Last night JF, BG, N and I went out for a beverage of adult content. I knew that CB was going to be brought up. We haven't spoken since my ill-fated email that explained I didn't want to be a secret.
BG left and I turned to N, "JF knows everything - so you can say whatever you want." "What happened? He's heart broken."
JF had my back, explaining that he was a huge backer of CB for the entire time and that my actions were warranted. But she still pailed home that I was "That Girl."
"That Girl" is the girl in conversations when you're talking to a friend and say, "Oh, that girl." She's done something to warrant her being an object and not a real person. "That Girl" can be used in different contexts, for instance...
Scenario 1:
"I had crazy sex last night" - "with who?" - "that girl." Usually with some kind of head shaking and crazy eye expression that makes you feel like you should give a high five. I'm "That Girl" in the RS situation.
Scenario 2:
"She broke up with me over email." - "THAT GIRL did?" - In the sense of, "who does she think she is?"
Scenario 3:
Or in the past sense, "So I saw her last night." - "Who?" - "That Girl." as in, "she broke my heart."
So I'm that girl in all situations. It's not the first situation that I'm ashamed of, it's the last two. I feel like crap. I mean I've been dating for 12 years now and I haven't broken any hearts and only one person might talk ill of me, and he sued me so he has no right to. I knew once the "V" word was said that I was walking on glass and had to take things in the right way or end up launching a piece about 5 inches right into his heart - which I guess I did.
While talking to N I mentioned my affair with RS and how I actually feel happy, but I must admit that the situation with CB has taken me aback a bit. I feel like I don't deserve to want to be happy.
I guess "Shit, I was almost happy" applies again.
Showing posts with label CB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CB. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
10:00 on Sunday and the clock is still ticking.
I moved a lot this morning, nearly all of my belongings pegged between two rooms, scattered on the ground or in plastic containers. I needed something to keep me busy while I waited for the game to attend. The game did end, and I didn’t get a call. Around 6:00 a co-worker called, he needed some items for Monday. To pass time I offered to do them for him and I went into work.
At 7:00 I flipped the phone between my fingers. I called. I probably shouldn’t have, but I did, Hey it’s 7:00 – wanted to see if you still wanted to go out. Call me.
Then I went to #1s with McDonald’s in my hand and patiently waited for a phone call. I laid in bed with #1 and he played with my hair. I talked about yesterday and how much fun it was to be with RS. He laughed and said the line that I always give him about his FB, “You’re going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after.” I sighed. He asked why. Because that would be great if we did.
As we talked I asked if I could tell him something. What? I got stood up. With CB? Oh geez, no (I’m from Wisconsin, we say oh geez). From CW.
He rolled his eyes at me. He told me he was glad because the old MG from 5 years ago would take it with a grain of salt but that person is gone and now he has no chance. It’s better this way he says.
And the truth is he’s right. Part of me wanted to call a few minutes ago and leave a voicemail saying that we’re even. But the truth is, we aren’t.
In all the lovey-doveyness and, by all means the second round was my fault, me getting freaked out way under plays the topic of him having a finacee the first round and not tell me. Or the girl calling me a dirty whore. Or the phone call he followed up with telling me to leave him alone. No, he still should be on the shit list and this has just compiled it.
If he calls tomorrow, I’m going to explain that I’m not 21 anymore. I don’t play these games. And then I’m going to tell him it was great seeing him and I wish him the best.
So God helps us make decisions through actions. I won’t regret leaving him anymore or look at construction sites to see if he’s there. I won’t wonder if he thinks about me. No. I now know that the me I am now is better than him and he’s still his old self.
Now to just let down CB. We went out on Friday and still nothing. This time I didn’t even pretend. I don’t have the energy to fake a relationship. He kept asking if he was taking too much time – and now I have to tell him that he did. I think he’s sweet and cute and great to be around, but I think he’s that person romantically for someone else. I thought I was clear on what I needed and he couldn’t give it to me. Next time, don’t take so long.
It’s that time of year. The time of year where relationships are out there to be had, but none are in my lap.
At 7:00 I flipped the phone between my fingers. I called. I probably shouldn’t have, but I did, Hey it’s 7:00 – wanted to see if you still wanted to go out. Call me.
Then I went to #1s with McDonald’s in my hand and patiently waited for a phone call. I laid in bed with #1 and he played with my hair. I talked about yesterday and how much fun it was to be with RS. He laughed and said the line that I always give him about his FB, “You’re going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after.” I sighed. He asked why. Because that would be great if we did.
As we talked I asked if I could tell him something. What? I got stood up. With CB? Oh geez, no (I’m from Wisconsin, we say oh geez). From CW.
He rolled his eyes at me. He told me he was glad because the old MG from 5 years ago would take it with a grain of salt but that person is gone and now he has no chance. It’s better this way he says.
And the truth is he’s right. Part of me wanted to call a few minutes ago and leave a voicemail saying that we’re even. But the truth is, we aren’t.
In all the lovey-doveyness and, by all means the second round was my fault, me getting freaked out way under plays the topic of him having a finacee the first round and not tell me. Or the girl calling me a dirty whore. Or the phone call he followed up with telling me to leave him alone. No, he still should be on the shit list and this has just compiled it.
If he calls tomorrow, I’m going to explain that I’m not 21 anymore. I don’t play these games. And then I’m going to tell him it was great seeing him and I wish him the best.
So God helps us make decisions through actions. I won’t regret leaving him anymore or look at construction sites to see if he’s there. I won’t wonder if he thinks about me. No. I now know that the me I am now is better than him and he’s still his old self.
Now to just let down CB. We went out on Friday and still nothing. This time I didn’t even pretend. I don’t have the energy to fake a relationship. He kept asking if he was taking too much time – and now I have to tell him that he did. I think he’s sweet and cute and great to be around, but I think he’s that person romantically for someone else. I thought I was clear on what I needed and he couldn’t give it to me. Next time, don’t take so long.
It’s that time of year. The time of year where relationships are out there to be had, but none are in my lap.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
To Each His Own
I full heartedly admit that any innocent bystander of my night tonight would assume I was drunk or stoned.
After family pictures, I headed out to #1’s to drop off a piece of artwork he bought – that was at 7:00, it’s nearly 9:15 and I just got home. I laid on his couch and he laid on the floor and we had our normal banter of cracking each other up amongst serious conversation.
I tell #1 everything, that includes that he knows the background with CW (short side note – I was with CW before the first go around with #1 and admitted I needed to get tested because we had had unprotected sex and I found out later he had been with over 100 girls), so I admitted to the Champps incident and told him that I really hoped he called. #1 hates this guy, not only for the above reason but because he knows that I really liked him when we were seeing each other and he (#1) had to deal with the pieces of a shattered ego from it. He cautioned me that I had to do what I had to do – but that he wasn’t a backer.
Doesn’t matter much because CW didn’t return my call from his original call anyway.
I digress, we discussed our current love situations and how the multiple people in our lives constitute one great person – just they aren’t together. BG is attentive, CB is sweet, RS is a great fuck and #1 is the perfect companion. He has a 20 year old love interest that is hot, hot, hot. The age difference kills it for him and he has said if they ever got together they would just (and this is a legitimate quote) “Have monkey sex for 3 months and be done with it.” One of my committee members is also an interest for him because she’s adorable, he said she’s the kind of girl you just want to cuddle with all weekend long, and then there’s me that he can just lay and shoot the shit with. The combined packages are phenomenal people – we just have to find them. Interesting, no?
As for the move – I’m still in boxes and 1/2 my stuff is still at my dad’s. I brought the bumpkin over last night to get associated with the place, he cried all night. Finally about 5am he settled under my covers, something he hasn’t done since Moo left, hugged tight to my leg. He stayed there until I showered and promptly returned when he saw me packing my bag. I came home around 4:45 (LOVE THIS COMMUTE!) and he was still there, I’m not sure he left all day. He’s also a horse and hasn’t touched his food.
He’s not your typical cat, even my dad thinks he’s more of a dog. He comes when called, plays fetch and even walks on a harness (not well – but he does it). He doesn’t ever cry, so when he is vocal I know he’s perturbed. This is a huge adjustment for him, he always had Moo and when she was gone there was always someone in the house – either my sister with her kids from her daycare next door or my dad or me. Now it’s just me and I’m not home that much. I feel like a bad cat mom L.
Other than that, I did put my bed together but I realized my internet connection isn’t the best – looks like I’ll have to cough up that $60 some a month – yikes. At least my gym membership is done after this month.
I still have no TV, so there’s not much to do these nights except sleep. Hopefully when the alarm goes off tomorrow morning I’ll actually get out of bed and run like I’m supposed to.
In a quick boy update news:
CW: Didn’t return my call.
#1 and I hung out tonight
BG and I have been chatting over email – but nothing major
CB tried to hang out all weekend but I blew him off for the move
RS and I slept together Friday, I tried to do it again on Sunday but he never returned my text.
To each his own.
After family pictures, I headed out to #1’s to drop off a piece of artwork he bought – that was at 7:00, it’s nearly 9:15 and I just got home. I laid on his couch and he laid on the floor and we had our normal banter of cracking each other up amongst serious conversation.
I tell #1 everything, that includes that he knows the background with CW (short side note – I was with CW before the first go around with #1 and admitted I needed to get tested because we had had unprotected sex and I found out later he had been with over 100 girls), so I admitted to the Champps incident and told him that I really hoped he called. #1 hates this guy, not only for the above reason but because he knows that I really liked him when we were seeing each other and he (#1) had to deal with the pieces of a shattered ego from it. He cautioned me that I had to do what I had to do – but that he wasn’t a backer.
Doesn’t matter much because CW didn’t return my call from his original call anyway.
I digress, we discussed our current love situations and how the multiple people in our lives constitute one great person – just they aren’t together. BG is attentive, CB is sweet, RS is a great fuck and #1 is the perfect companion. He has a 20 year old love interest that is hot, hot, hot. The age difference kills it for him and he has said if they ever got together they would just (and this is a legitimate quote) “Have monkey sex for 3 months and be done with it.” One of my committee members is also an interest for him because she’s adorable, he said she’s the kind of girl you just want to cuddle with all weekend long, and then there’s me that he can just lay and shoot the shit with. The combined packages are phenomenal people – we just have to find them. Interesting, no?
As for the move – I’m still in boxes and 1/2 my stuff is still at my dad’s. I brought the bumpkin over last night to get associated with the place, he cried all night. Finally about 5am he settled under my covers, something he hasn’t done since Moo left, hugged tight to my leg. He stayed there until I showered and promptly returned when he saw me packing my bag. I came home around 4:45 (LOVE THIS COMMUTE!) and he was still there, I’m not sure he left all day. He’s also a horse and hasn’t touched his food.
He’s not your typical cat, even my dad thinks he’s more of a dog. He comes when called, plays fetch and even walks on a harness (not well – but he does it). He doesn’t ever cry, so when he is vocal I know he’s perturbed. This is a huge adjustment for him, he always had Moo and when she was gone there was always someone in the house – either my sister with her kids from her daycare next door or my dad or me. Now it’s just me and I’m not home that much. I feel like a bad cat mom L.
Other than that, I did put my bed together but I realized my internet connection isn’t the best – looks like I’ll have to cough up that $60 some a month – yikes. At least my gym membership is done after this month.
I still have no TV, so there’s not much to do these nights except sleep. Hopefully when the alarm goes off tomorrow morning I’ll actually get out of bed and run like I’m supposed to.
In a quick boy update news:
CW: Didn’t return my call.
#1 and I hung out tonight
BG and I have been chatting over email – but nothing major
CB tried to hang out all weekend but I blew him off for the move
RS and I slept together Friday, I tried to do it again on Sunday but he never returned my text.
To each his own.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Exit Stage Right.
Out of the friends that I have that have met CB, there was one still hanging on - JF. Last night JF, my friend M, CB and I went out for a drink at one of the local bars by my house (my new house, that I move into THIS weekend! Eeeee! Exciting!) and enjoyed a couple adult beverages.
When it came down to conversation, CB didn't participate. In fact, he didn't seem comfortable at all. I cozied up, he stayed straight in his chair with his arms crossed. This morning I found out the last remaining bandwagoner has fallen off.
I got this tidbit of advice ...
I think you should probably move on. I hope you don't mind my two cents here, but you two are on opposite sides of the universe when it comes to what you want, physically, in a relationship. As we've discussed at length, that is very important. Again, there's really nothing wrong with being the way he is, it's just not what you want. I'm sure he is perfect for someone out there, hell many girls out there, but certainly not you. It does suck, because he is a really nice guy and he isn't shitty to you, but I think you would be consistently frustrated with him if this continues and, really, is that worth it?
I've stayed out of the Pro-CB spotlight and JF's right, it's not worth it. Because he doesn't make me feel wanted, I seek it in other places. Now I realize I'm justifying seemingly cheating ways on fabrication; however, let me reiterate that we actually aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, haven't done more than kiss, so I have definitely NOT cheated. And back to what I was saying, I obviously won't be faithful in a relationship if I don't get that, so it's better to cut ties now.
In the past I've put a lot of effort into "fixing" people and making a relationship last, and I've hung on because I put that time in and don't want to see my "project" fail - but it's time for a new leaf. He's guarded his heart too long and the horse is sick of chasing the carrot.
i've opted to go to Madison to get man-handled after work, straight up F*cked. I'm wearing my pink fuck me boots and my jacket - that's it. I have his college's sweatshirt to put on afterwards for round two. I'm so incredibly excited to feel his body on mine, feel his hands on my neck, feel him inside. Wow, 2:00 can't come fast enough - or cum, I guess I should say.
In moving news, this is it! This is the weekend! I've slowly been moving things over every day. This morning was the last long ride to work. I plan on going to Madison, fucking, coming home, packing and Saturday unpacking at the new place. I bought a beautiful, huge, work of art on gallery night that's starch black and white of a girl smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee to go above my couch - if I had a couch ...
When it came down to conversation, CB didn't participate. In fact, he didn't seem comfortable at all. I cozied up, he stayed straight in his chair with his arms crossed. This morning I found out the last remaining bandwagoner has fallen off.
I got this tidbit of advice ...
I think you should probably move on. I hope you don't mind my two cents here, but you two are on opposite sides of the universe when it comes to what you want, physically, in a relationship. As we've discussed at length, that is very important. Again, there's really nothing wrong with being the way he is, it's just not what you want. I'm sure he is perfect for someone out there, hell many girls out there, but certainly not you. It does suck, because he is a really nice guy and he isn't shitty to you, but I think you would be consistently frustrated with him if this continues and, really, is that worth it?
I've stayed out of the Pro-CB spotlight and JF's right, it's not worth it. Because he doesn't make me feel wanted, I seek it in other places. Now I realize I'm justifying seemingly cheating ways on fabrication; however, let me reiterate that we actually aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, haven't done more than kiss, so I have definitely NOT cheated. And back to what I was saying, I obviously won't be faithful in a relationship if I don't get that, so it's better to cut ties now.
In the past I've put a lot of effort into "fixing" people and making a relationship last, and I've hung on because I put that time in and don't want to see my "project" fail - but it's time for a new leaf. He's guarded his heart too long and the horse is sick of chasing the carrot.
i've opted to go to Madison to get man-handled after work, straight up F*cked. I'm wearing my pink fuck me boots and my jacket - that's it. I have his college's sweatshirt to put on afterwards for round two. I'm so incredibly excited to feel his body on mine, feel his hands on my neck, feel him inside. Wow, 2:00 can't come fast enough - or cum, I guess I should say.
In moving news, this is it! This is the weekend! I've slowly been moving things over every day. This morning was the last long ride to work. I plan on going to Madison, fucking, coming home, packing and Saturday unpacking at the new place. I bought a beautiful, huge, work of art on gallery night that's starch black and white of a girl smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee to go above my couch - if I had a couch ...
Friday, August 11, 2006
Rash Decisions are Mistakes
The whole time D & O were in town, one thing D kept saying is that she wasn't going to make any more rash decisions. She got pregnant and got married and now she's dealing with a whole mess of problems because everything went so quickly. She doesn't regret what happened (I mean O could win awards for the cutest baby ever), but if she thought things through she might not have done it.
My rash decision yesterday turned into being a misunderstanding in the end. It turns out the emails were all part of a way of letting me into their little friendship, not a supposed remark to kick me out of it. Because of my quick reaction and even quicker driving skills, I slept with RS.
I made that decision on a whim and today CB kind of asked me out, it was along these lines "we have to get together sometime again. maybe catch a movie or grab a bite to eat." Actually, that was the exact line. I stared at the screen dumb founded. I replied with "CB - are you asking me out on a date?"
Now I'm stuck in a catch 22. I really like CB and part of the provisions with RS is that it stops when someone we like becomes an entity, I guess he's not an entity until it actually happens and as J mentioned, I can continue until there's an exclusivity pact in the picture which is still months away.
I've never straight on taken an FB before when there was potential other people in the picture, and I'm not sure that I'm going to give it up quite yet. There's just glass on the floor that I have to be careful not to step on so no one gets hurt.
And this concludes the days of our lives ...
My rash decision yesterday turned into being a misunderstanding in the end. It turns out the emails were all part of a way of letting me into their little friendship, not a supposed remark to kick me out of it. Because of my quick reaction and even quicker driving skills, I slept with RS.
I made that decision on a whim and today CB kind of asked me out, it was along these lines "we have to get together sometime again. maybe catch a movie or grab a bite to eat." Actually, that was the exact line. I stared at the screen dumb founded. I replied with "CB - are you asking me out on a date?"
Now I'm stuck in a catch 22. I really like CB and part of the provisions with RS is that it stops when someone we like becomes an entity, I guess he's not an entity until it actually happens and as J mentioned, I can continue until there's an exclusivity pact in the picture which is still months away.
I've never straight on taken an FB before when there was potential other people in the picture, and I'm not sure that I'm going to give it up quite yet. There's just glass on the floor that I have to be careful not to step on so no one gets hurt.
And this concludes the days of our lives ...
The bitterness of control
I'm going to admit that I have a complete control issue, so when a supposed "friend" decided she would email CB and cc'd me on it saying she knew we were sleeping together (WTF? We aren't!) I got a little pissed. If anyone was going to ruin my chances with CB, it better as hell be me and not this little chickee poo. I stewed, I was incredibly angry and hurt. So I took matters into my own hands.
I im'd RS that I was in Madison and wondered if he was serious about our deal earlier. He said "sure." We arranged a meeting at 3:00, I drove to his house and saw his car was actually in his drive way.
I rang the doorbell, he answered. I asked how he was, he said "fine." So I kissed him, pinned him against the wall, took off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, took him by the loop and told him that I wanted to show him the place. We started kissing again, he fumbled with my shirt so I took it off for him, unhooked my bra, threw it on the ground. I asked him to get a condom, and we started kissing. Then we started doing more than kissing.
I'll spare you the intimate details, but about a couple pumps later he looked at me weird. Being the last experience wasn't that great, I was questioning if it was me. He told me it wasn't, that it had never happened before, that he had already came.
It was not a big deal, I was on a time line so I could get back to work so no one was the differ; I assured him I took it as a compliment that I was just that good. We got dressed I told him we should do it again next time I'm in Madison, he agreed. I left.
I was so happy that I had control over the whole issue, I was the one that called him, pinned him, screwed him, I was the one that left. I'm the one that doesn't have the lingering feelings and now I'm the one that is over any kind of feelings for CB. It's shady, it's self destructive, it's head nodding "no's" all over the place. But it's what I needed to do.
So here's a look into all the things that made this event take place -
(A) I haven't gotten laid in over 2 years. I haven't been feeling pretty or sexual or anything lately. I needed to feel that way for a bit.
(B) I wanted the chance to screw it up with CB and I might as well do the one thing that I knew would since the chance was ruined.
(C) I needed to have the encounter to show RS & myself that I was over him.
(D) I needed to feel like I had control over something.
Job accomplished.
I im'd RS that I was in Madison and wondered if he was serious about our deal earlier. He said "sure." We arranged a meeting at 3:00, I drove to his house and saw his car was actually in his drive way.
I rang the doorbell, he answered. I asked how he was, he said "fine." So I kissed him, pinned him against the wall, took off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, took him by the loop and told him that I wanted to show him the place. We started kissing again, he fumbled with my shirt so I took it off for him, unhooked my bra, threw it on the ground. I asked him to get a condom, and we started kissing. Then we started doing more than kissing.
I'll spare you the intimate details, but about a couple pumps later he looked at me weird. Being the last experience wasn't that great, I was questioning if it was me. He told me it wasn't, that it had never happened before, that he had already came.
It was not a big deal, I was on a time line so I could get back to work so no one was the differ; I assured him I took it as a compliment that I was just that good. We got dressed I told him we should do it again next time I'm in Madison, he agreed. I left.
I was so happy that I had control over the whole issue, I was the one that called him, pinned him, screwed him, I was the one that left. I'm the one that doesn't have the lingering feelings and now I'm the one that is over any kind of feelings for CB. It's shady, it's self destructive, it's head nodding "no's" all over the place. But it's what I needed to do.
So here's a look into all the things that made this event take place -
(A) I haven't gotten laid in over 2 years. I haven't been feeling pretty or sexual or anything lately. I needed to feel that way for a bit.
(B) I wanted the chance to screw it up with CB and I might as well do the one thing that I knew would since the chance was ruined.
(C) I needed to have the encounter to show RS & myself that I was over him.
(D) I needed to feel like I had control over something.
Job accomplished.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Post Party ...
Party Hosting 101 - the host needs to eat or ends up a drunken diabocle like me & my friend J who hosted the party at her house. We had 17 guests (not too bad for only 3 day invite-out), 2 of which were in their boxers, 6 of which got to make out with people and I got 52 mosquito bites on my feet - tragedy!
Long after the pitcher of my cosmos were gone along with 54 beer cans, a bottle of Captain, one of vanilla smirnoff and a bottle of bacardi all hit the bucket the guest started leaving around 12:30am. I walked CB out and talked with him for a close hour and a half, he brought it to my attention that everyone was gone and he had to head back to Chicago (he drove all that way - just to come to our picnic, I know, I know "awww!") I tried to urge him to stay, but he said he needed to leave, so I let him and he kissed me. It was a bit better this time around, which shows he can improve (especially when not caught off guard) - but it did take over an hour to get him to do that and some 50 mosquitos on my toes - I look like I got some contagious disease, ick. We haven't talked since and I know he's not going to ask me out, so I 1/2 want to throw a party again this week, but lack the funds (this one cost me $125), so we'll wait and see.
In the meantime, RS text messaged me while I was at State Fair on Sunday and we enjoyed a bit of sexual banter back and forth. It kind of went along the lines of
RS: "Miller Park, 5, go"
MG: "Can't, at State Fair. Maybe lunch on Thursday? I'll be in Madison"
RS: "That's do-able."
MG: "Call me."
RS: "Will do."
MG:"I'll wear a skirt, you wear something sexy"
RS:"How about velvet?"
MG:"How about commando?"
RS:"Commando and a skirt is asking for trouble"
MG:"I misunderstood, aren't our get togethers all about trouble?"
RS:"Trouble will be the appetizer ..."
I know what you are thinking - I'm insane. Why even play with fire when it's kind of obvious CB might like me. I'm almost 100% that RS is just banter and no way will he actually meet me for lunch and no way will we actually get it on ... right? I mean, right. Plus I don't think I could bring myself to do it anyway.
On to another topic - dumb ass friends. #1 stood us up for the cook out and then didn't even call to say he was sorry. He's losing J's interest pretty fast and part of me hopes she loses it all the way because he's acting like an ass! I apparently don't get a medal for my hook ups. Sigh. I can't even get an honorable mention from mine.
I need to revert back to the old gym regement, I've been too busy and too tired. I'm thinking about giving up alcohol until the next get together - I'm pretty sure I could do it! That's a bunch of calories that don't need to be consumed.
Though, the drinking can't stop today because D & O are coming in from out of town to spend today, tomorrow & Wednesday with me. I think D needs a good cry. For being the strongest woman I've ever known, I see how much love hurts and breaks that down. I'm supposed to love her husband when she does and hate him when she does and never look back and be a support unit, but it's devestating to see someone so vibrant and beautiful being sucked in by a two-faced liar. I used to like him a lot, but my patience wears thin. I've been in almost the same position before, thinking you are in love and not wanting the work you've put into the relationship to fail but somethings are for the better. They have the most beautiful little girl and the freaking bastard ignores her, laying his lazy ass on the couch while his wife busts her ass to support him. That's my little rant. I'll support her no matter what she does because I love her that much, I just want to see the old D that was actually occassionally happy.
I'm hoping the next three days shows her what happiness was and how much it's lacking. I'm assuming tonight will be tears and wine ...
Long after the pitcher of my cosmos were gone along with 54 beer cans, a bottle of Captain, one of vanilla smirnoff and a bottle of bacardi all hit the bucket the guest started leaving around 12:30am. I walked CB out and talked with him for a close hour and a half, he brought it to my attention that everyone was gone and he had to head back to Chicago (he drove all that way - just to come to our picnic, I know, I know "awww!") I tried to urge him to stay, but he said he needed to leave, so I let him and he kissed me. It was a bit better this time around, which shows he can improve (especially when not caught off guard) - but it did take over an hour to get him to do that and some 50 mosquitos on my toes - I look like I got some contagious disease, ick. We haven't talked since and I know he's not going to ask me out, so I 1/2 want to throw a party again this week, but lack the funds (this one cost me $125), so we'll wait and see.
In the meantime, RS text messaged me while I was at State Fair on Sunday and we enjoyed a bit of sexual banter back and forth. It kind of went along the lines of
RS: "Miller Park, 5, go"
MG: "Can't, at State Fair. Maybe lunch on Thursday? I'll be in Madison"
RS: "That's do-able."
MG: "Call me."
RS: "Will do."
MG:"I'll wear a skirt, you wear something sexy"
RS:"How about velvet?"
MG:"How about commando?"
RS:"Commando and a skirt is asking for trouble"
MG:"I misunderstood, aren't our get togethers all about trouble?"
RS:"Trouble will be the appetizer ..."
I know what you are thinking - I'm insane. Why even play with fire when it's kind of obvious CB might like me. I'm almost 100% that RS is just banter and no way will he actually meet me for lunch and no way will we actually get it on ... right? I mean, right. Plus I don't think I could bring myself to do it anyway.
On to another topic - dumb ass friends. #1 stood us up for the cook out and then didn't even call to say he was sorry. He's losing J's interest pretty fast and part of me hopes she loses it all the way because he's acting like an ass! I apparently don't get a medal for my hook ups. Sigh. I can't even get an honorable mention from mine.
I need to revert back to the old gym regement, I've been too busy and too tired. I'm thinking about giving up alcohol until the next get together - I'm pretty sure I could do it! That's a bunch of calories that don't need to be consumed.
Though, the drinking can't stop today because D & O are coming in from out of town to spend today, tomorrow & Wednesday with me. I think D needs a good cry. For being the strongest woman I've ever known, I see how much love hurts and breaks that down. I'm supposed to love her husband when she does and hate him when she does and never look back and be a support unit, but it's devestating to see someone so vibrant and beautiful being sucked in by a two-faced liar. I used to like him a lot, but my patience wears thin. I've been in almost the same position before, thinking you are in love and not wanting the work you've put into the relationship to fail but somethings are for the better. They have the most beautiful little girl and the freaking bastard ignores her, laying his lazy ass on the couch while his wife busts her ass to support him. That's my little rant. I'll support her no matter what she does because I love her that much, I just want to see the old D that was actually occassionally happy.
I'm hoping the next three days shows her what happiness was and how much it's lacking. I'm assuming tonight will be tears and wine ...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
How to get out of your weekend plans 101
Plan a party! I was technically supposed to go by my cousins and my friend from around the corner was supposed to go to Chicago, but neither of us wanted to so instead we're having a cook out! :)
I invited CB, she invited #1 - I don't think either is going though ...
I invited CB, she invited #1 - I don't think either is going though ...
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