I used the "B" word

It wasn't the alcohol that made my tongue slip, it was that crazy bubbly feeling and the way he makes me laugh. It was the fact that the night before I told him I was cranky so he wanted to get pizza in my system to help. It was the morning before where I was still asleep in his bed and he had to work, so he told me to sleep in and kissed my neck. It's the fact that I've been ridiculously happy and so has he. So when we did the introductions for the tailgate I said, "This is my boyfriend." And I saw this little smirk as he reached out and shook hands with each guy.

It's insane. I'm insane. The whole fact that I'm even here is crazy. I don't fall in love. I don't date only one guy at a time and I definitely don't have boyfriends. But I've only been with him for two months, I haven't even thought of anyone else, and he really is my boyfriend. So odd for the person writing dear Johns only a few months ago, the person that was driving to Madison for a piece of ass from an aging rock star.

It's hard to explain to people that were so involved with me just a handful of months ago. I still get arguments - he's the guy that disappeared for 6 weeks, he's the one that preferred hanging out with R & K then me at Summerfest. He's the guy that responded to me saying I didn't want just a FB with "okay." He's the confusing wreck that made my head spin. He's got an ex, he's got a kid, he's not overly romantic. He doesn't talk. Some people think he's boring.

Yes. He was all those things and I'm glad I have people that care enough to remember. Can people change? No. But can you break down walls? Yes. I mean, I wasn't all that innocent in not resisting the changes going on. I was just as quiet, I was just as stand off ish. It's new, it's infatuation. It's gross-pukey beginning stages of being with someone.

It's the way his baby blues look at me, the smile out of the corner of his mouth. It's the surprise dinner he wanted to cook for me. It's the fact that there's Lite in the fridge because it's what I drink. It's the phone call every night, it's the want to spend time with me. It's the fact that I'm never "on" - it's just me and that seems okay with him. It's the fact that every night isn't a party, sometimes it's the Brewer's game on TV and we say nothing. It's the fact that during the game yesterday his arm was around my chair. I can yell, I can scream and in the end, I'm smiling because I'm with him.

And the sex is now good. In fact this weekend, it was great. Mind blowing, hair messed up great. Passing out right afterwards phenomenal.

And it's the fact that I'm actually going to let this happen.

I'm going to have a real boyfriend and be in a real relationship.

Goodbye four years of being single. Goodbye resistance to broken hearts. Goodbye funny stories about pathetic attempts to hook up. Goodbye booty calls. Goodbye ex-lovers. Goodbye.