In the text message hoopla - I got my normal text from #1 telling me to have a good day. I told him not really. He called at 11 and I just started bawling. I couldn't help it - I think it's the meds.
I'm extremely uncomfortable crying so I use sarcastic humor to ease the pain. "Fuck #1, I mean, I'd switch to women but Jules has gotten me off of them!" Through sobs I managed to get out. He did what he could and told me that there are people out there not like this, and 6 months from now it'll be a good thing. I told him that I still thought what happened 2 years ago with RS was shitty (he did the same thing). He told me he didn't have an answer, but he had a shoulder and promised it would be okay.
After this little antic I sat alone in the office, sneaking on the back porch for a retrospective smoke. I couldn't believe it hurt that much. It hurt even more to know that I sent three Dear John's and didn't get a response from any of them (rejection factor). You so want it to be Hollywood, but that doesn't exist. The nice sweet Dear John isn't making the person on the other side remember how great you are or were, it's a pointless means to closure that will never actually be there.
When the guy in the office came back from lunch he had a bouquet of Stargazers, my favorite flower and a hug. He didn't know what was going on but he was sorry. I didn't need anyone to touch me, I just needed someone to show that there were people out there that cared if I was sad or not.
I wanted to leave early today; however, I've got a meeting with my students at 4:00 which means work ends around 6:00. I'm exhausted.
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4 comments:
Some work guy just up and bought you flowers? Sounds like a new love connection to me.
Far from it actually, he doesn't like me that way and it was more from the boss lady (also no romantic connection).
Well, at least it was some free flowers.
Maybe you should rent "Kissing Jessica Stein" tonight. It may help you.
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