Time for a change.

Karma isn't the right word for it, but I use it anyway. When I need to change something, bring myself some different kind of luck, I change my hair. Just to recap my last year - I had long blonde hair. Then I had short blonde hair. Then I had medium blonde hair and dyed in light brown. Then I dyed it black. Then it faded to dark brown and I got it cut short. I've kept it medium-ish and brown for the last five or so months. The last time I got it cut my hairdresser was going through a crisis, just broke up with her boyfriend, was broke and signed up for Vegas, etc and she chop-jobbed me. I still gave her a $20 tip even though I hated it. The last eight weeks I've been hoping for the weird angles to grow out, but to my dismay it hasn't. I've hot ironed, I've curled, I've air dryed and I've blow dryed. I've switched shampoos, I've flopped conditioners, I've gone with out washing it - just hoping to look somewhat normal. The layers are still out of whack but I can't take much more of it. Not sure if it's a karma switch or just a switch anymore.

So I called to schedule an appointment yesterday, only to find my dear hairdresser gone! I thought of going back to my older hair dresser who gave me the short blonde, look-like-a-butch cut but opted to try a different hair dresser at the salon I've been going too.

Before signing up I asked how she felt about 80's hair - big, bushy, flipped Farrah Fawcett style. The receptionist assured me she didn't think much of it, so I signed up. There's two things I can't stand - the use of anything electric that buzzes used in conjunction with my head and big hair. No 80's and no pixie cuts here.

The new hairdresser releases me from the over-tipping that I commonly gave to the old one (cuts are $30 and I always gave $50) but I don't know her style. Her name is Zoey - so I'm assuming hip and trendy or hippy baby. I'm just hoping not my mom's age. The one scary moment is that I called yesterday at 3:30 and got in for today at 4:45. She could be new. Just not too new.

We'll see how the day pans out - 2 hours until the cut. I don't even know how to fix what I have. My instructions will be no electric razors, no big hair. Something professional, nothing too short. Something sexy, not slutty. Hmmm ... wonder what she'll come up with?

I'm also tired of the dark hair and toying with dye-ing it tonight as well.

Enough with hair. I think I've been lying to myself about not wanting a relationship. Post-vacation always does this too me. I always wish for the pick up at the airport, the flowers or at least the kiss. Granted my kitty head butted me in his "I missed you" fashion and my vibrator roared from not being used and got me off in a 5 minute display of affection. But there's something lacking.

#1 and I have been fighting. I get mad because he solicites me for sex and even when I consider it I have to go to his dirty apartment to do it. So I don't. Then he gets mad. He's horrible in bed, why would I even want to do it. Plus he bit my nipple off just a couple months ago (check out December posts for that story - it hurts to even think about it). He still does the same thing that he did when we were actually seeing eachother - it's always him. It's always go to him, do this for him, be there for him. I suggest doing something different and he wants to stay in. Then he tells me I blow him off and guilt trips me. I ignore him. I get over it in a week and apologize - the same damn circle. He's a great friend, don't get me wrong, but he's a little crazy (probably why I like him so much anyhow).

The sad thing is that he's the only boy in my life right now. The baby's daddy scared me from anything. I haven't met anyone when going out lately. I go out with friends and hang out with friends and go home by myself. I don't mind the out and the hanging, but I would like to not go home by myself or call someone when I'm done.