It's my Golden Birthday!

Last night we had a couple drinks a Le Fuentes and the BF headed to poker with the promise of some early-morning birthday rocking. I was really hoping it would happen since it's been almost a week and time was ticking on when I could with out being delayed another 4 days.

At 2:00 he called me and said he forgot the keys to my place, so I let him in. He informed me that he was just in the mood to cuddle, crawling into bed fully dressed, rolling over with his back to me and promptly snoring so loud that I could barely sleep. He jumped out of bed about an hour later, only to puke I assumed. At 4:00 his moaning was driving me nuts that I rolled over and rubbed his back lightly, before he snapped that his head killed and he needed aspirin. So I got some Excedrin and a bottle of water and he laid back down saying it felt like he got smacked by a freight train and that he was freezing. So I went downstairs and turned up the heat, went back to bed. He complained how bad his head hurt, so I went back downstairs and grabbed a Gatorade, hoping that the elecrolytes would help hydrate him quicker. Of course, I couldn't open it and I couldn't see anything with my new curtains up ... so I flipped on the lights and he flipped out again. He finally settled into sleeping around 5am and I was wide awake.

My mom called about 7:30am to wish me a happy birthday and I snuck down and took a shower, got dressed and ready for work. I wasn't supposed to be in until noon, but there wasn't much I could do, so I packed up, left him my keys and a note, and headed in at 9:30.

Happy Birthday Blues

I tried to arrange what I figured would be away to get the majority of my friends and family out for my birthday - do a dinner on the West side of town and do drinks by my place on the South side.

I invited my Dad to dinner, knowing that my mom, step-dad and brother would only be going to the bar portion, when he informed me his girlfriend's daughter was coming in from out of town and he wouldn't be able to celebrate my birthday for another 2 weeks. I was bummed, but I wasn't going to hold it against him - until I asked my brother (older one) and sister if they'd be joining me. My dad interrupted them before they could speak, "No, they're coming over here for a family dinner." I was dumbfounded, (a) I wasn't invited to the "family dinner" and (b) it's my birthday! Why can't my siblings come with me to dinner?

I guess that's why you have friends. 20 people RSVPed for dinner, 40 for the bar. Happy birthday to me.

Although the BF is pretty certain he's going to get me so intoxicated he can throw it in my, ahem, I have a feeling I'll be too busy playing bags & socializing to get that trashed ...

Diamonds are a ...

I had shook the presents, I had played with the package (the wrapped ones under the tree) and at no point did I think I'd get jewelry.

I had just been through 7 hours of my family when I got to his and I sat down next to a broken hearted friend that was there and his kid, and behind me he stood with a little box.

And you know what little boxes are.

It was a journey necklace, diamonds all in a row. It sparkled. I wanted to cry but we were around family so I hugged him. I wanted to blurt out I love you - not because of the jewelry but because I really do. But I just put it on and kept touching it all night.

Diamonds are not a girls best friend, diamonds are a gift that showed me this just might be real.

Merry Christmas Eve!

And what a Christmas it's going to be.

Friday was a friend's birthday, so the BF & I enjoyed dinner & a couple cocktails. I enjoyed too many and at 2am REALLY needed to go home. The BF was too involved in bowling to drive me home, so his roommate offered to help out. I kissed him goodbye and he said, "Drive Safe. I love you." I turned around and walked out - head spinning. Really? The first I love you and we're both trashed. It hasn't been uttered since, but relatively sure that it's due to my reaction.

Passport Getting.

I was nervous, my heart was pounding. I mean, not only was it expensive, but it meant that we better be together in 2 months still. And it's been 7 months and neither of us have yet to utter "I love you." It also meant that this was it - a $2,000 investment. On one hand it dawns on me that his first experience on a plane, a trip outside the country, scuba diving, horseback riding - it's all going to be with me. So even if he does break up with me afterwards he won't be able to get around that fact.

I'm a bit nervous as well since I didn't get a raise - not even cost of living, and have a higher car payment and this trip to pay for. I went to the table with the pure facts - my first year I increased your sales by 275%, my second year I've increased it by 85% - $4500 a month. And that doesn't include the corporate sale which actually means I've increased the yearly sales by 97% and that the monthly increase is actually around $7500 a month. Because of my sales, we've moved to a new office, we've gotten another full time instructor and all of our classrooms are equipped with intel macs. What did I get told? They actually want to reduce my commission schedule - meaning that I'll make $11,000 less this year. Let's also add on that there's now 5 additional restrictions on my sale, which will effectively reduce my monthly sales as well. How do you spell that? S-C-R-E-W-E-D.

Oh Baby!

Jessica Alba is pregnant. (26)

Lilly Allen is pregnant. (22)

Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant. (16)

Do not drink the water in Hollywood.

WP's Curse.

My golden birthday is one week away. And I'm sick as a dog. Please no curse!!

Real Beauty.

Perhaps you've seen Dove's new campaign for Real Beauty featuring the little, red-haired girl leaving the school bus followed by images of ill-proportioned, sex-symbol-esque, surgery wielding beauties, followed by the message "Talk to your daughter before the fashion industry does."

Let me start by saying - I am in love with the real beauty campaign. I think it's a brilliant marketing strategy that the American public needs to hear. With the majority of women in this country being a size 14, it is often too easy to believe that beauty is in the heroin-sheik, or the bottle-wielding tiny bopper celebrities. For a beauty company to come out and tell women that it's okay to be themselves, is in genius. It's a long the lines of Jennifer Love Hewitt's rant to TMZ for dissing her size 2 body a couple weeks back, while enjoying her engagement in Hawaii (see http://www.thatsfit.com/2007/12/08/jennifer-love-hewitt-gets-celebs-talking/). But I digress.

The video for Real Beauty is called "Onslaught," just in case you haven't been one of the hundreds of thousands of clicks. This is an example of yet another viral campaign (my obsession), and a rather successful one at that. But, when dealing with video campaigns you're often going to get tied into youtube.com and have video comments back. A downside to this type of advertising is that the response may not always be 100% positive, and can indeed be enlightening. Please see what I found on my viral tracking today.

Drained

I feel exhausted both physically and emotionally. I was looking forward to running after work, but I might just skip it for a nap.

As it turns out, I'm not 21 anymore. I'm not sure exactly how I used to survive on 4 hours of sleep and have tons of energy the next day, but there's no more waiting up until 1:30 in the morning for the rest of this week (or so I say).

R's snuggly cat was gone, which led my bed to being void of anything to cuddle with minus a pillow or two. The Bumpkin doesn't really snuggle, so I watched info-mercials until 1:30, swearing I wouldn't take a Lunesta to sleep since there's only 2 left. The TV clicked off and I looked at my phone, turned over and closed my eyes. 6:00 came way too fast.

This morning I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, contemplating how much I really wanted to get up and go to work (I didn't) and replaying certain events in my head, trying to decide what exactly the next steps should be. I've been haunted all weekend by what I can only sadly say is my new neighbor, who had not-so-nice words to say to me in our parting 7 years ago. That alone through me for a whirlwind and being alone all weekend to relish in those thoughts hasn't been a delight.

I did, on the other hand, complete 2 nice tasks this weekend. My neighbor got stuck (ironically in the same spot I did when I had to call Steve to help me out - by the way - neutral works again) so I helped push her out and some crazy drunk people need a jump and lost their friend, so I pointed in the direction that he ran. Hopefully I'll get a good lick of karma now since it does seem I've been in a bit of a downward spiral the past 2 weeks.

I did put up my Christmas Tree. Arguably my little grey friend isn't even slightly amused by the hanging ornaments. Makes me wish I didn't wait 5 years to put it up again. He hasn't attempted to climb or eat the branches. Of course, I say that now and I'll probably go home and it'll be tipped over. Good thing it's not in my room, so I'll still be able to nap when I get home.

Hello Neighbor.

My ex-fiance is my new neighbor. Which sucks.

Well, he's not really my neighbor, but lives somewhere in my hood. I've seen him every day for the last 3 weeks.

I can't help but think about his last words to me when we finally broke things off ...

"You've lost your chance. You'll never be married, you'll never have kids, I was your chance at happiness. You're sure you want to be alone forever? Then fine."

I put it off to a broken heart, but I'm turning 27 in just a couple weeks and I can't help but wonder what was the truth in the matter. Especially when dealing with the BF.

On Sunday he didn't even invite me over for the game. I still took the kid to see "Golden Compass" - a $30 expenditure, by the way, only to have the kid get pissed because I only let him play arcade games for 20 minutes.

He invited me to dinner, but I had plans with R since I had been watching her kitty since Thursday. I told him I'd be at the Palomino and he came to join us for a couple drinks. It was awkward to say the least - I so badly wanted him to grab me and kiss me, but he barely said one word and I was empty for feelings for the total rejection all weekend.

He called at 10:30 and said that "perhaps I'll surprise you and you'll wake up next to me" - so when it was 2:00 in the morning I dropped him a text saying, "New rule, no more joking about coming over." I rolled over and clung to my pillow, I couldn't help but think that if he had done that one tiny gesture things would have been different. And to play my own devil's advocate - I realized that I can't hope for him to do any of these things ever.

He texted me at 6:30 that he was sorry and wished me a good day.

And then I saw the ex as I left. I stopped a bit short of the stop sign and for a moment gave into the truth in his prophecy. I also remembered that I am the only one that can control my future.

Looking for an off switch.

My brain won't stop running.

He never called nor did he come over last night. I didn't really sleep.

So at 9am I got up, packed up the laundry and headed to Franklin. I bought a Christmas tree and stopped by my sister's. I chatted with her boyfriend, he was on the way to pick up her engagement ring so I drove.

He's one of the nicest guys I know, and she's one of the biggest bitches. How did that happen? And here I am - one of the nicest girls on the planet and I can't even get my boyfriend of almost 7 months to call after he's been hanging out with 21 year old hoochies.

So when he finally called at 2:00, I didn't answer. Truth be told, I was doing laundry but I didn't feel the need to return the call. At 3:00 we were at Target, I was returning the present I bought for the BF's kid and picked up something new. But the whole experience was emptied hearted. Then he called again and left an irate message - explaining that he knew I was mad but I had no right to be. I called back a few minutes later, I told him that I was shopping.

At 7 he called and wanted me to go to come over. I said no. He wanted to go to the movies with me & his kid - a movie he didn't want to see. I brought the point up and he said, "I miss you though."

So tell me this - when it was 7:45 he called to say that he couldn't make it the 8:15 show. I offered to take his son tomorrow after he gets done with his mom so he didn't have to see it or go to the later show. If he really did miss me, wouldn't he have chosen the later?

But he didn't. So I sit here on a Saturday night alone, trying to get my brain to stop running.

27 in 20 days.

I will be 27 in 20 days.

I was reading back on some of the old posts and I realized that nothing has really changed since 2006. Except I have less money. And a boyfriend (see previous reason). And I'm spending Friday nights alone.

The retrospective of the evening spent either running in the freaking cold or chilling out with the kitties led me to dwell. I hate dwelling. I dwelled on the fact that my mom told me, "You really want to go on a cruise with someone who doesn't love you?" And I dwelled on the fact that my friends were out on dates while my BF was at a freaking club with a bunch of 21 year olds grinding the shit out of them and getting wasted - while not even having the decency to call like he said he would.

I know, stop bitching and do something about it.

Hey! It'll save me $1200.

2 Hours.

11:00 the phone rings, it's the BF. We negotiate a noon-er.

11:20 I arrive at his place. It's mad chaos. We haven't even made out in almost a week. We work our way up to his room, undressing on the stairs.

11:45 we lay in orgasmic silence. I start gently rubbing his shoulders and chest.

12:50 we realize that we've just taken a 2 hour lunch. Shit. We need to get to work. Get dressed. Can't walk, legs hurt. Too bad.

1:10 I arrive back at work. Thank God I sit at a desk.

In 10 seconds ... TMI Post.

I'll pull my hair out. Seriously, how hard does a girl have to work to get a little loving these days?

I worked 9 hours, came home, changed into a skirt (sans the panties), hooker boots, low top, went to the store and grabbed the things to make Au Gratin potatoes, a fresh salad and stuffed pork chops. Cooked. Served the food. Cleaned not only the dishes that I made while cooking, but the supplies of 3 people since Sunday (when I cleaned everything as well) - all in the hopes that at some point he'd come behind, lift the skirt and give it to me.

But instead he watched football with my friend. Okay, so I did have a friend over - but her grandma had just died, and not to give too much information away - but sneaking sex with out her knowing it would have been an extra benefit.

And then when I took her back to my house where her car was parked, he wouldn't even come over - he wanted me to drive back to screw him, and then of course I'd have to drive back home tonight because he works at 7am.

Just screw me already! GRRR.

Did I mention my vibrator is broke. I don't get paid for 3 weeks, so I can't buy another one.

How do you spell sexually frustrated? M and E.

One More Reason to Love Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I used to hate her. Every guy I dated wanted to rip her clothes off and screw her. I couldn't stand Party of 5 and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

But over the years I've come to terms with her sweet-girl-next-door image. From trying to give away an air mattress when she found out Matt Damon didn't own a bed (http://teens.aol.com/entertainment/weird-celeb-facts?photo=8) to her wholesome (yet chest baring) acting in "Ghost Whisperer" - but really, after the article below.

From: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/03/jennifer-love-hewitt-defe_n_75096.html

About the Hawaii Photos...
This is the last time I will address this subject.

I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.

A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong.

Xoxo

JLH

Screwing yourself.

We got our first snow storm - on the anniversary, ironically, of the blizzard last year (December 1st). I stayed at my mom's doing laundry and baking banana goods (NG's banana's were WAY over ripe) and then started the 40 minute, 20 mile an hour, trek home. The BF wanted to go out, so we did - bowling, yet again. It's not that I don't like bowling, I do - but when you do it ALL the time and you still suck it kind of runs its course.

Anyway, I consumed A LOT. The BF drove, and even if he didn't it's not like I couldn't just walk home. Both of us consumed more than our fair share and ended up in one of those better-to-be drunk conversations. It started off with Christmas.

I informed him that he could have his choice for Christmas - the cruise our family is taking in February (but it would be combined with his birthday) or Packer tickets for December 30th. He said he'd really prefer the cruise and then said, "so we agree that the cruise will be our exchange this year?" Drunk, I said yes.

Then there was the conversation regarding my sister calling him my boy-toy on Thanksgiving. It turns out he was rather hurt by the conversation. He asked if my family even liked him. I told him that they did; however, my sister won't take anyone seriously that I'm with unless we've said I loved you, there's a ring, or a wedding. This was actually quite strategic on my drunken state, since the fact that we've been together 6 months and haven't said it turns out to be a little concerning for me. His response was not what I was thinking, he explained "We've only been together for 6 months, I'm not going to say it unless I mean it." Ouch. Take another drink.

Then there was the topic of kids that came up. We were joking that my family needs more kids, he joked that I should have one. That's when I admitted that I probably can't. I think it was a sobering statement for him. "Good to know." Was his response. He asked why, and I evaded the question. I responded with "I have a 5% chance." Drink.

The next morning I woke with a killer headache and flashes of the night before. The cruise conversation dawned on me - and that's when I realized that I screwed myself out of a Christmas present because I'm the one paying for the cruise, he's not paying for any of it. Shit.

I went by my mom's and recounted the story about him being my boy-toy, she told me to think long and hard about whether or not I wanted to take the cruise with someone who doesn't know after 6 months that he loves me. The truth is I had been.

I figured the cruise is still the best route - if something happens between now and then, I'll just pony up the $200 for a name change on the ticket and bring a friend. It'll still be my trip. And if nothing does happen - then maybe it'll be very titanic like and he'll tell me that he does indeed care.