The Consequences of Emotion Over Physical

I've boiled down my current situation to go against my nature, per say.

With CB I've done a complete 180. I don't date tall guys, or young guys, or educated guys, or non tattoo-ed, non-pierced guys, and I definitely don't date cute guys. And here I am seeing a 23 year old, good looking, college educated, house owning, 6 foot something guy that has "thought" about a tattoo but would never actually do it. I've also looked for physical relationships first over emotional ones. Once again, I am now emotionally involved with no physical relationship and it's driving me insane. So that's my current issue, I'm still trying to figure out his.

I've been good this past week. I've only been with him. I was hoping that it was my closed sense that worked against me, but if I dedicated myself to him that the physical would come. This weekend was his brother's birthday and he invited me out.

This is HUGE in the sense of any relationship - I mean #1 and I have been friends for 5 some years and he's never met my siblings. I think it was a game, even though I'm told guys don't play those games, I'm pretty sure it was. What would his brothers think of me? If I got their approval perhaps I'd get his.

I played DD all night, still trying to get over my ear infection. They got annihilated. Both CB and his older brother encouraged me to kiss the younger brother all night. I'm hoping that was a game as well. Normally, I would do it - I have no issues kissing anyone at any point, especially with my new found confidence from JF that I'm a great kisser but all I could think of was CB and that no girl who makes out with 2 brothers is ever going to have a chance - so I abstained.

The booze flew all night as I sipped on water or the occassional Bud Light, and after a couple bars CB looked at me and said, "You look really good tonight." And after a couple more bars and his brothers in other places (bathroom and the bar), he even snuck a kiss. I was thinking the night was going to be worth it. Then came the encouragement of kissing his brother and I got confused.

They continued drinking and the little bro wasn't looking too hot, so I provided water to avoid the puking in my car. When the clocks chimed 2:15am, we called it a night. I dropped the boys back off, they wrestled in the street and CB and I walked inside the lobby of his building. We sat and chatted, then kissed and then heard a loud slamming sound.

I jumped since the car wasn't mine that night, it was in fact my dad's and to our amazement, the brothers were MIA. CB went into brother mode and ran outside, stood by the car and I rushed to his side, "What?"

In the middle of the road they continued their wrestling until one of them was 1/2 naked and CB pulled them apart. We hugged and he encouraged me to go home.

Today I recounted the story to JF and my sexual frustration. We've had the sex conversation, we've had the time to get to know eachother, I have even met his brothers, he wants me to meet the parents in 2 weeks. How can I do all of this and be "that girl" when I know if there is no sexual connection there can't be a relationship? His kissing is still horrible, how much can I hope for?

So JF and I hung out today and I delivered to him how I was going to jump CB next time I saw him - delivered in the sense of acted out for practice. I was on top of his lap kissing him and about to remove my top, when my phone rang - CB. We chatted as JF kissed my neck. I hung up, took off my top and took off his pants.

"Are we going to have sex?"

I looked at him and couldn't believe what came out of my mouth (after I removed him from it) - "That would be cheating - not technically because I'm not his girlfriend, but I like him." He came moments later.

Obviously, I'm confused.