Love looks good on you.

So it's not love, it's infatuation, but when I came into work yesterday my boss commented on why I looked so good. I told her I had been out with TW, he went to the 4th with my family, and I was finally trying to play the game of love right - she said, "Love looks good on you."

For once in my life, I'm not trying to juggle more than one guy - I even got asked out by a new guy and said that I would be interested in a friendly dinner, but that I was kind-of-sort-of seeing someone. I walked away, for the first time, not thinking that I made a mistake.

It's not to say that I think I'm falling madly in love - because I'm not. This whole situation is incredibly new to me. Trying to be a regular person and not a sex kitten hasn't been in my emotional vocabulary for almost 4 years. He's completely different from anyone else I have been with - he's quiet, he's relaxed. The guys I normally date are versions of me - catalytic, charismatic, center-of-attention and flamboyant (in both the gay and non-gay sense LOL), he just simply isn't. It's something that I've struggled a bit with. Up until now, I hated silence. But on the 4th, I reveled in just sitting in his arms and watching a movie.

The kissing is completely different. It's like having sex with your mouth. Sometimes overly passionate, sometimes completely calm. Sometimes, grab-his-neck and pin him up against the wall, and sometimes just a little lip tug. And we can do it for hours. In fact, we do do it for hours.

There's this whole different realm of what I'm dipping my toes into. I'm a huge fan of giving oral - but not of receiving, I see it as a waste of time - or I did up until Monday night. I couldn't even imagine how many times he'd make me cum. Now I fantasize about it. In the aftermath, he said, "I thought you didn't like that ..." I told him I normally didn't - but now I'd have to go back and test a bunch of people to see what I missed out on (see, the sex kitten talking) to which he looked at me, kissed me, and said "Shut up." I think he was slightly offended at my joke.

Or there was the calm night on the 4th, that during the movie I started kissing him gently. About an hour later we were 1/2 naked up his stairs and in his room where we didn't even get completely on the bed before we had sex.

But then there's the fact that we just had sex once, even after polite nudging on his porch after a smoke was turned down. "We have Saturday." He said, looking intently at his cigarette butt still red and orange at the tip. "You're going to make me wait 3 days to have sex?" (Sex kitten again, sometimes it's too hard to resist) he laughed a bit, "I'll call you when the kid leaves tomorrow."

And then he didn't call. This is the time where you get all confused inside - am I pushing things too far, am I looking for something he's not, am I just another person to have sex with, then again - I didn't actually want to see him last night, I was too cranky from work, disappointed that I could run 3 miles on Thursday last week, but only one and a half yesterday, but that insecure chick side of me creeps in once in awhile.

I can't help but sometimes think of the hot sex with RS as compared to him - the talking afterwards, the cuddling, and at the end, sleeping in his arms. The moment in the middle of the night where you wake up and realize he's just as cozy as you. Those elements haven't appeared yet - often I feel like I'm being rushed out the door after having sex with TW (of course, it's usually 1am or so and we both work early). I can't help but think I nixed the sleeping over when I left the other week in the middle of the night.

We'll see what the weekend brings.