That Girl.

Last night JF, BG, N and I went out for a beverage of adult content. I knew that CB was going to be brought up. We haven't spoken since my ill-fated email that explained I didn't want to be a secret.

BG left and I turned to N, "JF knows everything - so you can say whatever you want." "What happened? He's heart broken."

JF had my back, explaining that he was a huge backer of CB for the entire time and that my actions were warranted. But she still pailed home that I was "That Girl."

"That Girl" is the girl in conversations when you're talking to a friend and say, "Oh, that girl." She's done something to warrant her being an object and not a real person. "That Girl" can be used in different contexts, for instance...

Scenario 1:
"I had crazy sex last night" - "with who?" - "that girl." Usually with some kind of head shaking and crazy eye expression that makes you feel like you should give a high five. I'm "That Girl" in the RS situation.

Scenario 2:
"She broke up with me over email." - "THAT GIRL did?" - In the sense of, "who does she think she is?"

Scenario 3:
Or in the past sense, "So I saw her last night." - "Who?" - "That Girl." as in, "she broke my heart."

So I'm that girl in all situations. It's not the first situation that I'm ashamed of, it's the last two. I feel like crap. I mean I've been dating for 12 years now and I haven't broken any hearts and only one person might talk ill of me, and he sued me so he has no right to. I knew once the "V" word was said that I was walking on glass and had to take things in the right way or end up launching a piece about 5 inches right into his heart - which I guess I did.

While talking to N I mentioned my affair with RS and how I actually feel happy, but I must admit that the situation with CB has taken me aback a bit. I feel like I don't deserve to want to be happy.

I guess "Shit, I was almost happy" applies again.