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Verge of Halloween, Traditional Hauntings

It's 2007 and in Halloween tradition I review the hauntings of the past year.

In all honesty, for the life of me I can't think of any big ones. The last few months have been a far cry from the ones that started this blog. In fact, I'm sometimes bored reading what I'm writing.

The main haunt I have right now is with my relationship. It's been 5 months and neither of us have said the "L" word, although God knows that I do. There's too much fear in the unknown for me to utter the words first and in the past if I said it, it often led to deterioration months later. Part of the truth is I think if I don't tell him that if he breaks up with me tomorrow I won't be hurt - but I know I'd be crushed. The other truth is that I don't want things to change. There's so much in the smiles and kisses and the cuddling. It's sometimes disgusting I admit. We still make out like the night we met (although, there's usually a bed and not a Golden Tee machine involved).

I also often wonder if I'm where I'm supposed to be - at almost 27 was this the life I thought of? So many different events in the last few years have got me wondering. If we take back the years, we see the changes in my goals and anticipations.

At 18 I was engaged - and although my heart wasn't in it - I viewed myself in this jailed life of being a wife with kids in a house with a man I didn't love. But I expected my life to be that way.

And at 21 I was single for the first time in 6 years, but relationships were the only thing I knew so I wanted to be in one. I met #1 and struggled in the balance of trying to find myself and balance my anticipations. After that failed, there was a summer of deviance where I began to see myself as a person and not just an element in life. Then there was the guitar guy ...

So at 22 I decided to just be single. To work. To make a name for myself. To be the person that people admired. To not want to be married, to not want children, to be a business woman. And besides a few trysts here and there, I stuck to my guns.

And here I am at 26, still shocking people when I say I have a boyfriend, thinking how great it is to have someone to call, understand, kiss, cuddle, talk and experience life. I mean, I'm not on the marriage wagon or anything, I'm just taking it day by day.

The final haunt that still nags at me is that I haven't confessed that I might not be able to have kids, of course we've never discussed. It's almost as if it were a blessing to be in a relationship where he already has this wonderful son. But I know he's on the fence and doesn't know if he does or doesn't want kids. The truth is, I'm happy not having one of my own and I'd be happy having one too. I just don't know

Guilty Pleasures.

I always think that I should write a secret to PostSecret, then I remember that's why I have this blog. It's thrilling & scary at the same time to think that someone out there might know who I actually am.

I know I'd either be chastised or embraced, but it's the fear of rejectment that keeps me from saying.

Alarm Clock.

I really should use the real alarm clock, I've been using the cell phone's feature for the last month to help wake up in the morning but this morning it didn't really work. Turns out I never turned it off vibrate.

Oops.

Did you not get the memo?

A few months back my ex (Guitar Guy) tried to get in contact with me. After not hearing from him in a month, I sent this:

Seriously, you can not go around telling people that I hate you, I ignore you, when you don't even respond to emails. So here's the deal - you decide to have communication or you be happy with what I've told you in the past - I will never be mean, but I'm not going to pursue a friendship. The only reason that I chose to respond was because I kept hearing that you were trying to contact me and I wouldn't respond back - something that isn't true.

I'm happy with my life right now, my boyfriend, my job, my situation. I'm not going to toy with trying to be sweet and nice once every six months so that I don't have to hear behind my back how mean I am. So you're in or you're out - right now, you're out.


He finally had responded with this (by the way - perfect copy spelling errors & all):

Wow I just got this and just got back in town. Don’t check work email to much since they only have me arround during the summer and just got back from our LA contacts. I have not told anyone in a long time that you hate me. I am real glad you and I can talk and say hello time to time. I am real happy you found someone to treat you the way you deserve. I have always wished the best for you and glad you have found the happiness you deserve. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you but if you do not want me to email anymore and let your life be I can respect that. Just wanted to say hello and hope all is well.

I responded:

Listen, you can do whatever you'd like but I'm letting you know right now that your not the type of person I want in my life. I've learned a valuable lesson that you choose people to be involved with. Please don't contact me.

Well, today I was on Chat for work and - oh, he writes.

What do I need to say???

Secret Worlds.

I can't stand the people that change when they have a significant other - like E who can't seem to piss with out permission. I mean, I used to be that girl. With #1, I was the domestic goddess and princess girlfriend. I bought drinks, I worked out to maintain the perfect physique, I cooked, I gave up late nights with friends to appease him. With the guitar guy I partied and smoked, I cooked and cleaned, I begged and pleaded and I sat on the side while he got blown and f*cked in the bathroom, all while swooshing the melting ice cubes in my drink. With RS and so many others I was okay with being a dirty secret, moving about the backgrounds in silence, pretending to be anything but lovers.

But with the BF it's different. I don't feel like I have to appease him. I mean, I want to do nice things and live this secure life - but I've found away for balance this time.

On Mondays I play domestic goddess and cook him dinner.

On Tuesdays I play harlot and he comes over for an evening romp.

On Wednesdays I relax, we sometimes don't even talk.

On Thursdays he plays dad all day and I play business woman. If I do see him it's the feet up, relaxing evening.

On Fridays we play couple and go out (sometimes interchangeable with Saturdays - which is date night).

On Sundays we relax and we bowl.

And all in the same time I don't feel like I need to do any of the above.

This is the game plan I'm using in all future relationships ... if needed. :)

Maybe I should start a site.

In all the drama of the apartment fiasco, I'm considering starting my own website where people can talk about their rental experiences in Milwaukee. There is a site - "Apartment Ratings" - but it's only big businesses.

In a way, I feel like I owe it to their next renter to let them know what they may be in for. The pop-ins, the needs, the lack of repairs, the invasion of privacy. It's along the lines of living with your parents - except paying a ton of money to them.

It would be a place where you could post and warn - or post and rave - for small properties.

In not receiving my security deposit back yet and the threats of withholding that I got today, I'm starting to think it's not a bad idea ...

That's an interesting conversation.

Real life conversation I had with a friend today ...

Friend: "So you're getting home about 6?"

MG: "Yup."

Friend: "What are you going to do?"

MG: "Thinking about masturbating."

Friend: "Don't you have a boyfriend."

MG: "Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean I don't masturbate."

Friend: "How often do you have sex?"

MG: "I don't know - 5 times a week."

Friend: "So how often do you masturbate?"

MG: "About as many times a week as we've said 'masturbate in this conversation."

Friend: "Interesting."

MG: "Yup."

The ABC's of the XYZ's.

First off, today was weird. I went to Madison for the first time since the whole RS affair. I really haven't put a whole lot of thought into that catastrophe lately so I was actually intrigued when I realized I passed his exit with out even noticing. It wasn't until I was pulling into my lunch working meeting when I saw a billboard for his company that I took a gulp. And then I closed my eyes for a second and I had those flashes ... you know the kind that you saw on STC when Carrie was reliving her affair with Big when she was with Aidan ...



The crazy pinned against the wall, sexual anguish and grabbing, back arching, lips touching, breathing on your ear. And as I pulled into the parking spot, gasping for my can of soda, I touched my neck and there was more - except it dawned on me that it wasn't RS's face that I was seeing - yeah sure, it was moments with him, but all associated with body parts and feelings. And when it was a face - it was the BFs. Incredibly strange I must agree. But last night before I left I could feel his breathe on my neck and it was strangely wonderful but not in the sexual aggressive way life was with RS, in this sweet, feels like home comfort that I feel when I'm with the BF.

Okay, pukey gross. Going on the XYZ's...


Finally, a networking event that wasn't really a waste of my time. I saw Melissa Lavigne talk about Gen X, Y & Z-ers and it was PHENOMENAL. So random thoughts about your potential generation ...


Gen X-ers, born between 1965 & 1977.
- Have "Middle Child Syndrome," meaning that they often fear they aren't getting enough attention. Why? Well divorce rates went up to 50% when they were coming of age, meaning that they were often left at home, by themselves and in charge of siblings. They fear their voice isn't heard and turn to grassroots efforts to get it out there (hence the beginning of bloggers). You're also the smallest generation because you're parents are pre-baby boomers.

- They're pessimistic. Glass is 1/2 empty. Why? Well, they came to age in a time that wasn't all roses. Think the AIDS epidemic. You're raised by hippies that talk about free-love and sexual adventures and now you find out that you can do that - you just might die. The ozone layer was found to have a big-old hole, so the world you're living in might collapse. And by the way - there's no recycling at the time so that beer bottle or can you're drinking is going to destroy the world more.

- Quarter-Life Crisis. The term was actually coined specifically for Xers. You find out in your late 20's-early 30's that you're either still living on your parents couch because you pursued the Nirvana dream of living for the day and come to terms that you maybe should have sold out to the corporate world, or you sold out to the corporate world and wonder if that was a mistake since you're gobbled with responsibilities. Why? Because you came to age in a time where you were supposed to be distinct and you either went that way or not and now you challenge all your decisions.


Gen Y-ers, born between '78 & '95
- Your parents are most likely baby boomers, so you're huge. You've also been studied relentlessly by the media. There's 76 million of us and you still want an individual voice.

- Knowledge abundance. One of the smartest gens around, technology savvy, group-oriented & go-getters. Why? Technology savvy because you were raised with computers in schools and have adapted to changes, Group-Oriented because you grew up in a time where there wasn't just 1st & 2nd place, everyone won. Your parents stopped blaming your poor skills in school on you not studying and felt more so that the school didn't teach you correctly. You're used to social circles, a large network in fact. Adapted to changes, you're the generation of customization - because you were relentlessly studied the iPod, MySpace, Facebook, digital cameras were created for you. You've gotten things relentlessly connected to you since you were in pampers - you don't have a choice but to adjust to change at a rapid pace.

- Stressed Out. There's too much information coming at you. It's also not okay to be just a jock, just the valedictorian, just the artist. You need to be multi-talented. Colleges are harder to get into because everyone goes. You feel an overwhelming pressure to succeed.

- Wants to be famous. 65% of individuals believe they will have their 15 minutes of fame and with blogging and You-Tubing, it's actually not as far fetched as it may seem.

- Craves added-value. You just don't want water - you want vitamin water because it will bring you "balance," "focus," etc. You don't just want a cell phone that rings, you want the features - camera, video, V-Cast. You're more likely to purchase something that provides, even a false-sense, of added value. This isn't just in merchandise - it's in life. You want the person you're going to be with to not only be nice, but good looking, have a good job, have a good income, religious, saves little puppies on the side of the road, likes sports & long walks on the beach.


Gen Zers, these are the babies. Born from '96 to today.
- Unknowns. Projected 46 million population because they are the Xers kids.

- Like the X-ers they are seeing a decay in the world & the economy. School shootings, social destruction, 9/11.

- HUGE PRESSURES. Very much like the Y-ers, they can't just be smart, they have to be gifted. They can't just excel at one thing, they need to excel at EVERYTHING

- Structured. Because of high divorce rates they're over involved and used to structure. Activities like sports become surrogate parents. They crave structure and will succeed under it.

- Virtual ID. They've not only grown up with computers but they've been raised that technology is key. They have Wii characters and virtual stomping grounds for their stuffed animals. They're in bred into Second Generation. They must exist in the real world and the virtual one simultaneously.


My head is reeling right now with all the information sucked into a 2 hour presentation, the insights into people via generalized information, the formation of feelings based on the world and it's circumstances. I'm going through my list thinking, crap - she's an Xer so I should be doing this, or he's an Xer so I really should be doing this and not that, and I'm a Yer - am I really like that? What about those poor Zs ...

Updates.

The Chili was good. It required red pepper and tabasco, more chili powder and some other random seasonings, but I was proud of my efforts.

Our friend lost her baby last night.

I was actually sick on Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday from work - I took 1/2 days. I'm still clocking in over 45 this week. My favorite expression? "I wish you could go home but ..."

I still haven't gotten back my security deposit from my landlords and the $2.52 until next week isn't going to cut it. According to the stupid Wisconsin laws (including the one that said I STILL had to pay rent for a place I couldn't live), they have 21 days and I must have made a concerted effort to get the money back. So I had to call and leave a message and send a letter asking for them to return my money by the 21st. Wanna take bets on whether or not that call will get returned and whether or not the money will be in my hands by the 21st? Didn't think so.

I'm sitting at work right now waiting for a 7:00 event, 14 minutes left. I'll probably leave in a short few.

The relationship is going well. There's times I can't believe where I'm at. The other night he came over and I twisted my back at work, so with out even prompting he rubbed the sore spot. It's so weird having someone that makes you smile all the time - all though it's taken effort I must admit....

Alright, time to walk over. I hope this night ends soon!!

Chili, Chili, Chili

In my bout of domestic forth coming and for the sake of Heroes on HD, I've been making dinners on Monday night for me and BF. While the stroganoff could have won a prize, the chicken last week was a bit dry. This week it's chili - but he's got a different view than I do. He's more of a 4 alarm guy where I prefer just a zip. We'll see how it turns out! I made 1/2 the batch normally and 1/2 with tobasaco and green chili peppers, not to mention seasoning it up a bit with a tad more chili powder.

And because he's such a gentleman and eats even dry chicken saying it still tastes great - I'm bringing in the two batches to my official tester at work. I love making food for him because he's honest down to the punch. He'll tell me if the meat I used was too low-grade or if there's too much garlic (I'm a garlic nut).

So here's the recipe with my tweaks and I'll let you know tomorrow how it turned out ...

1 1lb Ground Beef (I bought angus ground beef and I like a heartier chili so I did 2 lbs)

1 Medium Onion (by the way, keeping your mouth shut does not prevent you from tearing contrary to the BF's advice)

2 Cans (10.75 oz each) Tomato Soup

1 Can (28 oz) Chopped Tomatoes (I bought 1 can of the tomatoes with green chili, 1 can of the Italian tomatoes and then just one petite cut tomatoes - mine has just a bit of the green chili, while his has the full can)

1 Can (16oz) Kidney beans - undrained (I bought light red kidney beans, I didn't know the difference between dark & light)

2 T Sugar

2 T Chili Powder

Macaroni

*Sautee the beef & onion until brown, drain the grease. (I didn't read this step so I cooked the beef, drained it and added the onions. Oops.)

Stir in remaining ingredients (minus the macaroni). Heat through. Add Macaroni. Simmer.

That's it - that's what it said. So I had to get clarification from my mom and it resulted in the news that the crock pot is actually cooking the chili as we speak (or I write & you read - if it's 2:10 Central Standard time where you're at).

I also seasoned the meat with steak seasoning and added minced onion & garlic while it sauteed. I put a bit in the chili pot as well. 2 T Chili powder didn't seem like a lot, so I put in 5. We'll see what happens.

It's been "simmering" on low for about an hour and it still doesn't taste spicy (my batch at least - his is on the stove and that one too doesn't seem to have much of a kick ... of course I'm all sinus infection-ed up right now so that could be part of the problem.

Taking it down a notch.

In between all my friends & family this weekend I've been running ragged. Every hour has been scripted to the minute so that everyone ends up happy. When I missed three different things yesterday because the dryer at my mom's was taking too long, I was freaked out and upset.

I was telling the BF about it when he got done with work and he said, "What about you?" I asked what he meant and he gently reassured me that while it's great that I'm there it doesn't take the place of me needing time for me.

So I took the morning off. We're supposed to be watching the Packer game, but instead I went home to read my blogs, postsecret, and put away laundry.

I think it's kind of insane that I need someone to remind me that it's okay to just book time for myself - but then again, I'm glad I do.

The amazement of technology these days.

I forgot to post about what has been happening lately.

#1 and my best friend is 5 months, 1 week pregnant. We are so thrilled, because this time it's a baby that we get to see, play with, be auntie and uncle.

But then, yesterday morning, it was 7:07am and I got a call from #1. "This is the emergency tree ..." Her water broke on Thursday night.

So we spent a lot of time at the hospital. Bringing in "real" food, magazines and entertainment. She's bed ridden for the next 48 hours. And as long as that clears, then the next 3 weeks. And after that? It's a C-section and she's a mommy.

And I'm an auntie.

And #1's an uncle.

I looked at her yesterday, "You know what this means?"

She smiled, though you can tell she was nervous.

"(A) We have to move up the baby shower. (B) You can DRINK at your baby shower. (C) No pregnancy pants with panels!" She laughed because last week's shopping spree for a slightly swollen belly left her in tears when she refused to buy pants with panels.

So I've been praying really hard that the baby makes it. She will be an amazing mom and she deserves it. We figured that the baby was just way too excited to meet me, #1 & AD that he had to come party with us now.

It's time to bust out the sweaters.

The air is finally crisp, the trees are almost barren. It's the nights of cuddling up close and seeing your breath in the fall air. It's packing away the flip flops (can't tell you how excited the BF is about me doing that) and breaking out the boots (even if they are hooker-esque). It's not too cold that I need a jacket, but I get to wear my scarves, including my favorite green one that R made me.

I love this time of year.

And did I mention the BF doesn't have his kid tonight? That means that he's going to the haunted house with me and the Js (and AD).

I should fill in the blanks.

That's what you get for a busy week. Sorry kids.

Okay, so the Heroes post was about 2 weeks ago. After soul searching (and lack of sleep on Monday), I realized that some of the things he said added up. He was wickedly upset and said that first of all, he really cared about me (which I believe), second of all - if he did want to cheat, he doesn't have time (which is true) - he's either with me, at work or with his kid. Third, he admitted to the beginning cheating. Fourth, both NG & his girl said the exact same story (little fishy to me). Fifth, he said that he knew I had been cheated on and he wasn't going to hurt me like that. All and all it really came down to what E told me that night when I was upset and then reiterated the next morning - I have to learn to trust him. Not only that, but many of my friends have commented on the puke-yness of our little looks to each other, and many of them sided with him and told me there was no way that he could be doing it. Which says a lot, because a good chunk have been through this before with me and don't want to see me get hurt.

All and all I realized that if I'm going to be in this for the long haul, I've got to stop thinking that he's everyone else. He's not at all like the normal douche bags, he's completely out of the box.

And he told me he'd prove it to me.

I told him he had 3 trust cards the night I met him and if he wanted to be with me, he had to know that he was down to one. He told me it wasn't fair to cash in one for NG's girl - he didn't break my trust, but if that was the only way to be with me, he'd take it.

And things have been wonderful since. It's like he upped the ante to prove to me that he cares. I'm almost glad this happened. He calls every day now, he holds me at night, he's there when I need him.

E said, "Fine, throw away this guy and be single again. It's your choice."

I'm choosing to not.

It used to matter a lot what people think, and now I've realized that the only winning card hand here is what I think. And I do think he's amazing.

A kiss is a kiss, as a kiss is a kiss.

He told me not to kiss him last week because he was sick, I insisted because he's an amazing kisser. And now, I've got a little bit of a scratchy throat. Ask me while I'm sick and I'll still tell you it was worth it.

That's kind of the nice thing about us.

At 10:00 last night I laid in bed trying to sleep and wondering why no one wanted to talk to me - I left several voicemail messages to friends. When it rang, I looked over and it was him. We normally don't talk on Wednesday's because he has his son. At the end of the conversation he said, "Maybe when can go out for a drink after you get done working tomorrow?"

It's this abnormal sweetness that I'm not used to, so of course this morning I'm freaking out - is he going to break up with me? Why does he want to go for a drink? And then I realize that I made myself a promise, I'd trust him - and a drink is just a drink.

Oops.

I bit him. While we were sleeping, I was dreaming and I bite him. How fucking embarrassing. The worst part? It was a sex dream with RS and we often engaged in racier activites than the 2 positions I have with the BF.

Oops.

Heroes last monday.

I didn't sleep a wink at all. I cried all night. I called my boss at 3am. She told me to not hurry in - that I needed to sleep. But I needed to get my brother to school in the morning. So I packed him up at 7am, took him over and went to unload E's truck so I could return it.

I called work at 8am. I said I'd be in a bit, but was urged to take some sleeping pills - I couldn't be effective at this point. I cried for another hour and finally took two pills at 9:30. At 11:00 my phone rang, disturbing me from my drug induced sleep. My eyes hurt almost as much as my stomach and my skin was dry from all the salty tears. I didn't even look at the Caller ID. It was him.

"Hey, I got off for an extra long lunch to help you unpack the truck."

"It's already done." I said.

"Did you sleep?"

"I had just fallen asleep and you called."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure at this point."

"This is ridiculous. I can't believe this."

"I just need to think."

"Will you come over for Heroes tonight?"

"I honestly don't know."

Silence. "Please try to go back to sleep."

"I have to go to work now."

The day was just a blaze. There's no emotions at work, so when asked I just looked and said, "I'm smiling right now." I just went about the day as normal.

My boss pulled me aside, "I saw how he was with you - he's not cheating on you. You have to learn to trust or you just need to move on."

He admitted to sleeping with other people when we were first together and the truth is, I don't think he has time. So I decided I would trust him at this point.

He called at 7:00 to see if I was coming over for Heroes. I explained that I needed to make dinner for my brother, but he was welcome to drive out to Franklin to see me. He agreed. We had a lovely dinner, he brought dessert. We snuggled on the couch. And he brought flowers.

At the end of the night I kissed him and it felt like home. So while I'm leary, I'm trying to learn to trust him.

Blogging from HOME!

So I might be stealing - a little. But until the security deposit from the old place is returned, stealing it will be.

Alright, so it's been awhile, shame on Milwaukee Girl. And you've missed me - maybe. So let's try to recap the last week and a half with out boring you ...

Last Sunday started out bad - so I should've figured it would stay that way, but optimistic me saw the sun above the clouds and kept thinking "this is it! I'm outta here!" At 7am my little bro was supposed to help me move; however, when I called his piss-tired newly 21 year old butt told me off. So I went to pack by myself. I got a couple loads over by 10am, a decent amount of cleaning and I called him again. He finally agreed in exchange for drinks and the game - of course, I miscalculated my time and that left him the effort of one box into E's truck and off we went to the BFs. When the BF called at 11:30, I told him my frustration and being the sweetheart he is, he said after the game he'd help me out.

So it was off to the brand new sports bar - Fanatics - in the third ward. It's any sports fan's wet dream, the guys did such a nice job. Equipped with pool tables, dart boards, an arcade room, a tournament room, over 20 TV's, a lounge-y area and a bar, you really can't say no. It was their very first weekend and R graciously came to check it out - being that she is the largest female sports fan I know.

Of course, the BF was in love with the bar. Excited by the new surroundings and amazed that R was out - he told me he'd be staying for the Colts game. Nice. Pissed and my brother saying he was bored, we packed up and left before the game was even over for the Pack.

At about 5:30, and at the urging of R, the BF called - "Sweetie, do you want me to help you?" Me? "Nope, I got it - enjoy the game."

At 7:00 while trying to get up the energy to go up and down stairs for the 100th time he showed up, "I thought you needed help." And in the next 1/2 hour we knocked out bringing 4 pieces of furniture, 5 trash bags and an old light to the garbage - got the truck and the pontiac set. He kissed me, telling me I needed to relax and we should bowl with NG & his girl.

We got home and, as always, NG and his girl were running late. He offered me a shower and laid in his bed to watch the game. I came out and nature took it's course - talk about a guy's wet dream - sex and football. Upon being lazy, we neglected to get dressed until NG and his girl came pounding up the stairs. I threw on my jeans to protect my man's naked body and stopped them at the top. They were insanely drunk.

So it was off to the bowling alley. Exhausted I really wanted to go home but they were having fun. That is WERE. Until NG's girl was on her 9th shot and so was he. When she's drunk, she's emotional. When he's drunk he's a jealous ass. Regular bowling antics left her in the bathroom crying, me stressed out from the scenario - NG trying to fit a guy that had him by a foot and 200 lbs, his girl running out of the bar - me chasing her in the rain. Our good friend feared for her safety and kept his eye on her. One more round in the bathroom I urged her to leave NG. That's when the last thing I thought I would hear came out of her mouth.

"I need to tell you that the BF has cheated on you."

What? Wait? Huh?

I gathered her up, piled NG into the car with her, looked out the window all the way home. Pulled away from his trying-to-comfort touch, somewhere between insane pissed off-ness and wanting to burst into tears. A million things went through my head -

She's drunk
When could he have cheated on me?
Well, I was in Vegas.
But we text messaged the whole time.
And I don't see him on Wednesdays and Thursdays because he has the kid.
And he does disappear when we're out and I often find him outside on the phone.
But he tells me it's his ex.
But then again, that's what he's telling me.
She's drunk.
She doesn't lie when she's drunk.
Why wouldn't she tell me before? Oh yeah, because she's a leach and so is her boyfriend, so they obviously needed a place to stay.
How could he do that to me?
I just want to go home.
I just want to cry.
But I do want to know.

It was raining, pouring, when we got home. I said I'd take her with me, but the cars were full of stuff. So I carefully emptied the Pontiac's front seat, warding off any help the man I thought I was falling in love with was offering. "I can do it!" I finally snapped.

"You're tired and over extended, let me help."

"Just go get her. It's almost done."

He emerged from the house, confused at everything. She got naked in the livingroom and just walked into NG's room and passed out. Looks like she isn't going home with me. I went back in the house to urge her to come one last time, but it was helpless. I went to the porch, followed by the BF. "MG - what's wrong? We all need sleep. You need to go home and sleep. But I need to know what's wrong."

I got out a cigarette, lit it under the cover of his porch. Took a deep long drag. I watched the smoke come out of my mouth, shivering. I took another.

"So how long have you been cheating on me? And how many times?"

I couldn't even look over at him, the words coming out of my mouth sickened my stomach. "What?! I haven't ... where is this coming from?"

"She said it. She said she's seen it, she's heard it, she's met them."

"But I haven't. I swear, I haven't had sex with anyone since we've become boyfriend & girlfriend."

"A. it isn't just sex and B. I can't do this again."

"Listen, MG, really - I haven't. I did, I mean. In the beginning. When we first met. And then there was the six weeks, but we reconnected. And since that night you slept at my house - I haven't."

"I can't do this again. I just can't."

"But I didn't do anything! I swear! I haven't had sex with anyone but you!"

"It isn't just sex. I'm invested in this - Christ, I was single for 4 years because I couldn't trust anyone and now, now, this?"

"You're not listening. I didn't. I haven't. I know it's not just sex. And I know your past, and I wouldn't do that."

"I have to go home."

"Yeah, you should. You need rest."

"Are you kidding me? I'm not sleeping at all tonight."

The cigarette was soaked as I walked out into the down pour, still holding back the gapping sobs that were diligentely stuck in my throat.

"Heroes tomorrow at my place?" He tried to beckon me one more time from his porch.

"Probably not." I shut the car door and plugged in my phone since it was beeping "LOW BATTERY." I turned on the lights and I couldn't hold back any more. It hurt so bad.

Friday.

It's our Open House, which of course means things are chaotic, and I'm not feeling that awesome because my sales blow, not to mention that everyone at the office will have their significant other here and mine will be working. But I'll just keep doing Jell-O shots and no one will be the wiser.

About 8:00 I'm outside smoking when my left breast rang (I lacked a purse, so used my little black's dress slight tightness as a substitute) and it was the BF telling me he had just gotten out of work and wanted to join me and meet all my clients and friends.

He came out in his jeans and button down, looking extremely hot. We proceeded to consume a good amount of alcohol and at the end of the night his plea-ing for me to spend the night resulted in me picking up the dog I was sitting for and heading over to his house ... to find him completely passed out.