Expectations.

One of my friends in from out of town decided she’s setting a list of expectations for her next FWB experience. As I was showering I had to make myself laugh - it’s actually a REALLY good idea. I think it should be implemented in all areas of life. Decisions would be so much easier since things were established beforehand and you can’t let crazy feelings like love or loyalty get in the way.

For instance, let’s say his list says this:

My expectations are ...
1. You pay for everything.
2. I don’t have to work, you can support me.
3. We should have sex 3-4 times a week.
4. You must throw me a birthday party.
5. Valentines day, sweetest day are null & void.
6. When I’m in the band, I’m single and can’t be held accountable for my actions.
7. I will spend no time at your place
8. If you want to see me/spend time with me - you’ll have to come here.
9. I’ll introduce you to a bunch of cool people, you must look hot.
10. You cannot exceed 100 calories a day.

That would have been my ex-boyfriend’s list. Had I known about the expectations ahead of time, I probably would have declined his invitation for coffee. But that’s extreme, in reality my dating list might look like:

1. If you choose to date me, you cannot be on any dating/sex hook up sites after the established time of girlfriend/boyfriend or 5 months out (whatever is sooner).
2. I will be more than happy to pay for 1/2 the time. In fact, I plan on it.
3. If I’m in a dress, I expect you’ll at the very minimum say I look nice. Words like "sexy" and "hot" are great alternatives.
4. I do not have a "great personality" - I know what that means.
5. I want spontaneity - routine is great 75% of the time
6. You should make me laugh or smile at the minimum.
7. Try your best to make my friends like you, their opinion matters more than anything. Especially 5 of them.
8. Sex should be incurred 4-5 times a week, minimum.
9. I don’t like to ask you to do anything more than 3 times - this is how I go crazy.
10. You should stay (or offer to stay) at my house at least once a week.
11. Must love cats.
12. I should be fun.
13. Don't use the phrase, "I can pay - I guess."

So it’s a pretty relatively easy list - but there’s lots of breakers in there... Maybe you hate cats. Maybe you’ve realized that you don’t listen - so 3 times doesn’t seem reasonable. Maybe you hate sex. Maybe you love routine ALL of the time. So after initially meeting, I could hand you the list and you could say, "I can’t do all these things - but you’re great, let’s hang out. (omission of great personality - nice call pretend guy)"

Or maybe things could be a little negotiated from the get go and I get to make the decision - "5 people to like me is a big number" - okay, maybe 3- just win them over. "Can you ask 4 times?" Sure, I can ask 4 times.

And than maybe everything looks great - so you’re in. I mean, I’d have to see your list, but depending on those results, it could be awesome.

And than maybe 6 months down the road, you’ve been boyfriend/girlfriend for 4 months and - oh, you’re on a dating site, so I call you out on it and let you know, "Well, according to my expectation list - I don’t find this behavior acceptable."

This is great leveraging points for people that make really bad relationship choices, like myself (really, that would have been my ex-boyfriend of TWO YEARS’s list).

But alas, I think the check list works much better for FWB than relationships. I also don’t think it’s a fad that will catch on.