What did I get myself into?

It started off so innocent - hey, let's get together a handful of people and tailgate our hearts out for the Giants vs the Brewers - way back in May.

A mass email went out and 10 people said yes. I decided I'd buy the food - they were responsible for tickets and drinks. Simple plan yes?

And then there was that damn Barry Bonds. As the last couple of weeks approached our small get together has expanded to some 39 people and now includes a drunk bus. As new RSVPs started coming in during the last couple weeks I could only keep saying "damn" over and over. I was thinking popping out about $40 bucks was no big deal, but now I'm looking at about $150 for just food. Ouch.

I bought 24 brats and 20 burgers a couple days ago, thinking that would suffice. Now I need to go back and buy another dozen brats and some hot dogs.

Tomorrow I'll be making a myriad of pasta salads and desserts.

What was I thinking?

At least the August 19 game I've set a standard price of $25 a head to cover any financial obligations. Depending on how many people are "in" it'll cover parking as well.

On another note, I've opted out of my meds for Cushings. I miss being fun and I think it kind of kills me. I also don't like crying all the time. So what if I have an excess of male hormones? I liked not being emotional and yet here I was racking sobs at Izzy's attempt to save a man's life over Grey's last night - even though I've seen it more than a handful of times.

I stopped taking them on Monday (truth is I ran out and didn't refill) and I'm slowly feeling like myself again. I want to dance, I want to make jokes, I want to go out and party, I want to be important again.

I'm not sure how much of it was the medications and how much of it was me just being in a weird place, but I'm going to turn things around starting tomorrow.

Yes, I said tomorrow. Today I need to do laundry.