The first one is TMI - so scroll if you don't want all the information.
I started cleaning my house on Friday, bored from having the day off I had already tried out the malls for a little black Friday shopping. When I got SUPER bored, I thought "Hell! I'm just going to masturbate." Too tired from all the moving around, I decided to aid my experience with a little pornography left behind by an old trashy roommate. I put the vibrator on high and started watching.
When my door opened. And I could hear movement. And all I could think to do is quickly close my bedroom door, THEN flip off the vibrator and yell "Oh shit!" to myself as I clicked off the rather loud TV.
My maintenance guy just caught me masturbating.
My second story is just kind of gross.
While in the flu daze, I had a rather bad issue of both ends. So while sitting on the toilet I felt the need to vomit. Thanking God my tub was next to the toilet, I swung my head around and - oops. Didn't make it all the way. The Bumpkin was in the way of the projection. His big green eyes looked up at me like, "Why Mom? Why?"
I puked on my cat.
I still don't think he's 100% forgiven me.
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3 comments:
Ugh, I shouldn't complain about having a cold. The flu is much worse! Did you give your cat a bath afterwards?
It takes some big balls to tell either of these stories, exactly how many HUGE balls do you have??
very interesting.......sounds like your a crazy fun girl
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