It's the 4th of July, fireworks are popping, brats and burgers sizzling and family get togethers dreadfully slugging along. Well, at least that's our fourth of July.
I have found that being 26 has not dawned on my family - for good reason. (A) I have no boyfriend and have not had one for 2 years, which instantly has brought me back to pubescent status in the eyes of my family (B) I live in my dad's basement, as a pubescent teen would and (C) I still do not make enough money to provide for what normal "adult" people would. I was relieved to find that no one asked me today about my relationship status, not even hinted. Though there were a few glances and whispers as for relatives to inform each other that I was, in fact, the eldest daughter and had not seen a penis in a near 6 months (perhaps not the last part and more likely my paranoia). I have in fact realized that it is no longer just my friends, family and apparently, ex-classmates that I hated in high school, that pity my status but also mother nature herself.
In somewhat of a buzzed state, at least I'd like to believe, I was informed by my mom that she saw my ex at Summerfest on Friday and she delightfully squealed that he had nearly doubled in size - including having two chins. This was followed by the brash statement that his wife was also quite overweight - similar to my size.
EXCUSE ME? Similar to my size and overweight in the same sentence is not an ego booster for someone who is going to the gym and doing an hour of cardio just to maintain, not to mention weights and what not. Was I supposed to gleefully laugh at this? The man who had not only stolen 7 years of my life and sued me had a wife "similar to my size." I don't know of a single ex-female to a man that wants to know that their current partner is similar to them. I do believe that if a girl does a dude wrong that the next female should be phenomenally gorgeous and if the reverse happened and he did her wrong, ridiculously ugly. Either would suffice for me; however, I have seen pictures of his wife and thought she was a lot bigger then me - so this is not a smiley face conversation. But I digress.
Back to family happenings and the view of me being pubescent and not a grown woman. At the family gathering, which I was forced into because it was sure that I would not have anything else to do, I found that I have no ability to make a decision of my own. Starting with scheduling. My life goes this way - first, my boss schedules my time (often a ridiculous amount, but I am more than happy to serve because I enjoy doing the things I get to do). Then I am limited to about four evenings (including weekends) that I have left. This is when my mom steps in and schedules her time with me, often equal to the four evenings. If, by some chance, this is not scheduled, the remaining time will go to my dad therefore leaving no time for me (and thus far, let me interject, no time to find the boyfriend that my family so desperately needs to have).
Then my mom found an ingenious way to save money for Christmas presents and decided to announce it at today's gathering. "I found these recipes for those jars where you give people all the layered ingredients and MG is going to make them for everyone." A surprised look on my cousin's face mislead me to believe that she was going to defend my adult status, but instead interjected, "You're going to allow her to make something? She can't cook (Ummm, there is no actual baking allowed in layering)." To which my lovely mother replied, "No, I'll probably buy all the ingredients and she'll assist me in making them." Hmm, perhaps it would be appropriate for me to make noodle necklaces for everyone instead? I could even dye the noodles (of course, I would need to be supervised).
Now, I know most of this is my fault since I allow this to happen. But let me rant one more thing - I CAN COOK. In fact, my skills do border on being semi-gourmet. People who have eaten my meals leave with full bellies also undeniably surprised that I could make such dishes and I can bake like there is no tomorrow. I have a killer cherry-devil's food recipe that makes most people melt with desire.
Hmm. Overlooking my latest posts perhaps I should momentarily change the name of this blog to "Rants in the City" instead of sex.
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5 comments:
Oh no...I apologize if she bought that ebook from me on how to layer stuff for gifts, especially because I only sold one and there'd be no doubt as to who I owe an apology too! If it makes you feel any better I'm not selling them anymore...but I guess it's a little late for that. Don't feel bad..I'm married and haven't seen a penis in well over 6 months. Of course, I really didn't think about it until after he moved out and I really don't care to see it now! I'd be tempted to use the anti-rape condom that somebody on Dr. John's list had posted on their blog. Hope you had a Happy Independence Day!
You have a very good natured blog....lol. And all families can be a pain in the ass at times, but what would we do without them??? And I havent seen a penis in a while either..if I could just see the penis and not the whole man it would be ok....lol..but you have to take the bad with the good...;)) Have a great day Sweety!
I have to cosign. It will be 3 months tomorrow for me. :-( And families are a pain in the a$$. I'm the eldest child and grandchild and am constantly asked about the lack of manly companionship. *rolling eyes* Not to mention -- kids! WTF? You want me to have a baby w/o a husband? Somehow, I don't think they'd be thrilled about that one. LOL
Stopping in for the first time due to Dr. John's marathon and enjoyed your rant even though your life seems to suck at this moment. If you can at all possibly move out, I think it would be best for your social life. Even if it is a teeny, tiny place but in a safe area, DO IT! I had to do this and it saved my life (or my mother's, I am not sure who would have killed whom....)
I got here by way of Dr. John's marathon. Don't take up with a male for any other reason that you love him- it's not important what other people think of you. Stand your ground and let them stare.
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