I've vented about this before, but once again I will do it.
When out on Wednesday I was have drinks with some guys when the question appeared all of the sudden - in statement format (which was easier to take, my nostrils did not flare nor my blood boil) "Why are you single?" Answer me this - why does it matter as long as I am? When a guy asks that question what does he want your response to be?
While in the past I've gotten snotty with my answers, ranging from "Obviously, I'm psycho" to "I have commitment issues" to "Because I have eight kids" - I just smiled and stared at my beer for a moment.
So here's the question and the answer, "Why am I single?" Because I am. Because no guy has swept me off my feet. Because I work a lot, because I'm obsessed with my work. Because I enjoy single life (no matter how I bitch). Because I like the fact that my money goes to me. Because sex with a vibrator is often more gratifying then the ten seconds you could offer up. Because I have standards and no one has met those. Because single is not a disease, single is my choice of life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Guys say that because they are fishing for the return line "Because you haven't asked me out yet" And if you think sex with a vibarator is superior, you really are dealing with some sad, self centered guys.
Below are possible responses when somebody asks you that stupid question:
1. "Why the hell are YOU single?"
2. "I know I am single because I have standards; you, on the other hand, are a different story."
3. “I am single because I only seem to meet losers like you.”
4. “I am actually a man.”
5. “Just buy me another beer and shut the hell up!”
6. “Did you know I can completely gut a man from his groin to his neck with a Taco Bell spork in less than 12 seconds?”
7. “Because my vibrator at least TRIES to get me off.”
8. “STELLA!!!!” (sorry a cheap Seinfeld ripoff)
9. “I find my cats better conversationalists than most men. You, on the other hand, are even worse than most.”
10. “I once drank a Long Island tea on the rocks and those ice cubes had a higher collective intelligence than you and all your friends.”
11. “I only date men with pierced penises.”
12. “I used to be a man but I got a sex change so I could be a lesbian and I haven’t found the right girl yet.”
To be continued............
Post a Comment