No Need for Nerves

My stomache was in knots. The time I have been dreading since starting my new job in August had arrived. Here we were hosting an event and my old employer, as well as 2 others, were coming. Millions of things ran through my head - don't slip on the non-disclosure, be cordial but still explain why we're better, don't buy into the fake nice.

And sure enough the event started and only one was there. I went about my normal sales routine, sat quietly and began to watch the presentation. About 25 minutes in - they arrived. Of course, we were out of chairs so I hurried to get more to seat two butts that were not paying attention, just playing on iPhones and on computers. But I took a deep breath, I'm good at my job, it'll be fine.

And it was.

At the end I had a lot of class questions and I parlayed them as appropriately as possible. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her standing there, a fake "good to see you" and "nice space" followed, completely generic calls for our industry. I went back to my sell. The other girl who works for her was also there - "MG, don't know if you remember me ..." I stopped her short, "Thank you for coming girl-who-I-went-to-bat-for-when-they-weren't-sure-they-were-going-to-hire-you-and-was-followed-by-my-abrupt-"volunteer"-resignation, of course I remember you." Smiled, shook a hand and went back to business.

I pushed the fuel that burned in my belly out of my life, felt my shoulders relax and have decided that you all were right - it's time to move on. I can't shelter my reputation they so calously trashed by harboring angst, instead I explain simple things - my products are half their price and come with MORE instruction than they give. My facilitators are just as "experts" in their industry and are certified. My company is actually woman-owned and WBENC certified.

That is all for now! Follow my multi-daily updates at milwgirl on Twitter.

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There's a little sunshine in a dark world.

I had to approach my dad for a loan and he echoed the same concerns as many of you. He did give me a little security blanket, of course at repayment terms that are more than a bank, but it works.

Then he sends me an email.

"I have an idea to help your credit. What's your score?"

Of course my score isn't that great, I estimate it for me and he returns the email almost instantly.

"I was going to buy a house. Maybe WE should by the house, they have that tax credit you know."

A house? Are you nuts? I'm already barely surviving. A year ago I was making over $50K. Now after a layoff and two job switches since, I'm suffering in just under $30,000. That's a big difference. That's a "I used to pay off my credit cards, now I make a bit over minimum payments" difference. He told me to talk to a loan agent.

The loan agent said that the credit would apply with my dad as the co-signer; however, just I have to be the primary and live in the home at least three years. If we get a duplex, only 1/2 of the cost applies to the home. So I need to spend at least $160,000 on the home. Because of my credit, I would need a healthy down payment and the credit applies the purchase during the 2008 tax season - so I can't count on it as the down payment.

I'm meeting with my dad to hear what he says about it. I think its basically going to come down to him buying the house and my rent covering the mortgage, and of course, turning over the $8K at tax time.

And I know the provision is that the BF can't live there. Funny, same thing I told my brother ...

What's a girl to do?

I feel like it's been written before and I'm just rewriting the past.

Girl meets boy, boy rapes girl financially, girl picks up the pieces but is left in shambles. When we got back from Vegas it turned out that the $1300 check from the BF bounced for his half of the expenses from August as well as his money for Vegas. And there's no money to replace it. From switching jobs I already was down a paycheck, I already took an advance. I'm living on $1100 a month for $1600 in bills. And then this.

The worst part is he doesn't even seem to want to fix the situation. When I ran into money troubles I sold my laptop, TV, DVD, Blue Ray, Video Game Systems, Furniture - until I virtually had no belongings to make sure I had rent - yet here he is the owner of a 52" TV and he won't even sell that. After not being able to get a loan or find a co-signer his answer is "Well, I'll just owe people money." That includes me - $2 grand now because we had to borrow $700 from my mom to cover rent.

A huge part of me says just walk away - hello 2005 when my ex sued me for the stupid debt I co-signed on. Huge part of me says get a part time job, owrk through it.

But this for a guy who doesn't want to marry me or have children.

One Simple Word

Now that I'm back into the world of sales I've been doing a lot of networking. Last time I was pretty much single while networking, this time I'm pretty much not. I forgot how the dynamic changes.

On Tuesday I met a gentleman and connected with him on LinkedIn, a professional networking site. His response was only the word "dinner" including not being capitalized. I wouldn't have batted an eyelash at this in the past; however, now I'm wondering what exactly he means - like dinner as in date? I mean, I did mention my boyfriend several times when talking to him about our upcoming trip next week? Does he mean to network? That's a weird time to network...

Ugh! How do I respond?

In the meantime ... two of my dear friends are getting hitched this weekend and I'm very excited to go. My only "friend" wedding I attended was a good handful of years ago in Vegas - we won't mention how that turned out (WOS). These two are a great fit for eachother and I can't wait to celebrate. Granted, because money is not ideal we're camping for it. Turns out the Wisconsin weather is 52 degree high with rain tomorrow night. Yuck. Although I like the BF's reaction when I read off the weather, "CUDDLE!"

I've got a big week ahead of me - tomorrow's the wedding and our trip to Vegas is under a week away! Ah relaxation, I dream of you!

Because of my latest job switch I have exactly $20 to my name, which will be put into my gas tank for the trip up North (must remember to charge my digital camera ...). I haven't bought any new clothes for a good 6 months. My mom knows how hard its been since losing my job so she took me out shopping last night. I got 4 shirts (all on clearance!) and a pair of jeans for Vegas.

Of course, I'm not saving my new attire for the trip so I promptly put on my new jeans and a top for work this morning. I showered last night since networking started at 7:30 a.m. and woke up to the crazy curls that the BF so adores. His reaction, "Wow you look hot, I want to take you." My reaction? "Not right now." I know, shocking right?

Oh and to answer your question Anon from the other day - yes, about twice a week. To each his own.

Young, Psychotic Love.

Over the past year and a half I've taken my little brother in because I love him and he needed help to get to school (I'm on a bus line) and a bit of independence from my parents. After he got done with school he began working full time and I opened my 2nd floor of my house, my wallet and my heart to help him out. He went from 3 days a week to every day of every week living with me.

About 6 weeks ago he met a girl through a mutual friend. On their first date he needed a ride to see her, I told him I would but I had a big day the next day so he would need to take the bus. I laid down at 11:30 p.m. to go to bed. At 12:30 a.m. my phone rang, he missed the bus and needed a ride. So I picked him up.

About 2 weeks later I was getting ready for work in the bathroom when I noticed a suspicious bloody female product in my garbage can. Being the only female in the house I knew exactly what had happened. I cleaned up the mess and calmed myself, went to work. When I got home I had a civilized chat with my brother. I did not like people I did not know in my home. This girl was not allowed to be here overnight. He agreed.

Three days later I lay in bed and hear "squeak, squeak, squeak" along with small chit chat through the vent our rooms share. I calmly get out of bed and yell for him to come downstairs. "She's here again. She does NOT sleep over. I have not met her." He argues that he sleeps on the floor when she is over, I let him know that its a lie and it doesn't matter.

2 weeks later I'm hosting a rummage sale. I go into my attic, which is across from his room only to find both him and this girl in MY bed sleeping. He has broken the rules again and he has been caught in a lie. This time I'm pissed and I yell. I tell him that this is the last straw, if it happens again he can pack his bags and get out.

I still have yet to meet this woman.

Five days later I'm informed by my boyfriend's child that he saw my brother and his girlfriend in the morning. He joked how he snuck her in. My boyfriend mentions that he did see her and he acknowledged that he knew she was sleeping over. Because of this I feel like I cannot kick him out. I let my brother know, yet again, the behavior is not acceptable. Come to find out she was kicked out of her house and had no where to apparently go, if she couldn't come over she'd break up with him. I explain that its not acceptable in my home.

Thing are fine for the next few days, until I wake up in the morning and am greeted by another bloody pad in my garbage (chick doesn't even wrap it in toilet paper or try to hide it). I had enough, I was done. I grab my phone and text him that she was over again, he broke the rules and to get out. He responds that he and the girl broke up so it wouldn't happen again (because he would not give her money for cigarrettes). Upon coming home that evening still fuming, my boyfriend convinces me to give him one final shot, after all we do need a dogsitter. We place the final rules into place. He agrees by them.

It's 12:30 at night and I've just fallen asleep when my phone rings. I don't recognize the number, so I send it to voicemail. It calls four more times. I finally pick up ... its the Police Department and my brother's friends have reported that he is threatening suicide. They need to send a patrol.

I leave my room only to find my 23 year old brother inviting my boyfriend's 10 year old to join him on a trip to the gas station (it's 1:00 in the morning). I irrately tell the boy to get into his room and sleep while ordering my brother outside. We have a passionate conversation about how the cops are on the way and what an idiot he is. In the end the cops come and under their advice, he's driven to the looney bin.

The looney bin was full and six phone calls that made me get precisely 10 minutes of sleep before a 12 hour work day ask for him to be picked up. I refuse. My mom comes and gets him and has him pack everything at my house - he has been evicted.

In the meantime him and the girl get back together. I warn my mom that this is exactly the girl to get pregnant on purpose and my brother is enough of an idiot to get her pregnant. His girlfriend calls him on Friday to see her - her uncle has just hit her and she's afraid. So he lies and says he will be by another friend's house. He gets a hotel and spends the weekend with her. He calls my mom 2 days later to inform her that he again, will not be home. She throws a fit. He admits that he is sneaking around with her. She tells him that he is to come home tonight or he can never return. Finally 3 hours later he calls her to pick him up. He informs her that he has broken up with her (she told him if he didn't stay she would break up with him).

The next day comes and goes with little rumbling until his phone bill gets checked (he shares a plan with my parents and was now 200 minutes over the limit for all 3 of them). It turns out that he indeed had lied again and was speaking, rather often, to his girlfriend. On Tuesday my mom and him have it out and he informs her that he lied about having sex - and the girl is pregnant.

This red flags to me as I was the one cleaning up the bloody pad that my dog plucked out of the garbage just one week before this fiasco meaning that she most likely was not pregnant a week ago. And if she had gotten pregnant since - I mean, she's only under a week along. I share this concern with my mom who share it with him. "Well Mom, you can have your period and still be pregnant." My mom is in tears. She has decided that if he wants to stay with Psycho Sally she wants nothing to do with him. At this point, I also do not want anything to do with him. In fact I find out that he complained about being in my house. A house which he lived in basically rent free.

In the meantime, being the sister that has always defended him, I have tried to reach out on numerous occassions to him. He has not called back because there is nothing he needs from me at the moment since he knows I will not allow his girlfriend to move in my house.

After hearing the deceptions and the lies over and over, I've decided to finally think of myself for once. I don't want anything to do with someone that could flat out lie and hurt the people in his family the most for a girl he's known 6 weeks.

Ironically, my sister (who hates his guts to begin with) is playing good cop and offering to help him and his girlfriend in their "situation" - all that needs to happen is she needs to come over and indeed take a pregnancy test to prove this is not another lie. They have yet to take her up on this offer.

A thoughtful boasting of nothing.

I sat in the warm shower tonight, what I normally do in the morning, and did what I normally do. Reflect on the last eight years and how life could've been so different under the bellowing drops of luke warm water as the scents of soaps and shampoos permeate in the air.

I think about how different I am from 2 years ago, from 4 years ago, from 2 years ago. How different my life could have - even should have been if I had made different choices.

At the long end I think how I could have been in a marriage with a cheating husband, barefoot and pregnant with my third child. Disappointed because it was a boy. But how close I grew to my cousin because our lives shared an inevitable path of simplicity. And I shake off the bubbles and think that the choice I made was not easy, but so right.

What if I had stayed with the guitarist who's now a meth junkie and living in his car. Maybe I could have pulled him out of it and we'd be in a shitty run down house that reeked of cheap pot and heroin cooking on the stove. Me in a business suit working 80 hours a week just to not come home, focusing that frustration on the career I've always wanted.

Or if I had never started this blog and just let my anger, hurt, hopes and love just boil inside of me, I would secretly loathe my job but live a shell of existence of sweet simple life, smiling on the outside and crying on the inside.

I'm reminded ever so often of the choices I made and what could have been done to change my life today. Its not that I feel my life isn't good right now its just that you wonder how different it could be.

Instead of just nothing I'll give you something. Yes, I'm still with TW we worked things out. Instead of being the person I thought he wanted, I've gotten comfortable with being the person that I am and its helped.

On the job front I left the diversity place, and went back to an old industry. On the house front, I'm still where I was. I still have the bumpkin and the now 50lb puppy.

For the most part I'm a low-key same version of myself - though I feel old parts creep up occassionally.

I do need to vent about one thing before I leave - I throw myself out there even when I shouldn't. After a friend said she encountered my old boss at an event she mentioned she missed me. I laughed. At one point she was my dearest friend, but upon the situation of leaving my old job and her part in the events during and after, I would not think this woman cared a dime for me. I had sent several emails, including business leads that were returned short or not at all. As I see she still just lies to seem like a person she is not or to fill an empty hole that she created about the person she would like to be. In the end I realize that I can't continue to try to be a person who I am not.

That's all she wrote.

Back to single I guess. The BF broke up with me last night, looked me in the eyes and said he didn't love me - he hasn't. It's the worst thing anyone could say.

While I write not-so-awesome things a lot of the time, I don't focus on the many oh-so-right things. But my actions have consequences and I have to realize that. I tried all I could and got nothing. The heart break is extreme, I even have constant heart burn. But what can you do or say to take away anything? nothing.

I wanted one last hug, one last moment of affection and I just got "I don't love you." I don't think I believe it.

What will we do with our house? The dog? The trip to vegas in September? I can't help the tears anymore. All I can do is try to not let them keep coming.

Can I skip the "married" part of co-habitating?

If I don't get sex soon I might go crazy.

The BF fell asleep in the basement, which gave me the whole bed and major flashbacks of the insane sex I'd have with RS. God, against the wall - on the floor - the touching, kissing. If I kiss the BF he does it ridiculously sloppy, more goofy than loving.

Ugh, the memories. Getting wet just thinking about it ...

When Love Isn't Enough

Dating a man with a 7 year old is completely different than dating one with a 10 year old. In the last 2 years the problems with his child have been super charged with the onset of hormones - and I feel trapped.

2 years and he has yet to attend a real holiday with my family. The only holidays I get are the ones where his ex-wife's family are not participating. Grandpa's birthday, family picnic, Fourth of July. That's what I get. In the meantime the Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings and more go there and I am torn between the two. Either I skip my family and just attend his or face the guilt trip when I'm at my parents' houses and end up doing two in a row.

I thought, finally after two years, we reached a new point - the point when he was spending one major holiday with my family. And then it fell apart.

He told his ex-mother in law that they would be spending Easter with my family due to the fact it was six days away and he had yet to hear plans from them. She agreed saying she "understood that holidays need to be split at this point in your relationship."

Then on Wednesday I get a call from the ex-sister in law, "Easter is going to be at our house - I know you are going to your parents but I just wanted to extend the invite for you to come here if you want."

I couldn't help but feel set up in away. I do know she meant no harm in the invite - but here it was, the first "real" holiday with my family and she knows we made plans, yet drops the hint that "we" can change our minds. I talk it over with the BF and he opts to go there being that the menu won't suit his 9 year old and there are no kids his age to play with. I concede, because that's what I do.

He, however, does not inform his ex mother in law of the decision. The one, as noted above, who said she understood the need to split holidays. On Friday he receives a call from her house from his child stating that he doesn't want to go to my family and he's decided that we need to go to theirs.

I was angry. Not only is this the bomb-drop right after I've put up with anal sex, but he openly admits that it's a complete set up from his "mom" - as he calls her. That was it. Sitting in half pain and half anger, one step from crying due to hormones raging from my period, shaking and I just gave him the look that clearly stated, "You asshole." It started off as a normal conversation but soon esculated. I tried to explain my side but he stated I was being "combative" because I had already agreed that he could go to their family. I decided to just throw in the towel. No more expectations on him EVER being there.

In the meantime I'm trying to figure out the entire picture. The holiday issue is just the latest blue monkey in the entire barrel. We've been banned from having kids by his nine year old and even getting married. Yes, by a nine year old. We have constant battles over the lack of discipline and chores for him. And the situation keeps going.

I do not question the amount of love I have for this man. I do question if I'm set up to be in this relationship. There is too much closeness with a family that is not his and no willingness to embrace mine. I'm not sure I can deal with his out-of-control son any more, wanting to not come home when he is around.

And there is nothing I can do since I make no extra money at my current job. I can choose to move in with family and give up my pets or I can choose to keep what I have and deal with the insanity of my situation. It's sad that I went from being independent to now being so dependent.

Advocating Might Not Be All It's Cracked Up to Be

The good news is that I have a job. It's for a non-profit that advocates women and minority rights. The bad news is it's 1/2 the money and the title is extremely low. It's not at all worth either. There's a ton of work, little direction, an absent minded boss and more. The other girl that was hired with me is already quitting.

In the mean time it's not so much fun struggling to pay bills, but what are you to do in such an economy?

Starting Work.

I start work in just under an hour today. I have mixed emotions. One one hand I'm excited that I get to work with this company, on the other hand I'm nervous about what the future holds. It's hard to think that you hit the top of your game at 27 and now at 28 you're back at post-graduate status.

Due to tuition reimbursement by my new employer, I am looking at going to school for my masters degree. I figure it will not only defer my current loan situation, easing up bills in the next years, but perhaps it will give me the additional edge I need to be successful.

God only gives us what we can handle ... right?

I'm on the verge of breaking down. The dealership wants $1200 worth of repairs on my extended warranty piece of shit car, for yet another item not covered in the "95%" of what the warranty covers. So I planned on using another source to get it fixed before I start the new job on Tuesday. I let them fix the ONE thing the warranty did covered. I called today at 3:00 to see when it would be done (they close at 4) and found out that the part didn't come ... I can't get my car until after 5 on Monday, meaning no fix on the catalytic convertor by an outside source. I feel screwed and used.

Then the BF called, he got side swiped on the way to a job at work. He ended up in the hospital with a f*cked up shoulder.

When does the bad stuff stop happening and the good stuff kick in?

The low grumble in the morning.

Three dogs can be kind of a stresser. My dog is having jealousy issues on day three. Don't go by her people or a fight will ensue - but I kind of think she wants it that way, an excuse to rumble and tumble with two dogs that would prefer to just relax. That was the first low grumble.

The second was my 22 year old brother coming downstairs, turns out that the dog fighting at 6:30 this morning didn't wake him up to catch the city bus. Being that he was late, I offered to drive him to school for a second to get away from the internal grumbles in my house.

The third was my car. I love that the car I bought a year and a half ago has cost my $4,500 in repairs as of last year - I can only imagine what the roadster grumble will bring. If I didn't owe more than what the car was worth, I'd get rid of it at the first chance I had. A couple more car payments and I'll be up to par.

The fourth grumble is the fact that I'm trying to figure out what lifestyle changes need to take place when I'm making nearly 1/2 of what I did last year. I keep trying to find a way to figure out the bills so there's something leftover in the month.

The next challenge in figuring out the bills is to figure out if I should use what's left in my savings to pay off one of my credit cards, or to reserve it since there won't be excess income for emergencies. Technically, the minimum payment is $20 a month, which is what I would be saving - making the equivelant savings account be around 2 years to rebuild at only $20/month. I am looking at a credit change being that I've been living on it for the last month of unemployment. So paying off one would help my status.

Decisions, decisions.

Pee on you, pee on me.

I'm dog sitting a lab and a retriever, plus I have my shepherd/husky - which means going out is basically causing a water park in my back yard. The retriever squats to pee, but you're never really sure due to his feathering and his slighly overweight size. Well, turns out my pup didn't know what he was doing and went to sniff right under his leg ... mid stream. The look was priceless and she got peed on! The BF immediately grabbed her and brought her to the hose, washed her down - which she enjoyed even less being that she wants nothing to do with water.

At the same time of giggling, I didn't realize that she was peeing and I walked right underneath her stream ... all over my shoe. Lovely!

In other - non pee - news. I am no longer unemployed! I accepted a position for $14K less than I made last year, but a position I could see myself in and something of very little effort. I opted for the desk-monkey over sales job and figure that I'll work my butt off and come raise time, I'll see if they can switch my title to specialist instead of coordinator - at least posing me for a position with a little more umph behind it.

Dude, a picture is just a picture.

At my grandpa's birthday today our family got together to celebrate. In normal family tradition - a family picture was to be taken. And a fight insued.

My cousin "surprised" the family by showing up with her husband and two kids at the very last minute. My cousin is the most prized person in our family because of her two kids. Although my sister is raising my neice, she is not blood - therefore unlegitimizing her in the eyes of some of our family. That being said, she also HATES pictures unless they are professionally done. Not sure why, she just doesn't like them.

Now some additional background ... my great aunt is dying and my other great aunt (we'll call her Hollywood since that's where she works) is here to say goodbye. Both of my aunts are the greatest ladies on the planet - fun loving and fun, period. They like to keep family memories on film. Do you see where this is going?

Well cousin drops in with her kids and doesn't even bother asking about my auntie who is not well. Just show off their kids. This doesn't go over well but Hollywood keeps it bottled up.

We finished eating and chatting and I got out the cakes. Well, the kids are getting cranky so Hollywood decides its time for a family picture. Not only for Grandpa's birthday, but also for auntie in the hospital.

My cousin immediately grabs her family's jackets and proceeds to throw a fit when asked to please pose for the photo. Hollywood had enough and just went off! It was priceless because my cousin's fits are generally just taken - and someone finally called her out on it.

Cousin dear stormed out of the family reunion, followed promptly by her parents because they were uncomfortable. Hollywood cried. It was heart breaking - but seriously - DUDE, IT'S JUST A PICTURE!!

That was a bust.

I have never felt so gross about an interview. I just got back from my second interview with a local sub company, very well branded in Wisconsin. There just wasn't the connection, and I felt that upon a follow up paper and prior to the interview this morning. Strange how your gut can be so right. I won't lie the position is 100% beneath me - something aimed more for a college graduate than someone with almost 9 years experience. To me this was the final stage in why the answer would be no if offered - and no longer just because it's 18K-12K less than I'm used to making.

That's the thing about this economy, we feel like we need to accept something that isn't right because money plays such a large role in our lives. It's sad, but necessary unfortunately.

All the positions I've interviewed for our below my qualifications and for incredibly less money - but people simply don't want middle management positions right now. You need the Director and the support.

Not that I'm not happy that I'm interviewing - it's exciting and thrilling. I am finding that the process is reigniting in knowing that the position I'm excited about is the right puzzle piece.

Unemployment=Uneventful

My days now consist of (1) Apply for jobs, (2) answer all calls, (3) help sister at her business, (4) let dog out, (5) rearrange house, (6) apply for more jobs.

Life is very uneventful - but I have enjoyed the last 12 days off. I can't believe it's only been 12 days.

My highlight? I made a new meatloaf. Who am I?

Oh and I rearranged the kitchen and the livingroom. Tomorrow, after my interview in Chicago, I plan on conqueoring the second bedroom and making it into either the BF's kids room and taking over the loft as my space - or moving very little and making the second room really "my space"/guest room.

The good news? I should have a job offer by the end of next week. Hopefully.

Trying to hold back ...

I have butterflies in my stomach in the anticipation of two job interviews today. I've done my background research, I've taken my shower, I have an idea of what I'm wearing and my interview is 2.5 hours away.

Relief at $300 a week

The good news is that I got unemployment! I wasn't sure I would qualify due to my temporary status at my old job for the last 11 months, but it turns out I do. That's a bit of a relief - I mean, it's not going to pay all the bills or anything at $300 a week, but it does pay rent, electricity and my car payment.

I can't help but think what America has come to these days. Are we really this close to a collapse of the economy? HOW did this happen? I going into more of a deficit really the answer? Obama must feel like he is Roosevelt - either the savior or the slayer of America.

In other notes, my puppy is humungus. Okay, the peeps at the Humane Society really know nothing about puppies. 35lbs my ass - she surpassed that at 5 months old. I can't believe she'll already be a year next month, screw that - I can't believe I've been with the BF almost 2!

Relief at $300 a week

The good news is that I got unemployment! I wasn't sure I would qualify due to my temporary status at my old job for the last 11 months, but it turns out I do. That's a bit of a relief - I mean, it's not going to pay all the bills or anything at $300 a week, but it does pay rent, electricity and my car payment.

I can't help but think what America has come to these days. Are we really this close to a collapse of the economy? HOW did this happen? I going into more of a deficit really the answer? Obama must feel like he is Roosevelt - either the savior or the slayer of America.

In other notes, my puppy is humungus. Okay, the peeps at the Humane Society really know nothing about puppies. 35lbs my ass - she surpassed that at 5 months old. I can't believe she'll already be a year next month, screw that - I can't believe I've been with the BF almost 2!

Quitting.

God damn it. All I want is a freaking cigarette. It's raining outside, I can't just go for a run to get my mind off of things. I've actaully reorganized our pantry - it has a snack shelf for goodness sake. I'm just getting irritated.

To add to irritation levels I have to make two cheesecakes for next week and it turns out I've only bought enough for one which means I have to go back and get the ingredients, but I suppose I should wait to see what other little things need to be picked up this week.

So I got a netbook, hence re-picking up the blog. I love it. Originally I bought an Asus but it only ran Linux - so I went back ang picked up a Saphirre Aspire One for $40 more. The keyboard is bigger and it's more comfortable. Not to mention the blue matches my Kate Spade purse I got from the BF for Christmas.

On the topic of the job front, I'm just kind of irritated with the search. I hate this economy, but I guess I have to take what I can get - oh crap, that reminds me I have to apply for unemployment today ...

One Year Later and It's Back in the Same Boat

The economy, the economy, the economy. God Bless Mr. Bush's wake of disaster and the omnimous pieces that Mr. Obama is trying to pick up, yet scaring all of those who voted for him into a wake of what have we done. I was let go from my job again. The good news is that I have interviews which not many can say in these economic times, the bad news is that I will have to settle for a job at least 12,000 less than I make now.

I'm still with the BF, also known at TW and he's the same old same old. Just when I think he's different - I lost my job and he became EXTRA supportive, he turns the same key. Rent was late because he needed to go to a Bucks game with his kid, he's keeping tabs on anything having to do with "us" expecting to tab up my half and when I went to the grocery store he told me he wouldn't be paying for his half and he'd "take it off my tab." I get lectures every day about being unemployed and what I need to do during my time off, etc. etc. Of course this asshole streak really seems to come out when in fact he's, well, been in mine.

What is it with that? I finally give in every couple of weeks and give him anal. I deal with the cramping and all the after effects of him getting off in my ass and he becomes a dominant jack ass. We got in a huge fight last time as he kept referring to my haircut as the "unemployment cut" at poker and kept bringing up the fact that I could do dirty work for friends since I "had nothing better to do." I told him we were not ever having anal again since he becomes a giant dick and if he had ever wanted it again he better start treating me like a queen after.