At dinner, AD and I were engaged in a conversation where we discussed the levels of getting to know one another. Something else I discussed way back in '05 of this blog (seriously, I've been blogging that long - damn). And this post on Wearing the Pants (see, this is why comments are fun - I had never been and I do enjoy what I'm reading) reminded me of it as well.
I wondered today if my thoughts on the "levels of dating" had changed.
AD had declared what I was doing with TW was, in fact, dating. Something that I found hard to swallow. His definitive reasoning was that of us spending more than 50% of our free time together and calling each other at least twice a week. Okay - by that definition sure, but I argued that dating was an exclusive relationship.
So it turns out that my levels of dating haven't changed in two years. Ah well.
Single life for a girl in Milwaukee. Good for martinis, confusion, humor and sex. Milwaukee's a great time.
A little lunesta, a little cosmo is all it takes.
About Me
- Milwaukee Girl
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
- I'm a long time Milwaukee resident who has struggled with relationships (haven't we all) and trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I want to become. The recent economy has left me heartbroken over a job and hopelessly trying to find out what my next step is. I write because it's sometimes the only place where I can seek solice in a crazy world.
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18 comments:
No, when your exclusive, that's when your seeing someone. I think you have those backwards. Or you could say you were going steady, if you liked that 50's lingo.
See, the "seeing" someone is kind of an overall term - if it's "going steady" it's boyfriend/girlfriend type crap to me.
Isn't dating pretty much just the act of going out with romantic intentions. You know...going on a date. I think you've been on several of these with TW.
Well - kind of, I think. I mean I usually say hanging out since it seems that dating freaks people out (see Monday's conversation with TW). And when people have asked if we're dating, the answer has always been "no" from his part ...
Would your answer change if he said you were dating?
In all honesty? And it's pretty pathetic, than yeah. It would show some kind of interest in me...
So your not dating because he doesn't show interest in you? Do you think things would really be that different if he called you his girlfriend. Have you ever know him to treat anyone else with the attention you're looking for?
Yeah, if he showed interest that would also make him a different person. Life is what it is, wishing someone was different doesn't make it so. Too many people hang on to relationships they know don't work, for all kinds of different reasons.
He's actually kind of the anomoly among my pursuits - it was a legitimate hook up since the beginning instead of friend, turned drunk kiss, turned hook up - so I'm not really sure.
To tell you the truth our first hook up he was different. The hand holding, the "I'll miss yous" etc, I just keep hoping that this is a facade and that guy is under there - I just am coming to realize it's the exact opposite. First week guy was the facade.
I hate trying to figure out "dating" or screwing around terminology. It's a grey area and can stir up such trouble if the other half of the conversation doesn't see eye to eye with the language you're using.
Your dating habits might not have changed in two years, but I am currently stuck in dating de-evolution. Most people figure out ways to move forward and I've only been able to figure out how to move backwards in the last year, while still not completely killing off the connection altogether, despite some of my best efforts ;)
We all get stuck in a dating rut. If you can at least find a way to move things forward, you're probably on the right path. If you figure out how to make that happen please let the rest of us know. Dating de-evolution is habit forming and hard to break out of.
MG, the first week guy is always a facade :) Didn't you know that?
Doh! The whole world makes sense now! LOL.
You'd think he could have extended it to at least the first two weeks at least ...
Here's a bit of a breakdown on termanology for you, If you're hanging out with a guy who doesn't want to hear that your going out, he doesn't like you. He may want to do you up, but he doesn't want to be your soulmate, lover, or friend.
Sorry about that. You were pretty excited when he was a "fella."
I was having almost this exact same conversation with a friend of mine the other day.
I was telling her that when I first started dating and in my 20s, the term "dating" didn't carry with it such heavy significance. Someone asked you out on a date (or, you did the asking), you went on a few dates, enjoyed time with each other, and soon you were "dating."
In the last 5 years, I've noticed that men get scared off by the mere mention of the question, "are we dating?" Even having to ASK that question seems silly. Why is it so easy to be so non-committal these days?
One reason could be is that the men I'm dating now are in their 30s, like I am, and have most likely been burned before, so they're less hesitant to put any sort of labels on things. Another reason is that with online dating, etc. people have more of a "shopping around" attitude about going out.
Ugh.
Bella, I bow before you.
I think that it is legitimate to say that men are burned - I also date in their 30s, and most have been divorced, so burning is an obvious answer.
Thanks for the blog mention! Yes, comments are fun. :)
As for TW, I guess I'd probably define your relationship as dating, just not exclusively since there's no commitment. While I understand how it can be easy to come running when he calls, I'm with most everyone else in that I think you deserve way better and should move on asap!
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