Ponder.

Obviously the majority of people don't think the RS situation is good, I called JF to see his opinion, and it turns out every one is sick of the story. So I called the one person who I knew I could vent to and who would give me the advice I need.

"Let me vent." I started and explained that the conversation with RS was a miscommunication and I drove to Madison to have sex. Then, in her true fashion she says to me the one thing that really kicks, "Hey, if you spend your life making others happy the one guarantee you have is what?" I blankly stood silent on the other end, not really sure of the response, I wanted to say "Other people happy?" but I knew that wasn't right, "You guarantee you'll be miserable." Hmmm.

Things to ponder. Why am I driving to Madison? Is it for him? No, it actually isn't. I go because I want to get off. I go because I like the time, I go because I, me, this person typing, wants to. I don't go because I'm afraid he'll never call, I go because I don't want to say no. So am I doing this one little thing to make myself happy? The sex part does, yes and it is for me. The heart wrenching, what is happening doesn't make me happy though. Catch 22.