The Cost of Missing Someone.

With living out of the suitcase the last week, the BF and I have really not spent anytime together. I've decided to go back to town for a couple hours tonight in the hopes of spending just a couple hours talking, laughing and making out.

But, since I'm in suitcase situation, I had to make an emergency stop to Target to get materials, so heres my cost of missing him ...


Sexy backless shirt - $15
Razors to shave - everything - $5
Shaving Cream - $3
Sunsilk extra soft hair conditioner - $5
Dial sexy almond body wash - $5
Pair of jeans that hug my ass (since he wants to throw it in there so bad) $40
New coverup - $7
New pouty lip gloss $7
Tweezers to get all those stray hairs - $2
Plus some random items - $15.00

Just shy of $100 bucks. Let's hope I can see him!

Holy Embarrassment.

We took the championship. We drank in celebration. I wanted victory sex. The kid just went to bed. We watched TV. I told him I wanted to cum, so I got on top and rode him hard and deep.

And then, a queef. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The most embarrassing thing ever from being too wet and going to fast - the building up of air and the release. It was incredibly embarrassing, but he acted like it didn't happen. I think I'm getting red right now just thinking about it.

Good thing I'm disappearing for the weekend.

Observation - Doctor's Office.

I went to the lady doctor today (sounds like my Grandma but eh) to get the annual check up and to do an STD scan in lieu of the conversation with the BF's wife and made this observation.

In this certain "situation" - have you noticed the room is always like 35 degrees? And, they ask you to get all nekkid and say they'll be back shortly, only to give you like 20 minutes. I'm not an old lady, hell the BF says were going to have sex and it takes me maybe 10 seconds to be fully undressed?

Corporate Pissing Contest

Gentleman, please. Put away your dicks and stop trying to piss on each other. Well, actually it's just the damn "internal art director."

Because of his "new" position he keeps redesigning pieces that other designers are on. I finally had enough and talked to the old boss lady. The problem is that he's (a) an instructor, so when he's working on internal pieces he can't teach and (b) his f*cking ego is so big that it's impossible to work with him! I tactfully asked her to let him know that his input is great, but that his opinions must be typed and given to the designer.

Fun isn't it? Growing from small business to corporate world?

Mistakes.

We all make mistakes. It's unavoidable. Sometimes the mistakes are little, "I shouldn't have done that," sometimes they are life altering, sometimes it takes 8 months for you to fully realize what you did.

The posting last week where I talked about the supposed "art director" at my job has recently escalated his already gigantic "I'm so damn important" head. This morning he reamed me a new one, again. He's hung up on me 3 times today alone. All I keep getting told is to remain professional.

The mistake I made in regards to him, is I'm actually the one who pushed to have him hired. We were looking for a replacement instructor and I saw one of our money makers going by the wayside. After attempting to hire three other people, I suggested him to the dismay of our talent director. Now I realize that those gut instincts are correct. I'm so entirely sick of him telling me how to do my job. I want to scream, "you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for me! Show some respect!" But instead I have to remain professional and just suck it up with "I'm sorrys" and "I know" even though I'm not and I don't know.

Tis the life factor I guess when you're dealing with a 26 year old a-hole.

Relaxing.

Tonight it's all about the relaxing for me. I got home at a decent time, spent a few minutes living in the luxury of the internet, watched cable TV, chatted with the guy, printed off those pics finally from the zoo and ended with a post here.

Sans alcohol.

Detox is nice. But tomorrow's the booze cruise. BF offered his pad for me to sleep at, but being that I've gotta go to the chick doctor Wednesday and drop off my kid brother (who lives a block from my dad) in the AM, it looks like I'll just have to take it easy on the boat. Or hit it hard, then hit it easy. Either way, sweet gesture by Mr. Wonderful but it'll have to be a pass.

I've also decided that I think mosquitoes like rich people more than regular peeps. After the charity event on Saturday, the after bar left my poor feet bitten to hell. Today, I got one on my shoulder in Franklin. I haven't gotten bitten all summer at home in the 'View.

In the last bit of news I've been shopping around for an apartment. I did check out the condo scene, but decided against the potential of buying. The market is too over saturated and I haven't bumped across any that were in my price range and made me ooh and aah. Plus I still never know where I might be in a few years and I'd hate to have to sell instead of just give notice.

I've checked out a couple little one and two bedrooms, I'll take my time this go-round, and I'm having more standards. Must have air. Heat included? Extra bonus, especially knowing I could go up about $50-75 a month for rent. I do want to stay in a duplex, but I'd prefer to be on the first floor.

If anyone knows, let me know!

On the Detox.

Thursday night I was so pissed about my ceiling that I drank.

Friday night was #1's birthday, so I drank.

Saturday was a charity event, so I drank.

Sunday we bowled and the BF called me one of my hated nicknames, so I really drank.

Today, no drinking.

The Sky is Falling.

Or more like my kitchen ceiling. The good news? I'm looking for a new place?

The bad news? I have to move back to Franklin for awhile until I find a new place.

I want sex.

Now. And a massage. Maybe a massage that leads to sex. Then a nap. Then repeat.

But instead I'll be on my second day of working 13 hour days. Lovely. I'm hoping the BF calls after the kid leaves. I'm going to tell him we need to talk, bring him upstairs, undress and ride him like a stallion.

Because Titles DO Matter

I love the antidote that titles don't matter - but they really do. We had an internal debate at work saying that you could have whatever title you wanted, because it was "just a title." My argument is that it's not just a title.

For instance, now that I'm a "girlfriend" I'm not pursuing random make out sessions on top of the Golden Tee Machine or even teetering on the verge of thinking about making out with someone.

And today that became increasingly true in the job title category. There's a big difference between an Art Director that has worked at his title and one that is just handed out. Recently, a low-level Graphic Designer with no agency experience was cast into the "internal Art Director" position. Instantly I think his head expanded so it couldn't even fit through the door.

All of the sudden he was the king. He ignored processes, wanted to know why he wasn't conferred on a project and then had the nerve to tell me how to do my job.

Said "Art Director" has taken more than his fair share of time off of work. We get comp time so it's no biggie, but in between August and September I've rearranged his teaching schedule more times than I've actually been able to schedule his sessions, so of course it's a tad bit difficult to get people into his courses.

Lately he's informed me that he needs more people in his classes, needs classes more often and then today - told me that I had not appropriately informed him of Boot Camp. I should have emailed, brought it up in the staff meeting and asked permission. Tu-shay, probably is true but it's been scheduled for 4 months but hell, let me just cover your a** one more time and you can lecture me about the appropriate things I should do.

Yeah, Great.

See, I didn't mind being lectured to by a seasoned Art Director because they have reasons to say the things they should. They've been put through the crap machine and earned those stripes. I don't just listen, I respect.

What I don't respect is a low-brow designer who had the nerve to tell me I was just a "coordinator" or informs me what he will and will not do when training is how I make my money.

Oh, and guess what? He helps himself to my beers at the softball games - boy isn't touching a single one of my beers next week. F'Off, buy your own - I've been supplying you for what now? 7 weeks? You make more than me to begin with and I'm just a "coordinator" in your eyes while you're a mutha'fuc*n' Art Director.

It's raining, it's pouring.

In lieu of softball, due to the rain, I'm sitting at work until about 8:30 for a meeting. Good thing that there's no sex right now, because I'd be day dreaming of other things to do with my free time.

I started looking for apartments yesterday, this morning my thoughts on moving were clarified. As it turns out, they were well aware of the leaks prior to me moving in and knew they did patchy (no-pun intended) work job on it with plans of fixing it last November. Okay, I've been paying my $650 with smiles and YOU KNEW??? I came home to more chunks of my ceiling on the kitchen floor when I ran home to change... I guess moving is a pain but not having anyone come over because it's a mess is more.

On the BF front, completely nervous about Friday when #1 and Biz (different Biz) meet him. First of all, he's not supposed to be my "boyfriend" technically until I get their approval, although I am a big girl and can make these decisions on my own and second of all, AD will be there who already doesn't like him (though he fully admits that now it has nothing to do with me, it's his personal opinion). Not like a little pressure... I'm finding myself completely falling for this guy and in all honesty, even if they don't give the pass - it's not going to stop me from seeing him.

All though the back door may stop him from seeing me. The guy is trying nice and hard to get into, umm, every area. I haven't done that in about 5 years - strict policy is at least 6 months and it's been a little over 2? I mean, he tries but I don't think it'll be the pitfall. Otherwise it's not worth it anyway.

I'm over it!

I swear I haven't seen the sun in a week. This is ridiculous, it's wet and horrible. I haven't jogged in a long time. I haven't had my windows open. I've been sleeping in a sweatshirt. It's so cold the Bumpkin has been sleeping with me - which he never does. And I'm REALLY over my kitchen floor being seeped with rain and trying to dishes with orange drips falling from my ceiling.

Enough is enough. I left the landlords a note again and not to my surprise, I don't think they even came upstairs to look. There's an easy 6x6 chunk of my ceiling ready to crumble at any minute.

And I still don't want to move. But now I'm actually looking.

And one more thing.

We'll be doing a bit of a switch in abbreviations. Due to circumstances as of late, TW is now BF.

As in boyfriend.

How scary is that?

But still so great!

I used the "B" word

It wasn't the alcohol that made my tongue slip, it was that crazy bubbly feeling and the way he makes me laugh. It was the fact that the night before I told him I was cranky so he wanted to get pizza in my system to help. It was the morning before where I was still asleep in his bed and he had to work, so he told me to sleep in and kissed my neck. It's the fact that I've been ridiculously happy and so has he. So when we did the introductions for the tailgate I said, "This is my boyfriend." And I saw this little smirk as he reached out and shook hands with each guy.

It's insane. I'm insane. The whole fact that I'm even here is crazy. I don't fall in love. I don't date only one guy at a time and I definitely don't have boyfriends. But I've only been with him for two months, I haven't even thought of anyone else, and he really is my boyfriend. So odd for the person writing dear Johns only a few months ago, the person that was driving to Madison for a piece of ass from an aging rock star.

It's hard to explain to people that were so involved with me just a handful of months ago. I still get arguments - he's the guy that disappeared for 6 weeks, he's the one that preferred hanging out with R & K then me at Summerfest. He's the guy that responded to me saying I didn't want just a FB with "okay." He's the confusing wreck that made my head spin. He's got an ex, he's got a kid, he's not overly romantic. He doesn't talk. Some people think he's boring.

Yes. He was all those things and I'm glad I have people that care enough to remember. Can people change? No. But can you break down walls? Yes. I mean, I wasn't all that innocent in not resisting the changes going on. I was just as quiet, I was just as stand off ish. It's new, it's infatuation. It's gross-pukey beginning stages of being with someone.

It's the way his baby blues look at me, the smile out of the corner of his mouth. It's the surprise dinner he wanted to cook for me. It's the fact that there's Lite in the fridge because it's what I drink. It's the phone call every night, it's the want to spend time with me. It's the fact that I'm never "on" - it's just me and that seems okay with him. It's the fact that every night isn't a party, sometimes it's the Brewer's game on TV and we say nothing. It's the fact that during the game yesterday his arm was around my chair. I can yell, I can scream and in the end, I'm smiling because I'm with him.

And the sex is now good. In fact this weekend, it was great. Mind blowing, hair messed up great. Passing out right afterwards phenomenal.

And it's the fact that I'm actually going to let this happen.

I'm going to have a real boyfriend and be in a real relationship.

Goodbye four years of being single. Goodbye resistance to broken hearts. Goodbye funny stories about pathetic attempts to hook up. Goodbye booty calls. Goodbye ex-lovers. Goodbye.

What the?

I'm really sick of being taken advantage of. It's just not the buying of drinks and dinner for friends that are seemingly on an endless wheel of being broke, it's the help me phone calls that never seem to be returned.

I had to take a step back today and seriously think to myself, "would they do that for me?" And it was sad to realize that I don't think 1/2 of my friends would cover my butt in the end.

I'm still waiting for payment for watching the dogs for the past 10 days. I even clearly explained that I needed the money for the upcoming tailgate and I needed it by today. Instead I get unanswered phone calls, text messages and emails. Normally this wouldn't bug me as much as it is - but that money needs to go towards this weekend and my Lia Sophia party. It also needs to cover my unexpected $100 some bar tab from Monday night. If I could reach her, I'd grab her and shake her and say "pay me woman! I wasted 2 days driving your butt to Chicago for heaven's sake."

It gets more interesting. Since my phone, email and text weren't returned I thought I might myspace a message over - only to find a weird comment "did you clean your kitchen yet?" This peaked my attention because when she left it was a disaster. I truly do not believe that my $35/day dog sitting for 2 pups covers being her maid. She did make the in direct comment that she was sorry for the dishes, but in no sense did I think that I should clean it up. It's not my job. I'm not your maid. It's a bit of a mixed signal since one of my friends did mention I cleaned her house when I dog sat (she paid up front and I'm more inclined to do wonderful things when I have money), but I don't see what it was an assumption. So I clicked over to her original comment that prompted that and sure enough she was discussing how her house was a wreck after 11 days. I wanted to comment back - "Hey! I only spent the night once because I got a parking ticket!" But I'd rather give her another opportunity to pay me before I burn that bridge.

On a sad note, #1 can't go to the tailgate on Sunday and it was specifically for his birthday. On the upside, I don't have to come up with the money for another ticket for one of the people that wanted to go :)

Bent over, pulled their hair and they called us "Daddy"

We're in the playoffs for my little advertising team and last night's adventure led to us head to head against my pretend arch nemesis - my old agency. While really there was no poor feelings against the whole team, I really could care less for 2 of them. While advertising is a cut throat industry, I don't believe you get ahead by backstabbing, which two of the female members did with bells on. It's what AD calls "Minnesota Nice" - smiles to your face, sh*t behind your back.

Fair warning that this paragraph may make you puke. On the way to the game, TW called to invite me over for a home cooked dinner, forgetting about softball. It was simply one of the sweetest gestures I've ever had. He wished me well and I headed out to kick some royal butt.

In the third inning it was sticky and hot and I was less than pleased since we were tied at 3 runs each. By the fifth we socked it to them, they let us get away with four more runs. By the ninth we were up 11 to 3 and it stayed that way. I did a little victory dance inside when coach reminded us to come to Kern next week prepared to take on the champion team of the last three years - and we should do it sober. Yup, directed completely towards me. See in this game, I drank before hand from my swollen calf but then had to play. We lost due to being short on team members and the fact that E, J & I were loaded.

In short terms, we bent them over, pulled their hair and made them call us Daddy - much to my delight.

We headed over to our local establishment for $2.00 martinis and after tipping a few back I called TW to let him know that I wanted victory sex. He needed to put the kid to bed and was hesitant, so I took a shower to relax and he called after to invite me over. I headed over a little tipsy (thank god he lives so close). I figured NG had gone to pick up his girlfriend so I walked in and popped myself on his lap, "Settle down hornball - NG's in the shower."

Oops. An hour later the drinking had really kicked in and nothing was going on between the two of us except watching Snatch, so I plopped my head on his lap and went to sleep - only to snore. How embarrassing! NG and his girl got in a fight, she headed out and he headed to his bedroom. It was almost 2am. We started messing around and ended up having sex right there on the couch - sweet, slow sex. It was pretty darn good.

By this time, I've now consigned myself to the near thought that I will, once again, be getting a relative 3-4 hours of sleep but my muscles were lose. After a smoke on the porch I headed home.

A girl could get used to all this loving lately - I'm pretty sure we've had sex more times this week than the entire 2 months we've been doing it. And it's getting good. And I'm wanting more...

Sober sex.

Sunday night was pretty interesting. After a day of running around, TW called about 8:30 or so. After Saturday's drinking incident, I was apt to get some so I put on a flirty skirt and a tank top - that was it. He was settled in watching TV and during a commercial break, I hopped over to his side of the couch right on top of his lap. A little making out emerged, he was rubbing up on my thigh when he stopped, "Are you even wearing underwear?"

"Nope."

Just a few moments after that, he got up and went in the kitchen, peeked his head around the corner, "Are you coming?"

I bolted upstairs like a school girl. The clothes came off, but the skirt stayed on and about 20 minutes later we both laid there in post-coital relief.

"Is that the first time we've had sex sober?" He asked.

"Crap. I think so." I responded.

"No, it can't be ..."

"How long have we been doing this, 2 months? Yeah, that can't be the first time?" I questioned, secretly tallying it up in my head that while we've been knocking boots for almost 2 months, it's only really been slightly over 1/2 a dozen times. We giggled a bit about what had just happened - but either way the result was pretty definite that it was good (not great-we're still getting there) sex that way. He came no problem as did I. I was also pumped to show off that I'd been practicing keeping it down so that we could get it on more often when there were other people in the house.

"Did you see how quiet I was? I've been practicing." I joked while running my fingertips along his collar bone.

He then explained that he did notice, but that I don't have to be quiet. We laid there for a few minutes in each other's arms until his craving for taco bell came back. We darted off for some 10pm food, went back to his place and I forced him to just lay with his arm around me. I was exhausted but needed to get the dogs out one more time. I got home around 12:30, curled up into bed by myself and slept straight through the night.

Due to being out on the town Monday, our normal routine of sex was interrupted. He had an early meeting and I didn't have a car so he promised to drunk dial after poker last night. Just in case it would be at my house, I started cleaning when I got home around 10pm. At 12:30 I could barely keep my eyes open (and they shut for a second since I did end up missing his first call) but by 12:45 a cranky TW told me to come over. Exhausted from a long day and not so much sleep the night before, we got naked and did our business in a rough 20 minutes. This time it was on the verge of being great. While I was on top he hit the g-spot and it knocked me out, then he climbed on top and at almost the same point we came together. The difference this time was that I couldn't get up and leave, I was spent. We didn't talk like we normally do, I just laid on his shoulder and we both drifted off to sleep. Some how I managed to get under the covers. There were a few moments in the middle of the night that I would suddenly be aware that I was not at my house, only to find that I was in a much better place, all curled up in his arms. There was actually a point where I turned my back on him, only to have him scoot up spooning style. I could feel his warm breath on my neck as I drifted back to sleep.

Luckily there wasn't much going on today, so I knew I could get away with coming in late if I overslept, but just in routine I woke up at 6am and got dressed to head home.

Hopefully I didn't use up my two sex cards this week and tomorrow will still result in a little action ...

What not to do when you're in a relationship.

First things first, let me explain a bit of a dynamic. TW basically has no family, so when I'm referring to things it's usually his ex-wife's family. It's this odd dynamic, in one sense it's mandatory for him to maintain a good relationship for the sake of their son, in another, it's all the family he's known for the last 11 or so years - so they're close. I mean, when he moved out at 16, he moved in with them. At 23 his casual friendship with his ex turned into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing and they had a child. It's interesting.

From the outside perspective, you'd think that they just simply grew apart. They still joke and laugh, they still talk. So when my drunk-butt offered to help his ex clean up the next day after the party, I didn't think anything of it. When 11 rolled around and I was sober, I doubted I had made the right offer, but still called because I said I would.

I ended up heading over to her house, leaving behind a sleeping TW to do the right thing. At first it was just cleaning and that erupted into conversations, which ultimately led to his ex talking about what happened between them because she sincerely didn't want me to get hurt.

As it turns out there was a lot of cheating going on between the two of them for their entire relationship. First him, then her. This was the ultimate fall because her last affair was outed. She felt that he belittled her, didn't stand up for her, he beat her down into believing she was nothing. It was heart-wrenching. My stomach turned a couple times as she discussed finding out he was with her best friend, about a girl from Michigan when he went away from work, about too many things that already made my weariness of men be backed up.

And then there was the discussion of the ho-bag I referred to earlier. As it turns out, the family hated her - but they all met her. She was introduced as his girlfriend. She explained that her brother (who I met during the first go round) was telling the family that TW finally met a great girl - me. And on their son's birthday she was excited to meet me, but instead he brings this hooker. Her brother was irate, the girl was also crazy. I paused, "that's interesting."

"How so?"

"TW and I were supposed to go out after the kid's party. He told me there was too many kids around and that he couldn't." I looked down, putting out my cigarette. "He never called me after that - it took 6 weeks."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

I took a deep breath, and then his ex did the unlikely re-assuring thing. She told me that she's hoping he's different - and she can tell when he's around me that he is. She said that she's really proud of his behavior, that he stands up for me and he protects me - something he could never do for her in the 10 years they were together. And that he seems genuinely happy and that makes her happy. They had what they had, they went through their hate stage, and that's in the past.

Then I went to leave and she hugged me and said that she really hopes this works.

I pulled away, 1/2 wondering if I should run and the other 1/2 began thinking about my ex-fiance. My story is pretty much the same, so could it all be age and teenage stupidity? Or was this an omen?

I pulled into the gas station to get some juice and coffee for the poor hung over kids and arrived a few minutes later. I walked upstairs, he was in the shower. I put down the coffee.

"It's awful I'm sure." I said, smiling and handing over the cup. "But it's still a sweet gesture."

"You are sweet," he smiled back. Taking a sip, I thought he was going to spit it across the room. He dumped it down the drain. I laid down in his bed while he got ready, closing my eyes and realizing that it didn't matter what happened in the past, I was happy right now.


But she also said endearing things.

End of an era.

Well it's official. I'm "in a relationship" in the sense that I'm someone's girlfriend. Scary? Yes. Exciting? Yes.

Di came into town last night for a jewelry show (aka an expensed trip to hang out with me) and met TW, to which she gave a thumbs up which is what I needed to officially move over. But let's recap the details of happenings.

Last week was the zoo, Wednesday was the fair. I was aching for some quality time with TW, but I realized being a dad comes first. Thursday was the usual fair, a couple drinks, a little cuddling, and a romp in the sack.

Friday I prepped for our family reunion and stayed low-key. Saturday we met up at 1:00 to head to my mom's and enjoyed a couple cocktails in the sticky heat. As new family members that TW hadn't met approached I just introduced him as simply "TW" - still not knowing how to define what was going on. After a couple rounds of Bagg-o my Aunt said she wanted to partner with my "boyfriend" - I chose the route of not arguing the title and he continued to kick our a** at it.

At the end of the night it was off to his family's birthday party. Right before I left home I had gotten in a bit of a blow-out with my mom so I was ready to drink. Sipping a cocktail I overhear TW talking to someone that I don't know ...

TW: "My girlfriend? She's over there. Hang on. MG?"
MG: (Big sip of drink) "Yeah?"
TW: "Come here and meet someone." (walk over) "This is my girlfriend, MG."

Gulp.

In one sense I smiled, oh my goodness - I'm someone's girlfriend? In another sense I was petrified. We didn't discuss this! I haven't come to terms with letting go of all my doubts, breaking down my boundaries, having someone around, being able to expect to go to big outings with my, gulp again, boyfriend. It's been four years since this has happened, and he hasn't met Di or Biz or #1. I can't have a boyfriend until they say it's okay. And then back to the fuzzy feeling, I guess he really does like me.

After that we actually went to a dance club and topped off the evening with consuming too many alcoholic beverages. It suddenly was apparent that I wasn't going to be getting any tonight from my boyfriend. In fact, he ended up puking all the way home. I got him up to his room, undressed him and he darted off to the bathroom. I thought he was going to drown himself in the toilet. The night ended with me running downstairs and yelling for NG to find me a bucket ... NOW. All we could find was a pitcher - but it would do.

When he finally laid down and his stomach calmed a bit he asked me to stay. That's when I realized that I could really start to like this guy and he might be worth my fear of letting someone in. I laid down, fully dressed and rubbed his back and as he started snoring, I relaxed.

Sunday morning I went by his ex (this post will follow) to help clean up after the party. When the tent was broken down and the food thrown out we sat down for a chat. I wasn't sure I should be in this place, but here I was listening to her perspective on what happened.

When I was done, I got in my car and asked myself what exactly I was doing. That wasn't the right step at all. I stopped at the gas station and got some coffee and juice for the poor hung over kids and headed back to TW's.

How to deal with sexual frustration - a girl's solution.

The following is my mode of trying to solve sexual frustration. All the following are done in a last stitch attempt to feel sexy, but may not end in the release of frustration.

Step One: Get your hair done.
This is two-fold for me. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my old boss and I want to impress him. My hair hasn't been cut in 3 months, so it's about due time anyway. Bad news? My emergency cut is (a) going to be more expensive because (b) my regular hair dresser isn't returning my calls, so I have to try something new. Good thing I made contact with the owner of a salon in the third ward, hopefully his chick won't lead me astray.

Step Two: With your new hair cut, buy a cute semi-revealing dress.
I needed to get a dress anyhow for this weekend, but I want something that will make TW's mouth drop and make him want to just rip the skirt up and screw me right there. Wouldn't it be funny to wear that and then go to the family reunion?

Step Three: You've secured your dress, now get that "something sexy" for underneath.
Almost as important as the sexy dress is the sex underwear because you're praying that at some point someone will see them. So after I get the dress, I'm heading over to Fredrick's for the perfect ensemble.

Step Four: Now get the sexy shoes.
When sexually frustrated, it's incredibly important that the shoes match the underwear in the attempt that when said person that will help you with your frustration may see them and think of them over his shoulders.

Step Five: Go home, take a bubble bath and drink wine.
Just enough wine to get you a little buzzed and warm and cozy.

Step Six: Slip into something sexy to sleep in.
Just in case there's a midnight visitor.

Step Seven: Wake up in the morning and think "damn."
Probably the disappointed version because you did not get the midnight visitor.

Going back to yesterday...

Anyway - Saturday I just hung out with E & J for awhile and hit the sack semi-early after walking the dogs.

Sunday morning was the zoo with the kid & NG & his girl. It was a blast, but a long time in muggy weather. When we arrived back to TW's place, everyone was exhausted but me & the kid, so I packed him up and he helped me walk the dogs. When we got back TW was sleeping and I left to take a shower. He called around 9:00 and asked me to come over and watch a movie. I was highly anticipating the fact that I might con him into a little s-e-x, but not so much. All the sudden he wasn't feeling good.

Last night I called him at 8:00 to see if he went to work, which he didn't. He felt like crap and I offered to drop off cold pills. We chatted mundanely for a couple minutes and then I headed home. So much for our Monday sex-trot. Now I have to wait until Thursday.

Sigh.

It's weird to not only miss having sex, but to miss just being with him. Joking around, tickle wars, just relaxing in his arms.

Maybe next week.

Craving Alone Time.

Where to start? The emergency trips to Chicago on Friday and Saturday? The zoo yesterday? Or should I back up and clearly explain by what I mean about alone time?

It's been nearly two weeks since TW and I really had any alone time. Between NG moving in, him having the kid and our two work schedules, it just hasn't happened. And by alone time, I don't really mean sex, I mean time when it's just us. But on the topic of sex, that barely happens too.

NG's girlfriend works Monday through Friday until 11:00 and NG usually picks her up - this gives me and TW a range of time from 10:30 - 11:30 for alone time. Now, pack that in with the fact that he plays poker one night and has the kid two nights during the five days, that pretty much leaves a slated one-hour for alone time and being slightly sex craved, that one hour is dedicated to sex and not so much anything else.

Top that off with the fact that it's been so muggy and hot here the past few weeks that my house is virtually out of the question for anything since it's a sauna and we're stuck in a never ending circle of trying to secure time.

It's not that I mind being around NG and his girlfriend - they're great. But it's hard enough to nail TW to throw into the mix the fear of "being caught" (his not mine). I'm pulling out my hair looking for relief.

Let's start with Thursday. 10:30 came around and NG and his friend left. TW started goofing around which led to the bedroom - and great sex (I know, I know - finally!) - just in time to drink a glass of water and have a cigarette before they got back. I was on such a nice high from Thursday night that when he called on Friday and mentioned the Brewer game, I was more than happy to head on over in anticipation of another fun hour of alone time.

Instead, I ended up heading down to Chicago. Turns out the woman's dogs I'm sitting for had her car breakdown and she needed a ride, so I printed out directions and drove as quickly as I could so I could try and hit my one-hour break. Turns out that I wasn't that lucky - although it led to that butterfly disgustingly cute thing where TW called at 11:00 to make sure I was okay...

There went Friday night. Saturday wasn't much better. The phone rang at 8:00 so I could drive her BACK down. On the way back up it was quite a cluster-f*ck of traffic so it took me until 1:00 to get back to Milwaukee.

The kid was coming over on Saturday night, so I headed over to E's for some dinner and veggie - perpetually irritated that my adventures this weekend in the name of friendship not only cost me $60 but also a second night of good sex.

I'll have to finish more later - I'm off to a golf outing!

Easily Replaceable?

I was thinking that today's mind set has the notion that everything is easily replaceable. Our TV's breakdown so we get a new one, our cars reach the end of the rope - get a new one, we get sick of our jobs - we get a new one, we're in a relationship and instead of working through kinks - we get a new one. Everything these days seems like it's replaceable.

Last night NG came to my softball game yesterday (TW had the kid) and we went out afterwards to see E's J perform in Downtown Idol. Both of us consumed a bit to drink which always leaves for dapper conversation. He plucked me for feelings on TW and outlined his misconceptions with his current girlfriend.

They are in love, but he has trust issues. He told me he sometimes wishes he was single again - because it's just easier. So while he has feelings, he knows she still is replaceable.

Which led to the mysterious 6 week disappearance of TW back in May. I told him that I still wonder what the hell happened that he could turn a 180 like that and I still fear that any day, I could just be replaced - again.

NG tried to assure me that it wouldn't happen, tip-toeing around the information of what exactly happened until I assured him that I already knew - he spilled the beans when we went out after TW went MIA. He laughed and just said that TW was confused, but he's getting on the right track.

He made a good point - TW is putting in the effort for long term because I've met his family - which ho-bag did not. And he's meeting mine. The last thing a guy that got cheated on wants to do is end a relationship after the girl meets his family because he's cheating.

But it still makes you think - what will be replaced next?

Fair Warning - this is about "Me" Time.

This morning I woke up in a half daze since I think I overslept last night. Funny how when you wake up at 4am, bright eyed and bushy tailed you tell yourself that the next hour will just make you even more bright eyed, and instead you end up in a daze...

I won't bore you with the details of the fabulous news the scale gave me (see Fab at 26), but the running is finally paying off! Thank god! I'm down 25 lbs from 3 months ago. The pathetic thing is that I hold weight well, so it looks more like 5 lbs instead of 25 - but I'll take it.

I was at a conference for the majority of the day yesterday and headed straight home for laundry, etc. The nice advantage point to TW's schedule is usually Tuesdays and Wednesdays we don't talk or see each other, so I knew I had the evening to myself. I started cleaning up my closet and found a joke gift someone gave me a month ago, a balm called "Orgasm booster" and I thought - what the hell, might be a joke but let's see it works.

Let's just say I highly recommend it. But beware - not latex compatible.

Being that the issue of sex seems to lie in my hands these days, I also used this time as an experiment. Seems as if I get off, dry up and then leave TW hanging (I am a lady - I do make sure he cums, just seems to not be during sex) so I worked on holding back just a bit (the opposite of RS's lessons) to see how long I could go and if the booster helped. It did. I had a good 45-50 minutes of me time. I really, really can't wait to bust that move on him. Although, how exactly do you throw that into the conversation, "wait a sec, let's use this lovely container of balm and see what happens?" I can't even get him to admit what he likes and doesn't like.

After the events of last night and this morning, I'm so anxious to get him naked soon....