If I lay here
If I just lie here
Would you lay with me and just forget the world?
- Snow Patrol, "Chasing Cars"
Sometimes that's exactly just what I want. Being single for 2 some years makes you forget about those little things - the exact thing I detested doing with RS last week. But that's the thing, that little moment that I forgot about being intimate with someone may have been the downfall to the FB relationship that seemed so good not three weeks ago.
RS seems to have remembered his same act from nine months ago. He's blown off our "appointment" on Sunday and tonight. I'm just waiting for our Thursday lunch for him to bust out the, "I have feelings for you - that means we can't do that." It's the same repetitive act I've seen before.
When is sex just sex?
In other notes, CB showed up at my networking event. I wanted to kiss him so bad, I forgot how much I'm crushing like I'm in 5th grade on him. It's hard to balance his intentions - did he come to see me? Did he come to see N, who left shortly before he showed up? Things could be less complicated if he was straight with intentions. No BG, no RS. It's weird even typing that. In almost 5 years I've never thought to myself that I'd rid the regulars in my life for something so risky.
I guess I do go to Vegas in less than 4 days, so maybe now is the time to settle the cards and take the risk.
Or text message RS about what a beautiful cock.
Because I'm not so good with the patience or the likelihood that someone likes me, I'm trying hard not to opt for 2.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Let me reiterate
Please tell me if this makes any sense to you since all of my friends (who are not aware of this blog, by the way) seem to be a bit confused.
My last trip to RS at 11 something at night for a 45 minute booty call was incredibly pleasuring; however, we did talk a bit - something I hated doing because I'd like to think of him as a toy for my enjoyment and not a person I have had feelings for. When I explained to some of my close buddies that he walked out to my car with me and it flipped me out since it gave me the impression he might have feelings, they asked, "Why not go for it?"
My response, "Been there, done that, only time I can legitimately say I had a broken heart." Not because I was in love (because I have yet to step over that boundary line) but because it was a realization that I wasn't good enough on a sort of Manslow Hierarchy of Needs type way.
Besides, there is no way any of those group members would pull a "Yoko" as we use to joke about when I was with the guitarist. No one would put a chick before the band, because the band comes first. I also do not want to even go into that pattern of thinking because I do not want to have an inkling of hope that there could be something.
Plus he's Catholic (yup - BZ, hit that on the head) - or used to be Catholic and I'm just counting down the minutes until the concious comes back and he zips up his pants for another 3-4 months.
This makes sense to me having dated 4 musicians and having had a two year realtionship with his guitarist. I understand where he's coming from and have no want to hold him to anything. Plus I like CB. And I'm kind of seeing BG. Instead I'm hearing that I'm a selfish b*tch that doesn't want to be happy.
My last trip to RS at 11 something at night for a 45 minute booty call was incredibly pleasuring; however, we did talk a bit - something I hated doing because I'd like to think of him as a toy for my enjoyment and not a person I have had feelings for. When I explained to some of my close buddies that he walked out to my car with me and it flipped me out since it gave me the impression he might have feelings, they asked, "Why not go for it?"
My response, "Been there, done that, only time I can legitimately say I had a broken heart." Not because I was in love (because I have yet to step over that boundary line) but because it was a realization that I wasn't good enough on a sort of Manslow Hierarchy of Needs type way.
Besides, there is no way any of those group members would pull a "Yoko" as we use to joke about when I was with the guitarist. No one would put a chick before the band, because the band comes first. I also do not want to even go into that pattern of thinking because I do not want to have an inkling of hope that there could be something.
Plus he's Catholic (yup - BZ, hit that on the head) - or used to be Catholic and I'm just counting down the minutes until the concious comes back and he zips up his pants for another 3-4 months.
This makes sense to me having dated 4 musicians and having had a two year realtionship with his guitarist. I understand where he's coming from and have no want to hold him to anything. Plus I like CB. And I'm kind of seeing BG. Instead I'm hearing that I'm a selfish b*tch that doesn't want to be happy.
My Classic Observation
I have a degree in Classics, so sue me when I make this remark.
Today Pluto was deamed "Dead" and not considered a planet. How coincidental that Pluto is infact the Roman name for the god Hades, who was, in fact, the god of the dead.
It put a smile on my face today, that's all I can say.
Today Pluto was deamed "Dead" and not considered a planet. How coincidental that Pluto is infact the Roman name for the god Hades, who was, in fact, the god of the dead.
It put a smile on my face today, that's all I can say.
Myspace
Myspace is a great tool - but I think it might be too effective in background information. Here's my rant. Oh! It's Thursday 13, that's what my 13 will be about.
13 Things about MySpace
(1) Great networking tool for organizations
(2) Found out how ugly the ex's kid is
(3) It can destroy (or dampen friendships) - J's friend is the ex-girlfriend of HG. When she saw him as a myspace friend - she disowned J who didn't even really put the 2 & 2 together until after the whole diabocle
(4) You can find old college & HS buddies
(5) Weird people can hit on you
(6) You can verify that your other ex did in fact cheat on you - though he swore he never did
(7) You can see just how many FB's your FB might have (looks like I'm the only one!)
(8) You can find out how many people a certain person may be entertaining the idea of doing (CB looks like he has about 3 right now)
(9) You can post your calendar to clarify that you actually are a busy girl
(10) You can see who knows you and who you want to meet
(11) If you're 14, you can say you're 21
(12) You can put on cool new songs and play them in the background to pretend you had the 99 cents to buy them off iTunes
(13) You can say you survived the MySpace blackout of 2006!
13 Things about MySpace
(1) Great networking tool for organizations
(2) Found out how ugly the ex's kid is
(3) It can destroy (or dampen friendships) - J's friend is the ex-girlfriend of HG. When she saw him as a myspace friend - she disowned J who didn't even really put the 2 & 2 together until after the whole diabocle
(4) You can find old college & HS buddies
(5) Weird people can hit on you
(6) You can verify that your other ex did in fact cheat on you - though he swore he never did
(7) You can see just how many FB's your FB might have (looks like I'm the only one!)
(8) You can find out how many people a certain person may be entertaining the idea of doing (CB looks like he has about 3 right now)
(9) You can post your calendar to clarify that you actually are a busy girl
(10) You can see who knows you and who you want to meet
(11) If you're 14, you can say you're 21
(12) You can put on cool new songs and play them in the background to pretend you had the 99 cents to buy them off iTunes
(13) You can say you survived the MySpace blackout of 2006!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Rash Decisions are Mistakes
The whole time D & O were in town, one thing D kept saying is that she wasn't going to make any more rash decisions. She got pregnant and got married and now she's dealing with a whole mess of problems because everything went so quickly. She doesn't regret what happened (I mean O could win awards for the cutest baby ever), but if she thought things through she might not have done it.
My rash decision yesterday turned into being a misunderstanding in the end. It turns out the emails were all part of a way of letting me into their little friendship, not a supposed remark to kick me out of it. Because of my quick reaction and even quicker driving skills, I slept with RS.
I made that decision on a whim and today CB kind of asked me out, it was along these lines "we have to get together sometime again. maybe catch a movie or grab a bite to eat." Actually, that was the exact line. I stared at the screen dumb founded. I replied with "CB - are you asking me out on a date?"
Now I'm stuck in a catch 22. I really like CB and part of the provisions with RS is that it stops when someone we like becomes an entity, I guess he's not an entity until it actually happens and as J mentioned, I can continue until there's an exclusivity pact in the picture which is still months away.
I've never straight on taken an FB before when there was potential other people in the picture, and I'm not sure that I'm going to give it up quite yet. There's just glass on the floor that I have to be careful not to step on so no one gets hurt.
And this concludes the days of our lives ...
My rash decision yesterday turned into being a misunderstanding in the end. It turns out the emails were all part of a way of letting me into their little friendship, not a supposed remark to kick me out of it. Because of my quick reaction and even quicker driving skills, I slept with RS.
I made that decision on a whim and today CB kind of asked me out, it was along these lines "we have to get together sometime again. maybe catch a movie or grab a bite to eat." Actually, that was the exact line. I stared at the screen dumb founded. I replied with "CB - are you asking me out on a date?"
Now I'm stuck in a catch 22. I really like CB and part of the provisions with RS is that it stops when someone we like becomes an entity, I guess he's not an entity until it actually happens and as J mentioned, I can continue until there's an exclusivity pact in the picture which is still months away.
I've never straight on taken an FB before when there was potential other people in the picture, and I'm not sure that I'm going to give it up quite yet. There's just glass on the floor that I have to be careful not to step on so no one gets hurt.
And this concludes the days of our lives ...
The bitterness of control
I'm going to admit that I have a complete control issue, so when a supposed "friend" decided she would email CB and cc'd me on it saying she knew we were sleeping together (WTF? We aren't!) I got a little pissed. If anyone was going to ruin my chances with CB, it better as hell be me and not this little chickee poo. I stewed, I was incredibly angry and hurt. So I took matters into my own hands.
I im'd RS that I was in Madison and wondered if he was serious about our deal earlier. He said "sure." We arranged a meeting at 3:00, I drove to his house and saw his car was actually in his drive way.
I rang the doorbell, he answered. I asked how he was, he said "fine." So I kissed him, pinned him against the wall, took off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, took him by the loop and told him that I wanted to show him the place. We started kissing again, he fumbled with my shirt so I took it off for him, unhooked my bra, threw it on the ground. I asked him to get a condom, and we started kissing. Then we started doing more than kissing.
I'll spare you the intimate details, but about a couple pumps later he looked at me weird. Being the last experience wasn't that great, I was questioning if it was me. He told me it wasn't, that it had never happened before, that he had already came.
It was not a big deal, I was on a time line so I could get back to work so no one was the differ; I assured him I took it as a compliment that I was just that good. We got dressed I told him we should do it again next time I'm in Madison, he agreed. I left.
I was so happy that I had control over the whole issue, I was the one that called him, pinned him, screwed him, I was the one that left. I'm the one that doesn't have the lingering feelings and now I'm the one that is over any kind of feelings for CB. It's shady, it's self destructive, it's head nodding "no's" all over the place. But it's what I needed to do.
So here's a look into all the things that made this event take place -
(A) I haven't gotten laid in over 2 years. I haven't been feeling pretty or sexual or anything lately. I needed to feel that way for a bit.
(B) I wanted the chance to screw it up with CB and I might as well do the one thing that I knew would since the chance was ruined.
(C) I needed to have the encounter to show RS & myself that I was over him.
(D) I needed to feel like I had control over something.
Job accomplished.
I im'd RS that I was in Madison and wondered if he was serious about our deal earlier. He said "sure." We arranged a meeting at 3:00, I drove to his house and saw his car was actually in his drive way.
I rang the doorbell, he answered. I asked how he was, he said "fine." So I kissed him, pinned him against the wall, took off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, took him by the loop and told him that I wanted to show him the place. We started kissing again, he fumbled with my shirt so I took it off for him, unhooked my bra, threw it on the ground. I asked him to get a condom, and we started kissing. Then we started doing more than kissing.
I'll spare you the intimate details, but about a couple pumps later he looked at me weird. Being the last experience wasn't that great, I was questioning if it was me. He told me it wasn't, that it had never happened before, that he had already came.
It was not a big deal, I was on a time line so I could get back to work so no one was the differ; I assured him I took it as a compliment that I was just that good. We got dressed I told him we should do it again next time I'm in Madison, he agreed. I left.
I was so happy that I had control over the whole issue, I was the one that called him, pinned him, screwed him, I was the one that left. I'm the one that doesn't have the lingering feelings and now I'm the one that is over any kind of feelings for CB. It's shady, it's self destructive, it's head nodding "no's" all over the place. But it's what I needed to do.
So here's a look into all the things that made this event take place -
(A) I haven't gotten laid in over 2 years. I haven't been feeling pretty or sexual or anything lately. I needed to feel that way for a bit.
(B) I wanted the chance to screw it up with CB and I might as well do the one thing that I knew would since the chance was ruined.
(C) I needed to have the encounter to show RS & myself that I was over him.
(D) I needed to feel like I had control over something.
Job accomplished.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Post Party ...
Party Hosting 101 - the host needs to eat or ends up a drunken diabocle like me & my friend J who hosted the party at her house. We had 17 guests (not too bad for only 3 day invite-out), 2 of which were in their boxers, 6 of which got to make out with people and I got 52 mosquito bites on my feet - tragedy!
Long after the pitcher of my cosmos were gone along with 54 beer cans, a bottle of Captain, one of vanilla smirnoff and a bottle of bacardi all hit the bucket the guest started leaving around 12:30am. I walked CB out and talked with him for a close hour and a half, he brought it to my attention that everyone was gone and he had to head back to Chicago (he drove all that way - just to come to our picnic, I know, I know "awww!") I tried to urge him to stay, but he said he needed to leave, so I let him and he kissed me. It was a bit better this time around, which shows he can improve (especially when not caught off guard) - but it did take over an hour to get him to do that and some 50 mosquitos on my toes - I look like I got some contagious disease, ick. We haven't talked since and I know he's not going to ask me out, so I 1/2 want to throw a party again this week, but lack the funds (this one cost me $125), so we'll wait and see.
In the meantime, RS text messaged me while I was at State Fair on Sunday and we enjoyed a bit of sexual banter back and forth. It kind of went along the lines of
RS: "Miller Park, 5, go"
MG: "Can't, at State Fair. Maybe lunch on Thursday? I'll be in Madison"
RS: "That's do-able."
MG: "Call me."
RS: "Will do."
MG:"I'll wear a skirt, you wear something sexy"
RS:"How about velvet?"
MG:"How about commando?"
RS:"Commando and a skirt is asking for trouble"
MG:"I misunderstood, aren't our get togethers all about trouble?"
RS:"Trouble will be the appetizer ..."
I know what you are thinking - I'm insane. Why even play with fire when it's kind of obvious CB might like me. I'm almost 100% that RS is just banter and no way will he actually meet me for lunch and no way will we actually get it on ... right? I mean, right. Plus I don't think I could bring myself to do it anyway.
On to another topic - dumb ass friends. #1 stood us up for the cook out and then didn't even call to say he was sorry. He's losing J's interest pretty fast and part of me hopes she loses it all the way because he's acting like an ass! I apparently don't get a medal for my hook ups. Sigh. I can't even get an honorable mention from mine.
I need to revert back to the old gym regement, I've been too busy and too tired. I'm thinking about giving up alcohol until the next get together - I'm pretty sure I could do it! That's a bunch of calories that don't need to be consumed.
Though, the drinking can't stop today because D & O are coming in from out of town to spend today, tomorrow & Wednesday with me. I think D needs a good cry. For being the strongest woman I've ever known, I see how much love hurts and breaks that down. I'm supposed to love her husband when she does and hate him when she does and never look back and be a support unit, but it's devestating to see someone so vibrant and beautiful being sucked in by a two-faced liar. I used to like him a lot, but my patience wears thin. I've been in almost the same position before, thinking you are in love and not wanting the work you've put into the relationship to fail but somethings are for the better. They have the most beautiful little girl and the freaking bastard ignores her, laying his lazy ass on the couch while his wife busts her ass to support him. That's my little rant. I'll support her no matter what she does because I love her that much, I just want to see the old D that was actually occassionally happy.
I'm hoping the next three days shows her what happiness was and how much it's lacking. I'm assuming tonight will be tears and wine ...
Long after the pitcher of my cosmos were gone along with 54 beer cans, a bottle of Captain, one of vanilla smirnoff and a bottle of bacardi all hit the bucket the guest started leaving around 12:30am. I walked CB out and talked with him for a close hour and a half, he brought it to my attention that everyone was gone and he had to head back to Chicago (he drove all that way - just to come to our picnic, I know, I know "awww!") I tried to urge him to stay, but he said he needed to leave, so I let him and he kissed me. It was a bit better this time around, which shows he can improve (especially when not caught off guard) - but it did take over an hour to get him to do that and some 50 mosquitos on my toes - I look like I got some contagious disease, ick. We haven't talked since and I know he's not going to ask me out, so I 1/2 want to throw a party again this week, but lack the funds (this one cost me $125), so we'll wait and see.
In the meantime, RS text messaged me while I was at State Fair on Sunday and we enjoyed a bit of sexual banter back and forth. It kind of went along the lines of
RS: "Miller Park, 5, go"
MG: "Can't, at State Fair. Maybe lunch on Thursday? I'll be in Madison"
RS: "That's do-able."
MG: "Call me."
RS: "Will do."
MG:"I'll wear a skirt, you wear something sexy"
RS:"How about velvet?"
MG:"How about commando?"
RS:"Commando and a skirt is asking for trouble"
MG:"I misunderstood, aren't our get togethers all about trouble?"
RS:"Trouble will be the appetizer ..."
I know what you are thinking - I'm insane. Why even play with fire when it's kind of obvious CB might like me. I'm almost 100% that RS is just banter and no way will he actually meet me for lunch and no way will we actually get it on ... right? I mean, right. Plus I don't think I could bring myself to do it anyway.
On to another topic - dumb ass friends. #1 stood us up for the cook out and then didn't even call to say he was sorry. He's losing J's interest pretty fast and part of me hopes she loses it all the way because he's acting like an ass! I apparently don't get a medal for my hook ups. Sigh. I can't even get an honorable mention from mine.
I need to revert back to the old gym regement, I've been too busy and too tired. I'm thinking about giving up alcohol until the next get together - I'm pretty sure I could do it! That's a bunch of calories that don't need to be consumed.
Though, the drinking can't stop today because D & O are coming in from out of town to spend today, tomorrow & Wednesday with me. I think D needs a good cry. For being the strongest woman I've ever known, I see how much love hurts and breaks that down. I'm supposed to love her husband when she does and hate him when she does and never look back and be a support unit, but it's devestating to see someone so vibrant and beautiful being sucked in by a two-faced liar. I used to like him a lot, but my patience wears thin. I've been in almost the same position before, thinking you are in love and not wanting the work you've put into the relationship to fail but somethings are for the better. They have the most beautiful little girl and the freaking bastard ignores her, laying his lazy ass on the couch while his wife busts her ass to support him. That's my little rant. I'll support her no matter what she does because I love her that much, I just want to see the old D that was actually occassionally happy.
I'm hoping the next three days shows her what happiness was and how much it's lacking. I'm assuming tonight will be tears and wine ...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
How to get out of your weekend plans 101
Plan a party! I was technically supposed to go by my cousins and my friend from around the corner was supposed to go to Chicago, but neither of us wanted to so instead we're having a cook out! :)
I invited CB, she invited #1 - I don't think either is going though ...
I invited CB, she invited #1 - I don't think either is going though ...
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
I forgot! Chicken wing rant.
I forgot that I have a quick rant about some chicken wings I got yesterday.
A co-worker was headed over to BW3's for lunch with some friends, she asked if anyone wanted anything and I told her I was starving for wings and handed her $6, telling her bring back as many wings as you can with that along with some blue cheese.
An hour and a half later she returns with a little box, no celery, no sauce and 6 chicken wings. 6 wings cost $6 and they didn't even box them appropriately?
At the bar, I asked a friend about BW3's - he said "It's awesome, today they had 25 cent wings. I went to the downtown one over lunch. Every Tuesday is 25 cent wings." I was a bit pissed and asked if they come with any kind of sauce like blue cheese, "Yup. And celery!"
I recounted my experience and he informed that my money probably paid for everyone and I got the left overs! The worst part is I've bought lunch for this chick so many times and she's never paid me back, the least she could have done is given me the right amount for my money.
A co-worker was headed over to BW3's for lunch with some friends, she asked if anyone wanted anything and I told her I was starving for wings and handed her $6, telling her bring back as many wings as you can with that along with some blue cheese.
An hour and a half later she returns with a little box, no celery, no sauce and 6 chicken wings. 6 wings cost $6 and they didn't even box them appropriately?
At the bar, I asked a friend about BW3's - he said "It's awesome, today they had 25 cent wings. I went to the downtown one over lunch. Every Tuesday is 25 cent wings." I was a bit pissed and asked if they come with any kind of sauce like blue cheese, "Yup. And celery!"
I recounted my experience and he informed that my money probably paid for everyone and I got the left overs! The worst part is I've bought lunch for this chick so many times and she's never paid me back, the least she could have done is given me the right amount for my money.
I don't even remember
Posting last night. LOL. Ah well!
So yesterday was a long day, I had brief flashbacks of turning 22 and consuming too much 1800. Ouch, my head is hurting again.
Needless to say, Damien Miller saved the day (sigh - ahh Damien), he's one of my favorite players, and I celebrated. I went to bed, never heard the alarm but still woke up around 6:30am. So I skipped the gym, took a long shower and got ready for work. Tonight is our softball game, yipee. Usually we go out, but I've spent way too much money these past two weeks on nothing good for me and I may be negative in the old accounts, so I think we'll just play ball and leave. Here's a new concept, maybe I'll just go home.
So yesterday was a long day, I had brief flashbacks of turning 22 and consuming too much 1800. Ouch, my head is hurting again.
Needless to say, Damien Miller saved the day (sigh - ahh Damien), he's one of my favorite players, and I celebrated. I went to bed, never heard the alarm but still woke up around 6:30am. So I skipped the gym, took a long shower and got ready for work. Tonight is our softball game, yipee. Usually we go out, but I've spent way too much money these past two weeks on nothing good for me and I may be negative in the old accounts, so I think we'll just play ball and leave. Here's a new concept, maybe I'll just go home.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I may throw up ...
So, I wanted to see the end of the Brewer's Game, which of course went until about 20 minutes ago.
I recounted the continous loop of CB, I saw him at class, no response. Don't know what to think. I recounted my day (too hard to describe, I'm exhausted) and about getting up in less than 5 hours to go to the gym.
This is my drunken post. Lord help me, as I got home safe and will recount in another post in about 7 hrs when the room stops spinning.
I recounted the continous loop of CB, I saw him at class, no response. Don't know what to think. I recounted my day (too hard to describe, I'm exhausted) and about getting up in less than 5 hours to go to the gym.
This is my drunken post. Lord help me, as I got home safe and will recount in another post in about 7 hrs when the room stops spinning.
It's almost Single in the City's birthday!
August 9, 2005
I started this blog. Happy almost birthday! It was a weird time in my life, when there was way too many boys that they needed numbers assigned to them and way too much going on for me to think straight. But I've survived almost a year and am almost at 200 posts, which I might add is some decent posting over 352 days.
Let's talk about my broken tail bone from a couple sentences. I broke my bone a couple months ago and feared high heels until a week ago. Now I'm back in my 4" and weight is coming off. That makes me incredibly happy!
Tonight a friend of mine is coming over and we're having a pajama party featuring alcholic beverages - how sweet is that? We live around the block from eachother and figured it would be a nice way to relax while both being broke.
I started this blog. Happy almost birthday! It was a weird time in my life, when there was way too many boys that they needed numbers assigned to them and way too much going on for me to think straight. But I've survived almost a year and am almost at 200 posts, which I might add is some decent posting over 352 days.
Let's talk about my broken tail bone from a couple sentences. I broke my bone a couple months ago and feared high heels until a week ago. Now I'm back in my 4" and weight is coming off. That makes me incredibly happy!
Tonight a friend of mine is coming over and we're having a pajama party featuring alcholic beverages - how sweet is that? We live around the block from eachother and figured it would be a nice way to relax while both being broke.
Stolen
I stole this from Post Secret, I hope they don't mind. I love that site, it's a weekly tradition (see the link on the side to visit)
On the topic of websites like Post Secret, here is another great one to read people's confessions: http://ishty.blogspot.com/
On the topic of websites like Post Secret, here is another great one to read people's confessions: http://ishty.blogspot.com/
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