A little Mr. Roger's.

I live in a town of little houses with pointy roofs and bungalows. The apartments on the upper have slanted ceilings and crown molding. There are few with air and even less with regular heat. While other people's places in the area are cuter or bigger or nicer than mine, I appreciate that their nice but still prefer mine because it's home.

I didn't go to Madison this morning, I didn't even let RS know that I wouldn't be showing up. When he didn't question, I realized that the feeling when I was with him of home just wasn't really home. It was just nice. Like the other people's houses in my neighborhood.

Tomorrow's Plan.

Since I'm fledging on the point of over analysis and still indulging over how amazing the sex was on Sunday I've come to a point where I'll need to make a plan for tomorrow. See, my focus has drained from Madison in the last 2 months - mostly due to my temptations that existed a mere 15 minute drive from my office. I decided last week (prior Sunday's drive) that being in Madison makes me focus more on my sales there so I would spend Friday in the office.

After last night's activities and my unknown current position with LG I'm wondering if I jumped the gun in believing in a potential relationship with him. While in limbo, I feel that it would be a dishonor to myself to deny interaction with RS since I will be so conveniently there.

Voted off the Island.

Well, another year of bowling is officially gone. The season went out in a big drunken bang as usual.

The night started with me being one of the first bowlers to arrive. As the team picked up pace, I stated that I would bowl the first game, but if one of the team mates friends showed up, he could bowl the last. This ended in a miscommunication as the roster got written up - I got voted off the island. I was a tad bit pissy, after all this was my 3rd time that I bought shoes and didn't make it on to the roster so I promptly put my pumps back on only to hear the team next to us struggle with scoring. Turns out they were one short - so I joined them in a flurry of shots and 10 pound ball craziness.

LG arrived early in the game, but made no attempt to see me. Since I kissed him, I thought it rather inappropriate for me to go to him. No harm in hanging back. This is when I noticed as well that his little waitress girlfriend was not present - turns out she was on vacation (should I add with her boyfriend?). In the middle of the third game I was trying to count pins after three shots and was deep in mathematical equations when I finally looked up to the person standing above me - it was LG. Seemingly harmless flirting.

In a sea of drunk hugs, high fives and kisses the ceremony ended and the dedicated drinkers stayed - me included. A little too tipsy to go home, PA was talking to LG about helping to move his floral couch .... I offered to help as well, it was the last day of bowling and I was bound and determined to get some. When we arrived at PA's, there was no couch but there was two semi drunk guys playing football (PA & LG). LG joked about PA's girlfriend who is was apparently with again, and we talked about his man-whoreness. It was at that moment that the giggles stopped.

"What happened with us?" PA said, turning the football in his palms.

"Hey - uh, what?" I stumbled.

"Last year at this time, we were a couple."

"No. We weren't. And I wasn't ready. We went out once, give me a break."

After a couple minutes of relenting back to the girlfriend, LG & I left. "That was uncomfortable."

As was our kiss when he dropped me off.

Last night of bowling.

I'm about 1/2 from leaving for the final night of bowling for this season! This of course means midnight bowling in black lights and excessive drinking and perhaps a bit of good-bye bowling smooching.

It of course, also means seeing what the deal will be with LG. Last week he failed to show, he blamed it on networking I blamed it on the un-comfortability with two chicks you've recently gone out with being in close proximity of one another. To add complexity to his system this evening the kiss from Monday will play apart. Then there is of course the fact of did he or did he not inform PA? If he did what's the reaction. And yes, my lovely anonymous reader(s) I do realize I shouldn't care and that I'm overanalyzing a tad-bit.

To add tit for tat, I'm also traveling to Madison on Friday and toying with the idea of a lunch break. This will, no doubt, pend on this evenings activities. If things seeming promising with LG I may just behave myself this time around ... MAY, I said, may.

It's a hot summer night.

Okay, almost spring night. But I'm here to update you all on what's been happening.

After two days of recoupping (almost), I finally got my buzz back. Granted, I give full credit to my new pair of Wild Rose Button Peep toe heels (you know what they say, a good pair of shoes is like a good man - makes you stand tall & feel sexy) and the fact that I was able to get sleep and not be exhausted. Sunday lead for a baby shower induced wine spree and the craving for the end of my dry spell since I decided not to respond to RS. So I did what any good girl would do in my situation, wanting a guarantee cum and ignoring all reasonable sense, I made a call ... errr text.

Looking all June Cleaver like in my collared shirt and skirt and new shoes, I headed out to Madison for a pin me against the wall 4 hour sex romp. Ever inch of me shook as I rode him, I can't even explain how many times I came. The mere shaking of muscles and want for sleep told me that I was finally relaxed. We had our normal chit chat and I rubbed his shoulders as we talked about nonsense and I believed truly that I had everything I needed - even if it was only 4 hours.

LG and I were supposed to go out Friday, but no word. PG called though (on Friday - how conveninent) and invited me out with LG & him on Saturday. I was supposed to be in Chicago, so I passed. Saturday came and still no word from LG, and it also brought with it a severe on-set of allergies from dog sitting a Golden for the week. I stayed in and thank goodness E called off the Chicago trip.

Sunday was a baby shower, a very conservative one where I was to be looked at as the poor girl that didn't have a husband. I drank Lexia to soothe the pain then headed out to the Bay for a barbeque (not drunk - 2 glasses in 4 hours). I called LG on the way out to invite him, he was busy but said we'd go out Monday. After a wasted tank of gas I headed out to Mad, only to appear at the door in my June Cleaver garb as I was pushed against the wall, "you know me - I love the beaver" he said.

I headed home at 1:30 in the morning.

Today was 80 degrees, so I doned a skirt and went to work. Surprisingly, after a grueling day, LG did call. We headed out for drinks for the next 4 hours for some chit chat.

As he walked me to the car, I could sense the enticement. I asked him, "So where is this going?"

"What do you mean?"

"Let me make my intentions clear ..."

We kissed. It was a good kiss, the kind where he sucks a little bit on your lip. Very gentle and sweet like him. When we finished I thought it was a good kiss, but not RS.

And then it dawned on me... no one will be RS - but that's because we're ancient friends. He's exciting and worth the gamble. I'm thinking of laying my cards down - but I'm a smart gambler - we'll see what happens Wednesday.

Craziness.

I'm awake! Kind of. After bowling (technically networking for work) I'll have booked in 38.5 hours in three days. I do believe that means I get a couple beers tonight and the benefit of sex tomorrow - I'm just saying, if it so happens on arriving, I so happen on ... well, arriving myself.

I can't believe the chaos in my life, piles of laundry and dishes all for working. Just as I put my foot down at work, the boss gets sick and I've got to step up and handle some more obligations. Not that I mind, they are giving me Friday off thank goodness.

I'll be heading out at 4:30 today to let my loaner dog out, change into something extra sexy for LG tonight (in the means of jeans and clothes I don't mind getting smoky) and then heading on over to bowling around 6. If I play my cards right, there will be harmless flirting but LG will go to Chicago with us on Saturday.

Of course, there is the flip side drama that could occur. He's dating the waitress (remember? with the boyfriend?) and she's our waitress for bowling ... we'll see where the loyalty lies tonight!

It's only Monday.

10 hours later, I'm finally home and after a quick run with the dog I finally put on the PJs and checked my email for the last time. Today was a mish-mosh of running around, but it's nice to be home.

As for my semi-date, there's some explanation due to the semi. LG (Lawyer Guy) is a friend of PA. On Wednesday after drinking a bit too much, I slipped him my number and counted the days go by, somewhat glad he didn't call. He's dating the waitress at the bowling alley (who, I might add, has a boyfriend) but I can't help but be intrigued by him. He called Saturday while I was shopping with my mom and asked me to go out with that night. We went out to an east side bar and talked for 6 hours. He bought all my drinks, even offered me his coat when we walked to the little restaurant and paid for dinner. I tried to pay for things and even was fine on the walk, but I accepted it. At 2:30am we left - no kiss, nothing. Hence the semi-date. We'll see how Wednesday turns out.

Alright, going to bed ...

Making changes.

I make rash decisions that last only one week and I've been trying to change that. I decide things need to change and I drastically change them for one week and then go back to old habits the next.

But I've come to this conclusion slowly, it's just been this weekend that I've decided to put it into play. On Saturday it was St. Patrick's day, I went out in the morning with our strategic planner and bumped into a girl that is a client. A girl that my boss needed more information from, so I spent 2 hours and $20 on her to get it. I went out on a semi-date, only to have my phone ring at 11:00 so I could explain to a client she could enroll for an appointment on Monday. I woke up this morning to a call from my boss and headed out to a game with co-workers. We talked work.

I finally got home, I put on PJs, walked to the dog I sitting and enjoyed a smoke. Then I got another call from my boss, she wanted me to follow up on a voicemail that she left that I didn't follow up on - one I never got - one that she wanted me to follow up with NOW, on Sunday night at 8:00.

That's when it hit me. Not one day off. Not one. Not one day to not think about work, to not do work, to not let myself have a life. And it needs to stop. And it will stop, because somehow in the last year things have gotten so much better but I've lost myself.

Lily Allen

If you're a fan of ska, Gwen Stefani style music, I highly recommend Lily Allen. Buy her on you tube - still can't believe it's only $7.99!

A Little Something No One Knows

I was watching Smallville tonight because no one felt like a drink. Lana married Lex, even though she wanted Clark. I couldn't help but think about when I was supposed to get married.

Since the day I didn't accept, but the ring was on my finger I hoped that an old love, Marty, would come and stop the wedding. As the date got closer he didn't reappear, I got nervous and would cancel. Over and over again. Five times to be exact. On the fifth time I didn't have to cancel, I had my way out as in his sperm and someone else's egg.

But I couldn't help think about him tonight. You see, he did come around 5 months after the wedding ended and we did see each other. And me 50 1bs lighter actually ended up being seen in more of a light and less of a friendship. But me also 50 lbs lighter thought to myself, "Can you see him with me?" And I decided that you couldn't. The man I had swooned for since 7th grade became a nothing, my ego ended it and I broke his heart like he broke mine when he left when we were Juniors in high school.

To this day I regret it, and that my friends, is why I live my life with no regret.

Looking forward to the end.

The end of the day, the end of the week. The end of this month. Vegas can't come quick enough, but perhaps if I was less busy it would come much slower.

I'm tired.

Today was a tradeshow and after all the hustle and bustle, my feet hurt but my head is racing with the new leads and the old leads that need to get followed up and filled.

My cat is retchedly lonely these days. I left at 7:00am and returned at 10:30pm to him crying at my door - break my heart.

My apartment was cleaned, but due to the constant happenings my laundry is now piled over and my kitchen table full of mail and bags from work.

I'm not sure when this bustle will tone down, tomorrow is a lunch meeting, a 1:00 drink meeting and bowling. Thursday is another lunch meeting, an evening meeting and Friday is just a lunch. Saturday I have plans with #1, Sunday I have a game with co-workers. Then the next week starts, I don't even want to think about next week again.

On an ending happy note, it's my one year today at my company. I'm actually typing this on my new laptop from them. It's fancy.

I'll reflect on the last year tomorrow, tonight I must sleep!

This is a TMI post.

You've been warned.

I have a new found appreciation for people that wax other people. I mean, I always have had a respect for them, looking at crotches all day and removing unslightly hairs from all over. But now I have a real respect for them.

I've been saving for a wax and was going to do it tomorrow, but a re-evaluation of funds and forgetting about several expenses (cousin's baby shower - $50, Grandpa's birthday - $25, Step-Dad's birthday - $25, nieces birthday - $25), I suddenly found my funds dry but my hair growth appropriate for waxing. So I decided to do it myself.

While not as painful as I thought, it's time consuming - extremely. I'm honestly typing with only 1/2 the job done. I have to schedule in time for the other, perhaps either a late night or early night at bowling tomorrow ....

In the world today ...

With everything being updated automatically by satellite, it was a difficult morning trying to figure out if all my clocks actually had the right time. They all read 7:15 when I woke up. The alarm, the cells, the VCR and even the temperature monitor. Granted, daylight savings came 3 weeks early, but I thought at least one of them would be accurate. Upon shutting off my cell phone and restarting, it rebooted at 8:16. So much for arriving to breakfast on time ...

What has happened over the past weeks?

How did I go from sex pot queen to homebody in the last three weeks? I haven’t been blogging much because there isn’t much exciting going on. For being a girl that likes situations for stories, I haven’t been in much of those situations therefore haven’t had much of a story.

Who have I become with my 11:00 bed time and homebody attitude? Granted, 2 weeks was being on the verge of death – but I’m recovered, bring on the damn sex!

In preparation for what I will consider the next two weeks of getting up and getting out there, I’ve decided to go for a wax. I’ve always been a shaver, but the three week hiatous has left the proper amount of out growth without anyone noticing and I was thinking, what the hell right? So on Monday I’ll make an appointment at one of the local salons and then spread ‘em for a stranger for that sex appeal.

In the meantime until then, this weekend has been ferociously packed. This morning I rolled out of bed and wandered to Walgreens to fill my $40 prescriptions then off to the grocery store to spend $60 on not-food. I couldn’t believe my total, my groceries included a box of Kellogs, a bag of carrots and two bags of lettuce. The rest of my bill was occupied with nonsense such as fabric softner, toothpaste and catfood.

When I got home it was already 11, so I headed over to my mom’s, checked email and waited for her to get home. At 12:30 we headed out and I was rather excited to show her my “grown-up” apartment. Last time she had seen my place it was to unload boxes and she briefly saw pictures when I got my futon. Now the futon has been packed and two natural colored loveseats occupy the red walls in my living room, accompanied by a grey and glass coffee table. “It looks nice.” She said. Not the reaction I had hoped for, but enough. Then we headed to a casino.

Coming off the buzz of my grown up lifestyle, the jackpots recognized my success and three hours later I walked out $100 a head and she walked out $200. Granted, our shopping errands didn’t get done, but at least we were gitty off of winning.

After dinner and a little TV I headed home around 9, popped on the TV and unpacked the additional groceries I brought home. I got all my appetizers ready for tomorrow’s birthday dinner and measured out portion controlled breakfasts and lunches for the week and opened my laptop to find, at no surprise, no internet.

I looked briefly at the pig on my coffee table and pondered how much I would have to feed him to get internet actually in my house, and then I decided that there was nothing exciting right now to blog on the weekend anyway. So I’m typing away in Word.

Tomorrow morning I need to get up early and feed R’s cat, then head to dad’s, then to my sisters, then to my grandparents and round off the day at a theater in New Berlin for 300 with a couple friends. I imagine afterwards, I’ll get home and pour myself some wine, cuddle in my bathrobe and wonder where my weekend went before not doing laundry.

Do not pass go, do not collect 100 dollars.

I am very much anticipating 5:00. I plan on going directly home, pouring a hot bath, getting a glass of wine and soaking. Deeply soaking. Then I will pop on the TV, grab the cat and zone out. Exactly what the week calls for.

In the meantime, on the verge of my one year anniversary, my job supplied me with a gorgeous black Mac Book. Yes, the fancy Intel that runs both Windows and Mac platforms, contains a camera in it and has, duh-dunt-duh! Bluetooth! I am a pretty happy girl! Now I just need to get internet at home.

In the meantime my iBook G4 will be exactly that - MINE. It will be a home computer and no longer a work computer. It should be an interesting switch.

As for other weekend plans, family and friends have occupied nearly every hour of my weekend. Let's hope there are no major break downs.

Post-Review

Better than a thought - a scoring of 3.75 out of 4.0. Hey, I'd take that GPA to the bank!

Today is Review Day.

I hate review day, the point is your always going to hear disappointing things because the truth of the matter is "there's always room for improvement." If there is always room, why do you need to tell me?

The worst is our company uses a 4.0 grading scale, so inevitable I will automatically calculate it into a grade point average ... "so what you're saying is I'm doing C level work?" My other point of concentration, and argument system for a low "GPA" will be - "If I'm a 1.7 out of 4, I wouldn't hire me."

So are the ways of the review.

Being Sick.

I've got that nasty bug going around. On Tuesday at 3:00 I got goosebumps and knew I was on the brink of being sick. After all, my entire family was sick as I was stuck in the little cabin in the UP the other weekend. I've spent the last week wanting to sleep and just feeling like hell.

Ironically, Saturday afternoon I laid in bed sniffling with a big dog laying next to me in bed trying to soothe me with his rythmic breathing - I thought to myself, "this is the time when I actually wish I had a boyfriend ..." then giggled, reminding myself of Samantha in STC (the irony is that the show I was referring to was on that night).

Today I'm back at working trying to stay up and keep myself caffinated and drugged to be of use...

6 weeks.

I finally cleaned up that pile of clothes that has been sitting on my floor since December. That gigantic pile that started off as Good Will and slowly came to hold laundry and clean clothes the same, but just beckoned me to clean it up or no one would come over and share my room. I also cleaned off the couch in the living room. I did all my dishes. I watched Heroes. I’ve adjusted to my Mondays off, I haven’t budged from that notion. I don’t answer my phone, I don’t open my computer and hope that the internet might kick in. Then it happened, the end of Heroes. Returning April 23 and my heart dropped.

I’ve come to hinge on that crutch so that everyone in my life leaves me alone for just one night. My days, my nights, my weekends and my holidays are confronted with friends and family begging for every minute of my free time and for once a week, that time was just for me and a bottle of wine – not them, not that pile of laundry, not the dishes. As soon as the words hit the screen my phone buzzed with three new text messages, “We have our Mondays back for a couple weeks!” Oh, yeah.

I almost wished I didn’t clean, I might be able to pull off one Monday for laundry, one for dishes before I was forced into another four hour block dedicated to my life around me.

Before you comment that I should just say no, let me mention that I’ve made certain strides in myself the last couple of weeks. I’ve decided that you can’t live and breathe a job, because as an old boss told me before he left – “You may view a job as a family so you feel you can’t leave, but that job isn’t family – it’ll leave you the minute it can’t afford you.” More like a boyfriend I guess, but I digress.

The last year (officially next week, wa-hoo), I have lived and breathed, dedicating my free time to networking events, socializing with people in the mix, talking to students about why the industry is just so great, and I’ve put off the other things (aka family and friends) to that little bit of free time that I struggle to give myself. But I have decided, upon my one year, that work doesn’t get that side of me all the time, they’ll get two events a week, that’s either lunch or dinner. Otherwise lunch or dinner time goes to me, to the gym, to my friends and to my family. So that way next time Heroes tells me that I’ll have to wait 6 weeks to see it I won’t have a desperate moment of searching – I’ll have an oh-sad moment, because I like the show so much.

Yes, I actually do think I need a trophy for that.

It's been almost a week since my tounge has been in someone elses mouth. Yes, I think that deserves a trophy of some kind.

The truth is that I just haven't been feeling very sexual lately (shocker, I know). I got a cold on Tuesday and have been sleeping most days and nights since and now I'm dog sitting, so there's no necking going on anytime soon.

I'm taking this hiatous to get myself a bit in order, my bedroom floor is slewn with clothes and if I take a couple hours out of my schedule this weekend, I might be able to fold and even organize them. Granted, that does mean I'll have to purchase something to store them in as well ... I'll figure it out though!

I'm a Friday One-Liner!

Upon finding Bill's site Brew City Zen I secretly was determined to at least at one point become a Friday One-Liner.

Turns out my accosting by three seemingly homeless men got me there!

Cheers!

Accosted.

Blame my suburban ditziness, but I was aware that Milwaukee had a growing homeless population but I never expected to be accosted by three in one night.

Normally, I am that naive person that gives a person at least a couple bucks out of my wallet, but last night I didn't have time to stop at the ATM and was relying on the fact that I'd rack up a $10 tab so I could put it on the old debt card. When I parked my car on North, a gentleman leaving Beans and Barley came right up to me, "Mam, do you have any money?" "No, sorry." "Are you sure?" "Um. Yeah." "But you're going out" (Hurrying up my speed, "To a work function, yes." "Mam?"

I tried not to look back and secretly thought to myself that he might break into my car ... as I left bowling, there was another man on the corner, "Mam?" I must have had a target sign on me, because there was still another one by my vehicle again. I just quickly got in my car, locked the doors and sped away.