I went on a date with Flower Guy on Saturday, just before hand I had a panic attack – literally. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t know why, I just didn’t want to get in my car and drive. After talking with E & J, they convinced me to go with the exception of meeting in a public place and not his house.
When I arrived we enjoyed a bit of banter and I wasn’t sure why I was so paranoid. We crossed the road for dinner and enjoyed more enlightening conversation – and then he looked at me weird.
“What?”
“I’m a pretty good judge of character.”
“Okay”
“Would you say you’re care-free? A free spirit and a wild child?”
“I’m not sure what you’re asking. Yes I’m care-free, I used to not be and I wasn’t as near charming. But if you’re asking if I cheat, no. I’m sexually liberated, but I’ve never been in a relationship where girl/boyfriend titles were exchanged and dipped into a pool where I didn’t belong.”
“But I’m assuming the boy/girlfriend titles aren’t easily established.”
“No, you have to work for that.”
“See I focus on one person.”
“So do I, for instance I was at a singles event last night and I didn’t get a single number because I’m focused on you.”
“That’s flattering. So do you tame down when you have a boyfriend?”
“Excuse me?”
The whole night this stood in the back of my head like a tic-tac time bomb. We went back to his place to watch a movie, which he insisted on trying to make out and go down my shirt. I was relieved when J called at 9 as promised so I could leave.
It was 9:45 when I insisted on leaving and he insisted on pushing me up against a wall. This is when I realized I like STOCKY guys, not fat guys. His weight against me caused a rush of panic and I ran out of his place.
My phone calls on the hour drive home confirmed the panic that stuck in my brain – was he basically asking me if I change in a relationship because he couldn’t accept who I was? Between 2 girls and 2 guys the answer was, “Yes. That’s exactly what he’s looking for.” And then I wondered to myself, was there something wrong with me being care-free, a free spirit, that has left me by myself for 3 years? I was confused, I started to cry.
I arrived home and text messaged Flower Guy, E & J to let them know I was home safe. Flower Guy then nailed his coffin shut with numerous text messages that completely revealed his insecurity and our incompatibility.
So I did the only thing I knew I could do for clarity. I called an old friend who I have had a previous physical relationship with and asked if we could talk.
On the way JF called and we chatted about his date and then I told him of mine. The thing about JF is that I completely trust him and he can read me in ways no one else could, that’s when he told me that there was nothing wrong with me and that I can’t change – a leopard can’t change her spots and that’s what makes her who she is – other wise she’d try to pass herself off as a lion or a puma or a panther – it just would never work.
When I arrived at OF’s house, I wittily leaned against his salt-stained door and rang the bell. He answered, “Hello?”
“I was told that if a girl wanted to get off – she should come here.”
“Where was this?”
“On the internet.” We kissed. “Let me see if the owner is home.”
“I’m okay with you.”
We made out like high schoolers, kissing and touching but nothing more. His lips and hands were comfort, a little guilt tripped over me that Flower Guy had just done the same, but it wasn’t this feeling. The feeling of trust and comfort.
“So what’s going on?”
I explained the situation, he looked in my eyes. “You are a wild child. You are a free spirit, but you aren’t you with those things. I knew you before you were liberated and this person you’ve become is so much more amazing. Some one will come along that will be okay with your nature and you’ll never have to settle – that’s the relationship urban myth at least.”
“Were you watching Sex and the City?”
“It was late when you called! I don’t have cable. Bite me.” We giggled, I put back on my shirt and kissed him good-bye. It was 6am.
I went home and did the dirty deed of the good-bye email …
“I just wanted to say I did have a good time but the truth is you’re looking for someone I’m not. While I think you’re wonderful, I can’t waste your time. Milwaukee Girl.
When I woke up this morning I looked in the mirror, this leopard is pretty amazing.
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2 comments:
You've been hinting at the fact that flower guy is kind of creepy through most of your posts. You gave it a shot, didn't work, on to someone new. That's what dating is all about after all, trying to find someone who would be a good friend plus make a good lover and parent too.
Are you sure this guy didn't recently escape from some mental institution or a Jerry Falwell retreat?
He is giving me the creeps and I'm a freakin' Sith Lord.
Say "no" to psychos.
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