Friend to BOYfriend?

This weekend was quite … not sure the words for it.

In normal fashion, I met out a couple friends for lunch, drank a bit too much and passed out – but not before making a drunk dial to BG, who – also in normal fashion – didn’t pick up.

Later that night I met an old friend out for another cocktail. We sat and joked like normal, but then the liquor hit a bit too hard and he said what every girl has wanted a good-looking guy to say to her, “I can’t believe you’re single. You’re so beautiful, so kind, you’re so the girl that every guy wants to marry and have a family with. I don’t know how else to say this, but for the past two years I’ve been in love with you.”

I choked back my Bud Light a little bit and took a deep breath and wondered what the right answer was to the question. I could kick myself, he’d be a great boyfriend – but he’s an even better friend. Should I take the chance or should I just be content in what I have. I grabbed his hand, smiled and said, “Wow. Okay.”

He looked like a kicked puppy, apparently this was not the right answer. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t actually say that I wanted to go out with him and be with him. If I did, I would be lying and I would hurt our friendship. I tried to make it up, “No, I mean, I love you too.” Apparently this at least inched my foot away from his balls a bit as the pain seemed to subside.

We left the bar and hugged. I walked home in the crisp night, too many things reeling through my head at the given moment. I wanted clarity, but I couldn’t get it and now I didn’t know even how to get it.

In the past when things arose I just rang up Madison – I’d have sex, I’d drive home and think that what happened was exactly what I wanted. Now I couldn’t even seek the guidance of a good lay because I am done with being blown off.

I laid in bed for the next two hours, barely sleeping and waking again for the rest of the night. Finally in the morning I took a bath, my cat sat on the edge purring and I thought to myself that I would be completely content being with him and perhaps that would be exactly what I would need to get over RS.

Waiting until 10, I picked up the phone and called him. He drearily woke up, “Morning babe.” I smiled. “Hey, wanted to chat with you” I said. “Last night.” He choked. “Yeah, last night. What you said to me was great, and I’ve thought about it …”

“MG?” He stopped me, my heart sank because I knew where this was going, “Yeah babe.” He cleared his throat. “I had a bit too much to drink, I think we both know that we wouldn’t work.” Awkward silence.

“I don’t agree. We’ve been great friends and I think that …” I started.

“No. I don’t think that. I was just trying to sleep with you. This isn’t going to affect our friendship right?”

“Of course not, I mean – who do you think I am? You know me.” I uttered back, my heart was in my stomach. I didn’t even know how to fix this. “So how are you this morning?”

“Tired. I’m going back to bed – I’ll call you later.” And he never did.