In 15 Minutes

I'm going to the doctor in 15 minutes to finally figure out what's wrong with my body. Why I can't eat meat anymore, why I can't eat anything for that matter, with out getting sick. Last time I was there, it just didn't make sense. Working out non-stop, eating a vegan diet, getting as sick as I was and putting on weight. Finally the doctor said it was time to address the issues. So today I'm doing blood tests.

The funny thing is that today will be a deciding day. The doctor is the only one I've admitted to that I'm struggling with the thought of anorexia again. The good news is I haven't thought about bulimia, both of which I've suffered in the past. I'm almost afraid that the results will come back that nothing is wrong and then I'll go back to old habits. It's funny that I've been through all the counseling and I see the warning signs, but just can't help to think that I'll just skip breakfast and run that extra mile, or I'll just have a glass of water for lunch. I'm trying so hard to be healthy, but it's so hard to see myself in old pictures and not want to return that way.