51 degrees.

It's 10:00, 51 degrees in my apartment. I cleaned when I got home, washed 2 weeks worth of dishes and listened to Regina Spektor. I lit candles and took a bath. Saw LOST for the first time since January. Cuddled with the bumpkin. And did one of my favorite things to reflect on moments, had a smoke on the back porch.

The bumpkin loves my cigarette pack. He knows he can go outside, sniff the real air, listen to the real birds and he joyful rubs my legs as we sit out there for a minute or two.

I love the reflection moments. I think about things, the exciting things I'd say to people I'm angry at, the heartful things I would say if the moment was ever right to the ones I love and sometimes I think of nothing.

Tonight I thought about my little game I played with LG. I smiled at myself, 1/2 wishing I would have done in Anonymous's way and 1/2 happy the way I did it.

It's still not the end result that I dream about on my back porch, that he realizes that I'm better. Sometimes I think it's a stepping stone but then I wonder what is wrong with me in the sense that I'd even want to be with this guy.

I come in to the new ringtone buzzing on my phone - the one that is for one person only - RS. "So what are you wearing?"

I smile and close the phone, curl up on the couch under a blanket because it's only 51 degrees. Open it back up and look at the message again.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes. I would."

"Something sexy."

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"You?"

"8:30?"

"Wear the shirt that snaps."