A Morning of Dear Johns and a Bar Review

So yesterday started with a 6pm meeting at "City Lounge," the new 'cool' bar in Cudahy. Needless to say, in Joe's true fashion it was amazing. While it's a non-smoking bar and I'm a smoker, the atmosphere was light, the drinks cheap the bartenders friendly. You can definitely see the Landmark inspiration, dark & thick wood. But the decorations wield to a light feeling. It's somewhere I'd take a date, my parents, even my grandparents if they were drinking.

Currently they lack a menu which brings me to the Olive Pit with a friend for pizza & Cucumber Press & Vodkas. Then it's a stop at the High to meet up TW's brother-in-law, or whatever he was.

At this point it comes out the TW is seeing someone that he met the day after I left for Dubuque. Which led me to the correct conclusion earlier. I can't say it didn't hurt. I gave up RS for him. Or did I?

So I got home, slightly tipsy and pulled out the old cell that had RS's number in it. We bantered with text and fell asleep. We had an early meeting at work so I rolled out of bed at 5am only to read the persistent beeping text message.

"The truth is I met someone. We haven't done anything or gone out. But I like her."

I responded, "Wow. Okay. I figured. Umm, best of luck!"

I proceeded to the shower and crumpled into a ball in tears. I clutched my knees until the shower went cold the sobs didn't hurt as much as they did in the beginning. Holy shit, everyone was right. I was in love. Holy shit, it hurts.

I strapped up my shoes and buttoned my pants to hear my phone beep again.

"It's not like that, I don't play games. I just met her." followed by "And someone keeps throwing a pity party for himself saying 'MG hates me' and I feel guilty."

At first having no clue what he was talking about, I texted "I always return calls, who are you talking about?"

He responded that it was my ex. That's what hurt the worst. His scapegoat. I texted back "I can't help my past and I'm sick of it being thrown in my face. I can't do this on text."

Then, "What do you want me to do? Call him? I mean I'll leave out the point that you've fucked me for a year because that would be tacky."

He told me that I had to do what would make me happy and that he had to stop feeling bad about it.

I said I was happy. Because I was.

So I went to work and decided to compose 3 letters. One to TW, one to RS and one to the guitarist.

To TW I was honest. I told him I went to see RS. I told him I liked him. I told him I didn't know what happened. But he needed to realize that I'm the sweetest person he'd ever meet and that I was a great catch. It was his decision if he wanted to throw me back. Then I told him I needed closure and to email "fuck off" or "okay" or something so I could move on.

To RS it was painful. Because of my reactions when I'm hurt, I often rely on humor. So this is what he got ...

Grow some balls and ask her out. You're an amazing catch, don't think you're not. You are (1) hot (2) sweet (3) smart, did I mention hot? Because you are. And then there's the piercing, but I mean I wouldn't throw that out there as the pick up line or anything - she can discover that later.

You caught me off guard. I'm sorry that I seemed short. When we started this in August, I knew going into it that at some point you were going to meet someone. I'm not dumb, I swear. The truth is we probably should've stopped a couple months ago because I was starting to feel really good about being with you. That's a sure sign of things to come.

You are probably the most amazing person I know. I will always think of you as more than a fuck buddy, I hope you know that. I'll also always be here if you need a fuck buddy ... :)

I can't help the situation with the guitarist. I get mad at it because on one hand it was probably the worst year of my life. My relationship with him made me not want to be with anyone. But on the other hand, I got to be closer with you. Looking back I think that things would have been different if I would have just turned my back that day, but hindsight is 20/20. I just don't know how to stop him from interfering in my life. It seems that he's always that excuse in the waiting when it comes to us being friends.

You deserve to be with someone who you are proud to be with you. Who you can introduce to your family, someone you can actually call your girlfriend. Someone who isn't a 10pm phone call or a romp in the bed for a couple hours. You deserve someone worth you.

Normally I'd write something like lose my number asshole, but I can't. I want to still keep in touch.

And I still want to screw you if this doesn't work out .... :)

Then I had to handle the demons with the guitarist. I told him I didn't hate him, I couldn't even if I wanted to. And I didn't want to. That I heard his life got turned around and that I was proud of him. That the bumpkin was good and that I wished him all the best.

I hit send on all three and cried. I don't know how I ended up here...