I'm looking forward to sleeping tonight. Not that I don't like hanging out with TW - but I have no clue how he operates on such little sleep. For the last 6 weeks when I see him it's about 4-5 hours of sleep, compiled with the dogs this weekend, I'm spent!
The luau was okay, I was a bit put off since he really just kind of let me sit there. But after contemplating everything, I realized I did the same thing to him on the 4th. So apparently, I got a taste of my own medicine.
Things are still going pretty good. I'm going to try to con him into doing something just the two of us one of these nights, but there's a lot going on. NG is moving in with him temporarily and that guy NEVER sleeps. It's hard to get that adult one-on-one time in that situation. Last night I dropped off some containers, watched a movie with both of them and when NG left to pack his things, we hit the sheets. It's still not good, I have a feeling it's more my meds than anything else. Guess I should make an appointment for the lovely old doctor... yeah, fun. Sigh.
I'm in this tangibly weird place right now, on the cusp of letting myself go into this relationship. It's insatiably weird to think that something could be developing between the two of us. There's so many events planned between the two of us - this weekend, his company picnic, next weekend my family get together, the following weekend the tailgate. Our lives are actually getting intertwined - so incredibly different from RS where our paths only crossed on his king size bed.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
It's the weekend - and I'm blogging.
Thanks to dogsitting, I've got the internet this weekend! My girls are doing fantastic, minus one accident inside the house. They're little bichon frises, one of them is actually diabetic and requires insulin shots which freaked the hell out of me the first couple days. I sit there flicking the needle paranoid about air bubbles because she's her mom's baby and one little bubble that I didn't see would be the end of it.
But so far so good!
On Friday I left work early, came to Tosa and ended up crashing for awhile. This cold is still running me down. Getting a second wind, I walked the girls and desperately looked for something to eat. Finding nothing, I decided to call AD to see what he was up to. When he didn't call back I headed to the mall to get something special with that dogsitting cash.
In the middle of shopping, AD called back and we agreed to meet at Classic Slice - or what I would like to call "Pizza as big as your head" - actually, if I recall correctly they say that as well. Afterwards, knowing I had 6 more hours till the dogs needed to go out, I headed over to TW's to watch the end of the game. NG was there as well so my want for some action had to subside momentarily. When we were all on the porch smoking, TW made a comment about his company picnic next week and how he could bring someone, I smartly shot back "Oh - are you going to bring NG?"
He just smiled while NG replied, "Why would he bring me when he has a girlfriend?" Gulp. TW replied, "Of course I want to bring you." At the end of the night I headed back to Tosa and he asked me to stop at his local pub tomorrow to say hi. I figured, what could it hurt?
In the morning I woke up for my normal lunch with #1 and our other friend. While getting lectured on whether or not TW is good for me or not, AD called to tell me the stray that we saw yesterday got into his house. Oops. He then joined us for lunch and a round of Bagg-o, and we decided to see Simpson's.
We thought the movie was at 3:00, but it turns out that was the fancy place where you have to order food. Being that we just ate, we opted to play mini-golf until the second showing. After that we headed home.
I won't give anything really up about Simpson's except that Spider Pig was by far the funniest moment of the entire thing - now Spider Pig makes me roll on the floor every time, so that's still saying a lot.
At 8:00 I headed home to feed the bumpkin, shower and head over by TW's. We arrived at nearly the same time, had some pizza and a friend from work came by as well as NG. Right when I was beginning to leave, my landlord called announcing that she was finally on her way, so I ordered one cocktail more and chatted with the guy next to me.
It was really at this point where I caught myself between a rock and a hard place. I was just talking with the guy, but TW was in the back playing poker, so when he brought up if I was with someone, I wasn't sure the answer. Sure, lately I've been called his girlfriend on more than one occasion - but never by him - and this is his poker buddy, so if TW wanted him to know he'd say something right? So I side stepped the conversation. TW did the rest of the work when he came over and kissed me in front of him. The guy promptly got up and sat by someone else, I overhead, "Yeah - but she's TW's girlfriend."
Yikes. It's such a weird place, that title area. But, for the first time, I honestly really wouldn't mind being his girlfriend and I've jeered away from that title for quite some time. So who knows?
All I know is this past week my old TW is back, the one that makes me happy and doesn't make me wonder.
Today we're headed to the family luau - an odd place to be because this will be one of the first times I'm with out one of my friends during the interactions (gulp). Wish me luck!
But so far so good!
On Friday I left work early, came to Tosa and ended up crashing for awhile. This cold is still running me down. Getting a second wind, I walked the girls and desperately looked for something to eat. Finding nothing, I decided to call AD to see what he was up to. When he didn't call back I headed to the mall to get something special with that dogsitting cash.
In the middle of shopping, AD called back and we agreed to meet at Classic Slice - or what I would like to call "Pizza as big as your head" - actually, if I recall correctly they say that as well. Afterwards, knowing I had 6 more hours till the dogs needed to go out, I headed over to TW's to watch the end of the game. NG was there as well so my want for some action had to subside momentarily. When we were all on the porch smoking, TW made a comment about his company picnic next week and how he could bring someone, I smartly shot back "Oh - are you going to bring NG?"
He just smiled while NG replied, "Why would he bring me when he has a girlfriend?" Gulp. TW replied, "Of course I want to bring you." At the end of the night I headed back to Tosa and he asked me to stop at his local pub tomorrow to say hi. I figured, what could it hurt?
In the morning I woke up for my normal lunch with #1 and our other friend. While getting lectured on whether or not TW is good for me or not, AD called to tell me the stray that we saw yesterday got into his house. Oops. He then joined us for lunch and a round of Bagg-o, and we decided to see Simpson's.
We thought the movie was at 3:00, but it turns out that was the fancy place where you have to order food. Being that we just ate, we opted to play mini-golf until the second showing. After that we headed home.
I won't give anything really up about Simpson's except that Spider Pig was by far the funniest moment of the entire thing - now Spider Pig makes me roll on the floor every time, so that's still saying a lot.
At 8:00 I headed home to feed the bumpkin, shower and head over by TW's. We arrived at nearly the same time, had some pizza and a friend from work came by as well as NG. Right when I was beginning to leave, my landlord called announcing that she was finally on her way, so I ordered one cocktail more and chatted with the guy next to me.
It was really at this point where I caught myself between a rock and a hard place. I was just talking with the guy, but TW was in the back playing poker, so when he brought up if I was with someone, I wasn't sure the answer. Sure, lately I've been called his girlfriend on more than one occasion - but never by him - and this is his poker buddy, so if TW wanted him to know he'd say something right? So I side stepped the conversation. TW did the rest of the work when he came over and kissed me in front of him. The guy promptly got up and sat by someone else, I overhead, "Yeah - but she's TW's girlfriend."
Yikes. It's such a weird place, that title area. But, for the first time, I honestly really wouldn't mind being his girlfriend and I've jeered away from that title for quite some time. So who knows?
All I know is this past week my old TW is back, the one that makes me happy and doesn't make me wonder.
Today we're headed to the family luau - an odd place to be because this will be one of the first times I'm with out one of my friends during the interactions (gulp). Wish me luck!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Sick.
Yuck, I've just spent two days feeling like crap. Sore throat, headache. I actually called into work yesterday. And came to the conclusion that I definitely need to get internet at home so I can be at home and still work.
So I took a chunk of advice - instead of flocking to TW every time he called I decided to play the patience card. This meant I didn't call him Wednesday (he has the kid and I don't like to trump dad/son time) and I didn't call him yesterday, even though I knew neither of us were working. He called promptly at 5:55 like he does every Thursday to chat before my big sister initiative, and I just let it ring. I was somewhat feeling like I didn't even want to call him back, but then I listened to his voicemail and bit my nails for an hour to make him wait.
And it seemed to work, I was on my way to meet a friend for a cocktail and I called him back knowing that (a) our time on the phone would be short lived and (b) that he knew I had other plans. It was a pleasant conversation in which I waivered on whether my car should or should not be parked outside of his house. "MG, park in the drive. I ask you every time." Yes, you do. Okay fine.
On my way over another friend called about her encounter with the Mack Truck - a not so pleasant one and her current job issues. I had pulled into TW's drive but she wasn't ready to get off the phone. He peeked his head out and came out with a Lite in hand.
The kid got picked up at 9:00 amongst hugs of goodbyes (mine included) the family was all smiles. As was TW.
We had a rather chill night, on the couch watching TV with NG. When NG needed to leave, I was exhausted and just drove him home. "You're going Sunday right?" NG said. "If TW wants me too - yes."
NG then gave me an earful to stop doubting TW's affection, yes - he invited me, I've met the family, he wants me there. I then told NG how shocked I was that the family knew about my existence, "See, you even doubt that he talks about you non stop." I can't lie that it didn't make me smile.
That's when I realized I was feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time - happy.
So I took a chunk of advice - instead of flocking to TW every time he called I decided to play the patience card. This meant I didn't call him Wednesday (he has the kid and I don't like to trump dad/son time) and I didn't call him yesterday, even though I knew neither of us were working. He called promptly at 5:55 like he does every Thursday to chat before my big sister initiative, and I just let it ring. I was somewhat feeling like I didn't even want to call him back, but then I listened to his voicemail and bit my nails for an hour to make him wait.
And it seemed to work, I was on my way to meet a friend for a cocktail and I called him back knowing that (a) our time on the phone would be short lived and (b) that he knew I had other plans. It was a pleasant conversation in which I waivered on whether my car should or should not be parked outside of his house. "MG, park in the drive. I ask you every time." Yes, you do. Okay fine.
On my way over another friend called about her encounter with the Mack Truck - a not so pleasant one and her current job issues. I had pulled into TW's drive but she wasn't ready to get off the phone. He peeked his head out and came out with a Lite in hand.
The kid got picked up at 9:00 amongst hugs of goodbyes (mine included) the family was all smiles. As was TW.
We had a rather chill night, on the couch watching TV with NG. When NG needed to leave, I was exhausted and just drove him home. "You're going Sunday right?" NG said. "If TW wants me too - yes."
NG then gave me an earful to stop doubting TW's affection, yes - he invited me, I've met the family, he wants me there. I then told NG how shocked I was that the family knew about my existence, "See, you even doubt that he talks about you non stop." I can't lie that it didn't make me smile.
That's when I realized I was feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time - happy.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
This is not a good Tuesday.
It starts with last night. Went home, did dishes and went to do laundry when, once again, my machine is full of my landlords things. I wouldn't mind if I wasn't paying for the heated water and the gas, but come on! What have you done for me lately? Oh yeah - you vacuumed the stairs and finally took your 20 paint cans away - but still...
It's about 8:30 when I succumb to the fact that TW is not going to call. At 8:45 I lose all hope, put on my running clothes and hit the block. 9:00 the phone rings and it's him, he worked late and was ready to go out - after the shower.
It ends up being that we're going to NG's house. I'm almost sick of other people, but okay. I grab the 8 beers left in my fridge. He calls back, I should meet him at his place, which I found a bit weird but again - okay.
I get over, get in his truck head to NG's and we play cards till 1am. We, of course, end up at his house getting butt naked for a little adult time.
And once again, it just didn't seem to work. I was frustrated and left at 1:30am, completely confused. I'm supposed to be this sex kitten - no one's ever complained about it with me, and I've always thought highly of my bedroom skills. But sex with me can't get him off. I'm a bit perturbed and I get dressed as he tells me "he's so tired" and head out.
I start pulling away and my car feels weird, but I think nothing of it. This morning it was even worse. A biker finally pulled up next to me - I have a flat. Actually, I have three.
After crying, frustrated from last night and tired from only 3 hours of sleep, I called my dad and he helped me get the car to the service center. Turns out that the front two were just incredibly low - while the third tire was punctured.
Of course, I'm out of my mind with anger but I hide it behind a smile and a thank you hug while texting about 30 people, including TW my sad story. "My tire got punctured last night, this is not turning out to be a good morning!"
After 5 hours, a response from TW - "thank sucks, have a better day."
I was more for AD's answer of "Let's hunt down the bastard and beat him up." I mean - at least that put a smile on my face...
It's about 8:30 when I succumb to the fact that TW is not going to call. At 8:45 I lose all hope, put on my running clothes and hit the block. 9:00 the phone rings and it's him, he worked late and was ready to go out - after the shower.
It ends up being that we're going to NG's house. I'm almost sick of other people, but okay. I grab the 8 beers left in my fridge. He calls back, I should meet him at his place, which I found a bit weird but again - okay.
I get over, get in his truck head to NG's and we play cards till 1am. We, of course, end up at his house getting butt naked for a little adult time.
And once again, it just didn't seem to work. I was frustrated and left at 1:30am, completely confused. I'm supposed to be this sex kitten - no one's ever complained about it with me, and I've always thought highly of my bedroom skills. But sex with me can't get him off. I'm a bit perturbed and I get dressed as he tells me "he's so tired" and head out.
I start pulling away and my car feels weird, but I think nothing of it. This morning it was even worse. A biker finally pulled up next to me - I have a flat. Actually, I have three.
After crying, frustrated from last night and tired from only 3 hours of sleep, I called my dad and he helped me get the car to the service center. Turns out that the front two were just incredibly low - while the third tire was punctured.
Of course, I'm out of my mind with anger but I hide it behind a smile and a thank you hug while texting about 30 people, including TW my sad story. "My tire got punctured last night, this is not turning out to be a good morning!"
After 5 hours, a response from TW - "thank sucks, have a better day."
I was more for AD's answer of "Let's hunt down the bastard and beat him up." I mean - at least that put a smile on my face...
Monday, July 23, 2007
I swear I'm not this Dumb for Real
ME: "Hey, Wisconsin is rated #44 in the States to Business in."
JS: "Really? That's horrible."
ME: "No - 44 is good."
JS: "MG - How many states are there?"
ME: "Oh ..."
JS: "Not good."
ME: "Nope - but Middleton is the place to live!"
JS: "Really? That's horrible."
ME: "No - 44 is good."
JS: "MG - How many states are there?"
ME: "Oh ..."
JS: "Not good."
ME: "Nope - but Middleton is the place to live!"
Continuation of previous post. Tsk. Tsk.
It ended up being just 3 of us by the time the sun started going down and I was done playing phone tag with TW. In the end, he ended up coming to see me and we finally met up.
I saw him and I smiled. I don't know why. I missed him for some unknown reason. He hugged me - we didn't kiss for the first moment. We talked about camping and then it was a peck on the lips. We walked around Festa for a bit and when it started getting dark he wanted me to meet the family.
We headed over to the lakefront where 4 tables were over taken and they were all for him. Being that he actually has no family now that his brother died, it was actually his ex's family. They are still really close.
I was bombarded with "we've heard so much about you"s and dumbstruck. For someone who seemed to pull away over the last couple of weeks, how could he talk so much about me? It was hugs and kisses and, "TW, she's great" before joking around with his son and laughing with his ex.
We pulled away for a moment from the crowd, and his arm was around me the whole time. For the first time he looked happy - like I had just justified his decision, that he wasn't doubting our interaction. We sat there cuddled up and kissing for a few moments before wandering around a bit more before the fireworks came.
At 10:15 the sky lit up and he grabbed me. It was great. After the fireworks, we needed to leave as AD had a shoot in the morning. I said goodbye to his family and to him, he leaned over and pecked me on the lips in front of everyone. He then kissed his son goodbye only to have him shriek "Dad! You just gave me your girlfriend's germs." He smiled at me and whispered that he wanted me to come over. I told him I'd think about it.
AD shook his head and told me he wasn't going to lecture me anymore. We walked back to the car over meaningless chit chat of macaroni and long nights and first dates. Our trip ended with a peck on the cheek and I called TW to let him know I was just going to go home.
He called back almost immediately, coo-ing in the phone that he was so glad to see me. I told him I was tired and sweaty so I'd be staying home; however, if he wanted to see me tomorrow he should call. He sat quiet for a second, "Of course I'm going to call you."
This is the problem I have - right here. This is the TW I like ...
I saw him and I smiled. I don't know why. I missed him for some unknown reason. He hugged me - we didn't kiss for the first moment. We talked about camping and then it was a peck on the lips. We walked around Festa for a bit and when it started getting dark he wanted me to meet the family.
We headed over to the lakefront where 4 tables were over taken and they were all for him. Being that he actually has no family now that his brother died, it was actually his ex's family. They are still really close.
I was bombarded with "we've heard so much about you"s and dumbstruck. For someone who seemed to pull away over the last couple of weeks, how could he talk so much about me? It was hugs and kisses and, "TW, she's great" before joking around with his son and laughing with his ex.
We pulled away for a moment from the crowd, and his arm was around me the whole time. For the first time he looked happy - like I had just justified his decision, that he wasn't doubting our interaction. We sat there cuddled up and kissing for a few moments before wandering around a bit more before the fireworks came.
At 10:15 the sky lit up and he grabbed me. It was great. After the fireworks, we needed to leave as AD had a shoot in the morning. I said goodbye to his family and to him, he leaned over and pecked me on the lips in front of everyone. He then kissed his son goodbye only to have him shriek "Dad! You just gave me your girlfriend's germs." He smiled at me and whispered that he wanted me to come over. I told him I'd think about it.
AD shook his head and told me he wasn't going to lecture me anymore. We walked back to the car over meaningless chit chat of macaroni and long nights and first dates. Our trip ended with a peck on the cheek and I called TW to let him know I was just going to go home.
He called back almost immediately, coo-ing in the phone that he was so glad to see me. I told him I was tired and sweaty so I'd be staying home; however, if he wanted to see me tomorrow he should call. He sat quiet for a second, "Of course I'm going to call you."
This is the problem I have - right here. This is the TW I like ...
Barry Bonds doesn't play - but we still have fun!
Of course, things are going to run behind because this isn't your mom and pop tailgate - it's my tailgate. It's 40 people. It's my arrangements, my gig, my friends. So I'm gonna be a bit psycho.
Here's what I don't get - you don't have to bring ANY food - I'm talking it's my $225 tab for brats, burgers, boccas, for chocolate chip cupcakes and devils food cupcakes, for pasta salads and 6 different chips, for dips and salsa, for brownies and for potato salad. I get that you don't have the $15 for the drunk bus because it's "too expensive" - but you really couldn't bring more than a couple beers for yourself or let us borrow your radio? Seriously. Some people tick me off. Especially when they also didn't pay for tickets or refused to share their extra 300 club passes with other people (including myself) - worst part? They can get away with it because they're blood. Besides that incident, we had plenty of booze, plenty of soda, plenty of food, plenty of sun and we left as 38 happy people.
It all started at 8:00am when my "charge" - aka the most perfect man alive (except for the fact that I'm not into bestiality and he is a dog) - woke up and was raring for a walk. I texted his owner that we were good to go by 8:45, she was supposed to pick him up between 9am-9:30am so I could run to the store, vacuum the dog hair out and pick up one of the guys going to the game.
Of course, she was running behind and didn't show up until 10:15, so I was late to pick up my friend. Instead of being at the drunk bus at 10:40, we got there at 10:55 still having to unload all the food, the bean bag game and all the chairs. But it went off with out a hitch.
The girls sent around a collection cup to recoup some of the tailgate costs and we danced, played bagg-o, drank, talked and sang. Then it was time for the game, when I noticed that the 10 tickets I bought had all been passed out (lovely that only 1 had been paid for, isn't it?) and I had none. A handful of people decided to stay outside and drink the free cocktails, so I joined. The Brewers won.
We paced for about an hour until traffic went down then headed downtown to unpack the bus and head off to Festa. It was now 5:00.
Most of us sobered up (I was already) and wandered around, pretending to be Italian and belting lyrics that made no sense. We looked for the biggest Guido - a hairy chest with a gold chain nuzzled into it, a popped collar, white shoes, big rings, lots of gel in the hair. We found a couple dozen.
And then my phone rang and it was TW - his whole family was down there. I wanted to say no, but couldn't help saying yes. So to the lakefront I went ...
Here's what I don't get - you don't have to bring ANY food - I'm talking it's my $225 tab for brats, burgers, boccas, for chocolate chip cupcakes and devils food cupcakes, for pasta salads and 6 different chips, for dips and salsa, for brownies and for potato salad. I get that you don't have the $15 for the drunk bus because it's "too expensive" - but you really couldn't bring more than a couple beers for yourself or let us borrow your radio? Seriously. Some people tick me off. Especially when they also didn't pay for tickets or refused to share their extra 300 club passes with other people (including myself) - worst part? They can get away with it because they're blood. Besides that incident, we had plenty of booze, plenty of soda, plenty of food, plenty of sun and we left as 38 happy people.
It all started at 8:00am when my "charge" - aka the most perfect man alive (except for the fact that I'm not into bestiality and he is a dog) - woke up and was raring for a walk. I texted his owner that we were good to go by 8:45, she was supposed to pick him up between 9am-9:30am so I could run to the store, vacuum the dog hair out and pick up one of the guys going to the game.
Of course, she was running behind and didn't show up until 10:15, so I was late to pick up my friend. Instead of being at the drunk bus at 10:40, we got there at 10:55 still having to unload all the food, the bean bag game and all the chairs. But it went off with out a hitch.
The girls sent around a collection cup to recoup some of the tailgate costs and we danced, played bagg-o, drank, talked and sang. Then it was time for the game, when I noticed that the 10 tickets I bought had all been passed out (lovely that only 1 had been paid for, isn't it?) and I had none. A handful of people decided to stay outside and drink the free cocktails, so I joined. The Brewers won.
We paced for about an hour until traffic went down then headed downtown to unpack the bus and head off to Festa. It was now 5:00.
Most of us sobered up (I was already) and wandered around, pretending to be Italian and belting lyrics that made no sense. We looked for the biggest Guido - a hairy chest with a gold chain nuzzled into it, a popped collar, white shoes, big rings, lots of gel in the hair. We found a couple dozen.
And then my phone rang and it was TW - his whole family was down there. I wanted to say no, but couldn't help saying yes. So to the lakefront I went ...
Friday, July 20, 2007
What did I get myself into?
It started off so innocent - hey, let's get together a handful of people and tailgate our hearts out for the Giants vs the Brewers - way back in May.
A mass email went out and 10 people said yes. I decided I'd buy the food - they were responsible for tickets and drinks. Simple plan yes?
And then there was that damn Barry Bonds. As the last couple of weeks approached our small get together has expanded to some 39 people and now includes a drunk bus. As new RSVPs started coming in during the last couple weeks I could only keep saying "damn" over and over. I was thinking popping out about $40 bucks was no big deal, but now I'm looking at about $150 for just food. Ouch.
I bought 24 brats and 20 burgers a couple days ago, thinking that would suffice. Now I need to go back and buy another dozen brats and some hot dogs.
Tomorrow I'll be making a myriad of pasta salads and desserts.
What was I thinking?
At least the August 19 game I've set a standard price of $25 a head to cover any financial obligations. Depending on how many people are "in" it'll cover parking as well.
On another note, I've opted out of my meds for Cushings. I miss being fun and I think it kind of kills me. I also don't like crying all the time. So what if I have an excess of male hormones? I liked not being emotional and yet here I was racking sobs at Izzy's attempt to save a man's life over Grey's last night - even though I've seen it more than a handful of times.
I stopped taking them on Monday (truth is I ran out and didn't refill) and I'm slowly feeling like myself again. I want to dance, I want to make jokes, I want to go out and party, I want to be important again.
I'm not sure how much of it was the medications and how much of it was me just being in a weird place, but I'm going to turn things around starting tomorrow.
Yes, I said tomorrow. Today I need to do laundry.
A mass email went out and 10 people said yes. I decided I'd buy the food - they were responsible for tickets and drinks. Simple plan yes?
And then there was that damn Barry Bonds. As the last couple of weeks approached our small get together has expanded to some 39 people and now includes a drunk bus. As new RSVPs started coming in during the last couple weeks I could only keep saying "damn" over and over. I was thinking popping out about $40 bucks was no big deal, but now I'm looking at about $150 for just food. Ouch.
I bought 24 brats and 20 burgers a couple days ago, thinking that would suffice. Now I need to go back and buy another dozen brats and some hot dogs.
Tomorrow I'll be making a myriad of pasta salads and desserts.
What was I thinking?
At least the August 19 game I've set a standard price of $25 a head to cover any financial obligations. Depending on how many people are "in" it'll cover parking as well.
On another note, I've opted out of my meds for Cushings. I miss being fun and I think it kind of kills me. I also don't like crying all the time. So what if I have an excess of male hormones? I liked not being emotional and yet here I was racking sobs at Izzy's attempt to save a man's life over Grey's last night - even though I've seen it more than a handful of times.
I stopped taking them on Monday (truth is I ran out and didn't refill) and I'm slowly feeling like myself again. I want to dance, I want to make jokes, I want to go out and party, I want to be important again.
I'm not sure how much of it was the medications and how much of it was me just being in a weird place, but I'm going to turn things around starting tomorrow.
Yes, I said tomorrow. Today I need to do laundry.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
And Fore!
Yesterday I spent 6:45am-10:00pm working. 1/2 of it a golf outing in Madison. The ridiculous part? I haven't been out that way since my last indiscretion with RS, the one that put the kabosh on the first go round with TW. Only seemingly fit to end the second go round with the same trip - just a little less sexually satisfying. Then again, TW hasn't really been sexually satisfying anyhow.
Today's been nothing but a series of running around. I'm dogsitting and picked up my latest pet at 9am, went to work at 10:30, had a meeting at noon, went home at 3:00 to let the pup out, have a meeting at 5:15 and then I'm supposed to go out with my little. Supposed to being the operative word.
I texted my little (her preferred means of communication) at noon saying that I had a meeting at 5:15, so I'd be there around 6:30. She first responded with "Dat Cool" and then followed it up with "Can my friend go with?"
Ah, the exact thing my training warned me against. The correct answer is no, but my spine-lacking said "Sure, have her there by 6:30" to which she responded "That's a problem she lives further away."
Edit. Okay, so not only do you want me to chauffeur and potentially pick up the tab for you and your friend, but you also want me to go get her?
"So what you're actually saying is you need me to pick her up and drop her off"
Her response "Ok"
Alright, see that didn't even make sense. I responded that if she had other plans we could reschedule to Monday. She responded, "I was looking forward to it, but fine, Monday is okay."
I hate chicks.
See, I've wrote that response and it means one of two things - I had plans, so Mondays great but I still want you to feel bad. Or - Screw you for switching things on me. With text, it's hard to tell.
I responded "No,I'm set for today the friend thing threw me off so I didn't know if you just had other plans you forgot about."
Now I wait to see what the final answer is.
The truth is - I hope it is Monday. I wasn't planning on spending all night with her and I really wasn't budgeting for two people.
I need to grow a spine.
Today's been nothing but a series of running around. I'm dogsitting and picked up my latest pet at 9am, went to work at 10:30, had a meeting at noon, went home at 3:00 to let the pup out, have a meeting at 5:15 and then I'm supposed to go out with my little. Supposed to being the operative word.
I texted my little (her preferred means of communication) at noon saying that I had a meeting at 5:15, so I'd be there around 6:30. She first responded with "Dat Cool" and then followed it up with "Can my friend go with?"
Ah, the exact thing my training warned me against. The correct answer is no, but my spine-lacking said "Sure, have her there by 6:30" to which she responded "That's a problem she lives further away."
Edit. Okay, so not only do you want me to chauffeur and potentially pick up the tab for you and your friend, but you also want me to go get her?
"So what you're actually saying is you need me to pick her up and drop her off"
Her response "Ok"
Alright, see that didn't even make sense. I responded that if she had other plans we could reschedule to Monday. She responded, "I was looking forward to it, but fine, Monday is okay."
I hate chicks.
See, I've wrote that response and it means one of two things - I had plans, so Mondays great but I still want you to feel bad. Or - Screw you for switching things on me. With text, it's hard to tell.
I responded "No,I'm set for today the friend thing threw me off so I didn't know if you just had other plans you forgot about."
Now I wait to see what the final answer is.
The truth is - I hope it is Monday. I wasn't planning on spending all night with her and I really wasn't budgeting for two people.
I need to grow a spine.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Define Dating.
At dinner, AD and I were engaged in a conversation where we discussed the levels of getting to know one another. Something else I discussed way back in '05 of this blog (seriously, I've been blogging that long - damn). And this post on Wearing the Pants (see, this is why comments are fun - I had never been and I do enjoy what I'm reading) reminded me of it as well.
I wondered today if my thoughts on the "levels of dating" had changed.
AD had declared what I was doing with TW was, in fact, dating. Something that I found hard to swallow. His definitive reasoning was that of us spending more than 50% of our free time together and calling each other at least twice a week. Okay - by that definition sure, but I argued that dating was an exclusive relationship.
So it turns out that my levels of dating haven't changed in two years. Ah well.
I wondered today if my thoughts on the "levels of dating" had changed.
AD had declared what I was doing with TW was, in fact, dating. Something that I found hard to swallow. His definitive reasoning was that of us spending more than 50% of our free time together and calling each other at least twice a week. Okay - by that definition sure, but I argued that dating was an exclusive relationship.
So it turns out that my levels of dating haven't changed in two years. Ah well.
New addiction as of late.
I get bored at work easily, so I patrol blogs a lot. I love people that update regularly and highly recommend Bella's blog (she was actually a visitor here a couple posts ago) - check her out here, and feel free to link over from "Daily Reads."
Also, after reading her post about her new running shoes - it inspired me to kick the cross trainers to the curb and go for some running shoes. I'm breaking them in as we speak and will be trying them out tonight.
The best news? They've got pink in them, LOL.
And I'm addicted to cooking. I'm actually making meatloaf for the guys at work (the vegetarian is making meatloaf - how ironic) tonight. I highly recommend this recipe - JS voted it the second best meatloaf he's ever had, which says a lot since he loves meatloaf.
INGREDIENTS
2 pounds extra-lean ground beef
1 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
1 small onion, chopped
2 eggs, beaten
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
4 ounces thinly sliced cooked ham
4 ounces provolone cheese, sliced
DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a medium bowl, mix together the ground beef, bread crumbs, eggs, and onion. Season with garlic powder, salt and pepper. Pat the meat mixture out onto a piece of waxed paper, and flatten to 1/2 inch thick. Lay slices of ham onto the flattened meat, and top with slices of cheese. Pick up the edge of the waxed paper to roll the flattened meat up into a log. Remove waxed paper, seal the ends and seam, and place the loaf into a 9x5 inch loaf pan.
Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the loaf is no longer pink inside.
Also, after reading her post about her new running shoes - it inspired me to kick the cross trainers to the curb and go for some running shoes. I'm breaking them in as we speak and will be trying them out tonight.
The best news? They've got pink in them, LOL.
And I'm addicted to cooking. I'm actually making meatloaf for the guys at work (the vegetarian is making meatloaf - how ironic) tonight. I highly recommend this recipe - JS voted it the second best meatloaf he's ever had, which says a lot since he loves meatloaf.
INGREDIENTS
2 pounds extra-lean ground beef
1 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
1 small onion, chopped
2 eggs, beaten
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
4 ounces thinly sliced cooked ham
4 ounces provolone cheese, sliced
DIRECTIONS
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a medium bowl, mix together the ground beef, bread crumbs, eggs, and onion. Season with garlic powder, salt and pepper. Pat the meat mixture out onto a piece of waxed paper, and flatten to 1/2 inch thick. Lay slices of ham onto the flattened meat, and top with slices of cheese. Pick up the edge of the waxed paper to roll the flattened meat up into a log. Remove waxed paper, seal the ends and seam, and place the loaf into a 9x5 inch loaf pan.
Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the loaf is no longer pink inside.
Comparisons.
I can't help but think way too much - that's what I do. I've been trying to do everything right with TW, but I can't help but pull comparisons now that I've had so much interaction with AD.
Don't get me wrong - AD is not even on the list of people I want to be with - he doesn't want a relationship. But he has made me realize certain things that lack with TW.
Seriously, I know that Hollywood has objectified love and that some things are just never going to happen - but there are things that I think aren't there with TW.
Like phone calls. He's doing the same jacked up sh*t that he did the first go round - we had a great night on Thursday and now there's no calls.
Like walking me out. Okay, so you've been working a lot - but you've slept 10 hours and I just told you I'm leaving. Do you really need to say "Okay" and not even move?
Like cuddling. Like hand holding. Like just making me feel like I'm lucky. Well, he does in sense. When he sees me, we kiss. But during movies or after sex, there's not the hand holding, the laying next to each other, nothing.
Like talking about what's working. RS spoiled me, I'm used to having an after-sex recap - that worked for me, that didn't, are you comfortable? What about this? Can we try that? Nothing. In fact, anytime I say anything it seems to destroy the momentum.
Like a date. Why are we always hanging out at a bar or just relaxing at your place. Why can't we go out and see a movie or go out to dinner? We work opposite schedules, but I'll wait.
Like saying something nice. He does that sometimes, for instance last Monday I made a comment about his friends girlfriend being hot and he did say, "Like your not?" but I want to hear him say, "You look amazing" or tell me that I'm a good kisser or something - I tell you.
And then there's the things that AD does that he doesn't that makes me wonder. Like when I puked - following me out. Asking if I'm okay, driving me home. Like going to the movies with me and grabbing my hand and letting me lay my head on his shoulder. Like talking to me, joking with me, etc.
Not that TW isn't a good guy - he is. But now I start to wonder, and I'm trying really hard to stay off the multi path. But it's getting harder and harder with how often TW seems to push me away.
Don't get me wrong - AD is not even on the list of people I want to be with - he doesn't want a relationship. But he has made me realize certain things that lack with TW.
Seriously, I know that Hollywood has objectified love and that some things are just never going to happen - but there are things that I think aren't there with TW.
Like phone calls. He's doing the same jacked up sh*t that he did the first go round - we had a great night on Thursday and now there's no calls.
Like walking me out. Okay, so you've been working a lot - but you've slept 10 hours and I just told you I'm leaving. Do you really need to say "Okay" and not even move?
Like cuddling. Like hand holding. Like just making me feel like I'm lucky. Well, he does in sense. When he sees me, we kiss. But during movies or after sex, there's not the hand holding, the laying next to each other, nothing.
Like talking about what's working. RS spoiled me, I'm used to having an after-sex recap - that worked for me, that didn't, are you comfortable? What about this? Can we try that? Nothing. In fact, anytime I say anything it seems to destroy the momentum.
Like a date. Why are we always hanging out at a bar or just relaxing at your place. Why can't we go out and see a movie or go out to dinner? We work opposite schedules, but I'll wait.
Like saying something nice. He does that sometimes, for instance last Monday I made a comment about his friends girlfriend being hot and he did say, "Like your not?" but I want to hear him say, "You look amazing" or tell me that I'm a good kisser or something - I tell you.
And then there's the things that AD does that he doesn't that makes me wonder. Like when I puked - following me out. Asking if I'm okay, driving me home. Like going to the movies with me and grabbing my hand and letting me lay my head on his shoulder. Like talking to me, joking with me, etc.
Not that TW isn't a good guy - he is. But now I start to wonder, and I'm trying really hard to stay off the multi path. But it's getting harder and harder with how often TW seems to push me away.
Lessons from Men about Men
Saturday was interesting. I had seen TW on Thursday, called him on Friday but he didn’t want to go out, we agreed to go out later. Saturday morning AD called and we decided to go to the frolic. After dinner, we didn’t really like what we saw and ended up deciding on going to another local pub. Unfortunately, it’s TW’s pub.
It was already 7:00, so I figured we’d knock down a couple and be out by 9:00, so even if TW would show up, he would have never known. But TW would call, right? I mean, we normally go out on Saturdays, so I'd just tell him where we were.
After a couple Hendrick's and Press cocktails, a tap on my shoulder and both AD & I turned, almost as if in slow motion. It was TW, smiling - "What are you doing here?" Peck on the lips, I explained that AD had suggested it since he had never been there. And that's when the pissing war started - minus the pissing.
I can't fully justify what happened, I mean TW was obviously not going to even call me - he was there to play poker until 5 in the morning, and there really isn't anything going on between me and AD, I mean, I didn't think so.
AD explained the "Man Rules" below:
Incident One: I can't remember his name.
When TW came up, he whispered he couldn't remember AD's name - even though they've met more than 1/2 a dozen times and had just spent all Monday together. I told him, but he proceeded to let AD know that he didn't know his name.
It was explained by AD that this was a male's way of saying "you mean nothing" and not a slight loss of mind.
Incident Two: The cough.
TW sat on the other side of AD and turned his head to cough all over him. AD was incredibly pissed. I tried to talk him off the ledge and he told me this was just another way of claiming his territory.
Incident Three: Join us.
TW went away for awhile but came back about 10 minutes later, "MG, why don't you guys join us at the table?" Nah, I replied. AD and I were just fine where we were. I turned back and AD just laughed, "That's just perpetuating the situation."
"Huh?" I tried to explain that there was no game that I was playing, he obviously had no intention of being with me or talking to me that night, I was just letting him know that I wasn't going to watch him play poker.
AD explained that the invitation was just a way to see where my intentions for the evening laid. I told him that it didn't matter than - because if TW wasn't going to call, obviously I can have other plans.
Incident Four: Make sure you tell me when you leave.
Just before poker started, TW came back, reached down and kissed me. "Tell me when you leave so I can goodbye.
AD just shook his head, "This guy can't stand me. But it's really the fact that I'm here with you."
At this point, I didn't care, I was drunk. And I was sick of the dialog explaining what was happening. I stood up, went to the bathroom and informed TW that I was wearing some new items from Fredrick's so I'd love a call when he was done. I sat back down, took a sip and stood back up. "You really aren't peeing again are you?"
"Nope. Going outside to puke."
I walked about 1/2 a block and started throwing up, there was a gentle hand on my cheek, tugging my hair away and it was AD. "Honey, we're going home. Give me your keys."
It was already 7:00, so I figured we’d knock down a couple and be out by 9:00, so even if TW would show up, he would have never known. But TW would call, right? I mean, we normally go out on Saturdays, so I'd just tell him where we were.
After a couple Hendrick's and Press cocktails, a tap on my shoulder and both AD & I turned, almost as if in slow motion. It was TW, smiling - "What are you doing here?" Peck on the lips, I explained that AD had suggested it since he had never been there. And that's when the pissing war started - minus the pissing.
I can't fully justify what happened, I mean TW was obviously not going to even call me - he was there to play poker until 5 in the morning, and there really isn't anything going on between me and AD, I mean, I didn't think so.
AD explained the "Man Rules" below:
Incident One: I can't remember his name.
When TW came up, he whispered he couldn't remember AD's name - even though they've met more than 1/2 a dozen times and had just spent all Monday together. I told him, but he proceeded to let AD know that he didn't know his name.
It was explained by AD that this was a male's way of saying "you mean nothing" and not a slight loss of mind.
Incident Two: The cough.
TW sat on the other side of AD and turned his head to cough all over him. AD was incredibly pissed. I tried to talk him off the ledge and he told me this was just another way of claiming his territory.
Incident Three: Join us.
TW went away for awhile but came back about 10 minutes later, "MG, why don't you guys join us at the table?" Nah, I replied. AD and I were just fine where we were. I turned back and AD just laughed, "That's just perpetuating the situation."
"Huh?" I tried to explain that there was no game that I was playing, he obviously had no intention of being with me or talking to me that night, I was just letting him know that I wasn't going to watch him play poker.
AD explained that the invitation was just a way to see where my intentions for the evening laid. I told him that it didn't matter than - because if TW wasn't going to call, obviously I can have other plans.
Incident Four: Make sure you tell me when you leave.
Just before poker started, TW came back, reached down and kissed me. "Tell me when you leave so I can goodbye.
AD just shook his head, "This guy can't stand me. But it's really the fact that I'm here with you."
At this point, I didn't care, I was drunk. And I was sick of the dialog explaining what was happening. I stood up, went to the bathroom and informed TW that I was wearing some new items from Fredrick's so I'd love a call when he was done. I sat back down, took a sip and stood back up. "You really aren't peeing again are you?"
"Nope. Going outside to puke."
I walked about 1/2 a block and started throwing up, there was a gentle hand on my cheek, tugging my hair away and it was AD. "Honey, we're going home. Give me your keys."
Friday, July 13, 2007
It may not be what you want to read.
On my way to Big Brothers/Big Sisters, I turned on to 41 to hear the chiming of "Candy Man" on my cell phone. I looked down and my phone politely warned me amongst the Bumpkin's white mask that it was TW.
"'Ello?'"
"Whatchyah doing?"
"Driving to the Gh-ET-to"
We had a delightful 10 minute conversation before I withdrew to inspire our youth and told him I'd chat with him later, a friend and I were going out to dinner and he was welcome to join us for after drinks, which he did.
When he arrived, there was no welcome kiss like I've been accustomed to these past few weeks. I thought that we had just established we were friends. We talked until it got too loud and walked outside. He told me he was going home, I said okay and turned my back until his hand grabbed mine - "Wait? Your not going to come over?"
"Nah."
Then he kissed me. He's such a great kisser. The kissing was different as well since I was still in my 5" heels from work. Outside the world seemed to stop as our lips touched until we agreed to go to his place for a movie.
And that's what we did. Watched a movie, cuddled just like that first week we were together. We never made out, the movie was too good. And at the end, we started making out like 8th graders.
After the night, we both went on the front porch for a smoked and, being incredibly tired, I leaned on him as he kissed my forehead. I have no idea why that is such an incredible gesture. We talked until we finished and then I went to leave he kissed me again. A couple minutes of that in the crisp summer air and I was ready to fall asleep in my bed.
"'Ello?'"
"Whatchyah doing?"
"Driving to the Gh-ET-to"
We had a delightful 10 minute conversation before I withdrew to inspire our youth and told him I'd chat with him later, a friend and I were going out to dinner and he was welcome to join us for after drinks, which he did.
When he arrived, there was no welcome kiss like I've been accustomed to these past few weeks. I thought that we had just established we were friends. We talked until it got too loud and walked outside. He told me he was going home, I said okay and turned my back until his hand grabbed mine - "Wait? Your not going to come over?"
"Nah."
Then he kissed me. He's such a great kisser. The kissing was different as well since I was still in my 5" heels from work. Outside the world seemed to stop as our lips touched until we agreed to go to his place for a movie.
And that's what we did. Watched a movie, cuddled just like that first week we were together. We never made out, the movie was too good. And at the end, we started making out like 8th graders.
After the night, we both went on the front porch for a smoked and, being incredibly tired, I leaned on him as he kissed my forehead. I have no idea why that is such an incredible gesture. We talked until we finished and then I went to leave he kissed me again. A couple minutes of that in the crisp summer air and I was ready to fall asleep in my bed.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Getting Over It.
Alright, so no call from TW yesterday and, even though I'm holding out for one tonight, I give up. I tried to play the cards correctly and it still came out a bum hand but in the end, it's a lesson learned.
I am capable of really liking someone and turning down dates because I do. I always try to have a back up plan - but it's not always going to come out roses. I've decided that multi-dating is not the thing for me.
And dating people in their 30's and 40's probably isn't either. I need someone that actually wants to be with me.
Not that I'm not hoping he calls, because I am. So go ahead and chastise me in the comments, tell me that he's no good.
But he is. He is a very nice person. In all honesty, if he calls, I'll go right back into the relationship, no questions asked.
I am capable of really liking someone and turning down dates because I do. I always try to have a back up plan - but it's not always going to come out roses. I've decided that multi-dating is not the thing for me.
And dating people in their 30's and 40's probably isn't either. I need someone that actually wants to be with me.
Not that I'm not hoping he calls, because I am. So go ahead and chastise me in the comments, tell me that he's no good.
But he is. He is a very nice person. In all honesty, if he calls, I'll go right back into the relationship, no questions asked.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Whatever Happened to?
Talk about self-indulgent, I've been reading some of my old posts and they make me laugh - but they also made me wonder if anyone who does that here ever wonders "What happened to ...."
So let's start with the originals - Boys by Numbers, the funny thing about this - well there's 2 - (a) There was no number 2, but then again, I was drunk a lot when I started this blog so ah-well and (b) I actually had to research a couple to see who they actually were ...
#1 - Okay, he's still around - and still referred to by number because he does read this blog and he didn't want to be letters. Still my friend, not my make-out buddy. Lord I love him.
#3 - Was changed to RS. And really, not going to go into where he is. Well, why not? In a a relationship, really happy, thinking of long (gulp) term.
#4 - LOL. He's now gay. Glad I didn't sleep with him!
#5 - With J, still, even though they got in a fight. Also referred to as "The Bear"
CB - Probably gay. Still single, still claiming to be straight. Still looks like he's going to cry when he sees me. Flashbacks to me putting my hand near his belt and throwing himself straight across the room can do that to you.
CW - Now in Waterford. Kind of dropped off the face of the planet - probably a good thing. Cringing at Football season and the potential of seeing him again. Take another piece of my heart now baby!
BG - What a regret. Here's Mr. Perfect and MG throws him to the curb. Poor kitten. Still single, still in the band. I want to see him again, but I know that he still has feelings.
HC Guy - Wow - no clue on him. He was damn cute.
GG - Guitar Guy - Single, lives far away, apparently still bitches about us not talking. But I think it was RS's regular old BS since I accepted him as a myspace friend and he hasn't talked to me once.
Mr. D - Still with Ameritech last I heard, probably with a bleach blonde trophy wife these days
PB (Pierced Bartender) - Still a bartender at the bowling alley - LOL. His funniest post is here
Boy Scout - No clue.
JF - Still post about him, he's in love right now. In fact, he's taking her on a wine cruise, all together "AWWW"
FG - IM'd awhile back to say he was so sorry. Still, don't care. You blew it.
So let's start with the originals - Boys by Numbers, the funny thing about this - well there's 2 - (a) There was no number 2, but then again, I was drunk a lot when I started this blog so ah-well and (b) I actually had to research a couple to see who they actually were ...
#1 - Okay, he's still around - and still referred to by number because he does read this blog and he didn't want to be letters. Still my friend, not my make-out buddy. Lord I love him.
#3 - Was changed to RS. And really, not going to go into where he is. Well, why not? In a a relationship, really happy, thinking of long (gulp) term.
#4 - LOL. He's now gay. Glad I didn't sleep with him!
#5 - With J, still, even though they got in a fight. Also referred to as "The Bear"
CB - Probably gay. Still single, still claiming to be straight. Still looks like he's going to cry when he sees me. Flashbacks to me putting my hand near his belt and throwing himself straight across the room can do that to you.
CW - Now in Waterford. Kind of dropped off the face of the planet - probably a good thing. Cringing at Football season and the potential of seeing him again. Take another piece of my heart now baby!
BG - What a regret. Here's Mr. Perfect and MG throws him to the curb. Poor kitten. Still single, still in the band. I want to see him again, but I know that he still has feelings.
HC Guy - Wow - no clue on him. He was damn cute.
GG - Guitar Guy - Single, lives far away, apparently still bitches about us not talking. But I think it was RS's regular old BS since I accepted him as a myspace friend and he hasn't talked to me once.
Mr. D - Still with Ameritech last I heard, probably with a bleach blonde trophy wife these days
PB (Pierced Bartender) - Still a bartender at the bowling alley - LOL. His funniest post is here
Boy Scout - No clue.
JF - Still post about him, he's in love right now. In fact, he's taking her on a wine cruise, all together "AWWW"
FG - IM'd awhile back to say he was so sorry. Still, don't care. You blew it.
Take Out the Trash
If you're an avid reader - this will crack you up. Late circumstances have left me dumbfounded and I actually accidentally bumped into "They Might Be Giants" myspace page and found this song. It made me laugh incredibly hard since I could see JF & #1 singing this to me.
There's been relatively no conversation with TW regarding the "situation" from Wednesday - what I didn't post was the actual occurrence so here's a little entertainment for you.
I was driving home talking to #1, when TW's buddy RNG (Really Nice Guy) screamed my name out his window and then called. We ended up starting to drink at 6:30. TW did not have a good day at work and was relatively cranky and just wanted to bowl. He told me he'd see me at the alley - RNG convinced him to come out for one cocktail. In the meantime AD came out too and we engaged in our regular forte of flirting and conversation. So the 3 of us end up at RNG's with TW (so it's 4, not 3 - I'm not good at math) and then head to the alley for an obscene amount of consumption. AD had no interest in driving - so I drove him while RNG & TW went together. I handled my drinks easily since I had to drive and AD is a client.
TW & RNG decide, after RNG's girl gets there, that the party will continue at TW's place. TW informed me that I should return AD, as they didn't really get along very well.
I drove AD to his car and before he left we engaged in chit-chat regarding TW. He informed me he just saw me with someone more fun - and then he kissed me.
I promptly pulled away, "Christ! What are you doing! I'm with TW!"
After the train pulled out and I replayed the last 5 minutes in my head over and over, desperately trying to reach someone to reason with me. When I arrived at TW's I walked into the middle of the conversation with RNG, his girl & TW.
"She's just with him because he has money." RNG said, "He bought her boobs."
"It's not going to last." TW said.
I walked in, dead silence. Kissed TW and made myself a drink. "Besides, you know that as soon as it ends, she's going to come running back to you."
I tried not to turn around. TW said, "I'm not taking her back!" Although there was that little glitter in his eye - just not sure if it was because he like the thought of her wanting him back, or he liked the thought of being back with her.
The conversation was in regards to his ex-wife. Interesting.
More not-so-pleasant conversations arose - like how many people we've all slept with. I found it funny, since my number didn't go over well with a lot of people in this post that it was actually made fun of for being so low to those 3. In fact, it was almost a look of disgust in regards to me. Although, a turn on for TW. On top of that, it revolved into a conversation where TW announced that he had missed out on being overly-sexually active in his 20's since he was married and was now going to make up for it during his 30's. This was the second time he's made that comment.
So you have to wonder why I asked if I was just a sex buddy? In hindsight - we aren't having that much sex, so I shouldn't have even brought it up - but the situations made me think of who I was to him.
And each day that passes that I don't hear from him, I realize what I wasn't.
Now there's the situation with AD to direct - although, it's pretty simple that there isn't a situation really at all.
Sometimes my jaw should be wired shut.
There's been relatively no conversation with TW regarding the "situation" from Wednesday - what I didn't post was the actual occurrence so here's a little entertainment for you.
I was driving home talking to #1, when TW's buddy RNG (Really Nice Guy) screamed my name out his window and then called. We ended up starting to drink at 6:30. TW did not have a good day at work and was relatively cranky and just wanted to bowl. He told me he'd see me at the alley - RNG convinced him to come out for one cocktail. In the meantime AD came out too and we engaged in our regular forte of flirting and conversation. So the 3 of us end up at RNG's with TW (so it's 4, not 3 - I'm not good at math) and then head to the alley for an obscene amount of consumption. AD had no interest in driving - so I drove him while RNG & TW went together. I handled my drinks easily since I had to drive and AD is a client.
TW & RNG decide, after RNG's girl gets there, that the party will continue at TW's place. TW informed me that I should return AD, as they didn't really get along very well.
I drove AD to his car and before he left we engaged in chit-chat regarding TW. He informed me he just saw me with someone more fun - and then he kissed me.
I promptly pulled away, "Christ! What are you doing! I'm with TW!"
After the train pulled out and I replayed the last 5 minutes in my head over and over, desperately trying to reach someone to reason with me. When I arrived at TW's I walked into the middle of the conversation with RNG, his girl & TW.
"She's just with him because he has money." RNG said, "He bought her boobs."
"It's not going to last." TW said.
I walked in, dead silence. Kissed TW and made myself a drink. "Besides, you know that as soon as it ends, she's going to come running back to you."
I tried not to turn around. TW said, "I'm not taking her back!" Although there was that little glitter in his eye - just not sure if it was because he like the thought of her wanting him back, or he liked the thought of being back with her.
The conversation was in regards to his ex-wife. Interesting.
More not-so-pleasant conversations arose - like how many people we've all slept with. I found it funny, since my number didn't go over well with a lot of people in this post that it was actually made fun of for being so low to those 3. In fact, it was almost a look of disgust in regards to me. Although, a turn on for TW. On top of that, it revolved into a conversation where TW announced that he had missed out on being overly-sexually active in his 20's since he was married and was now going to make up for it during his 30's. This was the second time he's made that comment.
So you have to wonder why I asked if I was just a sex buddy? In hindsight - we aren't having that much sex, so I shouldn't have even brought it up - but the situations made me think of who I was to him.
And each day that passes that I don't hear from him, I realize what I wasn't.
Now there's the situation with AD to direct - although, it's pretty simple that there isn't a situation really at all.
Sometimes my jaw should be wired shut.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
How NOT to pick up a girl
I went for a run about 8:00pm since I STILL couldn't sleep and by now I was a mess. I needed to clear my head and get some exercise so I started on Fernwood and headed towards 794.
The thing I love about where I live is that there were plenty of neighbors out on their porches enjoying their evenings that will wave as you run by. I also love that it's diverse.
I rounded the corner where a couple kids were playing kick ball and headed back towards KK when one of the porch people came towards the end of the walk. I'm not graceful and at the same moment I ignored the slight elevation in the sidewalk and, clunk, fell right to the girl.
A momentary swear word and I was getting back on my feet when I looked up to a pair of black boots, black shorts and a black t-shirt that said "The only job I need is a blow job."
"Need Ice?"
"Nope."
"Well, you're kind of cute - want to meet out when you're done?"
"Nope."
"Why not."
"Not drinking, learned my lesson last night."
"Well how about your number."
"Nope."
"Why not? It'll be fun."
"Umm. I'm seeing someone?"
"Seriously, I'll buy."
"Seriously, get a new t-shirt."
And off I went to the likes of Cold blaring on my MP3 player. I ran as fast as I could away from that t-shirt.
I've been kind of bitchy lately - but seriously, he looked in his 30s, should he really own that??
The thing I love about where I live is that there were plenty of neighbors out on their porches enjoying their evenings that will wave as you run by. I also love that it's diverse.
I rounded the corner where a couple kids were playing kick ball and headed back towards KK when one of the porch people came towards the end of the walk. I'm not graceful and at the same moment I ignored the slight elevation in the sidewalk and, clunk, fell right to the girl.
A momentary swear word and I was getting back on my feet when I looked up to a pair of black boots, black shorts and a black t-shirt that said "The only job I need is a blow job."
"Need Ice?"
"Nope."
"Well, you're kind of cute - want to meet out when you're done?"
"Nope."
"Why not."
"Not drinking, learned my lesson last night."
"Well how about your number."
"Nope."
"Why not? It'll be fun."
"Umm. I'm seeing someone?"
"Seriously, I'll buy."
"Seriously, get a new t-shirt."
And off I went to the likes of Cold blaring on my MP3 player. I ran as fast as I could away from that t-shirt.
I've been kind of bitchy lately - but seriously, he looked in his 30s, should he really own that??
Ask the question, get the answer - kind of.
TW was drunk last night and it was late, but I somehow got the nerve to call him at 3am and finally admit that I didn't want to be just a FB. His response, "Uh ....... okay." I responded, "So if that's what you want - I can't be that." - his response, "Uh .... okay." Bye? "Bye." Click.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Summerfest Lessons & Maybe Not Not-Single.
It was an interesting weekend. Friday I went out with TW, when we got back to his house we engaged in our usual forte of drunken sex. I came so much I passed out - that's right, in his bed. It was the first time we slept in the same bed together and it was a shocker - he's not a cuddler. In fact, anytime I tried to get near him, he'd turn his back. That through me for a loop.
We woke up around 11am and I went home to shower and get ready for Summerfest. By 2:00 R & K came over for some pre-bar, pre-Summerfest drinks. TW joined us. It was at this point I kept seeing him looking a bit longingly in K's eyes and started getting irritated. I put it behind me - after all, I'm the one he's kissing and f*cking.
We grabbed a bite to eat and when the bill came, I passed over a $20 bill. He ended up paying for the whole bill - pretending to have big-daddied all of us even though my tab was a mere $10.00. Then we grabbed a cocktail at the High and waited for the bus.
On the bus, an annoying drunk chick commented that K and TW made a cute couple - K replied, "He's actually with her." She commented that they still made a cute couple ... What the f*?
At Summerfest we met up with a couple of K's friends before trying to hook up with AD and some of his buddies, not to mention my sister and her boyfriend. Her boy whispered in my ear, "Why did you bring him? My buddy is here and I think you're perfect."
He bent down from the bench, a beautiful character at just barely 6 feet, dark hair, gorgeous eyes and introduced himself as Brian (that's right - he gets a real name), "Nice to finally meet you" as he reached his hand down to help me up on the bench. Damn it. We left shortly after and went over to the Miller stage to catch Live.
TW and I made out for awhile until the brunette next to him started talking, which he promptly turned his back to me to engage in conversation. It could have been the beer, but again - What the f*? J was there with her boyfriend, they got into a huge fight and I left TW there, alone, to hold her while she cried. I got back just before the concert started.
J's boy was infront of me, an easy 275 and 6 foot plus which beats my tiny frame at a mere 5 foot 3. I struggled to see Ed and the band. J's boy also blocked my friend Sarah - her husband politely switched spots so she could see.
At the end of the show, TW commented "Shit - should have moved to let you see, shouldn't I have?" I smiled and sipped my now, extremely warm, beer.
We waited for the bus and by this point R and TW were a good amount in the bag. They joked around as my sober self checked my phone for any messages. I texted E, "Guess I was wrong about this whole TW thing."
The bus finally arrived, TW took off to get a seat. When R got on she promptly took the spot next to him and I took the one kitty-corner, alone. I ignored TW trying to get my attention as I sat on the phone with E describing the events of the evening. "Am I self sabotaging?" She told me she didn't know.
We caught dinner and a couple more drinks and he stayed at my place. I was so angry by the end of the night but he was too drunk to drive home. He left at 8am and I struggled the whole hot day with trying to decide if this is who I want to be with.
We woke up around 11am and I went home to shower and get ready for Summerfest. By 2:00 R & K came over for some pre-bar, pre-Summerfest drinks. TW joined us. It was at this point I kept seeing him looking a bit longingly in K's eyes and started getting irritated. I put it behind me - after all, I'm the one he's kissing and f*cking.
We grabbed a bite to eat and when the bill came, I passed over a $20 bill. He ended up paying for the whole bill - pretending to have big-daddied all of us even though my tab was a mere $10.00. Then we grabbed a cocktail at the High and waited for the bus.
On the bus, an annoying drunk chick commented that K and TW made a cute couple - K replied, "He's actually with her." She commented that they still made a cute couple ... What the f*?
At Summerfest we met up with a couple of K's friends before trying to hook up with AD and some of his buddies, not to mention my sister and her boyfriend. Her boy whispered in my ear, "Why did you bring him? My buddy is here and I think you're perfect."
He bent down from the bench, a beautiful character at just barely 6 feet, dark hair, gorgeous eyes and introduced himself as Brian (that's right - he gets a real name), "Nice to finally meet you" as he reached his hand down to help me up on the bench. Damn it. We left shortly after and went over to the Miller stage to catch Live.
TW and I made out for awhile until the brunette next to him started talking, which he promptly turned his back to me to engage in conversation. It could have been the beer, but again - What the f*? J was there with her boyfriend, they got into a huge fight and I left TW there, alone, to hold her while she cried. I got back just before the concert started.
J's boy was infront of me, an easy 275 and 6 foot plus which beats my tiny frame at a mere 5 foot 3. I struggled to see Ed and the band. J's boy also blocked my friend Sarah - her husband politely switched spots so she could see.
At the end of the show, TW commented "Shit - should have moved to let you see, shouldn't I have?" I smiled and sipped my now, extremely warm, beer.
We waited for the bus and by this point R and TW were a good amount in the bag. They joked around as my sober self checked my phone for any messages. I texted E, "Guess I was wrong about this whole TW thing."
The bus finally arrived, TW took off to get a seat. When R got on she promptly took the spot next to him and I took the one kitty-corner, alone. I ignored TW trying to get my attention as I sat on the phone with E describing the events of the evening. "Am I self sabotaging?" She told me she didn't know.
We caught dinner and a couple more drinks and he stayed at my place. I was so angry by the end of the night but he was too drunk to drive home. He left at 8am and I struggled the whole hot day with trying to decide if this is who I want to be with.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Love looks good on you.
So it's not love, it's infatuation, but when I came into work yesterday my boss commented on why I looked so good. I told her I had been out with TW, he went to the 4th with my family, and I was finally trying to play the game of love right - she said, "Love looks good on you."
For once in my life, I'm not trying to juggle more than one guy - I even got asked out by a new guy and said that I would be interested in a friendly dinner, but that I was kind-of-sort-of seeing someone. I walked away, for the first time, not thinking that I made a mistake.
It's not to say that I think I'm falling madly in love - because I'm not. This whole situation is incredibly new to me. Trying to be a regular person and not a sex kitten hasn't been in my emotional vocabulary for almost 4 years. He's completely different from anyone else I have been with - he's quiet, he's relaxed. The guys I normally date are versions of me - catalytic, charismatic, center-of-attention and flamboyant (in both the gay and non-gay sense LOL), he just simply isn't. It's something that I've struggled a bit with. Up until now, I hated silence. But on the 4th, I reveled in just sitting in his arms and watching a movie.
The kissing is completely different. It's like having sex with your mouth. Sometimes overly passionate, sometimes completely calm. Sometimes, grab-his-neck and pin him up against the wall, and sometimes just a little lip tug. And we can do it for hours. In fact, we do do it for hours.
There's this whole different realm of what I'm dipping my toes into. I'm a huge fan of giving oral - but not of receiving, I see it as a waste of time - or I did up until Monday night. I couldn't even imagine how many times he'd make me cum. Now I fantasize about it. In the aftermath, he said, "I thought you didn't like that ..." I told him I normally didn't - but now I'd have to go back and test a bunch of people to see what I missed out on (see, the sex kitten talking) to which he looked at me, kissed me, and said "Shut up." I think he was slightly offended at my joke.
Or there was the calm night on the 4th, that during the movie I started kissing him gently. About an hour later we were 1/2 naked up his stairs and in his room where we didn't even get completely on the bed before we had sex.
But then there's the fact that we just had sex once, even after polite nudging on his porch after a smoke was turned down. "We have Saturday." He said, looking intently at his cigarette butt still red and orange at the tip. "You're going to make me wait 3 days to have sex?" (Sex kitten again, sometimes it's too hard to resist) he laughed a bit, "I'll call you when the kid leaves tomorrow."
And then he didn't call. This is the time where you get all confused inside - am I pushing things too far, am I looking for something he's not, am I just another person to have sex with, then again - I didn't actually want to see him last night, I was too cranky from work, disappointed that I could run 3 miles on Thursday last week, but only one and a half yesterday, but that insecure chick side of me creeps in once in awhile.
I can't help but sometimes think of the hot sex with RS as compared to him - the talking afterwards, the cuddling, and at the end, sleeping in his arms. The moment in the middle of the night where you wake up and realize he's just as cozy as you. Those elements haven't appeared yet - often I feel like I'm being rushed out the door after having sex with TW (of course, it's usually 1am or so and we both work early). I can't help but think I nixed the sleeping over when I left the other week in the middle of the night.
We'll see what the weekend brings.
For once in my life, I'm not trying to juggle more than one guy - I even got asked out by a new guy and said that I would be interested in a friendly dinner, but that I was kind-of-sort-of seeing someone. I walked away, for the first time, not thinking that I made a mistake.
It's not to say that I think I'm falling madly in love - because I'm not. This whole situation is incredibly new to me. Trying to be a regular person and not a sex kitten hasn't been in my emotional vocabulary for almost 4 years. He's completely different from anyone else I have been with - he's quiet, he's relaxed. The guys I normally date are versions of me - catalytic, charismatic, center-of-attention and flamboyant (in both the gay and non-gay sense LOL), he just simply isn't. It's something that I've struggled a bit with. Up until now, I hated silence. But on the 4th, I reveled in just sitting in his arms and watching a movie.
The kissing is completely different. It's like having sex with your mouth. Sometimes overly passionate, sometimes completely calm. Sometimes, grab-his-neck and pin him up against the wall, and sometimes just a little lip tug. And we can do it for hours. In fact, we do do it for hours.
There's this whole different realm of what I'm dipping my toes into. I'm a huge fan of giving oral - but not of receiving, I see it as a waste of time - or I did up until Monday night. I couldn't even imagine how many times he'd make me cum. Now I fantasize about it. In the aftermath, he said, "I thought you didn't like that ..." I told him I normally didn't - but now I'd have to go back and test a bunch of people to see what I missed out on (see, the sex kitten talking) to which he looked at me, kissed me, and said "Shut up." I think he was slightly offended at my joke.
Or there was the calm night on the 4th, that during the movie I started kissing him gently. About an hour later we were 1/2 naked up his stairs and in his room where we didn't even get completely on the bed before we had sex.
But then there's the fact that we just had sex once, even after polite nudging on his porch after a smoke was turned down. "We have Saturday." He said, looking intently at his cigarette butt still red and orange at the tip. "You're going to make me wait 3 days to have sex?" (Sex kitten again, sometimes it's too hard to resist) he laughed a bit, "I'll call you when the kid leaves tomorrow."
And then he didn't call. This is the time where you get all confused inside - am I pushing things too far, am I looking for something he's not, am I just another person to have sex with, then again - I didn't actually want to see him last night, I was too cranky from work, disappointed that I could run 3 miles on Thursday last week, but only one and a half yesterday, but that insecure chick side of me creeps in once in awhile.
I can't help but sometimes think of the hot sex with RS as compared to him - the talking afterwards, the cuddling, and at the end, sleeping in his arms. The moment in the middle of the night where you wake up and realize he's just as cozy as you. Those elements haven't appeared yet - often I feel like I'm being rushed out the door after having sex with TW (of course, it's usually 1am or so and we both work early). I can't help but think I nixed the sleeping over when I left the other week in the middle of the night.
We'll see what the weekend brings.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
"Is he a fella or a friend?" MG's Grandma
Nebraska recap first -
It was so interesting, there people work on farms, in corn fields, kill their own chickens and have gigantic families. We had to wear color coded t-shirts for godsake. We ended up visiting the graves of family members we never knew - my dad teared up at his mom's grave. At the end of the trip, Dad filled us in on his childhood. On one hand, I was very sympathetic to his growing up - he was bounced around a lot, forgotten, abandoned. He had to find his own way. On the other hand, I couldn't except how he could do some of the things he did to us growing up knowing he had to go through that. I mean - we're supposed to learn from our pasts, not repeat them. The abuse, the abandonment, everything he went through he put on us. He said he grew up feeling like he was nothing - exactly what he's done to all 4 of us. I mean, granted, he's changed since the accident but still, it's heart wrenching.
We had one last dinner on Sunday night before heading back to the hotel to enjoy a light conversation with a couple family members and pack for our 5am departure. I came back to the room at 10:30, I had a voicemail. I played it and was delighted to hear TW's voice. I called him back promptly.
On Monday, TW and I enjoyed a cocktail at my pub and some bowling before going back to his place and messing around. This time I got a call the next day.
Yesterday I had 2 friends with no plans, so I invited them along to our family cook out. As I pulled out of the drive, TW called and his plans fell through I invited him along to my family's shindig and to my surprise he said yes. He's now met 1/2 my family and they are in love with him.
At one point my grandma who has been fixated on the baby and failing to see her granddaughter kiss in the yard asked if he was a "fella or a friend?" I smiled coyly - "He's a fella."
It was so interesting, there people work on farms, in corn fields, kill their own chickens and have gigantic families. We had to wear color coded t-shirts for godsake. We ended up visiting the graves of family members we never knew - my dad teared up at his mom's grave. At the end of the trip, Dad filled us in on his childhood. On one hand, I was very sympathetic to his growing up - he was bounced around a lot, forgotten, abandoned. He had to find his own way. On the other hand, I couldn't except how he could do some of the things he did to us growing up knowing he had to go through that. I mean - we're supposed to learn from our pasts, not repeat them. The abuse, the abandonment, everything he went through he put on us. He said he grew up feeling like he was nothing - exactly what he's done to all 4 of us. I mean, granted, he's changed since the accident but still, it's heart wrenching.
We had one last dinner on Sunday night before heading back to the hotel to enjoy a light conversation with a couple family members and pack for our 5am departure. I came back to the room at 10:30, I had a voicemail. I played it and was delighted to hear TW's voice. I called him back promptly.
On Monday, TW and I enjoyed a cocktail at my pub and some bowling before going back to his place and messing around. This time I got a call the next day.
Yesterday I had 2 friends with no plans, so I invited them along to our family cook out. As I pulled out of the drive, TW called and his plans fell through I invited him along to my family's shindig and to my surprise he said yes. He's now met 1/2 my family and they are in love with him.
At one point my grandma who has been fixated on the baby and failing to see her granddaughter kiss in the yard asked if he was a "fella or a friend?" I smiled coyly - "He's a fella."
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