That "A-Thump-A-Thump" is my Heart

Ugh. This is what I dread - work. Normally something little like this wouldn't phase me, but the recent month has had me at the edge of my seat just waiting for the next explosion. And I'm sure in some sense I made it worse, but in another - I was just doing what I was told.

A late registration came in Friday while I was at the car dealer (again). By the time I got to the office at 2:00 I was playing catch up and accidentally overlooked the late registration - for Monday morning.

In one sense I'm set to argue, "He didn't tell me!" because part of his job is to make sure the registrations are processed timely. In the other sense (and the path I chose), I apologized, offering the weak argument that I was gone until 2:00 and he left at 3:00 without even looking at the registration.

To bite the bullet, I forwarded his rather smart-remark to MM3 with a lose apology ...

I'll just forward this to you now since I know it'll be talked about.

I was at the car dealer when this came over on Friday and I missed it prior to his leaving that day, I could have sworn (but it's not backed up in email) that I asked him on Friday if we were all caught up on blue sheets and there was no mention of it prior to him leaving. I understand it's not his job; however, to make sure I do mine.

I apologized for missing it.

I completely understand that our office has moved from free-spirited, talk-to-each other mentality to full-throttled who-will-tell-first and this was my attempt at counteracting what I already knew took place in the office while I was out.

I also offered this (with both head bosses bcc'd) to him in attempt of remorse:

That's two short emails from you this morning. Is there something going on that I'm not fully aware of that's making you angry with me?

I do understand that I missed the sheet, I moved it mistakenly to my Information folder thinking I had done it - but apparently had not. Not that it's any excuse, but I also thought we spoke about sheets on Friday and we were squared away? I could be mistaken, I was working on a lot of events that day.

I apologize in advance for whatever I did to make you upset before this as well. Please let me know what it is so I can work in the future towards your best interests.


This is what I HATE. I should not fear my job, my heart should not race, I should not be sick to my stomach anticipating what will happen to me when I arrive tomorrow morning.

Part of me is so irate - I've worked so hard to change a $3K business into a $30K business (that's A MONTH folks), I haven't argued at pay set back's, budget decreases, expense decreases (now if I take a client out - it's on my bill 98% of the time), I've dealt with more people coming on and more responsibilities going away and what I do is still not good enough.

I've also set the pace so that when I leave the business will still thrive. It's become a $20K inside-sales business on its own; honestly, taking away some of the joy of karma upon my absence.

Two years ago it was fun to go to work. It was easy to talk to each other, it was easy to award each other. There was no "coaching meetings" every 2-3 weeks to talk about what issues arose, there wasn't even monthly staff meetings. I loved my job.

Now I need a Tums.

Before I wanted to leave because I wanted the opportunity to grow and make more money, now I'm willing to take a $5K cut in pay to just get out.

Oh tangled-web.