
Gain 40 pounds, loose 50, gain 60, loose 30.

Now that's a list I can check all of the items off on!

Sidetracked on the topic here a bit - sorry. Anyhow, in recent weeks the status of the boys-by-numbers has changed quite a bit and I'm a little less at player status.

#3 has pretty much left the picture - although can't same my drunk IMing wasn't trying to convince him to stay. I've realized that my past makes a future impossible - but I still get these flashbacks of the night and could kick myself for not indulging in a sexual fantasy or two with him ... I, by no means, regret having been with him - but if it was or is meant to be it will be.

#4 and I actually went out the other night and despite being the opposite of my attraction (as in HOT, HOT, HOT) - he turned out to be a real good time. Although the kissing wasn't spectacular and there was way too much drinking on my part - he's definitely someone I wouldn't mind seeing again. Our night started with too much drinking and ended at his place. I can't say I remember too much of the in between, but I woke up with no shirt on (but pants - which makes the rest of this a tad bit confusing) and he woke up naked. We had mutual headaches. He said he was glad we didn't have sex - news to me. I'd hope to remember it since it's been so long, but at least it eased my thoughts of what had happened! He gave me a back rub - walked me to the door and I wondered where the hell my bra was ...

After my rendevous with #4, I decided I perhaps wanted to sleep with him and maybe only him which meant 100% confronting my dear #1 about the possibility of him NOT sleeping with me again, but perhaps maintaining the friendship that I so desired. See, for me, it is some how easier to be friends with a guy that has at least put some part of his body into my mouth ... Anyhow, last night went pretty decent. We hadn't seen eachother in a bit of time and he knew about my chance meeting with #4 who he amptly nicknamed a popular teeny-bopper icon. We decided to catch up in scrubby clothes at his place over a rented movie. We went to the local video store and he asked about if I had spoken to #4 to which I replied - yes, we had gone out and had a great time. So despite my reservations of him being too hot for me, I had woke up sans a shirt and promptly walked to my car with a headache. He got the picture. We cuddled on the couch but no part of his body ended up in mine and I left at 2:00AM.

So player? Maybe not. Ready to settle down - I guess we will have to see. #4 has just called and invited me out at 8:00. Okay, why do I like older guys? They are in bed by 10 which suits my lifestyle. Why am I trying to get with a younger guy - shit, in honesty just to get some.

In the meantime, it's only 5:18 and I might indulge in a beer after I figure out the trendy outfit that would be perfect to suit my now younger suitor ... and I'll update later.