Dreams

I'm not sure what triggered it. The rose perhaps? The conversation on Saturday night with my boss in which I told her I struggle with the idea of a relationship with CB because I don't know if I have feelings? She tells me it's obvious I do since I put up with all this bull shit with out getting laid.

But exhausted and home at 2:30am on Saturday (sober I might add), I slip on my pajamas - a not sexy pair of flannel pants and an Old Navy pull over and I snuggle in with my teddy bear and head off to dreamland.

In my dream it's Monday and I've worked all day in Madison. My TV is still out but I really want to see Heroes (I'm beyond addicted - that's reality). I've arranged to meet CB at his place at 7, the show starts at 8. I'm wearing black heeled boots, the ones that make me feel sexy. He buzz's me up. I wait in his door, he answers and asks how my weekend was. I grab him by his shirt, sit him down on the couch and jump on top. I tell him that I know he had a long day and to not do anything, sit back.

I kiss him and it's terrible. I tell him not to do anything, just let me kiss him. It's wonderful. I place his hand on my back and I kiss him deeply. My hand glides to his side and I touch my cold hand on his warm stomach.

And then I wake up.

It dawns on me that the way this relationship goes, I have to tell and do out right what I want - no games. So maybe this is my way in (or his way in - depending on how you look at it).